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AIBU?

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Original poster

The men I know feel like this too ...

999 replies

Givitarest · 12/03/2021 08:07

This "Every woman you know" meme is trending on social media. But men are in danger from violent men too and, in fact, are much more likely to be a target. With reference to Jess Phillips, if a politician were to read out the names of all the men who had died at the hands of other men, as well as the women, it would be a very long list indeed. If society has "just accepted" dead women then we have just accepted dead men too.
I fear for my sons' safety, and give them very similar safety advice as I would if they were daughters. My husband has always taken similar measures to the things on this list (whilst also avoiding walking behind lone women etc) and has had more negative personal experiences than I have. So can people please stop sharing memes that demonise men? It is 'misandry' ... the antonym to mysogyny ... and the movement against violence will not win widespread support unless it is more appropriately framed.

The men I know feel like this too ...
OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
ssd · 14/03/2021 13:23

Haven't read the full thread but totally agree with you op

Male violence to each other is more prevalent than the awful recent murder of Sarah Everard.

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 13:24

Huh? My husband would never walk past an injured person?

ShotgunShack · 14/03/2021 13:25

The pps on here thinking they are ‘defending’ men are really not doing them any favours. Men are adults, they can have a conversation about responsibility and the behaviour of other men can’t they?

It’s not about ‘hating’ on people ffs.

Or is educating and talking to men about your point of view ‘treating them like shit* and the equivalent of ‘screw men’?

WizardOfAus · 14/03/2021 13:33

@2021ismyyear

Huh? My husband would never walk past an injured person?
What if the injured person was Tom Hardy?
2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 13:48

‘Most’ men are not lovely. ‘Most’ men just don’t murder us. ‘Most’ men are the problem

Whoever said that is just an idiot.... if BLM has taught us anything it’s that we must not make assumptions and generalise based on someone’s appearance or what group they belong to.

You cannot have it both ways.

It would be like saying that all cops are evil because one was. It’s a ridiculous, extreme view. What about female police officers yesterday that got told “it should have been you” and had ACAB written on their cars at this peaceful event. Are they evil too? Anyone can be evil and we should be uniting to prevent it again. We need better education, more mental health provision, much, much tougher sentencing (both for people that commit violent crimes and those that make it up). CCTV should be improved. It will be harder to commit crimes if you know you are being watched and if caught you will never see daylight again. Telling a random on the internet that her husband is part of the problem because he has a penis isn’t really going to solve anything.

ShotgunShack · 14/03/2021 13:50

and those that make it up

What does this mean? Who making what up?

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 13:55

If you read my earlier posts, you will see that our local area recently had a rape down a secluded road by a stranger. The victim was a child. The police took this extremely seriously.

The case was dropped after a week because the police discovered that it didn’t actually take place.

Pumperthepumper · 14/03/2021 13:56

@2021ismyyear

‘Most’ men are not lovely. ‘Most’ men just don’t murder us. ‘Most’ men are the problem

Whoever said that is just an idiot.... if BLM has taught us anything it’s that we must not make assumptions and generalise based on someone’s appearance or what group they belong to.

You cannot have it both ways.

It would be like saying that all cops are evil because one was. It’s a ridiculous, extreme view. What about female police officers yesterday that got told “it should have been you” and had ACAB written on their cars at this peaceful event. Are they evil too? Anyone can be evil and we should be uniting to prevent it again. We need better education, more mental health provision, much, much tougher sentencing (both for people that commit violent crimes and those that make it up). CCTV should be improved. It will be harder to commit crimes if you know you are being watched and if caught you will never see daylight again. Telling a random on the internet that her husband is part of the problem because he has a penis isn’t really going to solve anything.

Except it’s not like saying that. It’s like saying ‘there is a problem with misogyny within the police force. What can we do about that?’

And the answer is not ‘deny it exists because my husband is a nice man’.

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 13:59

But that would be like saying there has been an incident at school due to bullying so we’ve decided to give all children a detention, call them all out for being “capable of bullying” and give all of them a very patronising talk about how most children are bullies and they are all part of the problem.

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 14:00

What about the kids that have been bullied themselves? Should they receive the same treatment? It hardly seems fair!

Pumperthepumper · 14/03/2021 14:04

@2021ismyyear

But that would be like saying there has been an incident at school due to bullying so we’ve decided to give all children a detention, call them all out for being “capable of bullying” and give all of them a very patronising talk about how most children are bullies and they are all part of the problem.
Do you really believe this?

Is it not more likely that the school would say ‘we have an issue with bullying. Here is how we’re going to work together to stop it?’

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 14:10

Not according to this thread... you all believe that most men are the problem. You aren’t asking them for help. You are not asking them “what can we do to make this better?” Even the men in my life who you know zero about. You are making assumptions based on if someone has a penis or not. It’s not good enough.

