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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that most men do respect women

999 replies

katieloves · 13/03/2021 08:36

I’m concerned about the vilification of men that we’re hearing a lot about. I know there’s some men who disrespect women and this absolutely needs to stop, but equally I’ve witnessed women being equally disrespectful to men. I’ve seen plenty of women feeling up men etc. on a night out and it being laughed off. If this was reversed it would be considered assault. It feels like all men are being accused of treating women badly and I just don’t see it.

OP posts:
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6
whitehat · 13/03/2021 11:34

I disagree. I've been attacked, stalked (by at least two men), been treated abusively by my ex, had men refuse to accept my (well-regarded) opinion at work. I'm dealing with yet another one at the moment. I was promoted above him because he wasn't delivering. He's been having tantrums about it ever since, complaining about titles, org charts - but still not delivering. Nitpicks everything I do, ignores me, refuses to collaborate. All because of hurt male pride.

All of my best friends at school (3 of them) married men who turned out to be abusive. We are in our early fifties. Two are still trapped (they gave up work) but I got out.

Carolina24 · 13/03/2021 11:34

@RootyT00t do you think men face the same level of violence, harassment and abuse from women as women do from men?

And if not, why are you even asking that question?

RootyT00t · 13/03/2021 11:35

@Twintub

The point being we are discussing a widespread issue that runs through every aspect of our daily lives from day to day , at work and at home.

Woman do so this and it should be called out and actually I think woman do call it out more.

It really is comparing apples and pears. Are you actually a man ?

I am coming from an all male household and I am definitely not a man hater.

No, I'm not a man.

People always assume I am because i really get irate by misandry.

My point is, for change to happen it needs to be on all sides. Not just women stamping their feet and insisting the men change. (because the ones who are doing this never will).

twelly · 13/03/2021 11:35

Misandry wasn't a word I was familiar with until the last year is so - I think the fact that half the population is being stereotyped by some people is the reason why people are making those allegations. We can't a have a society where one group can voice an opinion and others can't. I am very well aware of the UKs history and that women's position and rights have not been always like this . However that does not mean people can then demonise half the population for what went on the past not deny them an opinion or claim as a group they haven't moved far enough. We live in a world together / women are not all the same and neither are men

User133847 · 13/03/2021 11:35

Also, has no one ever heard men be rude about their wives and daughters?

Has no one ever heard women be rude about their husbands?

RootyT00t · 13/03/2021 11:35

@twelly

Misandry wasn't a word I was familiar with until the last year is so - I think the fact that half the population is being stereotyped by some people is the reason why people are making those allegations. We can't a have a society where one group can voice an opinion and others can't. I am very well aware of the UKs history and that women's position and rights have not been always like this . However that does not mean people can then demonise half the population for what went on the past not deny them an opinion or claim as a group they haven't moved far enough. We live in a world together / women are not all the same and neither are men
If you can have misogny, you have to be able to have misandry, despite the attempts on MN to pretend it doesn't exist.
RootyT00t · 13/03/2021 11:36

@TheJerkStore

I know women who treat males appallingly.

What is the point here?

There's a difference between individual experiences and the way women are treated as a group.

Yes there are women who treat men badly and may even hate men but that is not resulting in huge numbers of men being subject to sexual harassment, violence, rape and murder. It's not causing systemic, deep rooted inequalities across all aspects of their lives.

It's not relevant to this discussion.

You mean it doesn't fit in with the agenda.
babbaloushka · 13/03/2021 11:36

@Twintub

Yup *@babbaloushka* I think a man who hasn’t heard similar among his friends and colleagues is probably as rare as a unicorn
Absolutely, some of the boys shook their heads but no outright condemnation until it reached the girls, who couldn't believe this was a normalised point of discussion. The girls on the top of the list were disgusted, not flattered, as the boy insisted they should be.

