To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

@Level32 do you use breast milk in your tea then?

Are you sure she’s your friend

@imalmostthere

If he asks for milk, he's also old enough for cows milk in a cup. After one a baby doesn't actually need breast milk or formula,

If he asks for milk why would I give him cows milk when he can have human milk?

@Level32 please point out where I said other milk is better? I simply stated babies don't need breast milk or formula after the age of one. I haven't been offensive at all. You're clearly very worked up over the subject, whereas I couldn't care less - I commented my opinion which the op asked for.

[quote Dandylioness1]@Wondermule

They’re not low. My local hospital’s bf take up rate is over 50%. So at least half of women try to breastfeed. Out of my antenatal group circle, I think 2 people out of 10 or 11 were using formula after a few months, and all started off breastfeeding.

Taken from UNICEF -

In the UK we have some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world, with eight out of ten women stopping breastfeeding before they want to.

The last UK-wide Infant Feeding Survey was conducted in 2010, and we are calling on UK governments to reinstate this. Key findings were:

Breastfeeding initiation: 81% (up from 76% in 2005).
Exclusive breastfeeding at six weeks was 24% in England compared to 17% in Wales and 13% in Northern Ireland – see below for more recent survey results from Scotland.
Exclusive breastfeeding at three months: 17% (up from 13% in 2005).
Exclusive breastfeeding at four months: 12% (up from 7% in 2005).
Exclusive breastfeeding at six months (as recommended by the World Health Organization) remained at around 1%.
The rate of any breastfeeding at six weeks was 55% (rising from 48% in 2005), while at six months it was 34% (rising from 25% in 2005). These improvements coincided with a marked increase in engagement with the Baby Friendly Initiative.

And support is absolutely not lacking.

The reason breastfeeding rates are so low is due to a lack of support.

I myself am part of an NCT group, there are 9 of us.
I’m the only one that gave birth before the first lockdown. I had 5 weeks of access to face to face breastfeeding support, which I paid for and saw an IBCLC.

My midwife or Health visitor were not adequately trained in breastfeeding support.

Only myself and one other mum from my NCT group breastfeed. The rest tried and have admitted stopped due to lack of support.[/quote]
It’s subjective isn’t it? Women in third world countries tend not to have to go back to work, and are less likely to have money for formula etc, so a lack of choice in the matter anyway.

Given the pressures on women in developed countries, I don’t think an 80% take up and a quarter bfing at 6 weeks is that bad 🤷🏼‍♀️ In the case of our antenatal groups, it must be a fantastically rare coincidence that my group had something like a 90% bfing rate and your group had a 20% rate at 6 months old 😂 if it should be 1%.

Is there a level, or number, you would consider acceptable? Would you remove the right to choose to do this, make formula more expensive etc?

As for support, there is: midwives, antenatal groups, feeding specialists, lactation consultants, breastfeeding groups, la leche league, the league for bfing mothers, hotlines, books, YouTube videos... I could go on. I guarantee they don’t have all of those things on tap in places like India where the bfing rates are very high, so I don’t think it is a lack of support. There’s tons of support. I think some mums find it too hard or don’t want to, and you are struggling to accept that fact. There is no ‘acceptable’ level of breastfeeding as it is a woman’s choice, not yours.

@Dandylioness1 Because they don't need breast milk after one and it's mainly for comfort, and at 13 months he doesn't need to be breastfed on demand? As I said in my original reply - you need to do what works for you! I haven't been offensive at all, I stated my opinion which you asked for.

[quote imalmostthere]@Level32 please point out where I said other milk is better? I simply stated babies don't need breast milk or formula after the age of one. I haven't been offensive at all. You're clearly very worked up over the subject, whereas I couldn't care less - I commented my opinion which the op asked for. [/quote]
But what does it matter if it's "not needed" don't you every do something for your kids just because it's what they want? Her baby wanted breast milk, it satiates hungry and gives comfort, what's so bad about that?

I can guarantee you that no one would be bothered by a woman giving her child a beaker of formula, it's only because a breast is involved that's it's deemed "unnecessary".

YANBU

Your friend has ishoos.

Breastfeeding is as much about emotional connection as it is about nutrition at 13 months, and there is nothing wrong with that.

