To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

@tentimesaday

I still don't think I'd have made my friend wait on a bench at the end of a long walk for me to bf my 13 mo old unless I checked with them and they were not in a hurry and were happy to sit in the cold for five minutes. Nothing whatsoever to do with breastfeeding, I just wouldn't want to put out my friend and delay her.

I did check with my friend. You may not have seen my pp, but friend was happy to sit down too.

Her daughter was asleep in the pram, my friend had a flask of coffee so sat and drank that.

My son fed for all of 5 minutes but we stayed on
the bench longer.

It definitely did not cause any inconvenience to my friend that we stopped.

@Onedaysomedaynowadays

If I'd been out for a walk with you I'd have sat down and waited whilst maybe having a little inward eye roll about you being a bit PFB 🤣

PFB really..?

So if I offered him some water fruit on demand would this equally make me PFB?

I did check with my friend. You may not have seen my pp, but friend was happy to sit down too

OP sorry I missed that. I had already voted YANBU. But now I can say YA DEFINITELY NBU! Your friend is bonkers.

Come on OP, you know that feeding your child is the most ridiculous overindulgence. Just you wait til you have a second, you won’t feed them until they’re three.

[quote Wondermule]@LemonRoses

Those ARE small differences! This is exactly my point - you could’ve said the difference between total number of bf and ff obese kids is 4%, which is easy to visualise - but you’ve chosen to wave the 25% statistic around because it sounds better, even though it’s meaningless if you don’t know the initial risk.

As for intelligence one, go ahead and post the difference in IQ points. I dare you 🙄

This is exactly the sort of statistic bending I am talking about - give the impressive number but don’t apply it in any real terms.[/quote]
I don’t think a 20% less risk of dying is a small issue. In the U.K. that correlates to 40 babies approximately. Not huge figures except for those families who lose their child.

As a comparison to the way risk is not promoted accurately, the lullaby trust uses research that shows term and preterm infants showed ‘significant signs of potentially adverse cardiorespiratory effects in the upright position at 40°‘. No mention of SIDS or quantifiable data from the study but most parents are taking data of suggested but unproven risk very seriously. A stronger link with the impact of breastfeeding isn’t given same level of consideration because a) there is no commercial interest,, sadly and b) there is a loud voice that dislikes hearing that breastfeeding for extended periods has a significant impact on the overall wellbeing of children.

I love how this has devolved into OP apparently being massively inconvenienced by having to undo her coat and pull a nip out! Pretty sure someone who has been breastfeeding for 13 months is pretty used to that by now?

I've just read this thread and it seems like there are 2-3 posters who have committed a good chunk of their time towards A. downplaying the benefits of breastfeeding and B. trying to prove that OP has written this as a humble brag (???). Bizarre.

I only have a 5 month old but I hope to breastfeed until after a year. I don't know what that entails with regards to feeding on demand, but I applaud you for meeting your child's needs - NOT their demands as some have twisted it to sound like. As if a 13 month old is a master manipulator

A good comparison is deaths from choking on grapes. Two in three years. Much lower than breastfeeding related SIDS but it’s not as inconvenient to society to have mothers cut up grapes, is it?

So if I offered him some water fruit on demand would this equally make me PFB?
Of course not OP

Just as a breastfeeding mum you have to get used to the fact that everyone has an opinion on breastfeeding because boobs are inherently sexual, so using them to nurse is weird.

It's totally reasonable to have pouches of Ella's puree, bottles of milk, sippy cups of water, bags of rice cakes, babies in prams eating bananas or pouring juice cartons down themselves and any multitude of snacks/drinks, but breastfeeding a baby/toddler out of the infant months is obviously for your benefit only, and you're all PFB.

If a breastfeeding mother challenges this narrative of 'get them onto formula/cows milk/snacks' by talking about the benefits of breastfeeding and her child likes it, then she must be reminded that there's only tiny benefits to breastfeeding, and it's all about her, not what is right for her child (because even though formula companies spend millions trying to replicate breastmilk, some people struggle to see that this is because breastmilk is nutritionally better. It might not the right choice for everyone and maternal wellbeing matters. It doesn't change the benefits of breastmilk as a substance).

