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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD4 left out of party

143 replies

zeddybrek · 12/03/2021 22:23

DD is only 4 and has been in school throughout lockdown as I am a key worker. There were a handful of other girls in her class so they all played together and clearly spent more time together as smaller pool of children there. I know all the mums, we're not close but nice and chat if we happen to be walking home the same way.

Today on the way home one of the girls asks if we are going to Lucy's party (not her real name). I said we are not invited but have a lovely time.

My DD started to cry and has been very upset all evening. She said she plays with Lucy everyday and Lucy said my DD could go to her party.

I have never been in this situation before. AIBU to be really sad for my DD. She was the only girl from the keyworker group not invited. Should I say anything to the mum? Could it be an oversight. The other parents have recently got closer but surely that shouldn't mean you leave out one child.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 12/03/2021 22:26

How can she go to a party during lockdown?

SoftSheen · 12/03/2021 22:26

Are you sure that this is a real party and not a game they were playing? Considering that they are 4, and (assuming you are in the UK) any kind of party is likely to be illegal for some time to come?

Pinkflipflop85 · 12/03/2021 22:27

Is there an actual party though?

You sure this girl hasn't made up a party in her head and told all her friends about it?

activitythree · 12/03/2021 22:28

They are 4. There is no party.

Givemeabreak88 · 12/03/2021 22:30

I was wondering about the party? I don’t get it? How can they have a party? Anyway ime parents invited the kids of the parents they are friends with. Hence yours not being invited.

FrickinA · 12/03/2021 22:30

Are you in the U.K.? There is no party if you are... it’s more likely that the parents are going to be in a park or similar at a certain time and one kid and their mum ( poss. 2 kids) are going to swing by to say happy birthday and eat a bit of cake.
Even that’s not really supppsed to happen. But you can understand why a parent might ask one or 2 kids to pop along but anymore really does look like a party which is deffo not allowed, even for kids who are in school together.

ineedaholidaynow · 12/03/2021 22:31

Is it a zoom party?

FrickinA · 12/03/2021 22:32

Or the kid is talking about a future party which may have been mentioned that’s not fixed yet - because, how could it be - and your DD will get an invite when and if it can happen.

activitythree · 12/03/2021 22:36

Are you in the U.K.? There is no party if you are..

It strictly true. Under 12s would be allowed in Scotland, so long as all the parents just dropped the kids off and left.

Sarcobaleno · 12/03/2021 22:46

@activitythree

Are you in the U.K.? There is no party if you are..

It strictly true. Under 12s would be allowed in Scotland, so long as all the parents just dropped the kids off and left.

I don't think so... they were but not under current national lockdown.

ItsMarch · 12/03/2021 22:54

Unfortunately kids at that age tease each other about parties a lot.
My DC was on the receiving end of it more then once so when it was her birthday I invited the whole class to stop them doing the same.

I wouldn’t say anything, these things happen a lot over the school life.

Original poster

zeddybrek · 12/03/2021 22:58

Sorry for the misunderstanding. There is a small park on the way home from school where the kids have a quick play sometimes. So I imagine it was a just a small gathering there as there normally is most days. The parents socially distance but the kids run around to burn off energy.

But still even if the mum was worried surely just leaving one child out is a bit mean.

One of the kids dad's mumbled something about oh yes the party and then it got awkward admit was clear we weren't going.

@ItsMarch thanks for the advice. It's a shame they are so mean when they are young. It's hard seeing your child upset.

OP posts:

activitythree · 12/03/2021 23:03

I don't think so... they were but not under current national lockdown.

Absolutely so. The guidance changed for adults and 12-17 year olds. Under 12s are still not restricted. Current advice....

www.gov.scot/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-stay-at-home-guidance/

Children aged 11 and under meeting together outdoors are not subject to the limit on households or numbers.

activitythree · 12/03/2021 23:04

Sorry for the misunderstanding. There is a small park on the way home from school where the kids have a quick play sometimes. So I imagine it was a just a small gathering there

Your daughter has been crying all day because she isn't getting to a party, now it's just a play in that park? You are allowed to go to the park without invitation

VVKills27 · 12/03/2021 23:06

Oh I am sorry @zeddybrek it is horrid to feel your child is being left out. It really won’t be a party give the lockdown although that your daughter hasn’t been invited to whatever it is would still feel unkind. I imagine they didn’t want to draw attention to it in case people got the wrong idea as they aren’t meant to be deliberately meeting up at all. I know it’s such a horrible feeling when your child seems to be left out - I think people are often unaware when they do this to be honest, particularly adults.

Sarcobaleno · 12/03/2021 23:07

@activitythree outdoors yes, but when I posted it was still about a party. Under 12s in Scotland are not allowed to mix indoors in my understanding. Either way, it's not what this thread is about.

activitythree · 12/03/2021 23:11

outdoors yes, but when I posted it was still about a party.

Oh I just assumed that anyone wanting to have a party would do so outdoors because it's allowed.

Original poster

zeddybrek · 12/03/2021 23:13

Thanks @VVKills27
I think you have summed up what I have been trying to place. It's seeing your child left out. Which is a first for me and difficult to explain to her. It was so sad, 3 girls and only mine wasn't off to the park party. Yes we could have gone anyway but I had to get home.

OP posts:

activitythree · 12/03/2021 23:14

It was so sad, 3 girls and only mine wasn't off to the park party. Yes we could have gone anyway but I had to get home.

Jesus. So there is not a fucking issue here anyway.

AnnaSW1 · 12/03/2021 23:17

@activitythree massively missing the point!

Original poster

zeddybrek · 12/03/2021 23:19

@activitythree the issue is my DD was left out. Imagine a group of young children and only can't go to have fun. It doesn't matter where how what when. My point is about leaving one child out. I had to get home to finish work and so DH could watch the kids. We both work FT so can't just change plans to go to a park after school. But again that's not the point. My post is about one child being left out and how to manage and sometimes venting an issue makes some people feel better. I came on here for advice. If you see no problem then that's not really helpful to me.

And no she hasn't been crying all day because she was at school. Try reading posts fully before commenting.

OP posts:

activitythree · 12/03/2021 23:19

[quote AnnaSW1]@activitythree massively missing the point! [/quote]

Not at all. There was no party. Some parents went to the park. OP is allowed to go to the park. She is feeling sorry for herself because she didn't get an invitation to something that not only didn't need an invitation, but also she couldn't go to anyway. It's all bollocks drama for nothing.

activitythree · 12/03/2021 23:21

the issue is my DD was left out.

She wasn't. The park is a public area. Parents take their kids to the park after school all the time. Nobody needs an invitation. Your child could t even go. So it's nonsense. Literal nonsense. You let her be upset all evening about this rather then simply explain she couldn't go because you 'had to get home'

Make things easy for you and your child, not harder.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 12/03/2021 23:22

Been there done it got that t shirt. It sucks. But you and she will get over it.

Original poster

zeddybrek · 12/03/2021 23:23

@activitythree it was a party as the dad of one of the other children said it was. Whether an invitation is verbal or on paper, it doesn't matter. You don't just turn up. The location is irrelevant. Why do you care so much. You made your point once. People like you ruin MN.

OP posts:

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