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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feed my 1 year old outside

885 replies

Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 16:16

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

OP posts:
Greenmarmalade · 14/03/2021 20:11

OP I would love seeing a new mum feeding her baby (13 months is a baby!!) in a park. It’s beautiful.

Ignore anyone who thinks otherwise and have faith in your own instincts and decisions as a mum. People always tried to make me feel awkward and weird about bf my older babies and toddlers, but they can just fuck right off.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 20:11

[quote Dandylioness1]@Wondermule

Why did you breastfeed...?[/quote]
Free, quick, good for environment, saved planning ahead & because I know the colostrum and first couple of months are where the main health benefits are.

DodgeRainClouds · 14/03/2021 20:11

@12345ct

Your friend was right he didn't need milk that urgent that you had to stop on a bench.
He is a baby! Of course he did.

Op ignore your friend and all the idiots on this page. You did the correct thing by feeding your baby.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 20:11

[quote Fatas]@Wondermule there’s lies, damn lies and statistics[/quote]
You’ll have to be more specific if you want me to take any of that dribble seriously.

Ericaequites · 14/03/2021 20:12

No, this was a four year old with a lentilweaving mother. Why would I trust any WHO advice? Consider the dog’s dinner they made over Covid.

Fatas · 14/03/2021 20:12

This is not a debate about which is best. It’s about the op having a right to choose how she feeds her baby and soingbit when her baby needs it without being judged

caringcarer · 14/03/2021 20:13

I breastfed my children when they were babies but once they were weaned I breast fed early morning and before bed do no need to breastfeed out of house after about 7 or 8 months. But no problems if others want to feed in park in cold.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 20:13

@Fatas

This is not a debate about which is best. It’s about the op having a right to choose how she feeds her baby and soingbit when her baby needs it without being judged
Yes and I said OP was not being unreasonable.
Original poster
Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 20:14

@beyondtheshoe

It doesn’t make a woman a bitch because she is proud to breastfeed.

I’m incredibly proud to be breastfeeding (and as you may have seen from my earlier post I had to use formula in the early days for weight issues, so I have absolutely no objections the the use of formula)

In a country where breastfeeding mothers are the minority, we should absolutely be proud.

OP posts:
Greenmarmalade · 14/03/2021 20:14

* Because they don't need breast milk after one and it's mainly for comfort*

But they need the milk of another mammal?
Comfort: I’ve always thought it’s a massive part of parenting.
Kids don’t ‘need’ hugs when they cry but people don’t get all 🤢 about cuddling toddlers, so they?

doadeer · 14/03/2021 20:14

I stopped bfing for a few reasons at 1, I had physical problems I'd been fighting. But it's absolutely your choice and I don't understand at all why your friend would care, if her little one wouldn't sit around she could just play on the grass for 10 mins! I can't imagine making a moral judgement like this on a friend

Greenmarmalade · 14/03/2021 20:15

*do they

Scrunchies · 14/03/2021 20:15

@beyondtheshoe i really really don't understand why you are so aggressively telling other posters they aren't allowed to be proud? why?

you might have been lucky and found bf easy. I did not, but i persevered and now at 7 months. It would have been much much easier, physically, emotionally, mentally to stop and give formula. But i didn't and that was my choice. And I'm proud of that and see it as a success. I don't care how other people feed their babies thats up to them, but undoubtedly in my journey, breast feeding was harder for me than bottle feeding would have been, and it was an achievement to push through.

thats not looking down on ff, or shaming other mums who didn't breast feed. thats just me saying I'm proud of me for breast feeding. Im also proud of running marathon, but that doesn't mean i think less of people who haven't Confused

beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 20:17

[quote Dandylioness1]@beyondtheshoe

It doesn’t make a woman a bitch because she is proud to breastfeed.

I’m incredibly proud to be breastfeeding (and as you may have seen from my earlier post I had to use formula in the early days for weight issues, so I have absolutely no objections the the use of formula)

In a country where breastfeeding mothers are the minority, we should absolutely be proud.[/quote]
Nowhere did anyone say that Hmm

what is bitchy is pretending that women who could not breast feed chose some kind of lazy option, and to deny any problems they might have had.

