The men I know feel like this too ...

[Givitarest]

This "Every woman you know" meme is trending on social media. But men are in danger from violent men too and, in fact, are much more likely to be a target. With reference to Jess Phillips, if a politician were to read out the names of all the men who had died at the hands of other men, as well as the women, it would be a very long list indeed. If society has "just accepted" dead women then we have just accepted dead men too.
I fear for my sons' safety, and give them very similar safety advice as I would if they were daughters. My husband has always taken similar measures to the things on this list (whilst also avoiding walking behind lone women etc) and has had more negative personal experiences than I have. So can people please stop sharing memes that demonise men? It is 'misandry' ... the antonym to mysogyny ... and the movement against violence will not win widespread support unless it is more appropriately framed.

@Bbq1

Men are at risk so much. As a mother of a 15 year old ds I pray he is safe as he becomes a young adult and man. My brother at 18 was beaten up outside a nightclub one of the very few times he went clubbing. The attacker, a man much older claimed my db had been "looking at him" and that's 'why' he targeted him. I have a very close relative who was attacked in his own street (and at other times) merely because he had long hair. Men too are attacked, like women, just because the perp feels they can and want to do it. Yes, women probably are more vulnerable to sexual crime and men violent crime. We've all heard repeat stories of boys punched outside in the street and killed with that one punch. Also, surely men too are vulnerable to sexual crimes against them? It's not a competition. It's all bad.

And when these men told you about what happened, did you respond with "Well women get hurt too, it's not all about men, we need to talk about women getting hurt "? Or do you think that might be inconsiderate under the circumstances?

@Bbq1

Men are at risk so much. As a mother of a 15 year old ds I pray he is safe as he becomes a young adult and man. My brother at 18 was beaten up outside a nightclub one of the very few times he went clubbing. The attacker, a man much older claimed my db had been "looking at him" and that's 'why' he targeted him. I have a very close relative who was attacked in his own street (and at other times) merely because he had long hair. Men too are attacked, like women, just because the perp feels they can and want to do it. Yes, women probably are more vulnerable to sexual crime and men violent crime. We've all heard repeat stories of boys punched outside in the street and killed with that one punch. Also, surely men too are vulnerable to sexual crimes against them? It's not a competition. It's all bad.

Yet another spectacularly missing the point.

Very good point about looking carefully at data available schrodinger.

The fact that many crimes against older women are left out of reporting deliberately was an eye opener to me.

I think we need education, massive cultural and societal shift and a frank acknowledgement of male pattern violence as an ingrained problem with terrible consequences for everyone. Without this we can’t change anything. And let’s face it, that sort of society doesn’t really favor a lot of (currently) powerful men.

@Waxonwaxoff0

I don't understand your issue. Men are also at risk of male violence, so male violence is a problem that needs addressing, yes?

I think OP is saying she doesn't like the fact that the campaign is aimed specifically at violence against women rather than violence against anyone by men.

I disagree. I love this campaign and as a women I can totally relate to it. I regularly fear an attack and have to change my behaviour ie, not walking/running after dark, rushing to my front door with my keys in my hand, taking a taxi home, not walking a certain route. As a uni student years ago I took risks in doing this I now wouldn't and count myself lucky nothing happened. But that's so twisted- why should I count myself lucky that I wasn't attacked! But I have been groped and followed home and I have friends who have been victims of domestic abuse, attempted rape, groping. This is not acceptable.

The difference is, yes violence does happen against men too, BUT the numbers are so much less and men generally don't feel they have to change their behaviour, dress, what they say/do to avoid it. They generally aren't a target because they are men. There isn't the same they are asking for it because they are wearing/doing/ saying the wrong thing.

@fluffysocks89

Teenage boys attacking other teenage boys are a huge problem. I worry about my teenage dgs being attacked just for walking down the street. Some of these lads are like wild feral animals. Violence for the sake of it. Girls aren’t safe when they’re out but boys are at far greater risk.

The facts don't agree with that. What a sweeping statement. The statistics do not agree. Yes, men/boys are at risk but not compared to women. They are at greater risk.

It is true men are more likely to be victims of violence as a whole needs to be addressed. However, almost without exception, males who are attacked are attacked by other males - and sometimes the deaths result from aggression between victim and perpetrator. Would it be acceptable to advise men who are nervous of being the victim of violence to avoid walking at night, walking alone, walking in quiet areas, etc, etc - and for comments to be made suggesting that they didn't make enough effort to keep themselves "safe"?

Yes, it would be insensitive when I saw the evidence of the attacks and the aftermath but It's not insensitive to women to be having this conversation now.
What's sparked this debate is some people completely downplaying violence against men. All I'm stating is men are greatly at risk of violent unprovoked attack.

Yes, the point here is that most pp's are only concerned with violence against women and pretty much saying screw men.

@Bbq1

Yes, it would be insensitive when I saw the evidence of the attacks and the aftermath but It's not insensitive to women to be having this conversation now. What's sparked this debate is some people completely downplaying violence against men. All I'm stating is men are greatly at risk of violent unprovoked attack.

A ‘violent unprovoked attack’ by whom?

