Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

@FangsForTheMemory I also said just once if passing by as I would walk on , if someone continued then I would consider that more harassment but not had that
Yes a man to a child I would see as wrong as they are a child , and I also said I know some women consider a wolf whistle harassment

It is so depressingly ubiquitous isn't it? Of course, me too and every woman I know. So fucking sick of it. Decent men need to step up now. I have ds's and talk about these things often. I am confident (but then wouldn't many mums say this) that they have internalised the messages I have tried to instil and wouldn't harass girls and women. I am less confident that they would have the confidence to be the one that calls out the behaviour in others when they witness it....'Nice' men are very good at minimising the behaviour of their peers as lads banter etc etc while at the same time taking credit for themselves for not behaving in this way themselves. Why should they get brownie points for not being preditors and rapists? I don't go around patting myself on the back for not spiking peoples drinks. Our Overton window needs a pretty radical rethink.

• My mums mum was raped and had her adopted.
• My mum was once followed home and nearly raped as a teenager (her boyfriends family at the time made him stop seeing her as she must have encouraged it)
• My older sister was raped and domestically abused by her bf of 8 years in her 20’s
• My younger sister was raped by a male friend in her first year at uni. He drugged her as the rest of the friendship group left.
• I was sexually abused between the ages of 10-15
• I was raped by my boyfriend at age 15.
• At 23 my married boss tried to invite me to have an affair with him. He later bullied me and got me unfairly dismissed because what I knew could ruin his life apparently
• At 29 I was pursued for months by a man from my dance class. I told him I wasn’t interested in 55 different ways. He happened to arrive at a club where I was having a rare drunken night out with friends. He separated me from them and I woke up to him having sex with me.

This is just the serious shit, not even the moderate or mundane stuff of every day.

Men’s reaction to Sara everhard’s death has been incredibly disappointing.
Many are making it all about them and women’s overreaction.

@mbosnz and thats your opinion and its fine , mine is that doesn't bother me and I don't respond normally ( not that it happens when your older ) and like I said once as you walk by wouldn't bother me if they continued then I would see it as more harassment but i appreciate others don't like it

I'm 36 and I have been more times than I can count. My ex once said 'I just don't know anyone who would act that way so I find it hard to believe'. Then we went out for cocktails and on my way back from the toilet a man rubbed his hand up my thigh. When I was a teenager getting the train to college I would get ' I'd love to fuck you' or asked for my number and when I declined ' you're only good for a fuck anyway'. In my 20s at uni I woke up with my flatmates hand in my pants. At my 30th birthday in a bar a man stuck his head down my top and 'motorboated' me. Last week on a bike ride with my son some men shouted from their van. Walking with my 4 year old niece today ' you've you've a great arse' from a man across the road. It is vile. It is constant.

@Sadsiblingatsea

Men’s reaction to Sara everhard’s death has been incredibly disappointing. Many are making it all about them and women’s overreaction.

Couldn't agree more. I mentioned Sara and the #malecurfew movement to a male colleague today who replied with a disgruntled "We're not all bad you know". Spectacularly missing the point and even after my explaining to him why that wasn't the point I'm not convinced he understood. Or wanted to. All of this is still seen as a women's problem.

I’ve had unwanted hands up my skirt, a man pull his pants down to show me he was masturbating watching me, pressed against by a man while queueing at the post office, I was once called racist for not getting in a mans car when on my way to work, been sworn at after telling a man I wasn’t interested and him saying he only wanted to chat- pointed out I didn’t want to chat to him and he called me a whore.

The worst thing is it all made me uncomfortable but I didn’t see it as a problem or strange until a customer once gropped me in front of a male colleague and he chucked him out telling the man how inappropriate it was, I was about 20 and had just allowed it because I was too shy to say.

I've been harassed in every imaginable way, from catcalling to physical assault. Just this week a group of teenage boys heading home from school jeered and shouted something about tits at me as I walked back to my car after work. I was wearing a padded coat zipped to the neck, hardly alluring.

None of the harassments is my fault.

@LexMitior

Empathy, emily

If we were to have conversations with everyone about things that need empathy, we’d never have a lighthearted conversation again.

If someone chooses to confide in me an experience they have gone through I am happy to listen, but it’s not a subject I’m going to bring up. It would be insensitive and rude.

They don't exclude each other - I'm sure its possible to have a lighthearted conversation about most things.

Have you never spoken to your friends about it, I take it?

I’m round the same age as you op, and definitely had similar experiences.. sadly I think we just put up with it more in the 80s and 90s. I’m so glad young women these days are more assertive.

I have not been harassed. I’m quite nerdy though - not sure if that makes a difference or not.