It goes much deeper than a few bad eggs, it's the persistent pornification of young women which breeds over-sexualisation and objectification. This in turn can evolve into much more harmful sexual conduct, but the seed is sown.

I doubt the Mum of my DD's ex boyfriend knew he wanted to hold her down with his hand over her mouth and asked her to "act scared". She probably still sees him as the polite, well mannered man he appeared o be.

hippychick11 · 13/03/2021 11:37

It depends on a womans own personal situation. Personally I have never met any man who has ever respected me, I can't speak for every other woman

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2021 11:37

I know women who treat males appallingly.

Just males? Some people are arseholes. They treat men and women badly.

I don’t know any women who treat men worse than they do women. I have seen a lot of men treating women as second class citizens.

LexMitior · 13/03/2021 11:37

And think you missed the qualifier daughters, which was intended to convey that some men are actually happy to be sexist and derogatory about females in their own family.

TheJerkStore · 13/03/2021 11:38

Not just women stamping their feet and insisting the men change

Ah the old 'women are just having a tantrum' line. If we just leave them be they'll calm down and move on.

We're not stamping our feet. We're angry and rightly so.

GalesThisMorning · 13/03/2021 11:38

@RootyT00t so assuming this is our problem to solve (it isn't) how do we enact change if not by calling out the problem?

Do we need to coo and soothe men's hurt feelings and ask them to be nice? Is that what you want to do? I don't. I won't. Fuck that

babbaloushka · 13/03/2021 11:38

I recommend Laura Bates' book "Men who Hate Women", about the incel movement with some staggering statistics on how many men view and consume incel content, and subscribe to the mindset, even though it's viewed as a tiny community.

PurpleDaisies · 13/03/2021 11:38

If you can have misogny, you have to be able to have misandry, despite the attempts on MN to pretend it doesn't exist.

It does exist but it’s vanishingly rare. It’s false balance to bring it up on every thread about misogyny and poor treatment of women.

TheJerkStore · 13/03/2021 11:39

You mean it doesn't fit in with the agenda.

What agenda??

ineedaholidaynow · 13/03/2021 11:39

@babbaloushka what happened to that lad, did the school do anything. If not why not?

GalesThisMorning · 13/03/2021 11:39

Men are not oppressed by women on a global, systemic level. You get that right?

LolaSmiles · 13/03/2021 11:39

Ah the old 'women are just having a tantrum' line. If we just leave them be they'll calm down and move on.
We're not stamping our feet. We're angry and rightly so.

This ^^

Twintub · 13/03/2021 11:40

@RootyT00t

You mean it doesn't fit in with the agenda.

NO What some are saying is it is another conversation because these incidences do not pervade and impact in the main on men as a group.

picknmix1984 · 13/03/2021 11:40

@katieloves ask to see their phones and chat. Does he ever say cunt? Your little cherub isn't as perhaps as angelic as you make him out to be!

Mittens030869 · 13/03/2021 11:41

Genuinely respectful men don't feel vilified by this movement because they know it's not about them. Most of them have also witnessed the treatment of women by their gender, and believe the outrage entirely justified. They are campaigning for women's safety alongside us.

^This is definitely true.

User133847 · 13/03/2021 11:42

[quote picknmix1984]@katieloves ask to see their phones and chat. Does he ever say cunt? Your little cherub isn't as perhaps as angelic as you make him out to be![/quote]
So it's only boy that swear and are coarse now?

LucieStar · 13/03/2021 11:42

[quote picknmix1984]@katieloves ask to see their phones and chat. Does he ever say cunt? Your little cherub isn't as perhaps as angelic as you make him out to be![/quote]

In my social circles, the people using the word "cunt" are predominantly women, interestingly. Confused

Chimeraforce · 13/03/2021 11:43

No. They wear a veneer of civility as little as demanded by polite society. Even the ones you think are decent are just reigning in their testosterone fuelled urges.... Until they either cannot or an opportunity to get away with it presents itself.
They're just masking.

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