There's a thread on Aibu about the op wanting to "stab' her partner and 'bury' him because he stole the biscuits. The op points out it is a 'lighthearted' thread. The thread is then full of women falling about laughing, congratulating the op and coming up with other ways to murder him. Myself and another op pointing out the inappropriateness were ignored or more or less told to stop being so miserable.
I can just imagine the horror and uproar from women if you changed the sexes around in the op and the thread was full of men laughing about stabbing the women. But it was only lighearted...

oh please look at the stats on violent offenders,nonces,rapists,armed robbery..then you've got the domestic violence perps,coercive control..stalking..intimidation etc..almost 100%male (on female) dominated.YOU LOSE @Givitarest

@Bbq1

There's a thread on Aibu about the op wanting to "stab' her partner and 'bury' him because he stole the biscuits. The op points out it is a 'lighthearted' thread. The thread is then full of women falling about laughing, congratulating the op and coming up with other ways to murder him. Myself and another op pointing out the inappropriateness were ignored or more or less told to stop being so miserable. I can just imagine the horror and uproar from women if you changed the sexes around in the op and the thread was full of men laughing about stabbing the women. But it was only lighearted...

Hey @Bbq1 how about an answer to the question you’ve been asked several times?

Who is carrying out these violent unprovoked attacks on men?

The facts don't agree with that. What a sweeping statement. The statistics do not agree. Yes, men/boys are at risk but not compared to women. They are at greater risk.

Far more men are murdered than women though, that is fact. Nearly all done by males. Statistics also show that more men get attacked when out than women do. I don’t understand why you think my statement is “sweeping”. (bit of irony there) Don’t get me wrong I’m not in any way denying that women are at risk from males, just that male on male violence is even more prolific. Like ppl have said though, it is the males who do it. They are the problem.

Yes, the point here is that most pp's are only concerned with violence against women and pretty much saying screw men

Can you point to where that statement is please? Missed that.

Yes, the point here is that most pp's are only concerned with violence against women and pretty much saying screw men

No they are not. We know that it is men that are generally violent. Towards men and women. We know men are at risk too. But the violence towards women (from men) is of a very different nature to the violence men experience from other men. So, just for once, women are centering themselves and their unique experiences of male violence.
But as usual, there's all the dull whataboutery isn't there...

Yes @bbq

Taking each sex as a class, not wanting to occasion an NAM/WALT response:

Women talk about visiting physical harm upon a partner.

Men? Well, that's a bit different, isn't it?

@ItMustBeBedtimeSurely

Women are killed - by men. Men are killed - by men. Men are the problem here.

Teach your sons to recognise that the patriarchal culture we live in is a threat to everyone. It’s true they are at risk too, but I bet they don’t feel fear walking along a street at night the way women do.

Don’t dismiss women’s experiences and fear with this not all men crap. We know it’s not all men, the point is that it’s enough of them to make us feel unsafe.

Exactly.

Also, surely men too are vulnerable to sexual crimes against them? It's not a competition. It's all bad.

Well, men are more likely to be straight rather than gay, with an even lesser chance of any given man being Bi. Therefore women are at the highest risk of being sexually assaulted, by virtue of there being more straight male offenders in the population vs gay male offenders. Therefore I’m struggling to understand why you bothered posting in the first place? It’s that you think gay men, are by default, pedos and sex offenders?

@HUCKMUCK

As posted by a pp, men never get blamed for being attacked. Nothing to do with what they were wearing, not that they should have known better than to walk home alone.

I support a charity that supports people with learning disabilities. Nobody is screaming 'but people have physical disabilities too'

If men genuinely felt the same way that women do and had the same fears, how come there is not the same reaction as there has been to the recent news. If a man is murdered, we do not see a sea of men posting on social media about how they face this fear everyday.

Love your analogy. It’s spot on, showing how two things are different but we’re dealing with one of them.

This is staring to sound very much like the “all white people are racist” argument. I’m a firm believer that there are many men out there can navigate through life without being a dickhead.

My dh says this is just making him cross and creating a divide when it isn’t necessary. He says as a white male he feels extremely hated right now and doesn’t feel like a valued member of society. We can’t raise one part of society by treating another like utter shit.

My dh says this is just making him cross and creating a divide when it isn’t necessary. He says as a white male he feels extremely hated right now and doesn’t feel like a valued member of society. We can’t raise one part of society by treating another like utter shit

Rather than men being cross about it, which to me is a red flag anyway, it would be better for them to listen, reflect and really try to understand what the problem is here.

There's a thread on Aibu about the op wanting to "stab' her partner and 'bury' him because he stole the biscuits. The op points out it is a 'lighthearted' thread. The thread is then full of women falling about laughing, congratulating the op and coming up with other ways to murder him

The idea of my wife killing me is quite frankly hilarious yes. It's funny cos it's exceptionally unrealistic

My dh says this is just making him cross and creating a divide when it isn’t necessary. He says as a white male he feels extremely hated right now and doesn’t feel like a valued member of society. We can’t raise one part of society by treating another like utter shit.

You're not content with how badly you've made him look already?

@2021ismyyear

This is staring to sound very much like the “all white people are racist” argument. I’m a firm believer that there are many men out there can navigate through life without being a dickhead.

My dh says this is just making him cross and creating a divide when it isn’t necessary. He says as a white male he feels extremely hated right now and doesn’t feel like a valued member of society. We can’t raise one part of society by treating another like utter shit.

That's quite an extreme reaction to women having a voice about something that affects us.

I'll repeat what I said earlier, I don't think your dh is as blameless as you think he is.

I'd go as far to suggest he's now realising that his turning a blind eye to the behaviour of men he may know isn't making him uncomfortable, it's making him angry. He is part of the problem.

This is the same husband that would walk past an injured woman yeah?

He really does sound like a chump