In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

[Kkpab86]

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

I wished my dil HMD just to acknowledge, but nothing more.
I think they could acknowledge it of course.
I hope your dh has done something nice for you as your baby is obviously not able yet.
Have a nice day

Who have you sent cards to before, anyone else who was a new mum? Or just your mum/stepmum?

Why would they do anything? It's DH's job to do all that, no one else's.

Sorry you have had such a crap time. But no I don't think it's your ILs place to make a fuss of you - that is for your "D"H.

But or

I read this assuming your husband wasn't around. Its his job nothing to do with ur in-laws in the slightest.

Not unreasonable, but perhaps your expectations are too high?

Acknowledging a mum, when the child is too small to do it themselves, is a job that should fall on the father of the child to organise on the child's behalf.

Not sure why your DH thinks it’s her responsibility not his.

This. Absolutely nothing to do with your MIL - the person you should be miffed with is your husband. Very odd of him to try to deflect that onto his parents.....

You know it doesn't work like that but your grief pain is making you lash out. I think you are judging them against something that wouldn't even occur to them, so it feels very unfair.

It is your DH (and also you if you want to) who need to be making a fuss of mil not other way round. It is for your DH to do mothers day for you and organise your children when they get old enough.

It's Mother's day for your MIL too, I'm sorry for your loss but it's about children celebrating their mothers which is down to your DH seeing your DC is only a baby. Has your DH done anything for his mum?

I’ve the most fabulous in laws ever, openhanded and generous with gifts, love and time and honestly no they have never got involved with celebrating/treating me on Mother’s Day. Or my parents with regards to my DH on Fathers Day. I am sorry to hear of the time you’ve had, why don’t you form a bubble?

He sends his mum a card as she is his mum
They don't send you a card as you are not their mum. Your dh should be giving you a card and gift on behalf of your child.

I've bought a card and present for my daughter from my grandson but that's because she is a lone parent, I would have expected her partner to cover that otherwise. What surprised me though, is that my son bought flowers for his sister (from her son) as well so that she didn't feel left out at all.

I hope your DH comes through for you on behalf of your new baby.

YABU, it's down to your husband to make an effort not your in laws. You didn't birth them.

Sorry, I also think you're being unreasonable, though I do recognise what a tough year you've had.
I never expected my own parents to say or do anything for me on Mother's Day let alone my in laws. I see it as a one way thing - children acknowledge their mothers. And as others have said, until children are old enough to do something themselves, it's really their father's job.
Enjoy your day with your baby and husband. Future Mother's Days will probably be a lot more fun, once your child is older and understands what it's about.

I messaged friends who have recently had a baby this morning, and I had friends do similar to me last year, so have a Happy first Mother’s Day form me! It’s not been an easy year to have a baby. Although your little one is too young to say they love you, you are their world. They say it in the way they snuggle in to your chest and smile when they see you. They’d be shouting it if they could!

@GingersHaveSoulsToo

I think it is not unreasonable for your family (that includes your pils) to understand that your first ever mother’s day when you have lost your own is bitter sweet. That you have lost another loved mother figure recently adds to this. For me it isn’t that they should be celebrating mother’s day for you but you are not unreasonable to think they might have concern for you on today and acknowledge that.

This isn’t about them celebrating your mother’s day. It is about your loss of important women in your life while celebrating your own role. I know what it feels like. Various people didn’t ‘celebrate ‘ my first mother’s day but they did check in on how I was feeling. Those saying it is about up the generations- it’s hard when that isn’t there for you as you have no mother. When you have lost your mum it becomes a hard day. If you then become a mum it is a different event compared to those who have gone through their first mother’s day with their child AND a mother. Remember she has been through a pregnancy without her actual mother and then lost an important mother figure.

I am so sorry for your loss and I understand how strange today will be for you. Big hug from me. Xx

This is a very compassionate answer among a sea of quite unkind ones from people wanting to stick the boot in to a bereaved new mother.

We can band together to crusade to stop women being killed, but we can’t extend kindness to a woman with a new baby who has lost her mother and recently her mother figure?

You wish your mil a happy Mother's Day, not the other way around. I am very sorry for your losses, I do think it's clouding your judgment. I have a close relationship with my mum and she's never wished me a happy Mother's Day, that's for me to do for her. My children and husband organise Mother's Day for me. It's not for anyone else to do so, it would be very odd.
Enjoy the day with your DD, and try not to overthink. X

The only reason your inlaws should get involved with your Mother’s Day is if your husband wasn’t around to do something from your child . Why would another mother be expected to treat you , you are not her mother . What has your husband bought for his mother it’s her day to , she’s a mother , Mother’s Day isn’t just for mother’s of small children .

@dementedpixie

He sends his mum a card as she is his mum They don't send you a card as you are not their mum. Your dh should be giving you a card and gift on behalf of your child.

This.

I wouldn't expect a card or anything from my in laws.
There have been some 'happy Mother's Day' messages on the family WhatsApp but that's it.

As others have said it's your Dh that should be making a fuss of you.

Some people can be incredibly unkind! Happy Mother's Day @Kkpab86 I hope you have a lovely day xx For what it is worth I wished my sister a Happy Mother's and she has teenagers!

Your DH should be doing something for his mother but your IL's have absolutely no connection to your mother's Day.

To be honest, that wouldn’t even had occurred to me (and I suspect that’s the same for a lot of people, including the in-laws).

DH should be pushing the boat out and making a big fuss of you though (I was always going to be sad today as I have also lost my parents and I made damn sure he knew what was expected of him).

Well some people use it as an opportunity to acknowledge/ congratulate a new mum, even if she's not their own mum.

But there's not really an obligation and I don't know why you'd expect it or be upset that they don't.

Mother's day is really about children and their mothers, not so much people outside of that relationship. It's a silly thing to get upset about really.