Spiteful date

[WorkItGirl]

I’ve met someone on a dating site, we’ve been chatting about a month, we’re making plans to meet in April.

She has confessed that she has a spiteful streak.
She has also said she sometimes shouts and screams when upset.
She has also said that in the past she would throw or hit things sometimes, but that she no longer does this.

Otherwise we have got along so well.

In light of these latest revelations, would you cancel the first date, or would you go ahead and see what happens?

Fuck me, she's literally spelled out to you that she is nasty and you're still considering going out with her?

When she turns her spite on you, it'll be all well, she told you who she was 🤷‍♀️

More red flags than a communist rally. When someone tells you who they are, listen - I sure as hell wish I had. My ex told me that previous partners had said he behaved abusively and I should have run then.

Quite a lot of projecting going on in this thread lol

At least she's been honest, which is more than some people do before they ruin your life...

ABORT - ABORT - ABORT

@aliensprig

Quite a lot of projecting going on in this thread lol

At least she's been honest, which is more than some people do before they ruin your life...

What 'projecting' is that then ??? lol

Run and run!!

Im very surprised she has admitted this before you have even met her.

You would be on edge about what she is going to do if you finished it with her or had an argument.

I'm not sure. FlibbertyGiblets's post is interesting because spite and malice are evident everywhere really. I see it on this board all the time. It's just talk, or it isn't. People generally do enjoy a bit of spite.

It really depends whether somebody takes action to be spiteful or malicious or whether they just say that they do as some sort of 'shot across the bows' warning to others not to mess with them.

It's obviously something that's registering for you so why not ask her about it, what she means? Nobody here can tell you categorically that it's a red flag... the place would be littered with them and perhaps everybody would be carrying a few themselves.

It's not projecting.

People are giving advice based on their own experiences - but you don't have to be a psychologist to work out that a person who says something like that has a lot of issues that could be a problem in a relationship.

Cancel. She is telling you she's abusive, believe her.

Another thing is that whilst she has admitted to shouting and screaming...do you think this is a limited confession? She admits to anger management problems, short of hitting. I'd not believe that.

And don't think "I can save her and change her." Classic.

Do you honestly need this sort of drama in your life? I would run a mile!

What sort of things comes into your head when you hear spite?

I think everyone has spite inside them. It will range from mild, very occasional childish pettiness to dangerous, nasty & psychopathic though.

I am quite surprised she'd openly tell you so early on, let's face it - we all have shortcomings that we wouldn't spill on a first date so I'm not sure why she has. It sounds like mind games to me. which is as good a reason as any to end it now.

I'd run a mile!

Run and block.
She's admitted this before you even met and quite possibly enjoys the drama. Steer well clear.

Tip of the iceberg.

Yeah...

You have to ask OP? That in itself is incredibly worrying.

She sounds like a real catch.

No way would I meet up. Why would you invite such drama into your life? Just reading that list was wearing in itself.

She won't be telling you the truth though, will she? It's very unlikely. She will be minimising and picking and choosing what to tell you.
Reminds me of my friends ex girlfriend. She told him that she could be a bit jealous. It boosted his ego and he found it cute.
It wasn't so cute when she screamed at me down the phone for daring to ring him on his birthday. Even less so when she turned up on my doorstop with a carving knife.

RUN!

Lol it’s only going good now because you haven’t met yet 😂

Cancel. Red Flag.

Lots of judgement on here from perfect people who never say spiteful things or start screaming or yelling. Seriously, has no-one on here never lost control and thrown something? What a bunch of angels.

It could be that she's done things out of rage a few times, has reflected, admitted she has a problem, and now feels guilty and repentant. This shows she has grown as a person. In my life, many people, even family and close friends (on occasion0 have said spiteful things to me. It happens in life, you don't always get an apology.

What's interesting, or worrying, is that she hasn't or won't go to therapy. If you're emotionally invested enough in this relationship you could ask her to go.

Cancel

Sounds distinctly unhinged.

Run a mile. Quick.