The men I know feel like this too ...

[Givitarest]

This "Every woman you know" meme is trending on social media. But men are in danger from violent men too and, in fact, are much more likely to be a target. With reference to Jess Phillips, if a politician were to read out the names of all the men who had died at the hands of other men, as well as the women, it would be a very long list indeed. If society has "just accepted" dead women then we have just accepted dead men too.
I fear for my sons' safety, and give them very similar safety advice as I would if they were daughters. My husband has always taken similar measures to the things on this list (whilst also avoiding walking behind lone women etc) and has had more negative personal experiences than I have. So can people please stop sharing memes that demonise men? It is 'misandry' ... the antonym to mysogyny ... and the movement against violence will not win widespread support unless it is more appropriately framed.

@2021ismyyear

For society at large... he’s heavily involved in a charity that helps children and their families in need. It’s a volunteer post so he does it because he wants to and because he wants to pay back the time the charity helped our family years ago. Yeah he can be a dickhead at times.. just like me. But generally he’s a good egg. He organises a community event each year for our town (in his own time often at a cost to him). It brings our local area together as one.

That’s fantastic! What a Good Man! How many other men are as Good as your husband, do you think? How many other men are doing this kind of work? Your stepfather, for example, who won’t walk past schools - any reason for that?

He doesn’t have to call out his friends on being arseholes to women because he doesn’t have loads of mates, but the ones he does have, have similar principles to him and are completely trustworthy. There have been people in the past that are not nice to women (mainly cheating and multiple partners) and they are no longer in his life because they are not his cup of tea. He didn’t really fit in and phased them out of his life.

My step dad feels that it is mostly lone men of a certain age that are accused of child abduction or involved in “stranger danger” stuff. So he doesn’t want to be accused of anything that he would never do just because he fits a certain profile.

So we aren't allowed to say anything that upset men, because men attack men as well as attack women? Please stop taking the stupid pills OP.

2021ismyyear great, well your DH has no need to get annoyed then if he's doing everything he can. He'll fall under the category of NAMALT.

@2021ismyyear

My step dad feels that it is mostly lone men of a certain age that are accused of child abduction or involved in “stranger danger” stuff. So he doesn’t want to be accused of anything that he would never do just because he fits a certain profile.

Why does he feel that?

@2021ismyyear

My step dad feels that it is mostly lone men of a certain age that are accused of child abduction or involved in “stranger danger” stuff. So he doesn’t want to be accused of anything that he would never do just because he fits a certain profile.

You've just reinforced the point we are making.

Just because he fits a certain profile now why would he fit that profile couldn't be because there is evidence for that profile could it?

Why is he not raging that other men have caused the reason he has altered his route, that's right other men, not women, not young girls.

He has changed his route due to the behaviour of the sex class he belongs to, but instead of acknowledging that, accepting it is a problem you are blaming the women who point it out.

The Op says
the movement against violence will not win widespread support unless it is more appropriately framed

So how would you frame it then? As the current death toll (for eg) doesn’t seem to be having much traction.

What’s the pitch to win hearts and minds?

@ShotgunShack

Yes, the point here is that most pp's are only concerned with violence against women and pretty much saying screw men

Can you point to where that statement is please? Missed that.

Oh, it's running constantly throughout the thread, far too many pp's to name check.

But blaming my step dad isn’t the answer. He’s as much a victim in all this. Someone telling him “most” greying people over 50 are in fact paedos” is not going to help the situation.

@2021ismyyear

But blaming my step dad isn’t the answer. He’s as much a victim in all this. Someone telling him “most” greying people over 50 are in fact paedos” is not going to help the situation.

As much a victim as who?! Are you serious? He had to slightly change his route home and he’s as much a victim as the countless women murdered at the hands of men?

You can’t seriously think your stepdad not having free access to a primary school is a massive issue for mankind?

But blaming my step dad isn’t the answer. He’s as much a victim in all this. Someone telling him “most” greying people over 50 are in fact paedos” is not going to help the situation

Not so much a victim as the women and children who are sexually assaulted. Much worse don't you think. All your step dad need to do is modify his behaviour. Walk a different way round. Like women have to do all the time.

Why do so many women take it as a personal affront when we call on men to do better?

Most of us have husbands, fathers, sons and brothers, yet we still recognise that men in general are a threat to women in a way that women in general are not a threat to men.

A few years ago my stepdad told me he stopped walking past a primary school alone because “society judges a lone male near a primary school” so he would rather pick another route. How fucking sad is that.

I wish the flasher that flashed me as a 7yo and my friends through the bars separating our primary school from the alley way had stopped walking that way.

Not so much a victim as the women and children who are sexually assaulted. Much worse don't you think. All your step dad need to do is modify his behaviour. Walk a different way round. Like women have to do all the time.

This with bells on. He is not a victim.

@2021ismyyear

You all believe that most men are the problem. You aren’t asking them for help. You are not asking them “what can we do to make this better?”

Did you miss all the posters calling for men to be active allies? Have you not seen the hundreds of articles and thousands of social media posts asking that men join with women to spark change? That is LITERALLY what this conversation is about, men standing up and saying, “anything that deters women from going out and feeling safe is unacceptable.” We can’t address these societal issues without men’s support. For you to claim women aren’t asking men for help is utterly disingenuous.

