To think that most men do respect women

[katieloves]

I’m concerned about the vilification of men that we’re hearing a lot about. I know there’s some men who disrespect women and this absolutely needs to stop, but equally I’ve witnessed women being equally disrespectful to men. I’ve seen plenty of women feeling up men etc. on a night out and it being laughed off. If this was reversed it would be considered assault. It feels like all men are being accused of treating women badly and I just don’t see it.

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@SmileEachDay and what percentage of men commit these crimes though ? [/quote]
It would be handy if the men told us, wouldn't it?

Oh, wait a minute - they have!

www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/third-male-university-students-say-they-would-rape-woman-if-there-no-were-no-consequences-9978052.html%3famp

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2009/jun/17/south-africa-rape-survey

www.unwomen.org/en/news/stories/2013/9/half-of-men-report-using-violence-and-a-quarter-perpetrate-rape-according-to-un-survey

[quote supercee]@TheJerkStore Sorry to hear about your experience. I've been nodding in agreement to your posts all day. [/quote]
Thank you

@SmileEachDay maybe but I think it should be targeted at all as well
I think you also need to break it down further than just men in general - are certain men likely to be offenders etc etc
Maybe even tougher sentenced would reduce some of the violent crimes because so many are repeat offenders
Also lots of teaching / educating all around
Like teaching young girls what red flags are and what is not ok and women better help
To flee abusive relationships
Teaching young boys boundaries and teaching respect amongst all as in general this seems lacking a lot these days

Gosh, Receptacle

So somewhere between a quarter and half.

done

I totally agree that education is a part of it - and thank you for acknowledging that beginning with “Men” and working from there is helpful.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable not uk ones though are they and last time I looked a quarter didn't make a whole

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4484276/

In college and community samples, rates of self-reported rape perpetration range from 6% to 15%, and rates of sexual assault perpetration range from 22% to 57%

This is not a tiny minority of men, whichever way you look at it. Roughly 1 in 10 admit rape, and between a third and a half admit sexual assault. And there will be others who didn't admit it in the survey.

Every single one of us will know at least one rapist socially (probably several) and they're probably one of the nice normal guys you wouldn't expect. Hell, they may even present as allies to your face.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable also its not even uk articles and this will be very different from country to country

I have good male in my family, I have DS & DD

Not one of the males do not all men. You know why? They know they are good men they don’t need validation, their feelings aren’t hurt. Bcos it’s not about them. It’s about the bad men. They know that the women in their lives know that.

Maybe men could educate men to be better instead of asking women to be nice because that’s what asking yes.

I’m angry & upset this is me dealing with it posting here.

Who exactly do you think is committing the 6200 reported UK rapes a year? And the hundreds of thousands of sexual assaults? There is no fucking way that it is a teeny weeny minority of Men.

And those surveys may not be UK ones, but do you really think US college students are so different from students in the UK? Really?

not uk ones though are they and last time I looked a quarter didn't make a whole

Oh for crying out loud, done

this will be very different from country to country

The stats are similar from the US, to South Africa, to Asia..... but you want to believe the UK is special.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable also 197 men asked !!
Its why I think most polls are quite flawed , many are done on to small a number
Asking 100 people in the same high street a question , can't mean I can 100% say that this truly represents that high street

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable ok do you have the stats
My point isn't that some men are not arseholes but that I don't agree with some on here claiming every man is

done

10,000 men asked in the UN survey.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable

Who exactly do you think is committing the 6200 reported UK rapes a year? And the hundreds of thousands of sexual assaults? There is no fucking way that it is a teeny weeny minority of Men.

And those surveys may not be UK ones, but do you really think US college students are so different from students in the UK? Really?

Apologies - that should say 62,000. It's obviously nowhere near as low as 6200

@SmileEachDay sorry but am I not allowed to also feel offended that some ( not all) on here view my sons as violent thugs because they have been born as boys

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable well there is pribably 30 million men in the uk so yes i do think it is a minority and not a majority
1 is too many but I don't think every single man is a rapist either

I don't view your sons as violent thugs. But I am realistic about how men, as a class, treat women, and how they view women.

Im
Leaving the thread as I am not going to believe the narrative that every man is bad/ violent etc as some on here are saying
Like I have said one is too many, but I am not going to hate my sons because they will soon be a man

sorry but am I not allowed to also feel offended that some ( not all) on here view my sons as violent thugs because they have been born as boys

You can feel offended if you like.

I don’t know your sons. I’d reserve judgement until I met them.

But they’re part of the class who are more likely to be violent.

As is my son.

I’m not offended by that. It means I’m aware and ensuring I do everything within my power to make sure he’s not one of the ones who grows up to be violent.

@SmileEachDay but it wasn't at you it was at those that have said all men

YANBU

I wouldn't say most men respect women, but a lot do

I’ve seen plenty of women feeling up men etc. on a night out and it being laughed off

I haven't seen so much of this, but I have seen women disrespecting men in other ways -more subtle perhaps- e.g. lying about being on the pill to then get married or claim child maintenance, treating men poorly, etc

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable

That experience of being with respectful polite men as they relax and become more and more sexist is one I'm very familiar with. My experiences are through work rather than a hobby, but are just as you describe. The three groups are the same too.

Usually I try to nip it in the bud or leave, sometimes I can't. It's very humiliating to sit through and actually ruins your relationship with all the men there.

They're shifty and ashamed, I'm angry and wary. I've had to develop amnesia to a certain extent. It's all very well saying call it out every time but if I did I wouldn't have a job.

I haven't seen so much of this, but I have seen women disrespecting men in other ways -more subtle perhaps- e.g. lying about being on the pill to then get married or claim child maintenance, treating men poorly, etc

I dint think you can compare this to rape, sexual assault or murder.
I'm not excusing the behaviour of women who do these things but in those scenarios men still have an element of agency and control.