Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

I'm 31 and never been harrassed by a man. Have plenty of times by women though, not sexually though.

Not even been groped or anything in a pub or club. I think I have an aura about me that just screams 'if you come near me or touch me without permission, you'll regret it'.

I remember when I was 20, I worked in a pub. An older man used to wait for me to start my shift and he would sit at the bar making disgusting comments to me. My male boss used to think it was hilarious and refused to do anything about it.

Oh I’ve also been flashed and been coerced to do things sexually that I did not want to do, I was ashamed for so many years for being so weak.

@TheImber

I'm a man.

Back in the day I used to go to the gym a lot, had a good body, was considered good looking.

I used to make money at uni selling shots on nights out. Youve seen that sort of thing before im sure, I used to walk around nightclubs, no top on, just jeans and a belt carrying tequila bottles and shot glasses.

The amount of sexual harassment and out and out physical assault I used to experience from women was unbelievable. I was routinely groped, pinched, had my groin squeezed, women would try and kiss me without asking etc etc. It was 3-4 times a night, minimum.

When I refused or pushed them away, I was the bad guy and I would get angry responses and abuse. I was even reported to the club owner once, for trying to stop an old woman from sticking her hand down my trousers and her tongue in my mouth. She still proceeded to lick my face and ears anyway... still shudder at the thought.

The girls who did the same job as me never got anything like what I did, maybe a few leery comments at worst. An ex girlfriend of mine used to work in a strip club, never got anything like the shit I used to have to put up with, and remember, I worked in normal clubs, not male strip clubs.

The point is there is no excuse for sexual harassment, regardless of sex. I suggest from bitter experience that women are no better when the tables are turned and they think they can get away with it.

Of course what you describe is wrong. OF COURSE.

However.

Did those women make you afraid? Did you fear that after you’d rejected them they might corner you in the toilets to hurt you? Were you afraid to leave the club in case they followed you home? Did you change your behaviour to try to deflect their attention? Did you fear their greater physical size and strength? Were you afraid they’d kill you?

**Men need to start calling out other men who do this, because it isn't all men. But when women complain it isn't taken seriously.

Decent men need to start standing with us and saying this is NOT acceptable

100% agree @Swordfish1

Haven’t read all posts but I’m amazed at how little men realise this is a daily occurrence for women. Thankfully now I don’t get any harassment. I hoped that’s because culture has changed but sounds like it’s more that I’m just getting old!
But I find it sad that whilst growing up I accepted general harassment from men in the street/work etc as a norm. I always felt embarrassed, vulnerable and exposed. I truly hope this culture changes before my daughter gets older

Yes, I’ve also been sexually harassed or
assaulted by three women (separate incidents) as well as men. All women I met at work awfully enough. Two were definitely predatory and shockingly the one who assaulted me twice was in her 70s. Two other colleagues had the same experience, it turns out. It was awful especially because, whereas with almost all men I’m now on my guard if I’m alone with them, I really had no inkling that I needed to do so around an elderly woman who was a client. And it was actually really hard to report, because we were both women and because at first glance it would be impossible to see how she could have overpowered me. But I think she’d done it many times before and knew exactly what kind of element of surprise and way of trapping someone was needed. I feel sick just thinking of it. I’d worked with her for 7 years.

An ex boyfriend was also sexually harassed and “felt up” by both women and men in clubs etc. But I still feel it’s much more common amongst males.

Yep. Most commonly in bars and clubs when I’ve told them I wasn’t interested.
It did happen at school though. A fellow student in the year above tried to blackmail me into sleeping with him at school....I didn’t so he sent a viscous rumour around school about me. Thankfully for me there was a new ‘scandal’ or person to gossip about each day so it was soon forgotten, but I never did.

@BuggerBognor

The truth is I have no idea why it’s never happened, but it hasn’t - and it would be interesting to know why! (You’d have to ask the menz...) smile I’d like to believe it’s that you have luckily not encountered those sorts of men. I’d also like to believe that a lot of the stories involve the same men and it’s actually a small section who think any of this behaviour is acceptable. I’d also really like Unicorns to be real too......

It isn’t all men and does generally seem to be certain types but it’s so depressing that there are enough of them that literally everyone has an experience or two at least.*

If I told you I’d been raped, would a response of “I’d like to believe that and I’d also like unicorns to be real” be okay? Or do you only believe women when what they’re saying suits your narrative?

I haven’t been sexually harassed. Ever. I don’t know why and I don’t deny that it happens. It may be a statistical fluke as PP suggests. But it demonstrably is not a universal experience that applies to “literally everyone”.

Apologies. You misunderstood my response. My unicorn comment was about the hoping it was a small subset of men and lots of posters had encountered the same people.

I didn’t mean to imply I didn’t believe you in any way at all so apologies for my poor phrasing.

Also dreadful use of the word literally. ‘The vast majority’ is what I should have written. This thread currently has 180 responses and 4 people who haven’t experienced it.

MrsTulip

Surely thats the point though? Because men are usually bigger and stronger, they have the advantage so some of them choose to harass women.

However, in situations where women have the advantage(or think they do), they do exactly the same thing, often to a far worse degree than men.

