Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

Cabbage king.
You are lucky.

I could mention more.

I'm in my 40's now and have experienced male harassment my whole life. Some experiences have been 'minor' others very serious. My first experience was in the form of indecent exposure when I was only 7 years old. I wish I could say this was the worst experience I ever had, but sadly it isn't.

This needs to change so women, and their daughters can feel safe.

I am 40 and have encountered the following:
Man masturbated on the train opposite me - smiling (I was 16)
Followed from my work place (it was dark and secluded)
A man put his hand in my knickers in a bar
Stalked by a guy I declined a date with in uni

This is apart from unwelcome catcalls, gropes etc that most (if not all) women put up with

And it really isn't the same for men, I know unpleasant things can happen to them too but it is nothing like the same.

I remember some years ago when my BF of the time met me after work he was really shaken up because a woman had propositioned him whilst waiting for his train home: 'D'you wanna lady?' He was so upset he was shaking.

Two things struck me: firstly, he was upset because this had never happened to him before, he didn't expect to be accosted like that when just going about his business. Whereas for me, situations comparable to that are so frequent that I am not sure I would even have bothered reporting it to him if I had been similarly propositioned on my way home from work (as I have been, frequently). I was shocked that he was shocked, in other words.

Secondly, although I didn't doubt that it was upsetting for him and I sympathised, the physical intimidation element was missing which is always present for women subjected to unwelcome male attention. Although DH was revolted and discussed he at no time felt at personal risk. That is a critical difference.

Women who fee harrassed by men should leran to give it back - two examples -
A young co-teacher at the school where I taught was catcalled by a few teenage pupils on a street in the town asking her to her "sck their dcks" - she answered "okay, tomorrow morning after register in the principal's office. They ran.
I was approached by a man on the busy street where I live and was told he wanted to fck me NOW! I said, okay, I know the owners of this pub, we can go in there now if you want, they have a back room we could use - but it may happen that you don't get back out of this pub alive. He ran!
Don't let yourselves be harrassed - give as good as you get!*

I had a man get physically aggressive when I told him to fuck off in a pub when he wouldn't leave me alone. Luckily (for me) the doorman intervened and threw him out and also luckily he didn't hang around outside waiting.
"Giving it back" can either egg them on or piss them off. Neither is a good choice.

Although it is fair to say there is the odd woman who has not experienced direct sexual harassment (very few and far in between) every single woman feels the impact of it.

If you have ever pretended to take a phonecall in the hope you won't be shouted at in the street, ran all the way home after a night out, pretended to look in your bag to avoid eye contact, not put your headphones in so you can hear who is coming up behind you, had to tell someone a man in your life no multiple times etc etc

Then you have been a victim of sexual harassment even if that was indirectly.

Grew up in the era where it was running the gauntlet to walk past builders, whistles cat calls etc. In broad daylight walking down the High Street some lout made some comment and then shoved his hand under my bum as he walked past. Thought I was past all this but on a crowded (very crowded) London bus both my daughter and I were groped - I thought I was imagining it but she confirmed it. I was over 50. Neither of my daughters will catch the local bus, men have nearly crashed their cars leaning out of the window to make comments. I worry for them

I've been sexually assaulted a few times. Had men follow me a number of times, some of which were in broad daylight, one of those times I was with my mum. Groped by strangers and people I knew, on public transport, at weddings, in the middle of the street during the day. Have been offered money for sex, had men try to take pictures down my top a couple of times.

I'm sure a lot of these men are so called nice guys too.

Nope

It's a strange thing, and as I've got older it pisses me off more. But I'm old and invisible now which is rather nice 😁

I've been sexually assaulted in clubs. But, I've never considered it sexual assault. I've chalked it up at the time to "one of those things" that happens to every women. Because it does happen to every women, at least to the ones I know who I've spoke about it. It just happens.

I've been groped, shoved against walls, forcibly kissed,, hands grabbed and pressed against crutches, hands up my top, hands up my skirt into my pants, arse slapped, breasts grabbed. And none of this I would even consider and in the grand scheme of things. So I chalk it up to "one of those things" but it's not, it shouldn't be. It's not fucking ok. But because every woman I know has experienced it in one way or another, we just accept it as the norm.

I know, I know NAMALT, but enough are it seems, enough to make every woman I know have this unwanted experience

Why should I learn to give it back it just shouldn’t be done to me

And I believe a man who is willing to sexually harass or assault you is also willing to physically assault you as they have already proven they do not care for you wellbeing

HaNNaHC92 Google ‘reclaim the night 1970’ and there is your answer. Google Spare Rib on this too.

I am 65 and it saddens me that issues we were campaigning about back then are still around.

