Page 19 | To feed my 1 year old outside

Dandylioness1 · 2021-03-14T16:16:18+00:00

My son is 13 months old. I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning. Her daughter is 2 years old. We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob” I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk. She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public. I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead. I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk. It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁 AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/03/2021 21:21

@Notanotherhun

What really pees me off is when people say "but nobody will know in x years whether your child was bf or ff, it doesn't matter,' it does. It matters whatever the mother chooses to do. Support the mother and support the women. Stop turning babyhood into another way to tear people apart.

Likewise the you can’t tell from a class of kids who was BF or FF, which people love to use on here.

There are very many things you can’t tell about a child or an adult by looking at them. We don’t assume we know everything by simply looking at someone, posters on MN are always keen to remind us of that.

CreosoteQueen · 14/03/2021 21:22

I’m the one looking out for new mums

Tell me how it’s looking out for a new mum to tell her she’s failing to prioritise happy times or enjoy her newborn by persevering with breastfeeding? Make that make sense.

lildottie · 14/03/2021 21:22

I've not rtft as it will probably make my blood boil.
OP it's your baby, your body and your legal right to feed your baby however and wherever you wish. I can't believe we are still debating this in 2021 and that as women we are still bashing each other for how we feed our children!
The world health organisation recommendation is to continue to breastfeed alongside solid foods until AT LEAST 2 years old.
I weaned my eldest at 3.5yo when my second was 2mo and I didn't want to keep tandem feeding. He is now over 4.5yo and would still breastfeed if I let him (in fact occasionally I do 😱). I didn't have any hesitation about feeding him in public at 3.5 and if he needed it (yes they can still need it at that age) now I still wouldn't hesitate. I decided early on to choose my baby, not other people's opinions of me and I never looked back. I became a breastfeeding peer supporter as well in the hopes I can give even just one woman the amazing gift that breastfeeding was for me and my boys.

And I want to thank you for breastfeeding your baby in public DESPITE the criticism you faced. People like you are what is needed to give mother's everywhere the confidence to change opinions and to change the dialogue so that women stop blaming themselves when they aren't able to have the feeding journeys they wanted and start blaming the lack of support and cultural bias.

Don't want to breastfeed, that's fine. But don't slate those who do and continue to do so as long as nature intended. The natural weaning age is up to around age 7....they're called milk teeth for a reason!

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 21:23

@CreosoteQueen

Well if you found it easy, good for you. But i think people who find it very difficult are sacrificing enjoyment of their newborn, and special memories, for the sake of mentally box ticking.

As I already made clear in a previous post, it hasn’t been remotely easy. But it has been so worth it. The hard parts were just one facet of the overwhelmingly positive journey. I’m proud that I persevered when it was hard, and I will always cherish the memories I have of nourishing my baby as a newborn.

It sounds like we simply prioritise different things- like I said, I prioritised being happy and rested in order to enjoy the time with my new baby. If you feel the stress was worth it in order to fulfil your chosen feeding method, that is your priority 🤷🏼‍♀️

Disneymum1993 · 14/03/2021 21:24

YANBU if your child needs fed they need fed ,I regularly fed my children over age of 1 out and about discreetly as well and continued until they were ready to stop

breadbinbaby · 14/03/2021 21:24

@CreosoteQueen

I’m the one looking out for new mums

Tell me how it’s looking out for a new mum to tell her she’s failing to prioritise happy times or enjoy her newborn by persevering with breastfeeding? Make that make sense.

Don’t forget describing breastfeeding a 13 month old as ‘mortifying’. Really gives you a warm glow

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 14/03/2021 21:25

No issue with you breastfeedig in public but personally I wouldn't be feeding to demand at that age ,

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 21:25

@CreosoteQueen

I’m the one looking out for new mums

Tell me how it’s looking out for a new mum to tell her she’s failing to prioritise happy times or enjoy her newborn by persevering with breastfeeding? Make that make sense.

Funny because you’re the one using the word ‘failure’ not me!

HOkieCOkie · 14/03/2021 21:25

Feed your child when you want. It’s good for him.

MNHQ

EstherMumsnet · 14/03/2021 21:26

We are getting a lot of reports about this thread. Can we please all remember the Mumsnet mission is to make parents' lives easier and that the OP did not ask whether she should or should not still be breastfeeding her child. Let's keep it kind and civil please.

MaryMashedThem · 14/03/2021 21:27

Haven't properly RTFT. Mine's 16 months and I still BF him in public. All those saying he didn't "need" it, it's not "urgent" etc, I suppose you never get a coffee just because you fancy it, and you don't eat in public until you're absolutely ravenous

DancingQueen85 · 14/03/2021 21:27

I fed my DC until almost 2. Sometimes it was necessary to feed outside and it's strange to have a problem with this. However, I would say that by 13 months DC feeds had reduced hugely and I would rarely breastfed whilst and about, offering a snack and/ or drink or water instead.

ForeverInADay · 14/03/2021 21:29

I didn't breast feed my two but I wouldn't care at all (in fact I'd be very impressed!) if a friend fed a 13 month old whilst we were out.

