To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

I think it’s fine to be proud of breastfeeding.

I also think some people need to be proud of breastfeeding if they toughed it out over many months - what’s the alternative? Getting upset they missed the pleasure of the newborn and baby days for a tiny benefit?

But it’s also why I try to encourage new mums to keep it in perspective and realise it isn’t the be all and end all.

YANBU. I find British fastidiousness about breastfeeding both tedious and amusing. In the conservative country I was born in, women are much more open about breastfeeding in public, even toddlers.

I’d be proud if I’d given birth naturally (I haven’t for any of my 4 children).

why would you? It wouldn't have made you a better mother, wouldn't have given a different start to your children.

You might as well be proud of a heavier or lighter baby, or a baby born with or without hair on their head. Nothing to do with you, no reflection on you, no mpact on them!

I read the title of this thread and assumed it was someone dealing with a messy eater throwing food around... so I was all good with an outdoor high chair too, in nicer weather 😆

I exclusively breastfed twins so don't have anything against breastfeeding but I do think giving in to the demands of a child when out in public when Breast milk isn't their main source of nutrition is a bit much so I agree with your friend and would also have been a bit 🙄

It's not an achievement to be lucky

It’s not fair to assume all breastfeeding mums are lucky. I have breastfed my baby through poor initial supply, a poor latch, flat nipples and two agonising rounds of mastitis. I have breastfed through major abdominal surgery a few weeks after his birth. I have breastfed through gallstone attacks. It certainly hasn’t been easy, and I’m allowed to be proud of the fact that I persevered.

I’ve never judged another woman for how she feeds her baby and I think formula is a totally valid choice for those who can’t or don’t want to breastfeed. But I’m not going to pretend that I got lucky or that the benefits barely exist because some people think that being proud of breastfeeding is an attack on formula feeding mothers.

@Wondermule

I know the colostrum and first couple of months are where the main health benefits are

This is where you’re misinformed.

The WHO’s recommendations are supported by a research into the first 1,000 days of a child’s life.

Scientists have discovered the right nutrition, and other factors, have the most profound impact on growth and long-term health during this time. Evidence unequivocally demonstrates that breastfeeding is uniquely beneficial during that crucial 1,000-day window.

Continuing to breastfeed after six months has been shown to lower the chances of some childhood and adult cancers.

Breastfeeding protects your baby from infection and illness, so much so that it’s even considered a form of ‘personalised medicine’, with potential lifelong effects.

breast milk can also reduce your baby’s risk of diarrhoea and sickness, gastroenteritis, colds and flu, thrush and ear, throat and lung infections.

I support breastfeeding, I support formula feeding.

But you cannot argue with science about the benefits of breastmilk and not just for the first 6 months.

Breastmilk never loses its qualities, it doesn’t just change after 6 months.

Did you know that a recent study carried out on breastfeeding mothers who had received the Pfizer Covid vaccination, showed that antibodies were present in breastmilk.
Lots of those mothers were feeding children older than 1 year old!

@beyondtheshoe because given birth is hard work and a feat of endurance. I am proud of all women who do so, especially friends and family. So proud.

Maybe my use of ‘proud’ is broader than yours.

*giving!

@beyondtheshoe

Yes breastfeeding mums are ,meant to keep quiet so that formula feeding mums aren't upset. The reality is that the vast majority of mums do end up formula feeding through choice. It is very rare for a woman not to produce enough milk to sustain a baby at least until they are weaning age. But many mums don't like to hear this.

women really are bitches, aren't they.

Just because you and I might have been lucky doesn't mean you did anything special.

you should be ashamed of yourself. And find something that actually matters to be proud of.

No I didn't do anything special

Getting upset they missed the pleasure of the newborn and baby days for a tiny benefit?

This, for example, is such a deeply shitty comment. I did not miss the pleasure of the newborn days because of breastfeeding. Being able to feed my baby instantly on demand, and my body being his primary source of comfort and security (as well as nutrition) were a huge part of the joy and love of those early days.

@ivfbeenbusy

I exclusively breastfed twins so don't have anything against breastfeeding but I do think giving in to the demands of a child when out in public when Breast milk isn't their main source of nutrition is a bit much so I agree with your friend and would also have been a bit 🙄

It's sad that you see someone feeding their child as giving into demands. Does it seem less eye rolling if you reframe it as meeting the child's needs?

[quote Greenmarmalade]@beyondtheshoe because given birth is hard work and a feat of endurance. I am proud of all women who do so, especially friends and family. So proud.

Maybe my use of ‘proud’ is broader than yours.[/quote]
clearly.

As it has nothing to do with your will how hard or easy or even possible a birth will be.

I am proud of mothers who do their best for their child, adoptive mothers included. Not because someone gave birth after 3 hours labour (done that) or after 18 hours and complications (done that too...)

[quote Dandylioness1]@Wondermule

I know the colostrum and first couple of months are where the main health benefits are

This is where you’re misinformed.

The WHO’s recommendations are supported by a research into the first 1,000 days of a child’s life.