@LolaSmiles

So if I offered him some water fruit on demand would this equally make me PFB? Of course not OP

Just as a breastfeeding mum you have to get used to the fact that everyone has an opinion on breastfeeding because boobs are inherently sexual, so using them to nurse is weird.

It's totally reasonable to have pouches of Ella's puree, bottles of milk, sippy cups of water, bags of rice cakes, babies in prams eating bananas or pouring juice cartons down themselves and any multitude of snacks/drinks, but breastfeeding a baby/toddler out of the infant months is obviously for your benefit only, and you're all PFB.

If a breastfeeding mother challenges this narrative of 'get them onto formula/cows milk/snacks' by talking about the benefits of breastfeeding and her child likes it, then she must be reminded that there's only tiny benefits to breastfeeding, and it's all about her, not what is right for her child (because even though formula companies spend millions trying to replicate breastmilk, some people struggle to see that this is because breastmilk is nutritionally better. It might not the right choice for everyone and maternal wellbeing matters. It doesn't change the benefits of breastmilk as a substance).

@LolaSmiles

I wish there was a “love comment” option on MN.

♥️♥️

@CreosoteQueen

There really is no reason in the world for an adult to feel uncomfortable with the sight of a nursing toddler except that they still see breasts as primarily sexual. But it’s not a nursing mother’s responsibility to step around the feelings of an adult who can’t desexualise breasts.

Some/most people just don’t want to see another adult’s appendages 🤷🏼‍♀️ That’s like saying the only reason people would feel uncomfortable with public nudity is because we see bodies as ‘sexual’.

@Wondermule come on now!

I’m not convinced of OP’s motivation behind starting this thread but if someone sees breastfeeding as sexualised that’s their problem.

Women shouldn’t have to hide away because some people think tits are there for predominantly men’s pleasure. It’s 2021 ffs!

I'm really shocked at comments saying it's of no benefit..... You do know we are in a pandemic and one of the benefits is antibodies that the mum starts creating within an hour of being exposed to something?

In fact BM is so bloody powerful that research into covid found mums who had it had very high antibody levels in their milk for months after and therefore protecting their child?! The antibodies were so high that before the vaccine breakthrough their was research into giving BM to vulnerable participants to give them some antibody protection!

Its fine if mum's don't want to BF and there are difficulties in establishing feeding. I had similar struggles in the beginning but a lot of struggles people have are down to support available and getting answers and help quickly.

OP there are some great extended BF groups on Facebook and feed your son where you like! I learnt that the risk of mastisis and my son being upset and hungry weren't worth the worry of how strangers or friends would react!

Some/most people just don’t want to see another adult’s appendages 🤷🏼‍♀️

And yet I can't think of any times I've been out with friends who nurse their babies where I'm forced to look at their 'appendages'.
I've always found there's enough going on in life that I don't have to state at the flash of another woman's skin as she gets her baby latched on.

@LemonRoses

Sigh. Here we go again. The SIDS risk for an individual baby is 1 in 3,179. Breastfeeding for the first 2 months halves that risk to something like 1 in 1600ish (haven’t had my morning coffee yet). Yes that is fab and should absolutely be promoted, but the risk is still tiny even if a baby is fully formula fed. By waving around the 50% figure you make the risk sound much much bigger, which is unnecessarily stressful for ff mums. It isn’t kind or fair to stress them without putting it into real life context.

However, the safer sleeping campaign has decreased deaths from SIDS by 80% in real terms which is far more impressive. Yet nobody quotes that when a parent is co sleeping, in fact co sleeping is positively encouraged on this site.

Breastfeeding is the only area of parenting where ‘benefits’ are laid out in such a misleading sense, with no effect other than panicking mums that couldn’t do it for whatever reason.

[quote OhCaptain]@Wondermule come on now!

I’m not convinced of OP’s motivation behind starting this thread but if someone sees breastfeeding as sexualised that’s their problem.

