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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Davina McCall's tweet

431 replies

SummerWhisper · 13/03/2021 04:07

Davina McCall tweeted that female abduction / murder is extremely rare and that this level of fearmongering isn't good for men's mental health.

I don't understand why she is attempting to shift the narrative back to how men are feeling after yet another woman's life has been brutally ended BY A MAN.

For fuck's sake, Davina, we have a prominent voice this week, a huge platform to raise awareness about how most of us have to make so many micro- and macro-adjustments to allow for men's violence and here you are, putting men's health in the centre of all this.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking she should apologise and remove her tweet?

Davina McCall's tweet
OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 13/03/2021 11:31

She is entitled to her opinion and entitled to post her opinion, but I don’t agree with her. And her response about not going out after dark was tone-deaf, ridiculous and reeked of privilege.

She’s not done herself any favors, nor women in general. But I’m not really surprised.

Poofurburrball · 13/03/2021 11:32

[quote Fatas]@Poofurburrball but most people I know, men and women self-exclude themselves from ‘night-time landscapes’.[/quote]
Perhaps it depends where you live but that's not my perception of my local area and I know my husband walks wherever he likes at night with impunity. Maybe he is unusual in that though.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 13/03/2021 11:32

I guess this type of thing does upset people as they don’t want to be associated with criminality. For example if we labelled ALL white people a problem because of the disproportionate number of white males involved in peadophilia, we would be accused of being racist. However, low level misogyny is given a pass to the point it’s a daily and normal thing. We should have zero tolerance to it all.

thecatfromjapan · 13/03/2021 11:32

@RedToothBrush

Oh dear god. Should we be demanding deletions and apologies for everything in life?

Seriously this is worse than anything tweeted.

In a healthy society disagreement and diversity of opinion is encouraged and supported.

We then debate like adults and come to a opinion from that.

We don't go 'shut up you said something i dont like apologise for it' which is what our culture and society have become obsessed with doing.

Its fundamentally undemocratic and unhealthy.

It stinks.

Seriously if we haven't got the civility to disagree in a manner which is to agree to disagree then we have lost our ability to be civil.

At this point you alienate people and get their backs up and this encourages a backlash and polarisation.

This cancel / delete stuff is as abhorrent as any other kind of bigotry.

I'm really in agreement with this.

Debating - real debating, not just shouting in text in order to prove the moral virtue of your point of view - is valuable. A really valuable things.

It rests on a notion that people can be persuaded, that opinions can be changed, that we can learn something (even that we can refine our views).

There is something really valuable in the belief that information matters, that learning is possible that is actually endangered by 'cancel culture'.

Yes, I'm with you on this, RedToothBrush

Blancah · 13/03/2021 11:36

@BoomBoomsCousin

Female abduction is extremely rare. Women are at far more risk of physical and sexual assault from the men they live with. And they are at a lot of risk from them. So I do kind of find the uproar over this one murder to be irrational.

But, as other threads have documented, women are sexually harassed and assaulted by men an awful lot. So much so that the #notallmen tag really doesn't ring true. I mean, of course it won't be quite all men, a few wont, but it is the vast majority at some point in their lives - especially in their teens/twenties. These men that do it - most men - they people's brothers, sons, husbands. Why shouldn't it be bad for them to hear this from us?

I agree with this.
I also agree that DM is entitled to say whatever she's likes and doesn't have to be brow beaten into apologising by internet randoms.

Fatas · 13/03/2021 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 13/03/2021 11:39

I'm with Davina

I agree it's not all men but women should be allowed an outpouring of anger that they have to bear the brunt of male violence.
Rapes conviction rates have plummited, men commit 90% of sexual crime is done by men to women, women bear the brunt of it, we should be allowed a moment to highlight it.

Davina McCall's tweet
toolatetofixate · 13/03/2021 11:41

No she shouldn't apologise.

No she shouldn't delete it.

I agree with her.

Nothing is black and white.

LaRidiculata · 13/03/2021 11:42

Great response to Davina's tweet by Caroline Hirons.

"When a woman is murdered at the hands of a man every 2.5 days it is not the time to pacify a fragile male ego. This is not a good message Davina.
We all know it’s not ALL men. But it IS men."

Tigertigertigertiger · 13/03/2021 11:43

Well said Davina

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 13/03/2021 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 13/03/2021 11:53

1 in 4 school girls will be subject to unwanted sexual advances while in their school uniform.

If these disgusting excuses for human beings were to be challenged by their co-workers or friends and this stopped it would start to create a shift. Slow granted but it has to start somewhere.

This is not a lot to ask as a start surely? And if it makes some men feel like it's a personal attack to call this out I think they need to take a long hard look in the mirror.

Tigertigertigertiger · 13/03/2021 11:57

Men are more likely to be the victims of random attacks ( mostly by other men) than women

RedToothBrush · 13/03/2021 12:00

@TomatoCultivator

Seriously if we haven't got the civility to disagree in a manner which is to agree to disagree then we have lost our ability to be civil

Really, redtoothbrush? Those Brexit threads you preside over are hardly civil - at least until they became echo chambers. I didn’t notice you stepping in with comments like you’ve just posted.

You know what i wanted debate.

I wanted answers to questions that still are left unanswered and are producing a cluster fuck for trade and NI.

Instead we got told to believe and to avoid reality.

Thats fundamentally different from trying to debate.

I also did not agree with many posters in various ways and thought that there were issues with a lack of ability to understand that there was a point where there was need to back down and not be so rigid in thought.

The Brexit debate suffered because you had three not two camps. Those in the centre who wanted solutions (and this contained both 'soft leavers' and some remainers), those who became remain at all costs in an ideological fashion and those who were Brexit means Brexit. The failure to understand how it was part of the ongoing culture war and a symptom rather than cause of it was an issue.

