To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

[quote OhCaptain]@Wondermule aggressive and abusive? You might want to run your eye over the thread again there.

Your point is completely irrelevant. Caveating something ridiculous with “oh but I don’t think it” doesn’t absolve you.

The fact remains that it doesn’t matter whether people feel uncomfortable or not. It literally does not matter.[/quote]
If it doesn’t matter why was this thread started? 🙄

Okay then we will all sit in denial and pretend society doesn’t have an issue with it. And if anyone suggests why (like I said, no matter how silly) we will all personally blame them as guilty of a breastfeeding thought crime 🙄

The OP clearly has strong views on it (and rightly so!) but the follow up responses show shes confident that she was doing the right thing, so what is the point in the post other than to start a debate or to make the point that she’s still bf at 13 months?

It’s not like she’s uncertain and genuinely looking for input from others.....

Everyone is free to their own views and it’s their right to do what they feel is best for their children but to me the post was attention seeking and/or looking to start a debate on bf.
What else was the OP looking to achieve here?

YANBU. I fed ds whenever/wherever was required up until he was nearly 4yo. Your friend is an idiot.

It is definitely normal for a baby/toddler to want to breastfeed when out and about, and it is brilliant that you will do it as this is how it becomes normalised. Some of the comments about 'breakfast lunch and tea' and not giving when he asks, come from those who just don't understand. Luckily, there is (slowly) increasing recognition and support for normal human biology and behaviour around breastfeeding. And terminology is fine! I was funny about how my first child asked to breastfeed, and I taught him to say 'milk' in public. By my fourth, I just went with 'boobie' and couldn't give a flying milky tit what anyone thought!

Would you say the same about a bloke walking round with nothing on? It’s not the same I know, but it’s the same principle

It is not even remotely the same principle. No part of a man’s body is used to feed babies.

Okay then we will all sit in denial and pretend society doesn’t have an issue with it. And if anyone suggests why (like I said, no matter how silly) we will all personally blame them as guilty of a breastfeeding thought crime

@Wondermule I don’t know why the thread was started. I asked OP but she ignored the question.

I asked if she was so sure she was right, why she felt the need to garner opinions online. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But the above is more utter nonsense from you. What do you even mean, we’ll all sit in denial?

Pretend society doesn’t have an issue? Perhaps I’m not being clear - I don’t give a flying fuck if ‘society’ has an issue, and neither should anyone else.

So again - it’s irrelevant. If someone is thinking something to themselves, so what? Who will ever know?

You’re digging a hole of gibberish at this stage.

And people who get defensive, are defensive for a reason. So a mum formula feeds her child. However that doesn't change the fact that breastfeeding is the biological norm and expectation for a baby, and we shouldn't pretend that the two are equal in order to make some mums feel better. I think the mothers who become defensive need to really look at why that is.

@CreosoteQueen

Would you say the same about a bloke walking round with nothing on? It’s not the same I know, but it’s the same principle

It is not even remotely the same principle. No part of a man’s body is used to feed babies.

That’s why I said ‘I know it isn’t the same’. I was using the comparison of British awkwardness around nudity, no the comparison of male nakedness to breastfeeding. I knew you would wilfully misinterpret it though.

I don’t care if society has an issue either. But posters have been asking why and I hazarded a guess. You then became aggressive and accused me of feeling the same way.

Some/most people just don’t want to see another adult’s appendages 🤷🏼‍♀️
“Appendages”, really? Fairly certain that anyone breastfeeding at 13m has got it down to a fine art and doesn’t need to disrobe entirely to do it, and a 13m is big enough to cover up a boob lest a nearby adult afflicted with the cruel condition of “being unable to avert their gaze” catches the merest hint of flesh.

That’s why I said ‘I know it isn’t the same’. I was using the comparison of British awkwardness around nudity, no the comparison of male nakedness to breastfeeding. I knew you would wilfully misinterpret it though.

