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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feed my 1 year old outside

885 replies

Dandylioness1 · 14/03/2021 16:16

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

OP posts:
LavenderDiamond · 14/03/2021 19:32

How I love Mn and BF thread. Brings out the worst in people.

ArabellaScott · 14/03/2021 19:32

Not read the full thread, OP, but I hope it's been made abundantly clear that YADNBU and that babies/toddlers are still very much at an age where they sometimes suddenly need fed for whatever reason and you should feel comfortable and supported to feed them wherever you are.

LavenderDiamond · 14/03/2021 19:32

@beyondtheshoe

She had her own insecurities. May I assume she never breastfed? She's probably has feelings about that.

you can try to be as nasty as you want, but it's perfectly possible to have an opinion AND be a breastfeeding mother.

As a mother of 4 breastfed babies, I pity those who feel they have some superiority because they could - or chose to - breastfed. You don't have much to be proud of in your life if you stick to such petty details, do you.

BiscuitHmm

GeorgiaGirl52 · 14/03/2021 19:32

@12345ct

Your friend was right he didn't need milk that urgent that you had to stop on a bench.
I would be embarrassed at that too. It would be different if he were an infant.
BunnyJumper · 14/03/2021 19:33

Ignore her OP. You're doing great and the WHO recommends BF for up to 3yrs and beyond.
Everyone will always have an opinion on everything, but do what's right for you and your kid.

BrownMilk · 14/03/2021 19:33

YANBU

When out, I might see a coffee shop and fancy a coffee- the taste, warmth, comfort... I could go home and get one later. I could have water or a snack instead. It's still fine to have the coffee. If seeing it offends anyone, they're welcome to look away (or cover their face with a blanket!)

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 19:33

[quote Sugarbelle]@beyondtheshoe in a country where the breastfeeding rates are so low, support is lacking and there are attitudes like those all over this thread I think if someone who breastfed wants to feel proud than why not?

and not because its superior to formula feeding but because it can be really hard and raising a child is difficult enough as it is, why not acknowledge you did something that you are proud of?[/quote]
They’re not low. My local hospital’s bf take up rate is over 50%. So at least half of women try to breastfeed. Out of my antenatal group circle, I think 2 people out of 10 or 11 were using formula after a few months, and all started off breastfeeding.

And support is absolutely not lacking.

sqirrelfriends · 14/03/2021 19:34

Your friend is a knob. Unfortunately loads of people are wholly uneducated on breastfeeding and think it's weird past 6month or a year. That's their issue, just carry on until you want to stop.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 19:35

@LavenderDiamond

How I love Mn and BF thread. Brings out the worst in people.
So true, because it’s too polarised. Either EW BREASTFEEDING or ITS THE MILK OF ETERNAL LIFE AND MUST BE DONE FOR AT LEAST 2 YEARS.

We need to take a proportionate approach and be factual about it, rather than being childish or acting like breastfeeding will make your child immortal.

Christmasfairy2020 · 14/03/2021 19:35

If he is hungry then a snack. Your friend is right

GreenSlide · 14/03/2021 19:36

[quote Sugarbelle]@beyondtheshoe in a country where the breastfeeding rates are so low, support is lacking and there are attitudes like those all over this thread I think if someone who breastfed wants to feel proud than why not?

and not because its superior to formula feeding but because it can be really hard and raising a child is difficult enough as it is, why not acknowledge you did something that you are proud of?[/quote]

Be proud all you want, just don't be surprised when people roll their eyes at how annoying you are being Grin

sqirrelfriends · 14/03/2021 19:36

@Wondermule maybe I'm misunderstanding you but 50% is a really low uptake rate.

beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 19:37

[quote Sugarbelle]@beyondtheshoe in a country where the breastfeeding rates are so low, support is lacking and there are attitudes like those all over this thread I think if someone who breastfed wants to feel proud than why not?

and not because its superior to formula feeding but because it can be really hard and raising a child is difficult enough as it is, why not acknowledge you did something that you are proud of?[/quote]
because it's turning into a nasty attack against women who didn't BF, and making them sound like failure.

Totally unnecessary.

You don't breast-fed because you "achieve"something, you breastfeed because (you want to, that helps) and you CAN. Nothing to be proud of.

You make it sound that mothers who can't didnt' try hard enough or failed somewhere. It's ridiculous. And because I DID do it, I can put my point without being accused of jealousy or something equally stupid.