The problem isn't male attitudes, its human nature and the biological fact that men happen to be stronger in most cases. If women were the stronger sex, we'd see the same thing in reverse.

I'm not saying its right, I'm just saying that demonising men isn't the answer.

However, what I think made a massive difference to me was a wonderful father. He had two daughters and instead of regretting the lack of sons, treated us exactly like sons, we were taught to aim high and believe we could do anything at all. I think that entirely changed my demeanour at work and elsewhere, in how I expected to be treated and thereby influenced the way others treated me too.

Perhaps you’d like to fuck off? I too have a wonderful father and am married to a wonderful man. I have an extremely high sense of my own self worth and expect to be treated with respect at work and in public. It hasn’t stopped me from experiencing sexual harassment, because sexual harassment is the fault and responsibility of the perpetrators, not the victims.

Too many experiences.

It needs to change. The upbringing of the boys needs to change. Taught at home and school what is acceptable and what isn't since it obviously doesn't come automatically.

Pamdemic

Thanks for minimising multiple sexual assaults. Nice.

I'm shocked by some of the comments on here. By women.

I do give off a strong in charge vibe though

WTAF does that mean? So do I. Very much so.

don’t do anything to provoke unwanted attention though and I think that makes a big difference

And as for this... I would like to know from this poster what I did to provoke attention when my dentist assaulted me? I had clips in my mouth and a tube, and he sent the nurse out to get something, then started kssing me and squeezing my tits.

I wonder what I did to provoke that attention

I'm 35.
I was sexually abused for 3 years as a child (ages 9-12). Police and social services dropped the case because my older brother with learning disabilities wasn't a reliable witness apparently.
I would often see my abuser in public places and he would laugh at me.
Myself and a friend were at a local park aged 13 and a man pinned my friend up against a tree and tried to touch her forcefully. I had to run and get help. Thankfully I found a woman close by who scared the man off.
I was propositioned for prostitution aged 14 in my school uniform whilst walking home. A man in a car followed me and kept asking me how much for my sexual services.
I was sexually assaulted at my grandmother's wake. Despite the evidence against him, the jury was hung.
The defendants male barrister had the nerve to ask me what I was wearing that day. I'd obviously been to my grandmother's funeral so I wasn't exactly dressed for clubbing. (And in my opinion, a woman should be able to wear what she wants without men thinking they can touch).
My experience of the CPS has been very negative and my mental health has suffered since I was a child to this day.
All because men couldn't keep their hands and body parts to themselves.

I am 46 and can honestly say that I've never experienced it. Maybe I've just led a very sheltered life. I run on my own and don't feel unsafe.

Yep been cat called, flashed, followed, shouted at , groped, leered at, and that's just the strangers.

You have no clue what it's like to have to plan your walk home, to hold your keys in your hand, to cross the road if you see a man

I am a woman and nor do I tbh

No, never physically harassed.

The only physical violence I ever have to fight was against females.

I have felt unsafe in a few places, but frankly, a single male would have felt just as unsafe.

It's very depressing that so many children, 10, 12 years old have experienced it. I don't excuse or accept it towards an adult, that's not my point, but it's not the same. There should be very severe punishment for those who are basically paedophiles.

Too many times to count.
Main incidents that stand out.... thighs and bum groped and pinched as a young teen by male teacher.
Breasts grabbed by a stranger on the way home to Uni halls.
The worst to date... a doctor allegedly listening to my chest made me take my top and bra off and proceeded to massage my breasts at the same time as heavy breathing. I was 18 and just froze in horror.
Wish I had reported the bastard as I realise now it was assault but I was young and afraid and just wanted to put it behind me.
Countless incidents of being called a bitch or a slag whilst just out walking.
As a teen being followed home and taking off my shoes so I could sprint.

@TheImber

MrsTulip

Surely thats the point though? Because men are usually bigger and stronger, they have the advantage so some of them choose to harass women.

However, in situations where women have the advantage(or think they do), they do exactly the same thing, often to a far worse degree than men.

The problem isn't male attitudes, its human nature and the biological fact that men happen to be stronger in most cases. If women were the stronger sex, we'd see the same thing in reverse.

I'm not saying its right, I'm just saying that demonising men isn't the answer.

If you were right, we’d have equal numbers of male and female cat callers, flashers etc. We don’t. Women’s behaviour (in general - there will always be exceptions) doesn’t escalate in the same way that men’s does.

The fact that men go on to use their additional strength to support their harassing behaviour shows just how much of this is about power and dominance over women.

I think most women have at some level. Started in my early teens - men shouting things at me in the street, or out of car windows. Once when cycling a group of men in a car followed me, laughing and shouting, swerving, and I nearly fell off my bicycle. That was scary. Unwanted attention on public transport, in bars, that kind of thing. I'm not particularly attractive, just average. Sad thing is I always just accepted it as how life was. It shouldn't be.

This is a minority of men though. A tiny minority. Most are decent. I've crossed paths with 1000s of men in my life through work, travel, just walking down the street. Only a handful have been abusive.

I don’t think I have, no cat calls, whistles, flashing or assault. I have experienced racism (not harassment one off) and I wonder if the men doing it would have said the same if I was a man.