To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

Yes, as is evident, I do know how forums work. So I can see that you’ve chosen to use this one to be varying degrees of overtly and coyly unpleasant to someone who was already feeling down. As you say, your problem.

@breadbinbaby

Yes, as is evident, I do know how forums work. So I can see that you’ve chosen to use this one to be varying degrees of overtly and coyly unpleasant to someone who was already feeling down. As you say, your problem.

What on Earth are you talking about?

It's really hard stopping breastfeeding. My ds (2 1/2) shows no sign of wanting to stop. I feed him when he wants it. I've had a few comments about it being gross now he's older (all from mil) but I don't understand why? He's still my child. It wasn't gross when he was 6 months, what difference does it make now he's older?

@breadbinbaby

Yes, as is evident, I do know how forums work. So I can see that you’ve chosen to use this one to be varying degrees of overtly and coyly unpleasant to someone who was already feeling down. As you say, your problem.

@breadbinbaby

Agreed.

But then @Wondermule did say she was bored tonight... she’s chosen to use the forum to be unpleasant to breastfeeding mums in order to cure her own boredom.

Hope she feels better about herself.

@Ameanstreakamilewide

I reckon this thread has got about an hour, or so, left...

You reckoned wrong

Haven't had time to RTFT, but I think I got the gist of it from the first and last pages.

OP - you do what's best for you and your baby, YANBU to feed him outside if that's what's best for you and him.

I don't fully understand where all the rules about where and when a 13-month old 'should' be allowed a drink of milk are coming from, but my sons are in their thirties now, and fashions in child care do change.

I think your friend was quite rude in telling you what you should be giving your baby, I think I'd have told her to walk on if she was embarrassed and I'd catch her up later!

Some of the messages on this are utter madness.

Your friend is wrong. He’s a baby. You’re doing an amazing job to still be feeding him. The health and emotional benefits of breastfeeding are well know. The WHO recommends it until they are 2 or older. Plenty of people happy for the kids to suck on a dummy or bottle in a park.

I still feed my 2 years and 4 month old. She calls it “mummy milk”. Anyone who cares can do one.

@Dandylioness1

Still bored, I’m sad to say! But then it’s lockdown isn’t it!

Unpleasant to breastfeeding mums 😂 on a thread to ask other’s opinions of bfing... started by you 😂😂

I don't think it's odd to bf at that age, but I would be a bit 🙄 at having to stop and wait in the cold while you were doing it, when you could have just given him a cup of something else, or a snack. Yes, he was asking for bf - but I'm sure you don't literally give him everything he wants 24hrs a day. Most children can wait for something they want at that age, especially if there's an alternative.

Having said that, I definitely get that it's sometimes just easier to give them what they want, but in this situation I'd have thought of my friend, given him something else at that point and waited to bf

@Dandylioness1 think we can safely assume she doesn’t don’t take a blind bit of notice.

@Spottybluepyjamas

I don't think it's odd to bf at that age, but I would be a bit 🙄 at having to stop and wait in the cold while you were doing it, when you could have just given him a cup of something else, or a snack.

I did mention on a previous comment that I told my friend to continue walking, she chose to sit down with me. She’s brought coffee in a flask so sat and drank that (her choice 🙂)
Her daughter was asleep in the pram so no inconvenience was caused to either of them by the actual stopping.

YANBU at all to BF your son when out and about. Please don't feel bad. You're not doing anything wrong! I managed to breastfeed my DS until 6m (when a nasty bout of mastitis put paid to that and we switched to formula), and then BFed my DD until 18m. I was a single mum with my DS, therefore HAD to go out to the shops/whatever...and when my DD was born, I had to do school run for my DS, therefore had to BF when out and about.

When I went back to work, I had to hide in the stationary cupboard (I'm a nurse), and express during my shifts (again, no one had a problem and we all thought it was quite funny - well I did: I had this interesting set up where I locked myself in the cupboard, strapped the electric double pump on so it was "handsfree", expressed whilst bolting down food and drink, and then bagging/double bagging and storing the milk in the fridge! Many jokes/threats about people not taking the milk for their coffee!). So yep, there's plenty of support out there....but you carry on doing what is right for you and your baby :)

FWIW...Only one person had a go at me for BFing in public: a middle aged bloke. I was BFing my son (who was about 3weeks old) on a bench at the local shopping centre. An elderly lady was sat next to me (very sweet and encouraging). Bloke walked past and had a go at me. Before I could say anything, the elderly lady sprang up from the bench and gave him the third degree. Turned out she was a retired Midwifery Matron! He scuttled off, very shamefaced!! Had she not been there, I think it would have really put me off.

ETA at 13m old, I would have been very sick if someone gave me a sip cup of cow's milk/anything with cow's milk in it. (I saw someone had mentioned that in a PP). So not always as simple as that!!

Your friend is weird.

