Spiteful date

[WorkItGirl]

I’ve met someone on a dating site, we’ve been chatting about a month, we’re making plans to meet in April.

She has confessed that she has a spiteful streak.
She has also said she sometimes shouts and screams when upset.
She has also said that in the past she would throw or hit things sometimes, but that she no longer does this.

Otherwise we have got along so well.

In light of these latest revelations, would you cancel the first date, or would you go ahead and see what happens?

Please do some work on your boundaries as we shouldn't need to tell you that these are red flags. If you're considering carrying on with someone who has admitted this behaviour then you're a prime target for those that are far more subtle about it.

With regards to the spite, I''d be worried she would use disclosures you make to her, about insecurities, fears etc, against you; tuck it away and use it at a later date to hurt, undermine you. Really nasty, damaging behaviour.

Cancel, cancel, cancel.

Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are,believe them the first time."

Run like fuck. She has told you this so she can behave like this and then be all well I did warn you

Otherwise we have got along so well.

So apart from being spiteful and abusive by her own admission, you actually want her to have the opportunity to try that shit out on you?

why ever would you want to even get involved to risk that treatment.

She's telling you now to test you. If you overlook it, she may think you are a doormat and may manipulate and abuse you further.

I wish I listened to a former "friend" when they told me "One thing you need to know about me is that I will never change. Not for anyone." when they were sulking and giving me what I now think was a narcissistic rage.

I would cancel the date in your situation and block her.

Why would you even consider it?

I would cancel. She sounds like hard work at best and if she’s telling you these things now, it can only get worse.

Cancel

She sounds really unpleasant

And she might be working on herself but the fact she brings this up as if to set the expectation low so you don’t get shocked if you see her streaks, means she doesn’t trust herself to not show any of those streaks.

So, are you prepared to share your life with a spiteful shouty screamy hits everything person?

She is going to expect you to manage her behaviour and the toxicity of the relationship..

It’s hard work with very little benefit tbh.

So logically no.

Emotionally, it’s up to you? But keep eyes open

Run

Runnnnnnnn

Good God, don't put any more thought into this. Cancel.

@BrightYellowDaffodil

More red flags than a communist rally.

She's not even trying to make a good first impression is she?!
I had a friend like this... she used a diagnosis of Borderline Personality disorder to " excuse her behaviour" ( not implying your potential date does)
Don't put yourself through this

Wouldn't date whether male or female. Who the hell says "I've got a spiteful streak" without having a bagful of other issues too?

Cancel and block!

As others have said - no way!! That would be end of any further contact for me.

"What sort of things comes into your head when you hear spite?"

Nothing good. Spite drives people to get - creative, shall we say. They will say and do things that you could never have imagined, and it will be out of all proportion to whatever sparked it.

I would not go on a date with this woman. She's told you who she is, you need to believe her. It would be a 'when', not an 'if' she will shout and scream and hit you .

cancel, obviously.

Cancel.

Honestly? I'd cancel and not look back, whilst heading for the hills!

As others have said: when someone tells you who they are, listen to them. She's admitted to some pretty serious character flaws... before you've even met. That in, and of itself is worrying. Yes; as a previous poster noted, at least she's been honest with you - but on the other hand, has she? Might this just be the "testing boundaries to see how much [she] can get away with" stage?

You asked what we think of, or what comes to mind regarding spite. Well, for me it's hurt and confusion. It's silent treatment over something most normal people would let go as being silly and not worth a row. It's being ridiculed in public in a passive-aggressive way that you can't respond to without making them the "victim of your anger issues".

It's someone you need to keep a clear distance from.

Cancel! She’ll crap all over you then when you’re upset about it, she’ll shrug her shoulders and say she warned you.

Personally I’d cancel but not tell her why. Hopefully she’ll then continue to tell potential dates the same things, giving them the chance to have a lucky escape too.

She sounds like Madam Mao.

Being spiteful can mean cruel. unkind, malicious, nasty. all of these things. Some so called clever people can have all of these tendencies.Some people as such, are likely to treat you unfairly and badly when they feel like it.