Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

Honestly it's one of the reasons I stay overweight and don't bother with my appearance (no makeup etc) - I get lot less bother from men

I find that really sad
I'm overweight and don't bother with make up, never have done, but purposefully being overweight to make people stop bothering with you or looking at you etc - just no

I have been (56) and I know my DD (20) has been. I think the stats suggest 97% of women have been.

My experiences, so numerous: flashed at least 5 times by the time I was 18; followed twice; several times cars driven next to me slowly with a man starting at me; three times lent against or fondled on the tube (second time when I was heavily pregnant)...... To name a few.

My DD: cars driven past slowly, touched up in the street, catcalled.... there are the ones I know about.

I think fathers are important in all this, is my simple point. It's not helpful for women to be brought up expecting to be princesses.

• I'm not sure how expecting to be a princess, or not has any bearing on anything. Perhaps those fathers would be better served teaching sons how to treat women with respect.

I've woken up to someone assaulting me, it was my flatmates boyfriend. We were all up drinking one night, I went to bed and left them to it and then later when she was asleep he snuck into my room and molested me, I woke up to him having his fingers inside me. I threw him out my room, and he just slunk off back to her room. I'm annoyed with myself now that I didn't think at the time to report it to the police, I was more concerned with how to tell my friend that her boyfriend was a sleazebag, and almost felt guilty for them breaking up. He died few years later.

I've also had a taxi driver grab my hand and put it on his crotch. I was on my own and it was in the middle of nowhere in another country so I just let him as I was so scared of what he might do otherwise. I think that I was very lucky that it didn't go any further.

I've had my drink spiked in a club. Luckily a (male) friend of mine saw me and realised and managed to help me and got me home. A short while later it was in the news that another girl had been spiked in the same club and was raped.

I've also had the cat calling, approached by randoms in the street, groping in night clubs & public transport - in fact anywhere busy enough that they can get away rubbing their crotch up against you, also had hand up skirt on the dance floor.

@Quaagars

Honestly it's one of the reasons I stay overweight and don't bother with my appearance (no makeup etc) - I get lot less bother from men

I find that really sad
I'm overweight and don't bother with make up, never have done, but purposefully being overweight to make people stop bothering with you or looking at you etc - just no

No need to be sad! As i say it's one of the reasons. The main reason is I love food and am also very happy with my body. I also don't really care about makeup. I just have always felt when slim that suddenly I get unwanted attention again. It does make life easier to be invisible when you hate that sort of attention!

I love food and am also very happy with my body
That's alright then, glad to hear it

I don’t think I have ever faced any sort of harassment. It could be because I apparently, even in my teens and 20s I looked quite scary or it could be because I have never been that great looking.

I grew up in a really dodgy area so to me it was my neighbourhood so it wasn’t scary and I have lived in some seedy areas of London which again has never frightened me when I have walked back from a night out.

I get fearful of dc walking alone during the day as well as night because I know what could happen but me personally I have no fear.

or it could be because I have never been that great looking

Oh stop, how you look has no bearing on whether you'll be attacked!!

I'm also one who is not afraid to walk out and about after dark, as we can't live our lives in fear and hide away.
I'll keep on being me

Quaagars my other thought was because everyone tells me I look scary. Even when I was in my teens and 20s
As I have got older I see my grandfather staring back at me in the mirror.
Everyone thought he was scary too.

Goodness this is beyond depressing. 2021 and 2 women PM's behind us and this is happening to almost every woman STILL? WTH?

That's why I see the Meghan thing as a feminist issue. Its not about a different opinion. Put simply she deserves not to be threatened or harassed and we have to mean it. The hatred spewed at her by the incels usefully sets the climate for the rest of the country, and I don't get why so many women can't see it. Incel hatred gives permission to other predators as does so many women's selective silence.

I know I'll get a bunch on here arguing its all completely different but of course its bloody not. She doesn't deserve it anymore than any woman on this thread.

I firmly believe it will come down to women stopping this crap (one day) when we eventually find common ground (like the civil rights movement) but it'll only happen when we learn to speak for ALL women's right not to be harassed & abused... not just the ones like us, or the ones we like!

I think the poster who said it was just part of the culture 'back in the day has hit the nail on the head.