I guess education, as ever, is the answer. At least now it is being acknowledged that men have a part to play in this, with challenging other men about their attitudes. That idea was not around in the 1970s

Saying women and girls should learn to 'give it back' is terrible advice.

Some become very aggressive.
Some take it as a green light to carry on- banter!

And the subtext is that women and girls should deal with this themselves- illegal sexually motivated crimes.

It’s only in the last day that I’ve started to think about my experiences. And things I’d put to the back of my mind. Being flashed at by the brother of a friend as a 11/12 yr old was my earliest experience. And there’s been several more since, most recently another flasher when I was out running on my own. Then I thought of my dd (13) and how her and my niece were unknowingly flashed at in the swimming pool changing area when a bloke ‘accidentally’ dropped his towel and took a long time to retrieve it.
So to answer your question, I think the number of women that haven’t experienced something-flashing, groping, touching- will be few.

I am not special.
I am not an obvious target... except in being female.

I'm quiet - shy - not pretty (touched with the ugly stick according to overheard work gossip)- specs wearing - very conservative dresser (for reasons below)- plump or fat (lumpy not curvy)...

But I caught the unwelcome attention of
-wolf-whistling road builders when in my late teens
-rain-coat wearing flasher when 21
-and most distressing (since must be my fault), a man with push-chair (and child) feeling up me as a trapped and frozen with fear 11 year old school-girl in a museum

I don't know a woman who has been free of this sort of thing - even my teenage daughter has suffered a (middle-aged) stalker who followed her to the city where she was at university and cost her a year of deep distress.

(And I mostly avoided the touch of an 'uncle' now in prison for his assault of another 13 year old gir.)

@NiceGerbil

Saying women and girls should learn to 'give it back' is terrible advice.

Some become very aggressive.
Some take it as a green light to carry on- banter!

And the subtext is that women and girls should deal with this themselves- illegal sexually motivated crimes.

I agree with this.

I am 65 and it saddens me that issues we were campaigning about back then are still around.

This.^^

I was around 9/10 when this was a thing.

I'm BEYOND angry that 40 something years later, the narrative is the same.

I'm 25 and have experienced a slew of harassment since I was a kid. I was sexually assaulted on a field trip as a child, a 40 year old creep took photos up my skirt at a convention when I was 14, a "friend" stole naked photos of me from my computer and threatened to share them if I didn't send him more (that went on for way longer than it should have), I've been followed home, I've been shouted in broad daylight in the streets, I've been groped on the tube. The most annoying have been at work though. I've had man after man after man say disgusting comments to me while at my customer service job, I've had men ask me to "replace the loo roll in the toilet" only to try and follow me in, I've had men take photos of me while working, come up to me with a full on erection and talk to me while touching themselves, and worst of all upon telling my boss all of these things after each time something happened, he told me I "misunderstood the situation."
Women who have experienced this are in the majority and it's so, so upsetting.

I don't know a single woman who would say they've never experienced male harassment.

As a nurse I've been harrassed by loads of men....one of the worst was being asked what was the colour of my public hair, in a bay of 6 men! I was mortified. I was early 20s, nowadays I wouldn't stand for it!

I posted earlier about not having experienced harassment. I wanted to make clear that it is pure luck. Absolutely nothing I have done protected me. I did not have any vibe. There is nothing special about me and it could happen to me any day in the future unless things change.

No woman (or man) experiencing harassment is at fault no matter what they were wearing, where they were or their actions.

It doesn’t matter whether I or any other woman find certain actions non threatening or could deal with them. (I wouldn’t actually, I have huge admiration for the many women on MN who manage to get through each day after some of their experiences.) Each woman has a right to be safe and not to need to deploy skills to survive harassment (physically, mentally or emotionally).

Sexual harassment is widespread in schools p6-7, work p3 and generally

I've honestly never met one no.

My mum claims that she has never been sexually harassed in any way.... I'm not sure if that's true or not.

As for me, flashed and walked at, followed home, and the most scary was when I "fought back" by telling someone to fuck off when they were making rude comments to me in the street. He ran after me shouting obscenities telling me what vile things he would do if he fought me. I don't recomend fighting back. This was in broad daylight in a public place.

Mist shocking was the peeping tom at the leisure centre watching me and my then 3 year old DD getting changed. I assure you he was not interested in the frumpy middle aged woman

Tbh there are too many to list. I have also done stupid things like walk home pissed late at night by myself, to some I might have been asking for it. I say fuck off. I have the right to live my life without fear. What gives someone the right to think I'm fair game just because I'm alone at night. And no I don't want your husband to walk me home, he's probably as much of a threat as the next man.

Pretty much every job I've had apart from one, I've been harassed. Awful when you actually sit down and think about it.