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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feed my 1 year old outside

885 replies

Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 16:16

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

OP posts:
Frogartist · 14/03/2021 20:40

beyondtheshoe where has anyone of this thread pretended that women who couldn't breastfeed chose some kind of lazy option?

Cakewithcream4 · 14/03/2021 20:42

I can remember my toddler bursting for a wee and nearly crying. She was panicking about wetting herself and pulled her pants down to squat. Admittedly not ideal but I remember my friend saying in a shocked voice what is she doing!!!! She was mortified and then went on to say she had never let her children pee in a bush. I remember her reaction making me feel so uncomfortable.

It's your child you parent as you wish. They are still babies at that age. My kids had formula until 14 and 16 months.

beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 20:42

At some point, if you had milk, it's luck. Simple as that.

Daphnise · 14/03/2021 20:43

I'm with your friend here.

And I find it inappropriate that your child says "boob".

Guess I won't be asked for a walk with you anytime soon!

Luckily our local benches are taped up for Covid.

You did ask....

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 20:43

@beyondtheshoe

It's not an achievement to be lucky

Now what I think IS bitchy, is to assume that successful breastfeeders are just “lucky”.

I for one am not breastfeeding because I am lucky.

I am breastfeeding because I persevered and tried vert hard during a very difficult time.

My son had undiagnosed tongue tie, which resulted in him losing 11% of his birthweight.
The midwives didn’t spot the tongue tie, three paediatricians didn’t spot it and neither did my health visitor.

I was told by all of the above that I should stop breastfeeding and formula feed.

Now I have nothing against formula, but my choice was to breast feed, it’s what I really wanted to do and I didn’t get the support I needed to do that.

It wasn’t until I paid to see an IBCLC that the tongue tie was diagnosed and divided.

By this point there was a clinical need for formula to help my son get back to his birth weight.

I could’ve easily stopped breastfeeding and switched to formula, but I didn’t.

I carried on, i topped up my son with formula for three months, I expressed to maintain my breastmilk supply.
I used a SNS for the formula top ups to stimulate my breast at each feed.

I worked hard to drop the top ups of formula and carry on with just breastfeeding.

Now does any of that sound like luck to you?!

Because believe me it wasn’t.

It was my hard work and dedication to something I really wanted to do.

For that I will be very fucking proud and I will say it’s an achievement!!!

OP posts:
beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 20:44

@Frogartist

beyondtheshoe where has anyone of this thread pretended that women who couldn't breastfeed chose some kind of lazy option?
oh read the thread, there such an ridiculous emphasis on what such an amazing Job and astounding efforts a BF mother has accomplished for her babies, the implication that those who didn't is very clear...

Some people have a shock when not many years down the line they have to face that it REALLY doesn't matter.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/03/2021 20:45

OP isnt going to concede that other people can 100% respect bf and its value beyond age 1... while also feeling that value doesnt need to extend to giving a toddler what it wants immediately every single time.

This is what is was for me. As you enter the toddler years they start demanding on their wants and many of them are not reasonable. Many bf mums do start to take a position on how essential any need or want really is, and weigh it up against whether it's a suitable time.

Your friend may not have been mortified about bf in public. Perhaps it could be that she simply has a different view on whether or not you give in to a grumbly or whingy toddler. People all parent in different ways.

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 20:45

@Daphnise

And I find it inappropriate that your child says "boob".

Get a grip. And perhaps a therapist.

OP posts:
Wondermule · 14/03/2021 20:45

[quote Dandylioness1]@beyondtheshoe

It's not an achievement to be lucky

Now what I think IS bitchy, is to assume that successful breastfeeders are just “lucky”.

I for one am not breastfeeding because I am lucky.

I am breastfeeding because I persevered and tried vert hard during a very difficult time.

My son had undiagnosed tongue tie, which resulted in him losing 11% of his birthweight.
The midwives didn’t spot the tongue tie, three paediatricians didn’t spot it and neither did my health visitor.

I was told by all of the above that I should stop breastfeeding and formula feed.

Now I have nothing against formula, but my choice was to breast feed, it’s what I really wanted to do and I didn’t get the support I needed to do that.

It wasn’t until I paid to see an IBCLC that the tongue tie was diagnosed and divided.

By this point there was a clinical need for formula to help my son get back to his birth weight.

I could’ve easily stopped breastfeeding and switched to formula, but I didn’t.

I carried on, i topped up my son with formula for three months, I expressed to maintain my breastmilk supply.
I used a SNS for the formula top ups to stimulate my breast at each feed.

I worked hard to drop the top ups of formula and carry on with just breastfeeding.

Now does any of that sound like luck to you?!

Because believe me it wasn’t.

It was my hard work and dedication to something I really wanted to do.