It was always a failing of those threads and one i did point out at the time.

I would have loved proper conversations rather than some of what happened tbh. But if you are up against 'you should believe this or you are wrong' rather than can we resolve this problem or that issue which is what debate rather than belief is.

The topic of cancel culture also focuses on what we should believe rather than 'how do we actually fix the problem and deal with it properly'.

There is a difference between saying the right thing and making all the right noises and doing something meaningful.

Whats telling here is the focus on Davina and her being a bad person who isn't reading the room (ffs its not about fitting in with the dominant public opinion). There isnt practical suggestions about how we actually start to resolve the issue in real terms.

What would make things safer for women? What research are we doing into this? What studies are examining this in a non biased way? What funding is there for this type of research and development into sorting the solution? What policies have worked elsewhere etc etc.

No its fucking celebrities and 'you are saying the wrong thing'.

Its so fucking shallow and lacking in depth. And that type of ideology over substance is the real issue in today's politics.

Debate exists in the centre of politics. Cancel culture (and its backlash) are both based on ideology rather than substance.

Its the how do we do this sensibly v the what we want to do by hook or crook and to hell with how this might backfire on us if we don't address issues properly.

Don't make it a them v us dynamic. Make it a 'this is the real issue and the wall of reality which isn't going away' which has always been my attention in threads and my posting. I am ultimately not responsible nor do i necessarily agree with other posters (and that includes on Brexit).

RedToothBrush · 13/03/2021 12:03

Both the right and the left are polarising and that destroys debate at the centre we is the only thing that really allows us to make progress in a meaningful way. Consensus in society.

This issue is not one in isolation. We have to provide the argument about why and how it benefits society as a whole to improve the safety of women.

52andblue · 13/03/2021 12:03

@BoomBoomsCousin

Female abduction is extremely rare. Women are at far more risk of physical and sexual assault from the men they live with. And they are at a lot of risk from them. So I do kind of find the uproar over this one murder to be irrational.

But, as other threads have documented, women are sexually harassed and assaulted by men an awful lot. So much so that the #notallmen tag really doesn't ring true. I mean, of course it won't be quite all men, a few wont, but it is the vast majority at some point in their lives - especially in their teens/twenties. These men that do it - most men - they people's brothers, sons, husbands. Why shouldn't it be bad for them to hear this from us?

I agree. Davina is entitled to her opinion and to post it where she likes.

as for NAMALT well LOTA (lots of them are, because society tolerates indeed conditions men into it - we need to talk about this as a society)

Chooseausernamenow · 13/03/2021 12:05

@Acesulfame

I don’t necessarily agree with the tweet but I’m unclear why you think she should apologise and delete it. You disagree with it so it shouldn’t exist? She’s entitled to her opinion and to express it. You’re entitled to disagree. That’s that really isn’t it?
This.
enigma16 · 13/03/2021 12:07

What would make things safer for women?

For everyone to openly acknowledge that male violence, harassment and bullying of women is not 'extremely rare' but commonplace. For no-one to excuse any such behaviour or deny the existence of such culture but call it out. Then set about educating boys and men on how not to behave in ways that are sexist and misogynist but respect women as see them as their equals.

itsgoodtobehome · 13/03/2021 12:11

*The reason this case is getting more headlines than others of male v female abduction /homicide is because it is the epitome of evil v good... the young, white, middle class woman engaged in an everyday and blameless activity whose life has been snuffed out at the hands of the evil stranger.

You see, being white and middle-class and of good character is considered to be desirable, not least because it somehow add layers of protection from badness. The tendancy to victims blame ie she deserved it bc she wore a skirt/was out late/took drugs/had tattoos/was a single parent/was unemployed/dropped out of high school... none of these can be applied in this case so we are left with the reality that bad things can happen to good people. It's a story that strikes fear into middle England.

Of course it shouldn't matter whether she was white or black, employed or not, young or old, dressed or naked, the fact remains that every person has the right to not be murdered. But unfortunately some lives are valued less than others."

This has just summed up perfectly everything that I have been thinking since this started getting such traction. Murders happen every day, and yet this one is causing people to want to hold vigils, to have great debate, to start a new #trend. Why? For all of the reasons above. Very well said.

RolloTomassi · 13/03/2021 12:13

I can see her point. No way should she have to delete it, it's her opinion. Thought police will just have to accept that humans have different views.

SemperIdem · 13/03/2021 12:16

@Tigertigertigertiger so you agree...men are the problem

Erkrie · 13/03/2021 12:17

Women are at far more risk of physical and sexual assault from the men they live with

I know that women are at significant risk in these scenarios. But I am wondering how many assaults that occur outside the home actually get reported. Because if they don't, then it doesn't get recorded in any stats. I'm saying this as someone to whom the majority of assaults have occurred outside the home. And I didn't report it. And I'm thinking that if I didn't report it, undoubtedly lots of other women haven't either. Which would mean there isn't an accurate picture of how often it really does take place.

Therarestone · 13/03/2021 12:18

It got to me as well, YANBU

TheSparkleJar · 13/03/2021 12:18

She's always been a twat. I used to watch Big Brother as a teenager, and I never forgot the way she treated women like Makosi and Nadia. She treated Makosi like she was a piece of shit for having sex in a jacuzzi, yet when she met the guy involved in it she practically gave him a high five.

I think she has mother issues and deeply ingrained internalized misogyny. But statistically she probably relies on men for work so it works in her favour.

Joeblack066 · 13/03/2021 12:20

Davina has always had a skewed view when it comes to men & women. And life in general tbh. I never understand why she is seen as such a guru? It’s like listening to the musings of Gwyneth Paltrow to me... I just don’t get it?
So yes, I totally agree with you OP!