Scientists have discovered the right nutrition, and other factors, have the most profound impact on growth and long-term health during this time. Evidence unequivocally demonstrates that breastfeeding is uniquely beneficial during that crucial 1,000-day window.

Continuing to breastfeed after six months has been shown to lower the chances of some childhood and adult cancers.

Breastfeeding protects your baby from infection and illness, so much so that it’s even considered a form of ‘personalised medicine’, with potential lifelong effects.

breast milk can also reduce your baby’s risk of diarrhoea and sickness, gastroenteritis, colds and flu, thrush and ear, throat and lung infections.

I support breastfeeding, I support formula feeding.

But you cannot argue with science about the benefits of breastmilk and not just for the first 6 months.

Breastmilk never loses its qualities, it doesn’t just change after 6 months.

Did you know that a recent study carried out on breastfeeding mothers who had received the Pfizer Covid vaccination, showed that antibodies were present in breastmilk.
Lots of those mothers were feeding children older than 1 year old![/quote]
Lordy, you’re doing exactly what I said! Laying out impressive sounding benefits but not quantifying them. It isn’t about how amazing the facts are, it’s about how much difference they make.

I didn’t say breastfeeding isn’t beneficial after the colostrum stage - but the colostrum is the most important part. The fact 80% of babies get that is good in my book.

Also - when I go out for a walk with young children I expect that we will walk about 10 minutes before having to stop for something!!

I agree with your friend but I wouldn't have said anything. And of course it's up to you. I don't know anyone who would breastfeed an older child in public. So I have never come across this problem.

@CreosoteQueen

Getting upset they missed the pleasure of the newborn and baby days for a tiny benefit?

This, for example, is such a deeply shitty comment. I did not miss the pleasure of the newborn days because of breastfeeding. Being able to feed my baby instantly on demand, and my body being his primary source of comfort and security (as well as nutrition) were a huge part of the joy and love of those early days.

Well I’m pleased for you, but it doesn’t change that many women struggle with it and spend weeks, if not months, in pain and delirious through lack of sleep as well as worrying about their baby’s weight etc.

@CreosoteQueen

Getting upset they missed the pleasure of the newborn and baby days for a tiny benefit?

This, for example, is such a deeply shitty comment. I did not miss the pleasure of the newborn days because of breastfeeding. Being able to feed my baby instantly on demand, and my body being his primary source of comfort and security (as well as nutrition) were a huge part of the joy and love of those early days.

thankfully mothers who have to bottle -fed can feel just as much joy and love.

Isn't nature well done sometimes.

@Viviennemary it’s not a problem.

[quote imalmostthere]@Dandylioness1 Because they don't need breast milk after one and it's mainly for comfort, and at 13 months he doesn't need to be breastfed on demand? As I said in my original reply - you need to do what works for you! I haven't been offensive at all, I stated my opinion which you asked for. [/quote]
Do they need cow's milk?

It’s crazy that we live in a world where breastfeeding an older baby in public is seen as abnormal but drinking another mammals milk (which is made for its baby) in your tea is completely normal
I know! It's bizarre.

Where's the logic in "you shouldn't allow your toddler to breastfeed because they don't need boob milk from you... here you should give them milk from a cow boob instead"?

It all comes down to people's hangups about breastfeeding. Nobody on this thread would be saying "gosh Friend, I can't believe you're making a cup of tea. It's only an hour after lunch. Are you sure you really need a cup of tea? If you were thirsty then you'd be happy with water."
Or
"If I saw someone having a cup of tea mid morning then I'd never say anything to them because it's up to them, but it is a bit unusual having a cup of tea when you could quite easily have water. They say they are thirsty, but it's obvious just for comfort as they don't need to have tea."

YANBU to breast feed your child and he clearly wants it so that’s brilliant.

However, I think Mumsnet often goes to making a villain out of friends and family who are anything but absolutely supportive of breast feeding where ever and whenever. Some people were raised differently and have different experiences and might find it weird.

It’s totally right that you did and your friend was wrong to think you shouldn’t but maybe cut her some slack, now she’s seen how normal it is she might change her opinion.

thankfully mothers who have to bottle -fed can feel just as much joy and love.

And I didn’t suggest otherwise. I was responding to @Wondermule bullshit and offensive suggestion that breastfeeding mothers have to cling to pride as a consolation prize for missing out on the pleasure of their newborns.

@CreosoteQueen absolutely, that’s wonderfully put.

I was not lucky either. I had similar with traumatic birth, sepsis for both of us, tongue tie, poor latch as baby had significant head trauma from birth, then meningitis, pumped full of antibiotics so bad gut, then cmpa. I was broken but I overcame it, and I have a right to be proud of that. So @beyondtheshoe please tell me now how lucky I was.... and also how breast feeding didn’t make any difference to my poorly baby.

I think one has assumed that because she had it easy, so must it have been for others.

[quote GreenSlide]@Wondermule exactly. The world would be much kinder to new mums if everyone would just mind their own fucking business about how, when and where babies and young children are fed.[/quote]
A effing men. This all over. Am so sick of how infant feeding becomes a battle ground upon which to shit upon other people's choices!