Women shouldn’t have to hide away because some people think tits are there for predominantly men’s pleasure. It’s 2021 ffs![/quote]
My point was that I don’t think people do see it as sexualised, they just feel uncomfortable at someone having a boob out - probably in part because they worry if they look away they will be labelled a prude, but if they point their eyes in the mums direction they will look like a weirdo.

@LolaSmiles

Some/most people just don’t want to see another adult’s appendages 🤷🏼‍♀️

And yet I can't think of any times I've been out with friends who nurse their babies where I'm forced to look at their 'appendages'.
I've always found there's enough going on in life that I don't have to state at the flash of another woman's skin as she gets her baby latched on.

Would you say the same about a bloke walking round with nothing on? It’s not the same I know, but it’s the same principle, the public here just don’t like any form of nudity. I’m not bothered but I’m saying that’s why some people don’t like it. Don’t shoot the messenger!

People are weird and mean.

Of course you can feed him on demand. As an adult if you’re thirsty you get water whenever the hell you want. Being outside he might have also wanted to feed for the reassurance that you were there/the world was still ok. That is also acceptable for feeding him. Sorry your friend is being such a dick, you’re doing great. Feed away and wel done for being so responsive to him.

Maybe all the 5 hourly feeders should go 5 hours today without a mouthful of tea/water and see how they feel.

My point was that I don’t think people do see it as sexualised, they just feel uncomfortable at someone having a boob out - probably in part because they worry if they look away they will be labelled a prude, but if they point their eyes in the mums direction they will look like a weirdo.

OP and breastfeeding women everywhere are not responsible for other people’s weird hang-ups.

Absolutely, 100% not something ANY feeding mother should even think about, let alone feel somehow responsible for.

You’re reaching. I have no idea why, but you are.

@HedgeOwl

People are weird and mean.

Of course you can feed him on demand. As an adult if you’re thirsty you get water whenever the hell you want. Being outside he might have also wanted to feed for the reassurance that you were there/the world was still ok. That is also acceptable for feeding him. Sorry your friend is being such a dick, you’re doing great. Feed away and wel done for being so responsive to him.

Maybe all the 5 hourly feeders should go 5 hours today without a mouthful of tea/water and see how they feel.

I don’t disagree that the OP can feed whenever she wants, but milk (of any form) is not the only hydration a 13 month old should be getting. It’s perfectly ok and actually advised to offer water to a thirsty 13 month old.

My point was that I don’t think people do see it as sexualised, they just feel uncomfortable at someone having a boob out - probably in part because they worry if they look away they will be labelled a prude, but if they point their eyes in the mums direction they will look like a weirdo

As a breastfeeding mum yourself @Wondermule you know fine well that feeding isn't "having boobs out". Most if the time people can't see a thing. And if they do well so be it - if it makes someone feel weird or uncomfortable seeing a baby being fed maybe they need some help.

@OhCaptain

My point was that I don’t think people do see it as sexualised, they just feel uncomfortable at someone having a boob out - probably in part because they worry if they look away they will be labelled a prude, but if they point their eyes in the mums direction they will look like a weirdo.

OP and breastfeeding women everywhere are not responsible for other people’s weird hang-ups.

Absolutely, 100% not something ANY feeding mother should even think about, let alone feel somehow responsible for.

You’re reaching. I have no idea why, but you are.

I didn’t say they were.

You asked why bfing makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and I mooted a reason why. Not a reason I feel personally, but I just said British people are weird about any form of public nudity.

What is is about this topic that makes bfing mums so angry? When I was bfing I know some passers by would find it uncomfortable, i just did it anyway and was discreet. You all decry public attitudes to bfing but whenever a reason is suggested (no matter how silly!) you get so angry and abusive towards the poster, like they’re the ones responsible for it.

It’s the attitudes of the aggressive bfing women on this post that give breastfeeding a bad public image. Massive own goal.

I feel my five year old on demand, when they’re not at school. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Feed

@Nipplynoranoo I hope that was a typo 😂

@Wondermule aggressive and abusive? You might want to run your eye over the thread again there.

Your point is completely irrelevant. Caveating something ridiculous with “oh but I don’t think it” doesn’t absolve you.

The fact remains that it doesn’t matter whether people feel uncomfortable or not. It literally does not matter.