Is there any woman who hasn’t experienced male harrassment

[Twintub]

I was thinking about this and was initially thinking things have massively improved since I was young in the 80’s. I experienced flashers, a teacher tried to kiss me in high school he was married baby on the way, a pub boss whose girlfriend worked with him tried to kiss and grope me and another middle aged boss in my late 20s that pulled my trousers down at a night away for work. There were many more. Now I’m in my 40s I thought I don’t get bothered much but then I remembered 2 other pre covid instances. One late night train a drunk guy tried to chat to friend she politely said she wasn't interested and he got Aggressive calling her a speccy lesbian. Another instance my friend and I in a pub and a middle aged drunk man obviously on a business trip chatted up my friend she wasn’t interested I very nicely said we are just having a chat he turned on me and called me an ugly bitch He wasn’t talk h to me and I wasn’t a patch on her etc etc his work mates dragged him away.

What amazes me is men behave like this bit raise daughters who in turn get treated like this.

This issue is now on parents of sons. If you have a son it is your responsibility to teach him right from wrong, to have respect for women and to speak up when they see other men treating women badly, rather than ignoring or laughing along.

“Nice” men are part of the problem for not stamping this out. There is literally nothing women can do to stop this, it has to be on men.

I met my year 8 daughter from school today. When I arrived she was with two friends, all looking nervous as four older boys on bikes (year 10s apparently) cycled around them in a tight circle, effectively penning them in. Other adults were walking past, none of them checked the girls were ok. This is where it starts.

@donewithitalltodayandxmas

I also personally wouldn't consider a wolf whistle harrassment as a grown woman but I know some would

I think that it is mild harassment and I would prefer to live in a world where I didn’t feel intimidated by men whistling at me. And in some cases, I expect the intention is actually to intimidate.

I have. And the conversations I’ve had a work today with female colleagues were eye opening for everyone. We’d al been sexually harassed in some way.

I get it less now I am fatter and older but in my 20s I could guarantee that I’d have an issue every time I went out in the evening. It range from being groped in bars to being followed home or being taken advantage of while drunk.

It makes me sick to think about it.

@oil0W0lio

When she went to college she had a 6'4, football built boyfriend almost the first month she attended, they dated exclusively until they eventually married if you are obviously and visibly the 'property' of an 'alpha' the creeps dont bother taking a shot at you cos they'll get it from the 'alpha'

100 percent this.

Interesting question. I got talking about a similar topic with 3 female colleagues and 1 male, who was telling us that his daughter had had her drink spiked at the weekend (this was a few years ago). Shockingly, ALL of the women had also had their drinks spiked at some point - our male colleague was horrified it was so common .

I could also recount several stories when I've been groped without permission, sadly! I'm 35.

@TheVelvetiser

I met my year 8 daughter from school today. When I arrived she was with two friends, all looking nervous as four older boys on bikes (year 10s apparently) cycled around them in a tight circle, effectively penning them in. Other adults were walking past, none of them checked the girls were ok. This is where it starts.

Sickening

I'm 27:

When I was at school a bit smacked my bum to humiliate me, when I worked at a pub I had to ask patrons to move to take food to people (standing in front of the bar gate) and was told if I asked again they'd "spank me" - I was 16 they can't have been younger than 50, I've had my bum grabbed at a party, I've had a colleague put their face at breast level and say "breaaaaassts" leering at me while drunk, I've been cat called while walking along wearing a cagoule for heaven's sake - and properly offensive calls as well nothing minor.

And I'm someone who generally counts myself lucky that nothing has ever really happened to me, until I start counting it up...

I am fat and plain and have been fat and plain all my life and I still didn't escape sexual harassment, from the guy old enough to be my grandfather who cornered me at work and asked pointed questions about what I'd done on holiday to the guy who groped me on the tube and the flashers in the park where I used to live. Any woman who hasn't experienced similar has been very very lucky IMO.

@willstarttomorrow

I have already posted my experiences growing up but as a 45 year old woman with a teenage girl, things are probably getting worse. I work in child protection and lots of friends work in high schools- access to porn is so bloody easy and the nature of that porn is totally changing the way young boys see sex. I know every parent on here will say 'not my son'. But if it is not your son it is his mates, it is everywhere. Boys from the most exclusive fee paying school around here have been up on sexual assault charges, which is not a massive suprise. We need to teach our boys how that women are their equal rather than our girls that they have to live in fear.

Yes this is so true. Someone in my family used to be a Head at a fee paying school. Some of the things the boys did were unbelievable. Many of them totally unrepentant and chillingly entitled.

And this is why in part I don’t send my daughter to a mixed school.

