To think that most men do respect women

[katieloves]

I’m concerned about the vilification of men that we’re hearing a lot about. I know there’s some men who disrespect women and this absolutely needs to stop, but equally I’ve witnessed women being equally disrespectful to men. I’ve seen plenty of women feeling up men etc. on a night out and it being laughed off. If this was reversed it would be considered assault. It feels like all men are being accused of treating women badly and I just don’t see it.

Most teenage boys at school do.

DS (22) talked to me about the sorts of things he’d seen while looking at porn with his mates at school. I was so glad he did.

If you stick your fingers in your ears and refuse to accept even the possibility, you’re doing your sons no favours at all.

My DH has never watched porn. I don’t think people are helping the situation when they are adamant that all men watch porn.

Also many women watch porn too. What does that say about them?

How many women pull up their friends if they are having sexist banter?

@GoLightlyontheEarth

Why are you sure they all do? My OH has never watched it in his life.

he must get on well with women

who NEVER watch porn in any way, shape or form ever.

Watch or read. It's well know that 60 shades and other Brigerton are exclusively designed and targeting a male public.

Golightly my DS is a delight and am sure his girlfriends mother thinks he is wonderful polite and respectful and he is. However get him amongst his mates And as I say I have heard some questionable banter. I know for a fact he has looked at porn too. I would say his pals are all ‘nice boys’ .

@twelly

I think many women and posts on MN are misandrist .

Misandry exists BECAUSE of misogyny

TooTrueToBeGood

Great post and interesting insight.
So behaviour can be totally inappropriate on both sides but the imbalance is the level of threat.

What do you think too good about being seen (by some) as a misogynist, violent, sexual predator just because you are a man?

There is, of course, no difference at all between the consensual, female-centrered, acted out sex scenes by well-paid actors and actresses on Bridgerton and the violent gang-bang of a trafficked teenager on porn hub.

It's not all men, but it is always nearly men.

90% of murders - men
87 of all violent crime - men
97% of all sexual assaults - men

If you are not teaching your DD to be wary of men you are doing her a disservice. Not all men respect women and certainly most do not protect women.

(Also, I work with young people. If you think your 16 year old and his mates are always respectful of women you are deluded)

Misandry exists BECAUSE of misogyny
Not always.

YANBU, but it doesn’t fit the vilify all men narrative so you won’t get many agreeing.

Of course male violence exists. It exists male on male and male on female. Nobody’s denying that. Just as to a lesser extent female violence exists.

The point is that it is only a minority of men who are like that, but again, they just won’t hear it because it doesn’t fit their narrative.

@Carolina24

There is, of course, no difference at all between the consensual, female-centrered, acted out sex scenes by well-paid actors and actresses on Bridgerton and the violent gang-bang of a trafficked teenager on porn hub.

oh sorry ,I didn't realise that PORN = "violent gang-bang of a trafficked teenager"

I was giving it a rather wider definition

I always found people so obsessed about a particular type of porn a bit creepy.

@emilyfrost

YANBU, but it doesn’t fit the vilify all men narrative so you won’t get many agreeing.

Of course male violence exists. It exists male on male and male on female. Nobody’s denying that. Just as to a lesser extent female violence exists.

The point is that it is only a minority of men who are like that, but again, they just won’t hear it because it doesn’t fit their narrative.

This.

I am the woman who is not afraid for men and hasn't altered her route or clutched keys or pretended to phone anyone to keep myself safe and I do agree most men do respect women. But I've also been lucky and know that enough guys don't respect women for it to be a real problem.

Most disrespect isn't obvious like touching or being openly nasty to women. It's things like centring 'Not all men' when women complain about violence, it's wondering, even silently 'why is she making these accusations against him?' as if the only reason women complain or harrassment or assault is to get men in trouble, it's thinking that when a woman turns you down you have to keep trying because the rejection was obviously just a ruse.

I know for a fact he has looked at porn too.

Twintub Nothing wrong with that. Watching porn doesn’t make anyone a bad person 🙄

If you read the thread I started then this

The point is that it is only a minority of men who are like that, but again, they just won’t hear it because it doesn’t fit their narrative.

Then the minority have been Very, very busy boys

I actually think most men actually don’t respect women but don’t talk about it.

@GCSE2024

If you are not teaching your DD to be wary of men you are doing her a disservice

What a sad outlook. I teach my daughter to respect and stand up for herself. She is much better at doing that than my ds. I worry more about him.

Not my experience at all, OP. But glad to hear your experience is positive.

@emilyfrost

I didn’t say there was anything wrong with watching porn that was in response to @golightly saying she was sure the males in her life didn’t watch porn.

@debbiegotthejobandwelldone but who do you think is watching the violent, misogynistic, abusive stuff?

You can’t take the attitude of ‘porn is fine because some women watch it too’ and then use fucking Bridgerton as evidence of that. If all porn was like Bridgerton I don’t think anyone would have an issue with it. But the reality is that the overwhelming majority of the stuff available on the internet is violent and abusive, and the overwhelming majority of the consumers of that content are men.

Please read this article and open your eyes to the reality of this situation: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/mar/09/worlds-biggest-porn-site-under-fire-over-videos-pornhub

@GrumpyHoonMain

I actually think most men actually don’t respect women but don’t talk about it.

True. I also think that many women don’t respect men and they do talk about it.

What a sad outlook. I teach my daughter to respect and stand up for herself.

When a man in a club pinned me against a bar from behind and put his hand up my skirt, was that because I don’t have enough self respect or because I failed to stand up for myself? I never even saw his face, but good to know I was the problem there.

If the men in your life all respect women 100%, think that women are ALL human being exactly like them, then you'll be sure that not a single one watches online porn. Right? Because if you respect women, then you'd definitely not want to be watching something that has even a question mark about the consent of the women involved. You'd respect them too much to risk even one being abused for your pleasure.

So we can't mention or discuss disrespectful behaviour from men towards women without having to put in the butiknowallmenarentlikethis disclaimer. Got ya.

@aweegc is it ok for women to watch porn?