It's not an achievement to be lucky, anymore than it's an achievement to be pregnant until full term and have a healthy baby. It's pure luck.

There are a lot more important things to be proud of and which affect your child a lot more.

beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 20:20

I guarantee you 100% that the day your child walks in primary school for the first time, no one in the world will know or care if there was bottle or "boob boob", purees or baby led weaning, if they were potty trained at 13 months or 3 years 1/2. No one. Not even you!

mathanxiety · 14/03/2021 20:21

YY @Greenmarmalade.

Same goes for plasters on knees with tiny little scratches.

Comfort really matters.

mathanxiety · 14/03/2021 20:22

And kissing of bumped arms, legs, knees, heads. Doesn't make any physical difference. Important all the same.

GalesThisMorning · 14/03/2021 20:24

Some people are weird. Some people have absorbed social attitudes that breastfeeding is required for tiny babies and after that must be stopped.

Fuck all that. I breastfed 1 ds to age 2 and the other to 4.5. You need to just not give a fuck. It's better for babies and young children to have breast milk. You know that. So ignore the funny looks, go for it anyway, and know that you are doing your part to normalise breastfeeding. What's the alternative? Carry a crying 1 year old to the car because of the way society views your breasts??

Greenmarmalade · 14/03/2021 20:25

I’d be proud if I’d given birth naturally (I haven’t for any of my 4 children).

I am proud I breastfed them all as it’s hard work and needed me to toughen up a lot to get through the intense challenges. This does not mean I look down on people who didn’t or couldn’t breastfeed- not at all.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 20:26

@GalesThisMorning

Some people are weird. Some people have absorbed social attitudes that breastfeeding is required for tiny babies and after that must be stopped.

Fuck all that. I breastfed 1 ds to age 2 and the other to 4.5. You need to just not give a fuck. It's better for babies and young children to have breast milk. You know that. So ignore the funny looks, go for it anyway, and know that you are doing your part to normalise breastfeeding. What's the alternative? Carry a crying 1 year old to the car because of the way society views your breasts??

Confused chill pill needed!
DenisetheMenace · 14/03/2021 20:26

Personally, I had stopped bf by 13 months. Your friend did too by the sound of it.

That doesn’t matter one iota though because it’s your baby, your choice.

If I were out with you and you wantedto stop and breastfeed, bottle feed or fire carrot purée at your little one from a catapult, it would none of my business (well, the last one would probably be everyone’s business, but ...).

Point is, find a less unsettling walking companion and happy feeding, however you want to do it.

GalesThisMorning · 14/03/2021 20:27

Yup @mathanxiety. So many of the interactions I have with my children are "just" to provide them comfort. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, letting them in my bed Sunday mornings... comforting small people is in the job description!! Lucky when boobs are all it takes

Greenmarmalade · 14/03/2021 20:27

@mathanxiety very true.

GalesThisMorning · 14/03/2021 20:28

Why chill? Its important.

gluteustothemaximus · 14/03/2021 20:29

you might have been lucky and found bf easy. I did not, but i persevered and now at 7 months. It would have been much much easier, physically, emotionally, mentally to stop and give formula. But i didn't and that was my choice. And I'm proud of that and see it as a success. I don't care how other people feed their babies thats up to them, but undoubtedly in my journey, breast feeding was harder for me than bottle feeding would have been, and it was an achievement to push through.
thats not looking down on ff, or shaming other mums who didn't breast feed. thats just me saying I'm proud of me for breast feeding. Im also proud of running marathon, but that doesn't mean i think less of people who haven't

I agree. I found BF extremely hard with all 3, and had infections and tongue tie issues and found it very challenging, but I preserved. I feel proud. But when I mentioned it on here I got told I was a bad mother for neglecting my mental health, and didn't need to persevere and find it so hard when there was an easier option to formula feed, and as the benefits of BF over FF were barely worth talking about, I shouldn't have bothered.

Which kinda pisses all over my parade, and my achievement for me.