[quote imalmostthere]@Dandylioness1 Because they don't need breast milk after one and it's mainly for comfort, and at 13 months he doesn't need to be breastfed on demand? As I said in my original reply - you need to do what works for you! I haven't been offensive at all, I stated my opinion which you asked for. [/quote]
@imalmostthere

So your opinion is that they need cows milk instead?

I struggle to understand this.

If a child wants / needs milk, why would cows milk he offered instead of human milk.

Even if the child didn’t “need” the milk, surely it makes more sense to offer them human milk.

Bloody hell, if she wants to b feed and her kid wants feeding then it’s her bloody perogative and not her friends business to comment- he’s still a little baby

@Wondermule statistics are subjective...

best thing I've ever read on here.

@imalmostthere but they do need some milk in their diet, and human milk is available, so why not just give human milk instead of buying cow's milk for them? I do understand what you are saying about a cup on the go in the pram rather than stopping, which I suppose might be a bit more convenient if OP and her friend were in a hurry, otherwise it seems more of a hassle to put other milk in a cup, keep it cool, bring it with them, wash up afterwards etc if OP could just feed the breast milk all along

If he can undo 1 cm buttons on your shirt while demanding “Boobie juice” at a church coffee hour, he’s too old to breastfeed.

And this is from someone who is weaning her b fed baby on to fully taking cows milk at 12 months- just because it takes up too much of my time and I’ve gone back to work now

@CreosoteQueen

It’s so dismissive to describe the benefits as negligible. There’s such an attitude of doing breastfeeding down and pretending it’s barely worth doing to make those who don’t or can’t feel better that it can be really dismissive and stigmatising to breastfeeding mums.

Yes breastfeeding mums are ,meant to keep quiet so that formula feeding mums aren't upset. The reality is that the vast majority of mums do end up formula feeding through choice. It is very rare for a woman not to produce enough milk to sustain a baby at least until they are weaning age. But many mums don't like to hear this.

If breastfeeding was considered not weird and not made fun of and if children grew up observing women breastfeeding and if new mums had the support of other experienced mums breastfeeding rates in this country would be much higher. It simply isn't logical to assume that women who live in the UK have bodies that are much less able to produce enough breastmilk than women in many other countries.

@Ericaequites says who? WHO recommends until 2 yrs

[quote Sugarbelle]@Wondermule statistics are subjective...

best thing I've ever read on here.[/quote]
No. Statistics are statistics.

Whether you consider those statistics to be low in the circumstances, or high, is subjective.

If I said 30% of people are murderers that would be considered very high wouldn’t it? Even though it’s not the same as the ‘majority’.

You’re clearly not a critical thinker.

@Ericaequites

If he can undo 1 cm buttons on your shirt while demanding “Boobie juice” at a church coffee hour, he’s too old to breastfeed.

You should stop bf your husband in church then.

Yes breastfeeding mums are ,meant to keep quiet so that formula feeding mums aren't upset. The reality is that the vast majority of mums do end up formula feeding through choice. It is very rare for a woman not to produce enough milk to sustain a baby at least until they are weaning age. But many mums don't like to hear this.

women really are bitches, aren't they.

Just because you and I might have been lucky doesn't mean you did anything special.

you should be ashamed of yourself. And find something that actually matters to be proud of.

Cows milk inhibits absorption of iron and iron is necessary for brain development. Being that very few littlies eat enough meat b milk is actually better than cows milk

YANBU and I am pretty surprised by some of the replies on this thread. I am breastfeeding my one year old. I breastfeed to a schedule and have from pretty early on (6 weeks) because that is what works for me. Breastfeeding on demand works for others and that’s also a valid choice. If my one year old was hungry I probably would have stopped to sit on a bench to give a snack and water if I had it on me but one of the joys of breastfeeding is that if I forget a snack I always have my breasts. I might also stop on a bench to have a drink and snack as I don’t like eating whilst moving. I do sometimes feed out and about and will carry on for as long as it works for me.

@Wondermule

Why did you breastfeed...?

This thread is batshit.

@CreosoteQueen

It’s so dismissive to describe the benefits as negligible. There’s such an attitude of doing breastfeeding down and pretending it’s barely worth doing to make those who don’t or can’t feel better that it can be really dismissive and stigmatising to breastfeeding mums.

But the benefits are negligible

People go ‘ohhh we can’t just pretend formula is just as good’ which is fair enough, but they’re quick to justify overstating the benefits of breastfeeding. Double standards isn’t it?

@Wondermule there’s lies, damn lies and statistics