Airyfairymarybeary · 14/03/2021 19:37
  1. Does your friend drink cows milk that is made for a baby calf?
  2. Find a new friend!
  3. It’s very normal and evolutionary correct for a 13month old to feed frequently.
Sugarbelle · 14/03/2021 19:37

@Wondermule absolute bullshit.

exclusive breastfeeding by 6 weeks is 24 percent in this country. that is an incredibly low rate when you work out the math that 76 percent are formula feeding by then. which is absolutely fine btw, but yes we do have low rates.

if you're going to throw statistics out there make sure they are factual its very annoying when people make random numbers up to suit what they are saying.

Iwantacookie · 14/03/2021 19:37

I would/am thrilled that you can keep going all this time and would probably bore you to death with questions as to how you made it to that long.
Do what YOU want with YOUR child.

Amberleaf12 · 14/03/2021 19:37

You’re friend is a dick.

BF DS until 2.5 years in public. If the kid wanted a snack he got a a snack. If the kid wanted milk he got milk. End of.

Stand your ground.

Did I mention your friend is a dick?

LockdownIcecream · 14/03/2021 19:38

@Wondermule it's not creating a need. Babies are born with the need to drink milk, and though the need gradually reduces with a widening diet after six months, milk is still an important part of that diet until at least 1, and the requirement doesn't just disappear at 12 months and 1 day. Weaning doesn't stop a need being created, though yes you are right it would stop a toddler requesting breast milk, so instead you'd need to buy farmed cow milk or similar.

But in my case anyway, breastmilk was a very convenient snack, continuing to feed had health benefits for me and for the toddler. I agree that these are probably overstated on here, on the other hand scientists are only just starting to learn about developmental/epigenetic programming and it's relationship with health in later life, so actually we really don't know yet how significant or not breastfeeding until for example 2 is (since 0-2 seems to be the range scientists are focussing on at the moment).

Sugarbelle · 14/03/2021 19:38

@beyondtheshoe no I just dont really see why someone cant be proud of something they feel they achieved. I had a really tough time at the start, but I persevered. I dont think I'm better than anyone but I am proud of myself for getting through it.

dont see how anyone can think that's a bad thing.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 14/03/2021 19:39

Fucking hell this thread :(
Mumsnet really is the pits sometimes. Just when I think it’s got its mojo back after reading some fantastic, supportive and clever posts i stumble across threads like this. Full of posters that seem to actually dislike women.

Wondermule · 14/03/2021 19:39

[quote Sugarbelle]@Wondermule absolute bullshit.

exclusive breastfeeding by 6 weeks is 24 percent in this country. that is an incredibly low rate when you work out the math that 76 percent are formula feeding by then. which is absolutely fine btw, but yes we do have low rates.

if you're going to throw statistics out there make sure they are factual its very annoying when people make random numbers up to suit what they are saying.[/quote]
I don’t think half of women trying and a quarter still going at 6 months is incredibly low. I guess it’s subjective. No need to be so aggressive to me.

CreosoteQueen · 14/03/2021 19:41

That’s what I mean about creating a need though. He was only whinging because he wanted boob - if he was weaned, he would’ve quite happily carried on walking 🤷🏼‍♀️ So it creates a need, it doesn’t fulfil one.

This is so obtuse! The ‘need’ is hunger. The solution for OP was breast milk. For another mother it might have been a banana or a rice cake, but either way the need exists. It is not created by breastfeeding, it’s a basic need experienced by all children. Why is it ok to meet that need with a rice cake, but not ok to meet it with breast milk (which is more healthy and nutritious)?

beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 19:41

1. Does your friend drink cows milk that is made for a baby calf?

Confused

is that supposed to be some complimentary comparison?

imalmostthere · 14/03/2021 19:42

Absolutely nothing wrong with Bf at this age. However, I wouldn't be feeding on demand now they are weaned. He's at the age where he's able to have a snack and a drink in the pram, rather than need to stop for milk. If he asks for milk, he's also old enough for cows milk in a cup. After one a baby doesn't actually need breast milk or formula, and feeding is more for comfort, therefore there isn't really a need to stop and give him it on demand. I think you're just making a rod for your own back so to speak, but it's your child, and it's completely up to you at the end of the day. I can see why she'd find it unnecessary, I see why you did it. I don't think anyone is unreasonable in this situation. Absolutely don't feel ashamed to feed in public Ir that's what works for you.

Sugarbelle · 14/03/2021 19:42

@Wondermule I'm not being aggressive. your numbers are wrong, it's as easy as a quick google to find out what the rates are.

you quoted my post saying that I was wromg