For that I will be very fucking proud and I will say it’s an achievement!!![/quote]
It sounds like a nightmare OP if I’m honest Sad

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 20:46

[quote Dandylioness1]@Daphnise

And I find it inappropriate that your child says "boob".

Get a grip. And perhaps a therapist.[/quote]
Why didn’t you say that to your friend then? Rather than starting this thread?

CreosoteQueen · 14/03/2021 20:47

@beyondtheshoe I’m not sure what point you’re making. Are you suggesting the only reason women don’t breastfeed is lack of milk?

Notanotherhun · 14/03/2021 20:47

Huzzah. People need a little respect for the amount of work it takes to feed a little one. Bottle or breast. My two and a half says "that's mummy's nipple. Mummy's boobs" - it's completely normal. What isn't normal is such a strange and dictatorial attitude that a minority of people have towards infant feeding, which i feel belittles the achievement of maintaining a supply. And no, that's not to say that formula feeding is less good!

espressoontap · 14/03/2021 20:48

So many replies saying they are mortified/ shocked.

He's 13 months not years ffs. OP, I fed my first until he was 16 months and fed whenever he asked for it, why wouldn't I? I plan to do the same for my 6 month old DD.

Well done for feeding so long, that is amazing. Don't be put off by some of the witches here.

CreosoteQueen · 14/03/2021 20:48

And I find it inappropriate that your child says "boob".

🤣🤣🤣

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 20:50

Oh and another thing that makes me sad (I’m very bored tonight if you can’t tell Grin)

People who post about their baby’s plummeting weight loss but refuse to give up bfing Sad or even mix feed. Instead they just say they’ll go to a bfing support group in a few days Hmm if your 5 year old was hungry and had been for days, would you say ‘Don’t worry darling, I’m going to get some help with that next week’? It’s cruel. Newborns are still human beings that shouldn’t feel hunger for weeks if they don’t need to.

I’ve gone massively off topic Grin

breadbinbaby · 14/03/2021 20:51

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

OP isnt going to concede that other people can 100% respect bf and its value beyond age 1... while also feeling that value doesnt need to extend to giving a toddler what it wants immediately every single time.

This is what is was for me. As you enter the toddler years they start demanding on their wants and many of them are not reasonable. Many bf mums do start to take a position on how essential any need or want really is, and weigh it up against whether it's a suitable time.

Your friend may not have been mortified about bf in public. Perhaps it could be that she simply has a different view on whether or not you give in to a grumbly or whingy toddler. People all parent in different ways.

The friend specifically said it was about breastfeeding.
breadbinbaby · 14/03/2021 20:52

if your 5 year old was hungry and had been for days, would you say ‘Don’t worry darling, I’m going to get some help with that next week’? It’s cruel.

Maybe it would avoid creating a need for food in them.

yikesanotherbooboo · 14/03/2021 20:53

Wow; it's entirely normal to feed your baby when they are hungry and I am surprised that anyone thinks otherwise. My DC are all adults and I wouldn't describe myself as an earth mother and yet it wouldn't and didn't cross my mind not to feed my bAbies wherever I was eg library, museum, supermarket, car, park etc. Your friend is BU .

Frogartist · 14/03/2021 20:53

Ok beyond the shoe you are just "interpreting " what people are saying, not listening to what they are actually saying. Nobody has actually said, or implied, hat women who actually can't breastfeed (a very small percentage) have chosen the lazy option.

CreosoteQueen · 14/03/2021 20:53

Some people have a shock when not many years down the line they have to face that it REALLY doesn't matter.

Oh really. Who do you know who has had this ‘shock’? What does it even look like?

I don’t breastfeed my baby because I think it’s going to turn him into a genius who is immune to disease. I breastfeed him because it’s the healthiest out of all of the options, and that made it worth persevering with for me. Maybe it won’t make a difference in the long run - that’s ok. It’s still the right decision for us. I’m sure many of our parenting decisions only ever make small differences to our children, but we make them and stand by them anyway.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 14/03/2021 20:53

But not necessarily about bf generally. About whether it was necessary to bf right there, right now.

There's a big difference.

Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 20:54

@Wondermule

It sounds like a nightmare OP if I’m honest

You can be as honest as you want.

The easier choice would’ve been to quit.

I chose to commit and continue.

It wasn’t a nightmare at all. It was a small part of my breastfeeding journey, and going through that got us this far.

My son loves breastfeeding, I love breastfeeding.
We will continue for as long as we are both happy to do so.

OP posts:
beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 20:55

CreosoteQueen
how old are your kids out of curiosity?

Alleycat02 · 14/03/2021 20:55

Haven't read the full thread but there is nothing wrong with feeding your 13 month old outside or anywhere else!
My two year old still asks for booby no matter where we are, sometimes it's easier to just sit and let her have at it than turn it into a battle....

Notanotherhun · 14/03/2021 20:55

When is it not necessary? When it makes other people uncomfortable? The child is the priority.