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Original poster

Spiteful date

155 replies

WorkItGirl · 12/03/2021 12:28

I’ve met someone on a dating site, we’ve been chatting about a month, we’re making plans to meet in April.

She has confessed that she has a spiteful streak.
She has also said she sometimes shouts and screams when upset.
She has also said that in the past she would throw or hit things sometimes, but that she no longer does this.

Otherwise we have got along so well.

In light of these latest revelations, would you cancel the first date, or would you go ahead and see what happens?

OP posts:
Nollopian · 12/03/2021 12:57

I'd cancel and block and not look back.

Her being so brazen about what a foul person she is suggests she sees nothing wrong in her behaviour. If you do cotinue with it you will 100% regret it.
There are so many lovely people out there who respect their fellow humans and have a sense of decorum
This woman just sounds unhinged

Original poster
WorkItGirl · 12/03/2021 12:59

@toomuchtooold

Cancel. My experience of people who tell you this sort of stuff is that it's the absolute tip of the iceberg.
Very unsettling.

So far, I have found her to be so incredibly clever, down to earth, really interesting person. I have really enjoyed getting to know her and have been looking forward to meeting her.

At first I respected the openness and honesty of the confessions. I don’t know yet if she has received treatment for these issues.

What worries me is the mention of spitefulness... she did not go into any details.
What sort of things comes into your head when you hear spite?
Might be the single piece of information that really frightens me!

OP posts:
WillowSummerSloth · 12/03/2021 13:00

100% cancel. You don't need this in your life.

Cuppaza · 12/03/2021 13:01

Cancel

Aimee1987 · 12/03/2021 13:01

You havent even meet her and your already dealing with this kind of shit? Run run run

Mylovelyhorsee · 12/03/2021 13:01

Why in the world would she tell you this? Massive red flag. At worst she’s abusive, at best attention seeking. Either way- avoid like the plague.

Somerford · 12/03/2021 13:05

You'll be on the receiving end of that spiteful streak if you go any further with this and then you decide to end things in the future. I don't think you should bring this person into your life, it sounds like you'd be made to regret it.

SilverRoe · 12/03/2021 13:06

My experience with people who share this sort of thing is they tell you this negative while initially being really nice to you. This sort of lulls you a bit (or gets you thinking you’re special because they don’t act that way to you). Once you’re more emotionally involved they ramp up that behaviour and if you protest say ‘well i told you this is who i am.’

Oh also as an aside EVERY person who has told me something along the lines of ‘oh I used to be - jealous - insecure - mean - toxic, but i’m
not any more’ has, in fact, still been that way - once they have their feet more emotionally under the table as it were.

So basically, i’d avoid.

LittleMimi · 12/03/2021 13:06

It’s generally good for people to be open about issues they’ve had, but some of the things you mentioned she said she currently has and it doesn’t sound like past issues.

Like others said if she says this, what more could she be hiding?

thosetalesofunexpected · 12/03/2021 13:08

I would run the opposite direction from her !

She has extensive emotional baggages issues !

She has by the sounds of it ,serious Personality disorder /or multiple disorders ones.

She sounds like extreme hard work and very Needy .!

She sounds like she is emotionally manipulative !

She sounds like she is emotionally abusive !

She sounds like serious Bad News !

If you make the mistake of getting emotionaly involved with her in any way !

You will definitely 100 per cent will have or develop self Cofindence serious issues feel like shit ect.

She sound like you could even become a male victim of Domestic Violence too!

Ask yourself
Why are you so desperate and emotionally so.Needy to even think about wanting to go on a first date with someone like this then?

She sounds like a fucking Head case a bat shit case from where I am !

Improve your self Cofindence by having free counselling sessions through your doctor surgery or checking out the internet.

Also look up CBT cognitive behavioural therapy
I think you need it /or will definitely will need it after getting emotionally involved with this head fuck case one.

Fuckadoodledoooo · 12/03/2021 13:09

No fucking way.it's the same as when they say "I get really angry at people, but I wouldn't get angry at you."

Bollocks to that.

applesandpears33 · 12/03/2021 13:11

You are having second thoughts or you wouldn't have posted here. Personally, I'd not meet and would stop all online contact.

mainsfed · 12/03/2021 13:13

Sounds like she is habitualising you to what you can come to expect. You then will accept it because she warned you what to expect.

thosetalesofunexpected · 12/03/2021 13:14

I had a so called friend who was like this !

And I found out what she was really like

I am still recovering from the emotional abuse etc I had from her.!

Listen to what I am saying and others

She really is not worth it !

Please also check up the different personality disorders out there on the internet

To warn you in what life be like for you getting involved with someone like this.

I feel very concerned for you

FlibbertyGiblets · 12/03/2021 13:16

Spiteful is from the same stable as malice imo, although perhaps not as high on the scale as malice.
So. Think about it a bit. Malice = wanting to cause distress, pain, injury or harm. Now is that appealing?

Labobo · 12/03/2021 13:16

It depends what you want. I'd be completely turned off by this. Aren't you?

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 12/03/2021 13:18

Cancel and close every social media door.

peak2021 · 12/03/2021 13:18

Cancel politely.

Thelnebriati · 12/03/2021 13:19

Cancel.
She isn't saying 'I used to do X and then I had therapy and now I don't'.

FireflyRainbow · 12/03/2021 13:19

Run for the hills. If she's admitted all that I'd hate to think what she's really like. Narcissists don't admit they're narcissistic

FireflyRainbow · 12/03/2021 13:20

She will take you cancelling badly but best to get it over with now.

Happylittlethoughts · 12/03/2021 13:20

Nope..nope..nope
If you are gullible enough to consider it then you are exactly the type they are looking for

thosetalesofunexpected · 12/03/2021 13:20

She is Priming you up, to be conditioned to the emotional abuse /domestic abuse that she will , inflict on to you.

By conditioning I mean that you will be brainwashing into thinking its Normal to have emotional abuse /domestic abuse inflict on you

to such an extent you will start to question your own mind, (Sanity) judgement and she could even sooner or later start to isolate from friends and your family
who can see quite Clearly she is no good for you !

She is emotionally dangerous person to get involved with
and as you will find it a struggle emotionally to untangle from her as you become so emeshed with her in Co dependency type of relantship .

MumsThewordw02 · 12/03/2021 13:20

Spiteful. What a lovely character trait. Gets angry and violent. Also a lovely character trait.

And she is telling you this in the period of time when she is trying her hardest to be attractive to you.

I'd run.

Pan2 · 12/03/2021 13:21

I think it was Maya Angelou: " When someone tells you what they are like, believe them the first time."

Cancel and block her. Only tears and harm will come of this.