@Wanderlust20

Interesting question. I got talking about a similar topic with 3 female colleagues and 1 male, who was telling us that his daughter had had her drink spiked at the weekend (this was a few years ago). Shockingly, ALL of the women had also had their drinks spiked at some point - our male colleague was horrified it was so common .

I could also recount several stories when I've been groped without permission, sadly! I'm 35.

Yep been spiked a couple of times. Last time only a couple of years ago. I'm 46.

So you wouldn't consider a wolf whistle harassment, @donewithitalltodayandxmas? How about if you were a ten year old girl and the guy doing it was 40?

It happened to me.

I could add many stories. The ones that stand out when I was first physically groped (14 in school uni for) by a stranger. Being groped on a tube and another woman laughing about me crying over it and calling me infantile (19).

No one male or female gives a shit no matter how many #metoo or threads or alarm in the press will change things because society perpetuates it. Mock horror online doesn't change it. The talking about it just underlines that it works to keep women to expect this crap.

I have been assaulted twice on crowded tube trains, when I could not move away. Once I was in a school uniform (under 16) and the other time I was pregnant. I'm so glad to not have to take the tube anymore.

All the usual catcalls, inappropriate comments etc. I don't think there are many women who haven't experienced this.

@FangsForTheMemory

So you wouldn't consider a wolf whistle harassment, *@donewithitalltodayandxmas*? How about if you were a ten year old girl and the guy doing it was 40?

It happened to me.

Exactly this. I got wolf whistled for the first time at age 11. It was worst while I was a schoolchild and tailed off in my twenties. I reckon I look most attractive now I’m in my 30s, yet nobody is wolf whistling me now, hence why I think it’s a power move and not flattery in the slightest.

Same Lex. My dds both at single sex state. We moved here largely for that reason. I got some grim sexual stuff from boys at school but not much. The stats are worse now for girls in mixed schools 🙁. My two freer to speak up in lessons than I was. Appreciate there are some downsides to girls only but on balance we think the upsides are definitely worth it.

Yes I have, I've also witnessed my mam, my nana, my sisters, friends, classmates and female colleagues be harassed by men in some form or other. All from the ages of 10 to mid 70's.

My mam was friends with a lovely nun, even she had experienced male harassment. I'll never forget her story when she was in a convent in France during WW2 and held captive with the other nuns in a barn by the nazi. They were regularly groped and spat at and were threatened with rape (and told graphically how they'd do it) and murder.

I've been thinking over the last few days about some of the horrid incidents that have happened to me. None as bad as many of the others I read about but I was surprised how many, including

• being asked by a male at age approx 13 if I wanted to "lose my virginity to him" as I walked down the street
• being masturbated at on the beach in daylight
• falling asleep on my sofa at a party and waking to find the guy next to me masturbating
• being closely followed in the street
• being horribly threatened in the pub by a random violent man

These are just a few of probably many more that I have shut out... I have probably minimised them but when I put them together it seems all the more sinister.

I am 56, I have countless experiences of this in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and yes even now at this age. One experience was turning down a boy at a party and taking a taxi home, only to find he had followed my taxi in his car. Luckily I was able to turn him down again outside my home and he just drove away but could have turned nasty? On the other hand, he wasn't actually unpleasant at all so perhaps thought it was ok to do? I just don't know, but I did turn him down that party.

When I was a professional person I had a meeting with a man, he said Why don't you just take your blouse off?
That one was in the 80s though, I presume it wouldnt happen now.

There are too many other incidents to list.

Of course. Attacked as I walked home along a dark alley (classic) Exposed to on a train, followed by a creepy man every single day for months, had a manager rub himself against me.... the list could go on and on.

FWIW DH was also sexually harrassed by and man and touched up by several women.

Depressed by the whole thing.

@FangsForTheMemory if you read my post I said as a grown woman , therefore not a child

Forgot to say the men doing the harassment of us included secondary school teachers, work clients (loads of those instances), colleagues, bosses, relative of boss, customers, bus drivers, taxi drivers, bouncers, builders, roofers, friends dad, an uncle, classmates, friends boyfriends, shop workers and strangers on the street.

Even as a grown woman, I do consider it harassment, as it's indicative of a male sense of entitlement, to comment on a woman's appearance, citing his approval, seeking her attention. And God Help You if you don't respond to what his mind constitutes a suitably appreciative manner.

@MsTSwift

Same Lex. My dds both at single sex state. We moved here largely for that reason. I got some grim sexual stuff from boys at school but not much. The stats are worse now for girls in mixed schools 🙁. My two freer to speak up in lessons than I was. Appreciate there are some downsides to girls only but on balance we think the upsides are definitely worth it.

Its a reasonable thing to do - save your girls from it. There are downsides but I don't regret because the balance means a girl is better protected.

And it was the reason I moved too.