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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that most men do respect women

999 replies

katieloves · 13/03/2021 08:36

I’m concerned about the vilification of men that we’re hearing a lot about. I know there’s some men who disrespect women and this absolutely needs to stop, but equally I’ve witnessed women being equally disrespectful to men. I’ve seen plenty of women feeling up men etc. on a night out and it being laughed off. If this was reversed it would be considered assault. It feels like all men are being accused of treating women badly and I just don’t see it.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Fireflygal · 13/03/2021 13:57

@debbiegotthejobandwelldone, my job role means I see the stats for porn usage. The extreme stuff has been exclusively male use. The highest levels of usage (% of time) is by men. I actually wonder how work productivity would improve if networks banned porn during working hours. I also wonder where they are watching as assuming most men aren't living in single households or in solo workplaces. I think that "porn" breaks at work must be quite common, replacing cigarette breaks.

Women are generally extremely low usage by comparison. That's just the reality.

@katieloves, I was very unaware of how much teen girls have to tolerate. It isn't about your daughter standing up for herself as whilst that's positive she will also need skills to know how to remain safe and also to tell others if/when it starts happening to her. I think it's highly likely she will be on the receiving end, given 97% are.

UrAWizHarry · 13/03/2021 13:59

Most men do respect women. The fact is that this forum is fairly toxic in many respects so a balanced viewpoint is never going to be reached here.

SweetPetrichor · 13/03/2021 13:59

I know a lot of men, I work mostly with men, my best friend is a man. I agree most men respect women.
I’ve never experienced any form of harassment, or witnessed it.
I think people just like to make noise, and for a certain type of woman, that noise is all about how bad men are.

OhWhyNot · 13/03/2021 14:00

SweetPetrichor

What is your area of work ?

Interesting as you say you work mostly with men

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 13/03/2021 14:02

I think people just like to make noise, and for a certain type of woman, that noise is all about how bad men are.

Is it possible that you're missing the nuanced exploration from some posters that is critiquing oppressive systems and people's roles within them and in perpetuating them?

Twintub · 13/03/2021 14:02

Nope none is saying that but MOST watch porn and that’s fine I’m not sure what the ramifications are in terms of the effect this has. I’m willing to bet that MOST People’s DS have
Participated or used inappropriate language as part of a boys only chat.

I think it’s strange that you fail to see the big
Picture. Woman disrespecting men does not in any way have the same Impact . This however does not make it right and absolutely no one should be groped.

MuthaFunka61 · 13/03/2021 14:04

There is often a modicum of respect until you say no to men.

Then the veil is lifted and all hell's let loose.

Chanjer · 13/03/2021 14:06

Apparently ALL men watch porn, ALL our dss say they respect women but don’t really etc etc etc

All men are in the category of people most likely to watch porn. And most straight men like naked ladies it's true

All your dss are in the category of people most likely to negatively impact women through harassment or disrespectful behaviour

Your wilful blindness to the complexities of this won't serve your sons well

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 13/03/2021 14:07

I'd like to think most men are good guys. But the truly horrible stuff I've read by men on FB since Sarah Everard's death has left me shaken. For the first time ever I'm considering deleting my FB account.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 13/03/2021 14:09

I've never met one. I'm 60 and some ass exposed himself to me. I couldn't even be bothered to react.

twelly · 13/03/2021 14:12

Hostile comments aimed at half the world are not helpful - this is stigmatising males. Not all males are the same, there needs to a balanced approach, if not then quite rightly males will object. Fathers for justice was a male pressure group with good reason - others will rightfully appear, we need to work together to make the U.K. safe for all regardless of gender

Wehaveanunderstanding · 13/03/2021 14:12

I think people just like to make noise, and for a certain type of woman, that noise is all about how bad men are.