As a kid (8ish?) on my new build estate a man masturbated while engaging me in conversation. He was a builder- he wore the overalls and my mum worked for the building firm (but he was a subbie I guess), so he would not have been hard to find
The police just said ' just ignore people like that'. End of report.

So when my mates and I saw a dodgy bloke with his penis out, when we were at the park, we just laughed and chose not to use the loos.

At work (very male environment) jokes about offering sexual favours/tits/ arses were just par for the course. You just glossed over it and made light of the comments/touches.

Now I have 2 teen girls, I am horrified that them and cat calling when they are in their school uniforms. I am trying to ensure they call out this behaviour.

I decided to make an effort for the first time in ages yesterday. Nothing OTT, just a nice spring dress and some make up. I was walking outside for no more than 2-3 minutes when I was shouted at from a lorry.

Been assaulted 4 times & had to get a boy chucked out of my school when he threatened me repeatedly with rape, stalked me and exposed himself to my friends. Ironically, he said I had ruined HIS life.

2 years ago I saw him for the first time since I was 14. I started physically shaking & had to leave the cafe.

Last year I was trying to eat lunch in peace in a square when a man sidled up next to me and wouldnt stop chatting. When I politely said I must wanted to eat my lunch in peace, he said I should speak to a man when he talks to me. When up to leave he screamed fuck you over and over again. Awful.

don’t think I have ever faced any “I sort of harassment. It could be because I apparently, even in my teens and 20s I looked quite scary or it could be because I have never been that great looking.”

I am not pretty at all they still harass me. Groped me when I was in high school. You probably been around men who were raised right

I'm mid 30s. I've not experienced anything that I would be sufficiently upset by to label or report as "harassment", but I've certainly been whistled at / had comments made on the odd occasion, which have made me uncomfortable.

I'm 22 and I have had really horrific experiences, being called a fat cnt when I said I wasn't interested, a guy literally not understanding no when I was very drunk and still going ahead with it, multiple times guys following me home when I am just nipping to the shop , my first ever boyfriend harassing me to have sex with him because his 'bestfriend' was more fun than I was and the rping me and her on the same night. And many more and worst of all the police don't believe you they don't care

First time I was sexually harassed I was in Year 6. I was tall and older looking than my age but still totally inexcusable. I was waiting for my Dad and brother to come out of the toilets while we were at Minehead Butlins. It was almost 30 years ago and I still remember the man and what he said. Since then, I have been harassed, cat called, groped, grabbed, had my drink spiked and been sexually assaulted on the bus on my way to work at 7:30 in the morning. That one went to the police and apparently the man in question was known and they knew exactly what I was going to say before I even described the man. The world is getting better for women, but we’re far from there yet.

My experiences were definitely more the younger I was. I believe that is just down to the fact I now have the confidence/look to stop someone from this kind of behaviour.

As other posters have mentioned I have had lots of name calling and aggression when turning someone down politely. But my encounter was when I was 18 and it took me 10 years to tell someone as I was so embarrassed.

I was in the local pub with friends and I was still very naive to how men acted. My friends dad was in the pub so she took us over to say hi. He had this ‘friend’ probably just a local who kept trying to chat me up. I was obviously not interested he was drunk, smelt as such and was at least late 50s. As we were all going to leave her dad kissed us all on the cheek goodbye (felt innocent) and this man pushed past and went to kiss me on the cheek. I was so mortified I let him when he grabbed my face turned my head with so much force it really hurt and stuck his tounge so far in my mouth. I pulled away but he had a hold of my neck. I was mortified and the worst part was everyone (the men) laughing. Me and my friends never mentioned it they were equally embarrassed and I never told anyone for a long time.

How I wish at 33 I could see that man now...

I haven't read the full thread but I'm also 29 and have experienced lots, too many to count really starting when I was 14, walking home from school men would stop in their vans, ask for my number, get out and follow me. I was flashed at twice when in school uniform. First boss when I was 16 harassed me until I left. More recently I had to report a senior male member of staff at current place of work for repeatedly sending me work emails full of innuendo which escalated when I asked him to stop. He did this from his work emails so was made to leave, a few other young women came forward to report that he was doing the same to them and worse. Three times I've been forced into sex acts/sex. Then lots of groping on nights out etc, both over clothes and twice men have put hands up my skirt to touch me without consent. I have two DDs aged 4 and 1 and I really hope they don't have to experience what I did.

