To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

Oh I wasn’t intending to answer your question, I was just pointing out how utterly and needlessly unpleasant you’ve been

@Bigbigknickers of course, I mean the fail to thrive babies. I do appreciate there is a lack of understanding around normal bfing behaviours in the early days (like my MIL wondering why my baby was hungry more often than every 4 hours on the dot! She said my milk obviously wasn’t enough. I had to point out my daughter had doubled her birth weight in 3 months)

beyondtheshoe I am sorry you felt that was a dig. It wasn't meant to be. I should probably have written : and a very small percentage of new mums are actually unable to breastfeed. A much larger percentage feel they are unable to because of other people's attitudes (e.g. "it's unneccesary ", "it's disgusting", "most mums can't breastfeed but you can give it a go", "breasts are for men not babies"), because they don't have support and because they live in a country where breastfeeding isn't seem as normal standard practice.

It's only your business when to feed your baby and how long to feed your baby. Don't listen to anyone, you are a mother and this is your decision.

[quote Dandylioness1]@Wondermule

I think you wanted a little brag and the chance to stir up some outrage on your behalf. Mission accomplished 👍🏻

You do realise that a few pages into this thread you said you were going, yet here you still are, replying to most comments, arguing against breastfeeding, discrediting scientific facts.

I think it’s clear which one of us is trying to stir up the outrage.[/quote]
What facts have I discredited?

Yes I tried to leave but I kept getting hashtagged! People took a shining to me!

Breast feeding a 13 month old baby is not wrong.
Formula feeding a newborn is not wrong.
The only thing ‘wrong’ here is the judgement of other mums.
Why does anyone care how someone else feeds their baby? As long as they’re happy and healthy

Also I breastfed my daughter as a toddler. I worked full-time and she was fine in childcare. She slept through the night in her own bed and we had no issues gradually dropping feeds when she was ready till she stopped.

Ironic, isn’t it? Outrage across the media at men’s violence towards women and here they are, tearing each other to shreds about how to feed their babies.

@CreosoteQueen

Getting upset they missed the pleasure of the newborn and baby days for a tiny benefit?

This, for example, is such a deeply shitty comment. I did not miss the pleasure of the newborn days because of breastfeeding. Being able to feed my baby instantly on demand, and my body being his primary source of comfort and security (as well as nutrition) were a huge part of the joy and love of those early days.

Well if you found it easy, good for you. But i think people who find it very difficult are sacrificing enjoyment of their newborn, and special memories, for the sake of mentally box ticking.

Omg! Your friend was being weird, 13 months old is still a baby and no reasonable person would bat an eyelid at you feeding on a park bench. Sadly, many people are not reasonable about breastfeeding.

Stop having a go at one another for BF OR FF. It really doesn't matter. Your friend should not have said anything it is your business how and when you feed your child. On the other hand OP I find you and others on this thread come across as having a bit of a superiority complex having managed to breastfed. So what you breastfed you do seem to want a big pat on the back. They all grow up and most are just fine no matter WTF their are fed as babies.

Also those who keep quoting WHO recommendations need to remember that is taking into account the different effects of the mothers nutrition and clean water around the world which thank god we don't have to worry about in the UK

@DenisetheMenace you’d think there was nothing else of any importance in the world going on eh?

If whether you choose to breastfeed or bottle feed your healthy well cared for baby is the biggest problem someone is facing right now, I’d say they’re doing pretty well!

Agree. @DenisetheMenace

@Wondermule you use so much loaded and perjorative language - all this talk about breastfeeding mothers not enjoying their babies, about creating emotional dependency (even if they were true, babies are supposed to be dependent on their parents), not prioritising happy times - you have been a lot more judgmental of breastfeeding (despite having apparently done it yourself) than anyone else has been of formula feeding.

OP does not sound superior. It’s that sort of ridiculous assertion that’s so baffling.

*kettledodger" can you give some exampled of breastfeeding mums having a superiority complex and seeming to want a pat on the back?

Itlod1982

Yep. I’ve never understood why anyone cares so much about what other people do. Whatever works for mum and baby is obviously the right thing to do.

You do what you want with YOUR baby OP.

What really pees me off is when people say "but nobody will know in x years whether your child was bf or ff, it doesn't matter,' it does. It matters whatever the mother chooses to do. Support the mother and support the women. Stop turning babyhood into another way to tear people apart.

[quote CreosoteQueen]@Wondermule you use so much loaded and perjorative language - all this talk about breastfeeding mothers not enjoying their babies, about creating emotional dependency (even if they were true, babies are supposed to be dependent on their parents), not prioritising happy times - you have been a lot more judgmental of breastfeeding (despite having apparently done it yourself) than anyone else has been of formula feeding.[/quote]
What?! I’m the one looking out for new mums and encouraging them to enjoy their special time rather than obsessing over breastfeeding, which sounds amazing on paper but in real life has such a negligible effect it is only noticeable on a national level. I mean, have you seen the desperate posts of guilty mums on the infant feeding board? I have!

@Wondermule

My priority was simply to enjoy my baby, to be happy and rested and fun so we could spend lovely time together. Not to tick ‘mum point’ boxes or fulfil some arbitrary goal. You don’t get a medal at the end of the day, and nobody asks after a year or two anyway.

So you didn’t want do it for longer than 6 months and are bitter towards those that did want to.

Breastfeeding actually gets easier the older the baby gets, they feed much more efficiently which means less feeding time in general.

You’re insinuating that breastfeeding mums don’t have a priority to spend time with their baby but to reach a goal of being able to breastfeed for a specific period of time.

People are so strange. Of course it's completely normal to bf your baby. My first child didn't eat proper meals or drinks until about 14 months just wasn't interested that much in solid food as much as I tried. I stopped bf at 6 months and switched to bottles for various reasons. Would your friend of been bothered if you had to stop to feed him a bottle? No. So she shouldn't if you bf. My next child was bf until 2 and still have a lot of milk at 13 months by 2 just morning and evening. But if I had to stop to feed him of course I would of done the same thing only difference it wouldn't of been a bottle. I always used muslin over my shoulder as that's what I felt comfortable with, but it wouldn't bother me seeing someone who didn't. Your friend is an idiot sorry.

Well if you found it easy, good for you. But i think people who find it very difficult are sacrificing enjoyment of their newborn, and special memories, for the sake of mentally box ticking.

As I already made clear in a previous post, it hasn’t been remotely easy. But it has been so worth it. The hard parts were just one facet of the overwhelmingly positive journey. I’m proud that I persevered when it was hard, and I will always cherish the memories I have of nourishing my baby as a newborn.

[quote CreosoteQueen]@Wondermule you use so much loaded and perjorative language - all this talk about breastfeeding mothers not enjoying their babies, about creating emotional dependency (even if they were true, babies are supposed to be dependent on their parents), not prioritising happy times - you have been a lot more judgmental of breastfeeding (despite having apparently done it yourself) than anyone else has been of formula feeding.[/quote]
@CreosoteQueen

Couldn’t have said it better myself. 👏🏼

Oh heavens above. Your friend has no business to comment on your child’s feeding habits irrespective of what she thinks. Everyone is entitled to their opinions however people are not entitled to offend others by vocalising them when they’re none of their business! It’s possible to have an opinion and keep it to yourself. I fed my 3 children in public at that age and thought little of it. You have nothing to feel bad or embarrassed about - you’re doing a perfectly nice and normal thing!