In-laws not bothering on mother’s day

[Kkpab86]

Ok please don’t shoot me....
Before I make a complete tit out of myself I just wanted to ask your opinions on whether in-laws should acknowledge Mother’s Day? For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short;
It’s my first Mother’s Day, DD is 5 months old and like many mothers I went through the whole of pregnancy alone and the last 5 months alone - as in no help/support bubbles from family. I have no parents and my dear aunt, the closest person to a mother, sadly died of cancer 2 months ago. I just thought with everything my DH and I have been through this past year that they would at least make some sort of an effort/acknowledge me as a new mother to their only grandchild? Am I being unreasonable? The funny thing is it was DH who brought it up and the more I think about it the sadder I feel.
Thank you.

@beyondtheshoe

yes I would expect in light of your situation, your in laws to fuss you, send flowers from baby!!

I would genuinely never think about that

but half the posters on MN would be absolutely outraged and offended by the liberty "how dare they, it's not THEIR baby to send flowers on behalf of"

I wouldn't be outraged, but it's ridiculous and grabby, they are the grand-parents, they have nothing to do with mothers day.

“Ridiculous and grabby” is a bit harsh. She said she wanted a card, not a diamond solitaire.

I asked my exH (dd’s dad) to try to steer dd towards a vintage Porsche for Mother’s Day this year - now THAT’S grabby! (Sadly my evil plan failed, tho I did get flowers and some nail-varnish....)

Sorry for your loss op. Your in-laws are probably silently blaming you for your dh lack of effort.
You/dh should be appreciative of in-laws not the other way round. It's your dh job now to appreciate you on behalf of baby.

Meant to add, I've never bought daughter or daughter in law anything, or sent cards from me, for mothers' day. Not something I'd even heard of.

I’d find it weird if my in laws did anything for Mother’s Day for me tbh. Your DH should sort something

I wished my daughter in laws happy Mother's Day on their first one... just a text but I made a point of acknowledging it.

Given you've just lost your Aunt and are probably feeling a bit sensitive and upset I'd ignore the nasty comments and concentrate on you and your little family today.

Hope you're spoilt

I think two or three years down the line you’ll be complaining about your interfering in p-laws who expect you to be grateful for them turning up on Mothering Sunday.

Op, I’m sorry for your recent loss. It is hard at the moment with kids and no support other than your husband. It’s always nice to be made a fuss of and I can remember at one point with a newborn my ex’s aunt visited me with a Waitrose bag of food to make me lunch. That was a normal day, not mother’s day, but it was lovely gesture.

I actually think it was unreasonable of your husband to mention this. Is he trying to upset you? It would be kind if they thought of you but they are under no obligation to.

It's down to DH to buy a card/gift or whatever until your child is old enough, not your in laws...

It's for Mothers... Not DILs etc...

This is crazy. Mothers day is about children celebrating their parents. As the OP's child is too little to do anything meaningful, then her DH does it instead.

An expectation that the wider family should join in the celebration, or mark the event is totally nuts.

Mothers day is for the generation above you. What is your DH doing for his mother today?

This ^ wot @saraclara

If you have a DH why did you go through the pregnancy "on your own"?

My Mum would wish me happy mothers day in a text, just a generic hope you have a nice day kind of thing. But she did send me a happy 1st mother's day card the first year with my 1st dc. It was just a nice acknowledgement. Me, my sister and 2 sisters-in-law all wish each other a happy mothers day to, much in the same fashion as the text above from my mum. I also bought them a card (no present) for their first ever mothers day because I thought it was a nice acknowledgement.

My DH buys from the kids as they're not old enough, but they all make me something. I also buy my mum obviously.

It’s between you and your children. If they’re young then your partner should help the children.

Sorry YABU mothers day is for a person to acknowledge and thank their mother. If your child is too young to do that then their father should do it on their behalf. I don't see why your ILs should need to do anything to mark the occasion.

Your DH is being lazy and passing the buck. He should be spoiling you on behalf of your child as well as his own Mum.

It would be nice but I think because it's not the norm it might not have occurred to them. Sorry you've gone through all that. It really should be your husband doing more for you. I don't know why he'd point out your in-laws. If he wanted them to do something he should have asked them or reminded them of how this mother's day is likely going to be important to you.

I don't understand.

Some grandparents might acknowledge it , often if they think their son is hopeless and won't do it with his children. But it isn't the norm. Your children make a fuss of you and your partner makes a fuss of his mum. Sorry, I think you've got a bit of a scewed understanding. Dont let it spoil your day .

No, I wouldn't expect it, but I would expect your DH to make a fuss. What did he get you?

OP, I'm sorry people have misunderstood you. I hope your day gets better.

This made me smile though For the sake of brevity I’ll keep it short

I think it also depends what you're celebrating... specifically your own mother, or mothers in general. Our family has always done celebrating mothers in general, hence wishing my sister/SILs happy mothers day. I would also have wished my aunties happy mothers day, and close friends who are mothers (no card or elaborate fuss, just wishing them a nice day) . I also got My grandmothers cards a flowers as well (and my DHs). So it depends on the family I suppose.

I don't think either way is wrong, and I think some of the comments you are receiving are overly harsh. In my opinion YANBU to be upset about a lack of text or a card, and I don't think it makes you grabby or entitled either - but at the same time, not everyone celebrates mothers day that way, so the lack of acknowledgement doesn't mean a lack of love or appreciation either.

Happy 1st Mother's Day - I hope you have a lovely day with your wee family

I’m sorry that you don’t have your own family support network - that must be really hard. But mother’s day unfortunately isn’t really for anyone else other than your children (or DP when they’re young) to acknowledge you as a mother. I think perhaps the loss of your family has given you unreasonable expectations on your ILs in replacing that gap. That said, none of my family acknowledged me as a mother on my first Mother’s Day and I wouldn’t have ever thought of it, so I don’t think you are missing out.

Give over! Absolutely your Dhs job to make your first mother’s day special. Madness to expect your in-laws to do the job he’s supposed to do. Fgs.

Happy Mother’s Day, OP.

Wishing you lots of hugs and cuddles with DC, and of course DH too.

I think you are grieving, love and that is what is creating those feelings, and your DH should have kept schtum.

Enjoy your first mothers' day with your little one, remember your aunt and the love she gave you, and don't worry about kindnesses others might have extended but didn't.