A certain type of woman? Hmm

You are so wrong. I've just recounted on another thread several incidents I experienced as a young girl and woman just going about my ordinary daily life. Your comment is so disrespectful to those of us who have loving relationships with our husbands fathers, brothers and good working relationships with male colleagues, and yet have never spoken out in RL about the sexual harrassment they've experienced because somehow it's not "quite seemly" to do so. It's been my experience that far more women keep quiet than speak out and sexual harassment is massively under reported. Shame on you.

RootyT00t · 13/03/2021 14:13

@UrAWizHarry

Most men do respect women. The fact is that this forum is fairly toxic in many respects so a balanced viewpoint is never going to be reached here.
Exactly
Pickupapigeon · 13/03/2021 14:14

Most women I know have been assaulted or abused by men. That leads me to think that most men do not truly respect women.

RootyT00t · 13/03/2021 14:15

@Pickupapigeon

Most women I know have been assaulted or abused by men. That leads me to think that most men do not truly respect women.
Those two statements do not connect.
Twintub · 13/03/2021 14:15

@twelly is that not what is being said we need the decent men to stand up for us and call out their peers bad behaviours . We as woman need to do the same. The other thread that’s being referred to has lists of different forms of harassment mainly unreported. So we 100% need to work together BUT I feel men need to take the lead here .

Twintub · 13/03/2021 14:16

Mothers and fathers also need to have these conversations with our sons.

Original poster
katieloves · 13/03/2021 14:17

Your wilful blindness to the complexities of this won't serve your sons well

Thanks for your concern, but I have no concerns about my sons treatment of women or men.

On the other hand your hatred towards men won’t serve your sons or daughters well.

OP posts:
Chanjer · 13/03/2021 14:20

I don't have any children cos I don't think I'd be a good parent

And I don't hate men, I am a man. I hate rapists and sex pests Smile

Original poster
katieloves · 13/03/2021 14:20

@Twintub
we need the decent men to stand up for us and call out their peers bad behaviours
But according to this thread, men who do this are just trying to have sex with us.

OP posts:
RootyT00t · 13/03/2021 14:20

@katieloves

Your wilful blindness to the complexities of this won't serve your sons well

Thanks for your concern, but I have no concerns about my sons treatment of women or men.

On the other hand your hatred towards men won’t serve your sons or daughters well.

This
OhWhyNot · 13/03/2021 14:20

If most men respect women as much as you claim why is there still so much violence perpetrated by men against women ? Why in the police force, legal system in politics is their so much sexism

Why do so many women deal with sexism often in some form every day

Why haven’t men made a stand against this collectively they have the means to now with social media

Yet many men are on social media whining about possibly being misunderstood Hmm

RootyT00t · 13/03/2021 14:21

[quote katieloves]@Twintub
we need the decent men to stand up for us and call out their peers bad behaviours
But according to this thread, men who do this are just trying to have sex with us.[/quote]
And despite all the problems with male mental health, that's not our problem, and any suggestions that these types of feminist point blank refuse to engage in that and say boo boo menz, is met with accusations that I am telling them to be kinder to men to stop them raping them

You are right, but you can't win

Twintub · 13/03/2021 14:22

@katieloves is that poster not a man himself?

You do t need to be a man hater to recognise the problem have you experienced none of what is mentioned. No flashing, no cat calls, no Guy call you names for a turn down, No accidental brushing or pressing against you? Have you heard no negative comments about woman from senior staff at work. I don’t know I just don’t understand where you are coming from at all

RootyT00t · 13/03/2021 14:23

@OhWhyNot

If most men respect women as much as you claim why is there still so much violence perpetrated by men against women ? Why in the police force, legal system in politics is their so much sexism

Why do so many women deal with sexism often in some form every day

Why haven’t men made a stand against this collectively they have the means to now with social media

Yet many men are on social media whining about possibly being misunderstood Hmm

Whining.

Aye them pesky men worrying about all men being called murderers and rapists and accused of doing these things while walking down the street when in actual fact most of these things happen within the home . They really should just accept their lot.