I guess it would interesting to see if surveys have been done. And also what people count as harassment - maybe if you ask the question in different ways, you might get different answers. Would be interesting though.

Women who fee harrassed by men should leran to give it back - two examples -
A young co-teacher at the school where I taught was catcalled by a few teenage pupils on a street in the town asking her to her "sck their dcks" - she answered "okay, tomorrow morning after register in the principal's office. They ran.
I was approached by a man on the busy street where I live and was told he wanted to f*ck me NOW! I said, okay, I know the owners of this pub, we can go in there now if you want, they have a back room we could use - but it may happen that you don't get back out of this pub alive. He ran!
Don't let yourselves be harrassed - give as good as you get!

Only once aged 14- I was waiting at a quiet bus stop and an older man appeared and kept asking me to go with him as he had a ‘special present’ for me. He kept asking over and over and I said no repeatedly. He persisted for about ten minutes and the walked off. My DM couldn’t have cared less.

I’m now mid-40’s and have not experienced sexual harassment since. Being very plain and fat has always given me a cloak of invisibility throughout my life for many reasons so I suspect that’s why.

I do think it’s out of order for some posters to say women like me are lying or just ignore what I say - would you like it if one believed your claims?

Don't let yourselves be harrassed - give as good as you get

Hmmm missing the point we shouldn’t have to give as good as we get and believe me I’m capable. When you do Fight back it can get nasty even when being polite. Also some people would not feel comfortable at all confronting some tosser

Don't let yourselves be harrassed - give as good as you get!

Really really.... sometimes it is not as easy as that. I am not backward in coming forward but if you feel vulnerable because of where you are, it is difficult

I was chased by 4 men once.. how could I give as good as I get with that???

Don't let yourselves be harrassed - give as good as you get!

A bit of sass will put a stop to this. It's all good fun if you get some repartee going.

Agree ‘giving as good as you get’ is not always advisable, can be very dangerous..and as a young teen I was too shy and quiet to say anything back. Doesn’t mean I deserved to be harassed!

@SchrodingersImmigrant That's the probably "the vibe". This is what I was talking about not "oh they deserve it" but that some women have "the vibe".

But she DID say she gets harassed. Just that she tells them to fuck off. Despite having 'the vibe' men still do it 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Namenic

I have not been harassed. I’m quite nerdy though - not sure if that makes a difference or not.

I guess it would interesting to see if surveys have been done. And also what people count as harassment - maybe if you ask the question in different ways, you might get different answers. Would be interesting though.

No it does not make a difference.

I was a 'nerdy' teenager, young looking for my age, long skirts, the only skin on show was my face, neck and hands, frizzy hair, jam jar glasses and I still got bloody harrassed on my way to and from school by builders when I was 13/14. Like I said in my previous post I knew a nun get harrassed and rape threats.

God I used to not put up with it.

I didn't do the whole softly softly smiley let down gently thing when some random approached me in a pub etc.

I was polite but straightforward. No thank you. I'm sorry I'm with my friends etc.

And you know what. A fair proportion of men become very aggressive when you do that.

I've been punched in the face, had beer poured over my head, called every name under the sun. One man memorably wanted to 'take it outside'.

That's what happens when you don't take shit.
There's a reason so many women and girls wear fake engagement rings, lie about having a boyfriend etc etc.
Some men can't take a straightforward no. And women don't know which sort they have in front of them. So they are extremely cautious to get away in a way they don't take as a rejection.

This is one of these things where all men benefit from the fact that some are awful, without even realising it. Because most women and girls will let them down so carefully and with great care not to upset their ego etc. So they don't understand that actually this one and that one inside was thinking just fuck off and leave me alone. They are protected from understanding that, mostly.

I was peak nerd at 14 and on a trip to st Malo with my equally nerdy French exchange partner we were flashed at and followed home on day one and wanked at at a bus stop on day 2! St Malo is the perviest city there is ime.

I have a friend who "gave as good as she got" and got glassed for it.

If only a razor sharp wit was all it took to stop this.

Women who fee harrassed by men should leran to give it back - two examples -
A young co-teacher at the school where I taught was catcalled by a few teenage pupils on a street in the town asking her to her "sck their dcks" - she answered "okay, tomorrow morning after register in the principal's office. They ran.
I was approached by a man on the busy street where I live and was told he wanted to fck me NOW! I said, okay, I know the owners of this pub, we can go in there now if you want, they have a back room we could use - but it may happen that you don't get back out of this pub alive. He ran!
Don't let yourselves be harrassed - give as good as you get!*

This is insane advice! Should any of these instances have turned for the worse and ended up in court these responses would have ensured the perpetrators walked free. Ffs.