‘Most’ men are not lovely. ‘Most’ men just don’t murder us. ‘Most’ men are the problem.

Pumperthepumper · 14/03/2021 14:17

@2021ismyyear

Not according to this thread... you all believe that most men are the problem. You aren’t asking them for help. You are not asking them “what can we do to make this better?” Even the men in my life who you know zero about. You are making assumptions based on if someone has a penis or not. It’s not good enough.

‘Most’ men are not lovely. ‘Most’ men just don’t murder us. ‘Most’ men are the problem.

That’s not true. I think all men have a responsibility to change society for the better. I think all men need to stand up and make a change.

I don’t understand why that’s so controversial to you.

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 14:23

Well if you don’t get it I suggest you read back a bit to where someone called my dh an unpleasant name. That is not “uniting as one to solve the issue” you guys don’t want to unite with men. You want to get one up on them. All men... because “most are not lovely”

fluffysocks89 · 14/03/2021 14:23

The difference is, yes violence does happen against men too, BUT the numbers are so much less and men generally don't feel they have to change their behaviour, dress, what they say/do to avoid it. They generally aren't a target because they are men

The numbers aren’t so much less, unless you’re talking about domestic violence. Violence against men from other men is much worse, and I don’t agree they aren’t a target because they are men. That is exactly why they are a target, because they are men. Most of the people treated in A &E in hospitals across the country after pub closing are males. Men being violent against other men. The statistics prove it.

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 14:25

I believe most men are lovely and I believe if we want to solve this we should get them on side so they can help us.

Chanjer · 14/03/2021 14:25

Huh? My husband would never walk past an injured person?

Yeah sorry that might have been rootytoot 🙈

Pumperthepumper · 14/03/2021 14:28

@2021ismyyear

Well if you don’t get it I suggest you read back a bit to where someone called my dh an unpleasant name. That is not “uniting as one to solve the issue” you guys don’t want to unite with men. You want to get one up on them. All men... because “most are not lovely”
That’s just complete garbage though. We need men, all men, to stand up. Women have fought a against male violence for years and years and years, and campaigned for longer sentences and set up refuges and fundraiser for those refuges and countless other things.

What have men done?

VerityWibbleWobble · 14/03/2021 14:31

@2021ismyyear can you define what you mean by a lovely man?

I love my dh but he can still be a dickhead sometimes and needs pulling up on it.

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 14:33

My dh is a father to two young girls. He doesn’t “shout out to 12 year old school girls” as another poster suggested. He doesn’t “walk past injured people”. He does offer to give our friends lifts so they don’t need to walk back alone (male and female), he doesn’t watch porn (as you think all men do)

A few years ago my stepdad told me he stopped walking past a primary school alone because “society judges a lone male near a primary school” so he would rather pick another route. How fucking sad is that.

fluffysocks89 · 14/03/2021 14:37

I love my dh but he can still be a dickhead sometimes and needs pulling up on it

Can’t we all. None of us are perfect are we.

VerityWibbleWobble · 14/03/2021 14:37

My dh is a father to two young girls. He doesn’t “shout out to 12 year old school girls” as another poster suggested. He doesn’t “walk past injured people”. He does offer to give our friends lifts so they don’t need to walk back alone (male and female), he doesn’t watch porn (as you think all men do)

So he's a perfectly normal human being then. None of those things could be said to make him lovely.

Chanjer · 14/03/2021 14:37

My dh is a father to two young girls. He doesn’t “shout out to 12 year old school girls” as another poster suggested. He doesn’t “walk past injured people”. He does offer to give our friends lifts so they don’t need to walk back alone (male and female), he doesn’t watch porn (as you think all men do)

Like I said, sorry about that I got you confused with rooty cos you've been fighting the same corner

Pumperthepumper · 14/03/2021 14:37

@2021ismyyear

My dh is a father to two young girls. He doesn’t “shout out to 12 year old school girls” as another poster suggested. He doesn’t “walk past injured people”. He does offer to give our friends lifts so they don’t need to walk back alone (male and female), he doesn’t watch porn (as you think all men do)

A few years ago my stepdad told me he stopped walking past a primary school alone because “society judges a lone male near a primary school” so he would rather pick another route. How fucking sad is that.

Excellent! So your DH is keeping himself right. What’s he doing for society at large?

Why does society judge lone men walking next to schools?

2021ismyyear · 14/03/2021 14:48

For society at large... he’s heavily involved in a charity that helps children and their families in need. It’s a volunteer post so he does it because he wants to and because he wants to pay back the time the charity helped our family years ago. Yeah he can be a dickhead at times.. just like me. But generally he’s a good egg. He organises a community event each year for our town (in his own time often at a cost to him). It brings our local area together as one.