Given the very large numbers of women sharing their experiences of male aggression on a sliding scale from insulting speech right up to murder, why is there such an insistence on effectively denying their experiences in order not to offend any man who may be a paragon if virtue?
Three different men have put their hands round my throat to "bring me under control" / assert their authority / imply threat in my life. All were "mostly" non-violent men, whose nice reputations placed the blame for their aggression squarely on my shoulders for instigating it.
The first was my Step Father when I was 14. I had been arguing and disrespectful to my Mum. Typical teenage stuff. He pinned me up against a wall by my throat. I can't remember what my Mum did / thought. I do remember an explanation that drinking a particular bourbon caused him to behave irrationally, and if only I had not been so troublesome, it would never have happened.
My ex Dh drugged me without my knowledge. When I discovered it, and he admitted him, I ended our marriage on the spot. My fear and shock that my "loving" (controlling) husband had no concept of boundaries and had actively put me at risk caused me to have a psychotic breakdown and resulted in a 28 day section. No authority figure was interested. When I was released I had to return to our family home to retrieve my belongings, which he obstructed because he, and his family believed I was over-reacting to something that signified he needed help and support. In our bedroom, he sat and watched me. It was over crowded and when I had to squeeze past him he reached up and ever so gently put his hands round my throat with an eerily smug and beatific smile on his face. I froze. After a few moments he let go and I bolted. I learned another lesson.
At a small family business where I did admin a situation arose that lead to me justifiably wanting to resign. I left my letter on the bosses desk. The next day when I was outside smoking, as he arrived I asked if he'd read it in order to discuss notice and terms. He jokingly - I'm told it was jokingly - put his hands round my throat in a throttling gesture to express his frustration, told me in was such a valuable asset he wasn't prepared to let me go and he had torn up my letter. Consensus from colleagues, family and some friends were that the job and money were most important so I should let it go. He was essentially a nice bloke and culturally passionate and gregarious. Like an idiot I stayed until I was able to change my circumstances. I learned a lesson. My DP offered to go and deal with him. I declined. I didn't want to be responsible for him getting arrested for defending me. I didn't want an accusation that I was stirring the pot and secretly perpetuating and enjoying drama.
I'm glad that so many women here have not experienced such incidents, and those that have, I hear you.
The lesson I have learned is that these experiences are not that bad. Until they are. If the end result is murder, it's too late. And a mans overall reputation trumps a "momentary "lapse" and any effect it has on a female victim every bloody time.