Beginning already for my two girls (12 and 14) 🙁🙁. Dd2 is beautiful and very tall (not being boastful she just is). We were on the Paris metro and the girls sat separately but in same carriage and we got off dd2 in tears because of a man who had stared at her “between her legs” and touched himself. Aged 11. 2019.

Yes, twice attempted rape, unwanted hands on nights out, followed by men in car, men leering on trains when I'm trapped, comments when exercising, things yelled out of car windows. Am 39 and am sure that a lot of men who did these things either have forgotten it or don't see the issue with it.

I think we should be asking men as well as women. Have you done any of these things? Maybe to strangers, women you know, women you work with, only when drunk, only when with the lads, only as banter, or have you done it alone, with intent, or when your wife/girlfriend said no?

Have you ever wolf-whistled/cat-called?
Have you touched someone else’s breasts/bum in public eg in a club, on the tube?
Have you put your hand on a woman’s knee?
Have you made sexual remarks/innuendos at work/to much younger women/when you were in a position of authority?
Have you rated women’s looks and then told the woman/women?
Have you sat next to women so you can look down their tops?
Have you sent unsolicited dick pics?
Have you yelled at women who turned you down?
Have you shouted (anything) at women running/exercising outside?
Have you upskirted?
Have you flashed at women?
Have you followed women walking at night?
Have you tried to get women into your car at night eg by offering lifts to strangers?
Have you kerb-crawled?
Have you had sex when the woman didn’t want to?
Have you tried it on with very drunk women?
Have you had sex when the woman was asleep or drunk?

There’ll be a depressingly long list of stuff I’ve missed out. I keep thinking of more.

You can see a few common things from these threads, but I don’t think it is appearance that drives this behaviour. What was key is the point when you as a young girl start entering the world on your own.

The times when I have experienced this is where there was no male presence, and it did teach me that a lot of men regarded me as less. All these builders and tradesmen yelling from vans, to choose a tiny example. They would have been married or had girlfriends.

They were and are just entitled. When they went home, they were probably nice husbands or boyfriends. But during the day, it was different.

I still think a lot of men reckon women are “fair game”. So women at home can have some respect because they have a role, wife and mother etc.

But they don’t apply that to other women.

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar

I think we should be asking men as well as women. Have you done any of these things? Maybe to strangers, women you know, women you work with, only when drunk, only when with the lads, only as banter, or have you done it alone, with intent, or when your wife/girlfriend said no?

Have you ever wolf-whistled/cat-called?
Have you touched someone else’s breasts/bum in public eg in a club, on the tube?
Have you put your hand on a woman’s knee?
Have you made sexual remarks/innuendos at work/to much younger women/when you were in a position of authority?
Have you rated women’s looks and then told the woman/women?
Have you sat next to women so you can look down their tops?
Have you sent unsolicited dick pics?
Have you yelled at women who turned you down?
Have you shouted (anything) at women running/exercising outside?
Have you upskirted?
Have you flashed at women?
Have you followed women walking at night?
Have you tried to get women into your car at night eg by offering lifts to strangers?
Have you kerb-crawled?
Have you had sex when the woman didn’t want to?
Have you tried it on with very drunk women?
Have you had sex when the woman was asleep or drunk?

There’ll be a depressingly long list of stuff I’ve missed out. I keep thinking of more.

And for the men who can honestly answer 'no' to all or most of those questions: How many of these behaviours have you witnessed among your friends and acquaintances and left unchallenged, explicitly or implicitly condoning them?

Sure, it may be difficult.But I'm sure you know the saying:

“Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.”
John Stuart Mill, 1867

I'm 28 and have not experienced male harassment or even come close to. There's obviously a lot of women out there who have been, but I think the numbers are exaggerated and are still small compared to those who have not been.

Are you sure?

I ask because on a similar thread someone said they had never been asaulted and then added, "I had a boyfriend try to have sex with me while I was asleep, I don't know what you would call that"

Now I would call that attempted rape.

I've been sexually assaulted and harassed many times and have been raped.
A lot of the assault and harassment was from when I worked in a bar.
A few instances were drunk 'friends' and most instances were when I was in an abusive relationship and he was very sexually abusive.

I also had a neighbour continually expose himself to me when I was a child. My parents built a fence so I couldn't see him anymore but never called the police.