In fact, you have derailed this conversation at every turn with absurd whatboutery, shoehorning in ‘arguments’ which have no relevance to this important conversation:

What about female police officers yesterday that got told “it should have been you”

So Tom hardy leching is ok... but what if my husband leches over an actress with his mates down pub then that’s not ok. Double standards.

My stepdad told me he stopped walking past a primary school alone because “society judges a lone male near a primary school”

Remember the lady that was filmed saying to a young black man “I’ll call the police, tell them you are going to hurt me...”

Another thing we’ve had in our county this week, a young girl was raped by a stranger. Police then said “after an investigation and forensics, the girl admitted it didn’t take place and the case closed” I know I know, “it’s not all” women that make up stuff. But “some do”

Just stop.

If your emotional intelligence is incapable of understanding this discussion, then I don’t think the conversation suffers from your absence. Pack up your straw man and go home.

I'll answer your question. Yes, men were the attackers. Yes men attacked other men completely unprovoked. So yes, man or woman are at risk from such men.
Hey, please answer a question for me @Pumperthepumper: You highlighted my last quote about the woman threatening to stab her partner but haven't commented on it, just completely sidestepped it. Why Is that? Is it because the woman was joking about acts of dv on a man so it was all completely acceptable as it was "just a man'? Were you one if the pp's clutching your sides with helpless laughter urging op to murder her partner? Genuinely interested to know that if you see a woman threatening a man with murder you think it's fine.

@Bbq1

I'll answer your question. Yes, men were the attackers. Yes men attacked other men completely unprovoked. So yes, man or woman are at risk from such men. Hey, please answer a question for me *@Pumperthepumper*: You highlighted my last quote about the woman threatening to stab her partner but haven't commented on it, just completely sidestepped it. Why Is that? Is it because the woman was joking about acts of dv on a man so it was all completely acceptable as it was "just a man'? Were you one if the pp's clutching your sides with helpless laughter urging op to murder her partner? Genuinely interested to know that if you see a woman threatening a man with murder you think it's fine.

I don’t see how a woman making a stupid joke about murdering her partner is a literal threat of violence, no. Do you?

I mean, it’s not really my humour, but I don’t see how it’s comparable to the three women per week murdered by men. I sidestepped it because it’s completely irrelevant to this discussion.

The man in my life is pretty fucked off with events, with the violent murder of a woman going about her business by a man that should have been 'one of the good ones', one of the ones we are supposed to entrust with our protection if we're in trouble. With the constant and ongoing harassment, assault and murders of women. With the violent assaults committed by more police officers on women at a vigil. And with the NAMALTers.

But that's the point. You say it was just a woman making a stupid joke. You're right but come on, if it was a man making that stupid joke about murdering his female partner then we all know the thread would be filled with angry, affronted women, would it not? I very much doubt that the op did harm her partner but the fact that she trivialised and joked about dv towards a man alonside other giggling women shows that men being referred to as being harmed is fine, funny even. Women, no way. Not acceptable. I personally find dv against anyone abhorrent and yes, there have been many cases of men being abused by their female partners. Before anyone asks for stats, you don't always need the stats on something to know it happens.

@2021ismyyear

But blaming my step dad isn’t the answer. He’s as much a victim in all this. Someone telling him “most” greying people over 50 are in fact paedos” is not going to help the situation.

and your response is to blame women NOT the men who caused this.

Why is your argument not directed towards men that your stepfather had to change his route? How can you fail to see it is the actions of people from the sex class of men that are causing this and not the women daring to call it out?

If men don't want to be viewed as your stepfather feels he is being viewed then why are they not taking it up with other men?

People suffer with debentures so why do people campaign for cancer research? That's what your argument sounds like. Yes men are victims but what in gods name has that got to do with violence towards women?

@Bbq1

But that's the point. You say it was just a woman making a stupid joke. You're right but come on, if it was a man making that stupid joke about murdering his female partner then we all know the thread would be filled with angry, affronted women, would it not? I very much doubt that the op did harm her partner but the fact that she trivialised and joked about dv towards a man alonside other giggling women shows that men being referred to as being harmed is fine, funny even. Women, no way. Not acceptable. I personally find dv against anyone abhorrent and yes, there have been many cases of men being abused by their female partners. Before anyone asks for stats, you don't always need the stats on something to know it happens.

But you’re assuming those jokes are based on an equality that doesn’t exist- the facts are men are murdering women at the rate of 3 per week in the UK alone. So a woman making a joke about murdering her husband is absolutely not the same as men casually laughing at violence.

As I said, it’s not my humour so I wouldn’t rush to defend it but I can’t see how this is a tit-for-tat situation, because it isn’t.

You cannot just insult someone’s emotional intelligence because you don’t agree with something they’ve said. It’s a common defence of woke people. “You are too thick to understand” is hardly going to convince me you’ve “won”. There is something seriously wrong if women think “most” men are bad.

You really shouldn’t have had kids any of you if there was a chance you could curse the world with more of the evil male variant.

So you won't answer the question as to why you, your stepfather and indeed your husband are not angry at and calling out the male sex class for putting them in the position they are so aggrieved at finding themselves in 2021ismyyear?