Definitely not being unreasonable.
By the sounds of it you're friend needs a bit more info.
I fed my son til 22 months including outside if he asked. Most people didn't bat an eyelid.
It's great for them especially in a pandemic as the antibodies are amazing protection for them.
Keep going don't be self conscious it's natural and healthy 😊

some of the comments on this thread are crazy - I cant believe people are describing a 13 month old as an older child!

Jesus Christ. Well, this escalated.

I’m afraid I’m inclined to agree with @Wondermule ‘s earlier statement, based on the OP’s subsequent vehement (some might say aggressive) and very figures-based comments on breastfeeding. This was not an ingenious post by a wide-eyed new mother. This is someone looking for plaudits and/or a fight.

You seem confident and capable of defending your parenting choices all of a sudden, so I’m going to conclude this thread is more about fishing for bfing compliments

I also find your insinuation OP, that mothers who tried and couldn’t breastfeed simply didn’t try hard enough. You take that one and shove it.

Ingenuous*

I also find your insinuation OP, that mothers who tried and couldn’t breastfeed simply didn’t try hard enough. You take that one and shove it

This was in direct response to a troll suggesting she breastfed because she was lucky.

Op as most posters have said it's right to feed your baby when they want milk. Obviously this advice would change if he wasn't eating food and filling up on milk but there's no suggestion this is the case. He's 13 months, that's a baby. I wouldn't call a 13 month old (who can't walk yet) a toddler!

That said it wouldn't matter if he was 3 years old although I imagine then you might make him wait but it would be your choice not your friend. It's sad that these opinions exist. I know I felt embarrassed to feed my now ten year old in public in his second year. By my third child I didn't give a toss but it's got to be the reason some mums quit breastfeeding as whatever stage they begin to feel that discomfort/embarrassment and we really need to get rid of the stigma attached to breastfeeding older babies and children.

This was in direct response to a troll suggesting she breastfed because she was lucky.

Unless you can explain to us how you can physically guarantee you produce enough milk and HOW, then please clarify why it's not lucky.

Because if the mothers who are unable to BF are not UNlucky, what are they then?

So who's the troll here

@NormanStangerson

Jesus Christ. Well, this escalated.

I’m afraid I’m inclined to agree with @Wondermule ‘s earlier statement, based on the OP’s subsequent vehement (some might say aggressive) and very figures-based comments on breastfeeding. This was not an ingenious post by a wide-eyed new mother. This is someone looking for plaudits and/or a fight.

You seem confident and capable of defending your parenting choices all of a sudden, so I’m going to conclude this thread is more about fishing for bfing compliments

I also find your insinuation OP, that mothers who tried and couldn’t breastfeed simply didn’t try hard enough. You take that one and shove it.

@NormanStangerson

My thread was started for some reassurance about feeding a 13 month old on demand, outside.

It quickly seemed to turn into a debate about breastfeeding in general.

@Wondermule has done nothing but attack my choice to breastfeed, openly saying its gross to breastfeed a 13 month old to then accusing me of not prioritising time spent with my son as a new born, because I had an ego to exhaust myself with breastfeeding instead. 🤷🏻‍♀️

She then also pretty much stated that breastfeeding is a waste of time and over rated and then even when on to say that the benefits of breastfeeding to 2 years old is a myth.

Just because I wanted some reassurance about my experience with my friend, doesn’t mean I haven’t researched the actual benefits of breastfeeding. It also wasn’t hard to find some statistics about how low breastfeeding rates are the UK are the troll suggested breastfeeding rates aren’t low.

So yes, I did post some sats, to try and hopefully educate someone who seems to intent on breastfeeding being a waste of time unless the baby is under 6 months old!!

And for reference I don’t think anyone who didn’t breastfeed didn’t try hard enough.

But a PP stated that breastfeeding was down to luck and not an achievement, which is just an unnecessary comment and insulting.

I think the reason people are keeping on at you OP is you arent acknowledging the posters who say bf is great at any age but note that through toddlerhood it becomes increasingly common to not always give in to demands for bf if it doesnt suit mum at that particular time/place. Can't you see this?I think you will understand when you've got a 2.5 yr old who expects you to pull the car over 5 mins into a journey because they want a bf NOW, or pesters you relentlessly when you are cooking and need them to wait for a few minutes.

YOU asked if other people feel the way your friend does. The answer is yes, some people do, because they feel 13m is no longer a tiny baby and that a toddler that age while they do need milk, does not need it on demand.

Its then not up to you to tell everyone who feels differently to you that they are wrong. They are allowed to feel differently to you.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland OP has actually acknowledged that many times but has pointed out that since her baby is only 13m old, in the 4 weeks that have elapsed since it apparently was acceptable to feed on demand, he hasn’t quite figured out that it’s no longer considered acceptable by mumsnet standards.

My son is 2 and is fed on demand.