Well I can’t pretend I’ve ever breastfed, but whenever I’ve seen anyone publicly breastfeeding, she’s been trying to do it as discreetly as possible. It’s not like a drunk holiday rep flashing on a podium.

‘Appendages’ do those people also expect their friends to wear gloves year-round?

The OP clearly has strong views on it (and rightly so!) but the follow up responses show shes confident that she was doing the right thing, so what is the point in the post other than to start a debate or to make the point that she’s still bf at 13 months?

This. OP clearly was not the uncertain FTM she tried to portray in the op. This thread was started to make a point. We've all risen to it so now it's best we leave OP to it really, she's got what she was after.

Would you say the same about a bloke walking round with nothing on? It’s not the same I know, but it’s the same principle, the public here just don’t like any form of nudity. I’m not bothered but I’m saying that’s why some people don’t like it Don’t shoot the messenger!

I've never seen a breastfeeding woman walking around with nothing on. I've never seen a breastfeeding woman walking around topless either.

I've seen plenty of breastfeeding mums minding their own business and feeding their child, and read lots of posts where people are apparently shocked at the idea of seeing a hint of boob between gaining nursing access and the child latching (even though they'd have to be staring at the mum to notice).

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I just don't see why you would when the alternative will be an upset DC and probably a wasted alternative snack and less time to talk to friend

Again its horses for courses. My son at say, 7m, would feet discretely and quickly. By 13m he was dreadful. Popping on and off, kicking at me, pulling my clothes or hair. I bloody always ended up with milk on my top etc. I am relatively introverted and he drew lots of attention, he was like a bloody puppy on speed. He was also very very heavy and after a certain age I only really ever found it comfortable to feed him laid down in a way that was difficult when out.

He was also happy to accept snacks and cups if hungry when out, and easily placated with a cuddle if it was comfort he was after. It's like a lot of things with toddlers, the first few times you offer an alternative its unfamiliar, but they quickly get used to it.

Lots of people find this and find they don't want to feed out and about, for these reasons, and its ok for those people to feel like that, and fine for those people to feel that a child that age doesn't always need demand feeding, although they do often want it.

I agree that it's fine not to for all of those reasons (or any other reason or because the mum simply doesn't want to) but the OP's friend was suggesting it was wrong to feed a baby of that age in public, which I disagree with. We could argue about defining need until cows come home and you are right that it isn't a need in the same way as a newborn for example but the baby wanted it, it was available, nobody was being inconvenienced and the friend's only issue was the age of the child which she considered somehow problematic

I’ve fed my baby in public multiple times and never once been nude. I literally can’t see any basis for your comparison between breastfeeding and a man walking around naked. Nudity doesn’t come into breastfeeding at all.

These conversations seem to spring from the current individualism v collectivism debate around lockdown and innoculation.

Itlod1982
Agree 100%

Oh my god the WHO THE FUCKING WHO. You people aren't in a third world country and your kids aren't malnourished. There is no additional benefit. You can give your kids actual food and they will be fine.

@itsnotthesamething

Oh my god the WHO THE FUCKING WHO. You people aren't in a third world country and your kids aren't malnourished. There is no additional benefit. You can give your kids actual food and they will be fine.

Breastfeeding isn't just about food and nutrition though. Anyone who looked into it for a few minutes properly would know that.

YANBY. Breastfeeding us natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

@itsnotthesamething
But there is additional benefit to breastfeeding. Food doesn’t contain antibodies for one.

It's bloody minuscule by the point.

Yes yes comfort blah blah blah. Give your kid a hug.

I also can't believe the stupidity on this thread. Suggesting that OP gives her baby cow's milk instead of human milk? I don't think OP's baby is a calf so why would he need cow's milk?

@itsnotthesamething

It's bloody minuscule by the point.

Yes yes comfort blah blah blah. Give your kid a hug.

Hugs aren’t very filling.

There is no reason or need to breast feed older children in a public space. I have never seen anyone doing this. So outside MN it really isn't the norm. IMHO.