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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feed my 1 year old outside

885 replies

Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 16:16

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

OP posts:
mummymamameme · 14/03/2021 21:46

But they don't need milk at 13 months... they need a drink and something to eat. Nothing wrong with breast feeding in public but that is weird. Baby didn't need it... Take snacks and a sippy cup. Always more about the adult than the child when breastfeeding at that age.

breadbinbaby · 14/03/2021 21:49

Where does describing your own ‘mortification’ at a mother breastfeeding her 13 month old fit into the healthy approach? Doesn’t seem that proportionate or healthy to me. Nor saying that breastfeeding a child is ‘creating a need’ in them. Nor disbelieving that children would ask for fruit.

breadbinbaby · 14/03/2021 21:50

@mummymamameme

But they don't need milk at 13 months... they need a drink and something to eat. Nothing wrong with breast feeding in public but that is weird. Baby didn't need it... Take snacks and a sippy cup. Always more about the adult than the child when breastfeeding at that age.
Yes, they do need milk at that age Hmm
Level32 · 14/03/2021 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frogartist · 14/03/2021 21:51

@mummymamameme

But they don't need milk at 13 months... they need a drink and something to eat. Nothing wrong with breast feeding in public but that is weird. Baby didn't need it... Take snacks and a sippy cup. Always more about the adult than the child when breastfeeding at that age.
Hmm what, in your opinion, do 13 month olds need? Needed for what? Why is breastfeeding only acceptable when it is needed? Do you think the OP needed to breastfeed in the park and that's why her LO asked for a breastfeed?
OhCaptain · 14/03/2021 21:51

Does it matter? You’re not going to change your mind, and you’ve no reason to. So why even ask what people think? What was the point?

Itlod1982 · 14/03/2021 21:53

@Wondermule that was my attitude exactly!
I’m completely aware that breastfeeding is best for babies but I also understand that formula is an alternative option that results in a healthy happy baby.

Personally, I could’ve persevered with my attempts at breastfeeding and been knackered and miserable, or, I could choose to formula feed and be more happy and relaxed.

At the end of the day, I felt that my baby would benefit more by missing out on the additional
benefits of breast milk if it meant having a happier, more chilled and less knackered mum.

However, it’s a very personal decision and I don’t think as mums we should all be supporting each other as best we can. At the end of the day as long as the baby and mum are both healthy and happy why is it anyone’s business or place to judge?

ATieLikeRichardGere · 14/03/2021 21:54

Will happily breastfeed my 2.5 year old in public if she requests. What possible issue could there be with this? If someone doesn’t want to do it themselves then fair enough but how could you mind someone else doing it?

Tianatiers · 14/03/2021 21:54

@mummymamameme

But they don't need milk at 13 months... they need a drink and something to eat. Nothing wrong with breast feeding in public but that is weird. Baby didn't need it... Take snacks and a sippy cup. Always more about the adult than the child when breastfeeding at that age.
This is got to be a wind up, people can't honestly think like this can they?
LolaSmiles · 14/03/2021 21:55

But they don't need milk at 13 months... they need a drink and something to eat. Nothing wrong with breast feeding in public but that is weird. Baby didn't need it... Take snacks and a sippy cup
Always more about the adult than the child when breastfeeding at that age.

I hope you only ever eat what you 'need'. There better not be any nice coffees in your life, or smoothies and all snacks should be the very basics, no chocolate for you as you don't need chocolate in life.
Hmm

seepingweeping · 14/03/2021 21:58

Crack on op, your pals got a strange way of thinking about breastfeeding.

I bf ds until he was nearly 2.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 21:58

[quote Itlod1982]@Wondermule that was my attitude exactly!
I’m completely aware that breastfeeding is best for babies but I also understand that formula is an alternative option that results in a healthy happy baby.

Personally, I could’ve persevered with my attempts at breastfeeding and been knackered and miserable, or, I could choose to formula feed and be more happy and relaxed.

At the end of the day, I felt that my baby would benefit more by missing out on the additional
benefits of breast milk if it meant having a happier, more chilled and less knackered mum.

However, it’s a very personal decision and I don’t think as mums we should all be supporting each other as best we can. At the end of the day as long as the baby and mum are both healthy and happy why is it anyone’s business or place to judge?[/quote]
A woman after my own heart 💜

And I agree. The benefits of breast milk should be stated and quantified, and mums should be encouraged to see their own physical and mental health as something that is actually also essential to the baby’s wellbeing.