Crack on.

Your friend was being ridiculous

Sugarbelle · 14/03/2021 21:31

@ForeverInADay 🙌🙌

CrazyKitkatLady · 14/03/2021 21:31

God reading this is depressing. If OP had said “would you mind if we stopped to give him a bottle/snack” and her friends has been annoyed by it people wouldn’t be getting so angry about this, it’s only because it’s breastfeeding that it’s being jumped on.
The child was hungry/thirsty and OP solved that problem by feeding them, why on earth does it upset people that it was from a boob not a cup/packet?!

CreosoteQueen · 14/03/2021 21:31

If you feel the stress was worth it in order to fulfil your chosen feeding method, that is your priority 🤷🏼‍♀️

Still so very judgmental. I didn’t persevere to ‘fulfill my chosen feeding method’. You’re intent on painting breastfeeding as a box ticking exercise instead of the close relationship between mother and baby that it actually is.

I persevered for many reasons. Because nothing is as nutritionally perfect for babies as breast milk. Because of the way breastfeeding instantly soothes and comforts my baby. Because of the way it bonds us. Because of the convenience of not having to make up bottles or worry about sterilisation. Because of the reduced risk of diabetes. Because he’s a refluxy baby and breast milk is easier for him to digest than formula would be. Because I live knowing that I’m his safe place. Because my milk changes composition to reflect what he needs at that time. Because of a hundred other reasons. So please stop with this nonsense about me not prioritising happiness or whatever, because it’s not true and it’s a really weird take for you to have on the decisions of someone you don’t know.

fruitytoo · 14/03/2021 21:32

My 16 month old only feeds morning and night (her choice) but I wouldn't have an issue with anyone feeding a child in public at 13 months or two years etc.

Some ridiculous comments on this thread which are the absolute opposite to what I'v received in real life. I'm sure some have just been said for a shock factor.

bakingdemon · 14/03/2021 21:34

By 13 months we had a pretty strict meal routine and he'd have been happy with a snack if he got hungry when we were out and about.

I'd also long stopped BF by then, but I see that some women like to carry on.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 21:37

@CreosoteQueen

If you feel the stress was worth it in order to fulfil your chosen feeding method, that is your priority 🤷🏼‍♀️

Still so very judgmental. I didn’t persevere to ‘fulfill my chosen feeding method’. You’re intent on painting breastfeeding as a box ticking exercise instead of the close relationship between mother and baby that it actually is.

I persevered for many reasons. Because nothing is as nutritionally perfect for babies as breast milk. Because of the way breastfeeding instantly soothes and comforts my baby. Because of the way it bonds us. Because of the convenience of not having to make up bottles or worry about sterilisation. Because of the reduced risk of diabetes. Because he’s a refluxy baby and breast milk is easier for him to digest than formula would be. Because I live knowing that I’m his safe place. Because my milk changes composition to reflect what he needs at that time. Because of a hundred other reasons. So please stop with this nonsense about me not prioritising happiness or whatever, because it’s not true and it’s a really weird take for you to have on the decisions of someone you don’t know.

I think I’ve touched a nerve without meaning to if I’m honest. I’m sorry if I have.

I accept all of what you’re saying, but quite simply I would have treasured my memories with my newborn before all of that, if I had been unable to breastfeed. You’ve stated what is important to you, what is important to me is simply being happy and enjoying life with my baby. That’s my choice and one which I believe would pay off more in the end as the newborn days are the most magical of your life, and I would want to savour them.

Mindyourownbobbleheadedness · 14/03/2021 21:39

Also how do people know how well her baby has solids? Not all babies are eating enough solids for them to be happy without milk for long periods some babies are slow with wanting solids. Every child is different and even if he is doing well and getting nearly all his calories from solids she can still fed her baby how she likes it's her business nobody elses including her friends.

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 14/03/2021 21:41

Jesus some of the attitudes on this thread! Such a depressing read.

You crack on as you were OP. I would probably distance myself from that ‘friend’ though if I were you. The fact she felt like that is one thing, the fact she said it out loud is another.

CreosoteQueen · 14/03/2021 21:42

@Wondermule it would have been fine if you’d just stated that in the first place without all the insinuations about priorities

GintyMcGinty · 14/03/2021 21:42

@Wondermule you do seem to be on a mission. It's a strange one for someone whom claims to have enjoyed breastfeeding.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 21:44

[quote CreosoteQueen]@Wondermule it would have been fine if you’d just stated that in the first place without all the insinuations about priorities [/quote]
Well you insinuated women that chose to pursue breastfeeding had ‘failed’ not my fault if you’re projecting onto me. I don’t feel any of this is pass/fail.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 21:45

[quote GintyMcGinty]@Wondermule you do seem to be on a mission. It's a strange one for someone whom claims to have enjoyed breastfeeding. [/quote]
I am, I think! I think I’m one of the only posters who take a proportionate approach on this issue, which says ‘yeah breastfeeding is ‘better’ but only by a very small amount, so if it’s easy then go for it, if you’re struggling then it isn’t worth losing your baby memories to stress’.

I think this would be a really healthy approach!