To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

‘It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong’

@Dandylioness1 you are doing amazingly. You aren’t doing anything wrong at all. In fact, well done for ignoring your ‘friend’ and giving your little one what he needs. That’s good parenting.

People have bizarre ideas about breastfeeding and bringing up children. As shown on this thread!

@Christmasfairy2020

If he is hungry then a snack. Your friend is right

But he did have snack. What kind of snack is better than breastmilk?

I was just pointing out that actually, I wasnt - the rates really are low in this country

[quote LockdownIcecream]@Wondermule it's not creating a need. Babies are born with the need to drink milk, and though the need gradually reduces with a widening diet after six months, milk is still an important part of that diet until at least 1, and the requirement doesn't just disappear at 12 months and 1 day. Weaning doesn't stop a need being created, though yes you are right it would stop a toddler requesting breast milk, so instead you'd need to buy farmed cow milk or similar.

But in my case anyway, breastmilk was a very convenient snack, continuing to feed had health benefits for me and for the toddler. I agree that these are probably overstated on here, on the other hand scientists are only just starting to learn about developmental/epigenetic programming and it's relationship with health in later life, so actually we really don't know yet how significant or not breastfeeding until for example 2 is (since 0-2 seems to be the range scientists are focussing on at the moment).[/quote]
I discussed this with my nana when I was bf, she bf all her (many!) children back in the 50s.

She said it was very rare to bf past 6 or 9 months back then, as babies were weaned into food quite early, and that the whole ‘our foremothers did natural term weaning’ is a bit of a myth. In fact she thought bf to 2 was odd

I also read a book about England during the Jane Austen period, and babies weren’t breastfed that long then either - again, they were weaned onto food after a few months (but then a lot of them died as food was inadequate and unsafe.)

So I’m not sure when natural term bfing was last normal in this country, but it was a long old time ago, and health has improved since then, so it’s hard to pick things apart really isn’t it.

[quote Sugarbelle]@Wondermule I'm not being aggressive. your numbers are wrong, it's as easy as a quick google to find out what the rates are.

you quoted my post saying that I was wromg[/quote]
Which numbers did I quote that were wrong?

@Wondermule you said that the rates weren't low and then gave some random statistics..

I'm not sure why this is a debate? the rate is 24 percent by 6 weeks. facts. the end.

I feed my 18 month old on demand, anywhere and everywhere. She rarely asks when we are out these days but if she does, I feed her.

Ditch the “friend”, they are a dickhead

@beyondtheshoe

1. Does your friend drink cows milk that is made for a baby calf?

is that supposed to be some complimentary comparison?

Yes. It’s crazy that we live in a world where breastfeeding an older baby in public is seen as abnormal but drinking another mammals milk (which is made for its baby) in your tea is completely normal.

[quote Sugarbelle]@Wondermule you said that the rates weren't low and then gave some random statistics..

I'm not sure why this is a debate? the rate is 24 percent by 6 weeks. facts. the end.[/quote]
50% of mums at my local hospital start off bfing. I know this because they share the stats on their Facebook page. So that isn’t ‘bullshit’.

I then said anecdotally that the vast majority of new mums I know breastfed to at least 1, most longer. That’s not bullshit either.

I never said the rates were high, but they’re not as vanishingly rare as stated on here either. Given mums have to work, look after other kids etc, I don’t think the rates are that shocking. Maybe you favour piling more pressure on new mums for a negligible health benefit 🤷🏼‍♀️ That’s your view and this is mine.

Ignore your friend. It’s up to you to parent your child how you see fit. Not her.

@Wondermule

They’re not low. My local hospital’s bf take up rate is over 50%. So at least half of women try to breastfeed. Out of my antenatal group circle, I think 2 people out of 10 or 11 were using formula after a few months, and all started off breastfeeding.

Taken from UNICEF -

In the UK we have some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world, with eight out of ten women stopping breastfeeding before they want to.

