Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

Literally more times than I can count or care to recall.
I believe that some women haven't been harassed, or don't consider that they have been, but if you are one of the lucky minority, please don't then conclude that it's over exaggerated.

I'm in my 30s. I had the occasional wolf whistle in my late teens, and a teenager grabbed my backside as he walked past when I was in my 20s - I have him a confused glare and he apologised.

I know a lot of women who have had it a lot worse, so I don't think it's exaggerated, but it's fair to say that I've never been made to feel afraid by a man - as a girl with low self-esteem the wolf whistles felt like a compliment, it was nice to actually be noticed. I know that's not the 'right' way to see it, but it is how I felt.

Yes Eggs I agree the majority of the harassment or assaults I received were as a teenager/early twenties. As someone with daughters this horrifies me for what’s to come.

@HaNNaHC92

I'm 28 and have not experienced male harassment or even come close to. There's obviously a lot of women out there who have been, but I think the numbers are exaggerated and are still small compared to those who have not been.

Are you a man named Garry?

Yes a lot when I was a teenager, then more subtly I suppose when I was working in my 20's. Loads of times now that I've started running and also I get loads of hassle on my social media page linked to my company. I'm not sure if they're hoping for a discount or what but I would say I get inappropriate messages at least three times a week. I delete and block but it is disgraceful.

I am in my sixties and this is my list:

walking to guides on a winters evening there were always kerb crawlers in cars - we wouldn't tell at home because we would have been stopped from going to guides
At puberty being forced to have oral sex with my grandfather
Various jobs where I was groped by male employees - usually those who were in charge
Inappropriate touching by a teacher in comp
Men being abusive when their advances were rejected

I went on a Reclaim the Night march in the early 70's and I find it depressing that nothing seems to have changed

Men who are offended and says it's not all men and men who say that they are unaware are bullshitting - they pick their daughter up because they know it's not safe

@Twintub

Ps I didn’t mean to put the voting on but yes who did vote YABU ???

Maybe it's some who've been lucky enough not to have suffered any harassment, but don't realise it's luck. I'm going to put this link in again in case anyone missed it upthread

Among women aged 18-24, 97% said they had been sexually harassed, while 80% of women of all ages said they had experienced sexual harassment in public spaces.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/10/almost-all-young-women-in-the-uk-have-been-sexually-harassed-survey-finds

Those who are saying that they have never experienced sexual harassment, should count themselves lucky and not deny that it happens to the rest of us.
I have and most of my female friends and family members have, to varying degrees.

When younger- hand groping my bum in a crowded place, man thrusting his erect penis towards me on the tube, groped in night clubs too many times, cat calls whilst walking along the road and abused if I dared to ignore them, cornered in a bathroom by a man who let themselves in, the suggestive comments from strangers, man at work who wouldn’t take no for an answer, are a few of the ones that I feel comfortable talking about.

When older-again with the suggestive comments, I don’t use public transport anymore so that helps a bit, cat calls when jogging, man grabbing my arm to chat to me, being chatted up and someone getting aggressive when I was interested, OLD and the disgusting comments

I just hope something is done about this because it’s been going on for too long

Before I was 25 - followed repeated and flashed at by an older student (if only he knew I needed glasses and couldn't see what he was doing very well), attempted sexual coercion by a boss, unwanted cat calls to numerous to mention. Much less as I get older and more lumpy it happens less but I am still aware of the unwanted male gaze and frequently being placed in positions where men are deliberately closer to me than I like.

It varies enormously depending on where you live.

I grew up in a fairly quiet area and experienced some cat-calling and occasional pushy chatting up. A friend was sexually assaulted and that got into the local newspaper.

I moved to a city and experienced harassment several times a day, with actual physical assaults a few times a year. My friends in the city had it too. But you rarely saw reports of sexual assaults in the paper. It felt like we were in a weird alternate reality that wasn't acknowledged by the rest of the world.

I moved back to a quiet area when I got married because I didn't want my children putting up with it. If I'd always lived here I would probably think other people were exaggerating their experiences.

What a brilliant post..I could have written this as I have experienced most of these awful things during my lifetime. I have worked in two all male work places which were really disturbing and i did nothing about the harassment I suffered due to fear and embarrassment
I would have loved a daughter but am actually feeling relieved I have a son.
What sort of world is this where women feel intimidated and violated at work and outside?

I think if you are a woman who has reached the age of 25 and never experienced some form of sexual harassment by a man then YOU ARE FUCKING BLIND, DEAF or DEAD!

It's literally everywhere!

I was molested sitting on a crowded night coach. By a man who must have been in his 80s. I was 19 and showing no bare skin other than my face and hands. I hadn't spoken to him or even looked at him.

I didn't say anything, just kept batting away his hand and tried to make myself as small as possible by the window, sitting awake all night trying not to cry. I didn't say anything because a) I'd been socialised not to make a fuss and b) I felt sorry for his adult daughter who was sitting somewhere else and didn't want to embarrass her.