Trotting out impressive sounding statistics while conveniently omitting they make only a negligible difference is just silly.

The decision should lie with the mum, we should be aspiring to any particular ‘rate’ of bfing as this is counterintuitive to women having a choice.

BungleandGeorge · 14/03/2021 22:00

I’m fine admitting that I found the newborn stage quite difficult, it was not by any means the most magical nor the stage I enjoyed the most. Parents if your baby is fed, clean and looked after you’re doing an amazing job, we have high quality formula milk and clean water available in this country. We have charities and midwives available to help with breast feeding. If you’re happy with your choice never feel that you ‘have’ to change it. Whatever you choose their will be somebody telling you you’re wrong🙄

breadbinbaby · 14/03/2021 22:00

The decision should lie with the mum, we should be aspiring to any particular ‘rate’ of bfing as this is counterintuitive to women having a choice.

I’d love to know how expressing mortification at a 13 month old baby being breastfed fits into that?

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 22:02

@breadbinbaby

The decision should lie with the mum, we should be aspiring to any particular ‘rate’ of bfing as this is counterintuitive to women having a choice.

I’d love to know how expressing mortification at a 13 month old baby being breastfed fits into that?

Oh bread, you’re obsessed 😂😂

If you read my post you would see the whole point would be I wouldnt express it - I said I find bfing toddlers 🤢 before acknowledging it was my own problem and saying I would never tell a bfing mum that.

Do try again however 😂😂

EasterGuineaPig · 14/03/2021 22:03

@Wondermule I agree with this, none of the NHS info given out to new mums states how small the positive impact of breastfeeding is on a per child basis. So you can understand how mums have been led to think that it is much more important than it really is.

breadbinbaby · 14/03/2021 22:03

You literally were telling a breastfeeding mum it. No, I’m not obsessed.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 22:08

@breadbinbaby

You literally were telling a breastfeeding mum it. No, I’m not obsessed.
Because she bloody asked Grin

You’re trying desperately for a ‘gotcha’ aren’t you 😂😂

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 22:10

[quote EasterGuineaPig]@Wondermule I agree with this, none of the NHS info given out to new mums states how small the positive impact of breastfeeding is on a per child basis. So you can understand how mums have been led to think that it is much more important than it really is.[/quote]
Exactly. But when you try to point this out, bfing mums come down on you like a tonne of bricks! 🙄

breadbinbaby · 14/03/2021 22:10

Erm, no? I’m just pointing out that it’s a bit odd to suddenly be reinventing yourself as a free choice advocate offering support to new mums when you’ve said multiple unpleasant and untrue things on this same thread. And that wasn’t the question OP asked at all, as MNHQ then had to comment to point out Hmm

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 22:14

@mummymamameme

Always more about the adult than the child when breastfeeding at that age.

At that age...?! You do realise he’s only 13 months old.

Breastmilk was his main source of nutrition until 12 months. That was 4 weeks ago. There isn’t a switch to press that can just turn of their need for a breastfeed once they pass 12 months.

Stop talking utter rubbish.

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 14/03/2021 22:14

Babies( and toddlers) vary.This shouldn't need explaining.I have 3 DC ; one BF almost exclusively until 10 months but by 11 months was eating a mixed diet and drinking cows milk from a beaker. D C 2 started puréed solids very early and by 6 months was self feeding almost everything and drinking water and formula from a beaker.DC3 was born in the days of solids starting from 6 months, phew.They took to it well and could manage water in a beaker fairly quickly but stuck with BF for milk until they were 4. Why not if your baby is thriving? Same mother and cultural norms but different DC.your friend, and those that think that BF is something to hide or to be ashamed of are BU.

BungleandGeorge · 14/03/2021 22:15

Sometimes it’s best to keep your preferences to yourself and just support others. I don’t identify with anything you’ve said @Wondermule but that’s fine we all have different children and different circumstances. However op obviously came on for a bit of support, she got enough condemnation from her ‘friend’

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 22:16

@breadbinbaby

Erm, no? I’m just pointing out that it’s a bit odd to suddenly be reinventing yourself as a free choice advocate offering support to new mums when you’ve said multiple unpleasant and untrue things on this same thread. And that wasn’t the question OP asked at all, as MNHQ then had to comment to point out Hmm
The title is AIBU to feed my 1 year old outside Hmm I said seeing it would make me feel awkward. Because OP asked. You do understand how forums work don’t you?
Wondermule · 14/03/2021 22:17

Oh, and I said YANBU because me feeling awkward would be my problem, not yours. So 😝

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