The last UK-wide Infant Feeding Survey was conducted in 2010, and we are calling on UK governments to reinstate this. Key findings were:

Breastfeeding initiation: 81% (up from 76% in 2005).
Exclusive breastfeeding at six weeks was 24% in England compared to 17% in Wales and 13% in Northern Ireland – see below for more recent survey results from Scotland.
Exclusive breastfeeding at three months: 17% (up from 13% in 2005).
Exclusive breastfeeding at four months: 12% (up from 7% in 2005).
Exclusive breastfeeding at six months (as recommended by the World Health Organization) remained at around 1%.
The rate of any breastfeeding at six weeks was 55% (rising from 48% in 2005), while at six months it was 34% (rising from 25% in 2005). These improvements coincided with a marked increase in engagement with the Baby Friendly Initiative.

And support is absolutely not lacking.

The reason breastfeeding rates are so low is due to a lack of support.

I myself am part of an NCT group, there are 9 of us.
I’m the only one that gave birth before the first lockdown. I had 5 weeks of access to face to face breastfeeding support, which I paid for and saw an IBCLC.

My midwife or Health visitor were not adequately trained in breastfeeding support.

Only myself and one other mum from my NCT group breastfeed. The rest tried and have admitted stopped due to lack of support.

@Level32 I was waiting for this comment - it took even less time than I expected

Airyfairymarybeary

As someone who had to use her B pump in a very corporate office (in a private room!), I do have a sense of humour failure over such comparisons I have to say!

@Wondermule urgh it's not a view, it is the official statistic.

I dont have a view either way particularly, feed how you want. I will point out again, you quoted my post, I simply responded to you to explain why what I said wasnt incorrect like you implied.

@imalmostthere

Absolutely nothing wrong with Bf at this age. However, I wouldn't be feeding on demand now they are weaned. He's at the age where he's able to have a snack and a drink in the pram, rather than need to stop for milk. If he asks for milk, he's also old enough for cows milk in a cup. After one a baby doesn't actually need breast milk or formula, and feeding is more for comfort, therefore there isn't really a need to stop and give him it on demand. I think you're just making a rod for your own back so to speak, but it's your child, and it's completely up to you at the end of the day. I can see why she'd find it unnecessary, I see why you did it. I don't think anyone is unreasonable in this situation. Absolutely don't feel ashamed to feed in public Ir that's what works for you.

But they don't need a rice cake and a cup of cow's milk so why would you give them that?

And it really isn't the case that if a child is old enough to ask for milk they are old enough to have cow's milk in a cup. That doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

No, your friend is weird. I speak as someone who sucked (haha) at breastfeeding and gave it up after a couple of weeks.

Possibly I'd feel a bit weird about someone feeding a 3 year old in public, but I still wouldn't say anything if the person in question was happy to?

Being brutally honest; I know I'd start making judgements about a mum carrying it on anywhere with a school-age child, but you are way off that!

[quote Sugarbelle]@Wondermule urgh it's not a view, it is the official statistic.

I dont have a view either way particularly, feed how you want. I will point out again, you quoted my post, I simply responded to you to explain why what I said wasnt incorrect like you implied.[/quote]
I never disputed your statistic did I?

I'm also a bit curious about the sitting down to feed issue. Whenever I've met a friend with a toddler and there's been a snack given of any kind the toddlers have sat on a bench to eat it (admittedly not if they are in a pram as OP's was - does that mean you can't stop?) and I haven't found that strange, so I'm not sure why it would be strange to stop to breastfeed

If we were stopping mid walk I would absolutely say "I hope you don't mind me stopping to give DC a snack, do you have time?" out of politeness but that would be the case whatever I fed them

It’s so dismissive to describe the benefits as negligible. There’s such an attitude of doing breastfeeding down and pretending it’s barely worth doing to make those who don’t or can’t feel better that it can be really dismissive and stigmatising to breastfeeding mums.

@Wondermule you said the rates weren't low.

@Frogartist I didn't say he's old enough because he can ask - I said if he asks for milk he can also have cows milk at this age, rather than needing to stop to feed. Babies don't need Breast milk or formula after the age of one. Nothing to do with when they start talking 🙄

I haven’t rtft but of course it’s fine to have a milk drink indoors or outdoors at 13 months via breastfeeding. A totally normal, healthy behaviour.