I was groped standing in a huge crowd at a rugby match where I couldn't move forward or to the side to get away from it (back in the days of terraces). I was 14. When I told my mum about it later on, she told me about the same thing happening to her in a crowd when she was little and that she'd whispered to my gran who'd stepped back with her stilletto heels onto the man's foot. We didn't discuss why neither of us had shouted or confronted the men in question - we knew without using the words that you "don't make a fuss".

I've had sex with men that I didn't want to have sex with, that I'd said I wasn't having sex with, because I was alone with them and I didn't know whether they were the sort of man who would force me and the whole thing would be made worse. It seemed easier to capitulate and have horrible, dry sex. The men didn't seem to notice that I wasn't having a good time.

The one time that I did manage to get a man to leave my room when I didn't want to have sex (I was a student in halls and still a virgin, not that it makes a difference), he acused me of acusing him of attempted rape and I was ostracised by my friends. Good times!

@SweetPetrichor

I’m 31 and I have never been harassed, cat called, touched, groped or anything untoward. I work in a male dominated environment as well which ups the stakes. Maybe I’m just ugly...or maybe it’s not as much of an issue as people think. I don’t do anything to provoke unwanted attention though and I think that makes a big difference.

There we go again. Being 'ugly' is not protection from harassment and assault. It's not about looks. Women HAVE to stop thinking like this, it contributes to rape culture and victim blaming.

I have experienced it. I'm 57 and it was mostly in my younger days - teens. Both of my daughters have been harassed and touched by complete strangers and one had an abusive husband.

I think it's a very fortunate woman indeed who hasn't ever had these experiences.

@HaNNaHC92

I'm 28 and have not experienced male harassment or even come close to. There's obviously a lot of women out there who have been, but I think the numbers are exaggerated and are still small compared to those who have not been.

What ya basing this on? Your own experience?

Can't speak for all my friends, but yes a huge amount of them have been sexually harrassed/assaulted.
I have experienced it throughout my life and the most depressing thing is both my teenage girls have now experienced it, one was physically assaulted by a middle aged man only recently. She was 15.

Also only a year ago my mother (in her 60's) was with me on a bus and a middle aged man started rubbing himself against her.

I successfully took an employer to court for sexual harrassment because I had no option but to leave my job.

Its depressing.

Men need to start calling out other men who do this, because it isn't all men. But when women complain it isn't taken seriously.

Decent men need to start standing with us and saying this is NOT acceptable.

@TheGoogleMum

I have only experienced mild harassment, nothing that has disturbed me really, and I didnt really recognise it as harassment at the time. I'm aware that's quite lucky though! Although any woman could experience harassment I suspect it might be worse for those who are very attractive? I'm fairly plain looking!

You do realise that sexual harassment isn’t about desire, don’t you? Men aren’t calling out and touching women without consent because they find them attractive, but because they want to demonstrate their power and dominance over them. If they want a woman to form a relationship with them, do you honestly think this is how they go about it? Abuse and harassment are about power.

I think that as well as the "obvious" sexual assaults, groping, being sworn at for declining unwanted advances we are all becoming more aware of the mysoginstic microaggressions around us.

My initial feeling is that I haven't been harassed, but then I remembered when I was 13, a boy in my class grabbing my boob when I was sitting next to him.

Being cat called, having men shout out the car at you as you are waking, even being told "cheer up love it might never happen" - these things are done by men to women.

As an example, men in pubs and clubs - I've been told I'm frigid, ugly anyway when I didn't want to kiss them / dance with them. Compared to when I was chatted up by a woman, told her I wasn't interested (not gay) and we had a pleasant chat and she moved on.

It's harassment and aggression from me towards women, and we are not listened to when we say it's not ok.

I don’t think I’ve experienced much. One flasher, one drunk client getting a bit amorous.
I worked in a very male dominated environment and can’t say I was disadvantaged. I do give off a strong in charge vibe though.
I did have a disproportionate number of male married colleagues show interest, but not inappropriately, other than the fact they were married of course.

Yanbu... I’ve been attacked twice and suffered sexual harassment in the work place...I’m in my 50’s.

I am 39 and I too have experienced male harassment. Cat calls, sly gropes of my backside and/or breasts in pubs/clubs/at gigs, name calling if I turned down advances, a teacher telling me all about his sex life in a detention..

The worst was when I was cornered in an underpass by three older teenagers when I was fifteen. I am convinced that I was about to be dragged off and gang raped when an older gentleman with a dog appeared and saw what was happening. He walked me the ten minutes to my home where my parents called the Police.

They basically asked what I was wearing and if I had provoked them. I had an orange Ellesse t-shirt on, baggy jeans and trainers as I was walking home at 5pm from my job on a market stall. Not that it should have bloody mattered! Almost 25years on I still remember the frustration and shame of being made to feel that it was somehow my fault that I had been in that situation.

I'm in my 60s and have lost count of the number of incidents, both here in the UK and abroad. Being followed, attempted rape ( hope he still has the scars i gave him), being groped, cancelled, intimidated, flashed, the whole lot. Not that it should matter, but have never worn high heels/'sexy' clothes etc, just gone about my daily life, appropriately dressed, minding my own business, no 'provocations or whatever men say to justify these vile acts. When are men going to learn to control themselves?

catcalled, FFS not cancelled!