The men I know feel like this too ...

[Givitarest]

This "Every woman you know" meme is trending on social media. But men are in danger from violent men too and, in fact, are much more likely to be a target. With reference to Jess Phillips, if a politician were to read out the names of all the men who had died at the hands of other men, as well as the women, it would be a very long list indeed. If society has "just accepted" dead women then we have just accepted dead men too.
I fear for my sons' safety, and give them very similar safety advice as I would if they were daughters. My husband has always taken similar measures to the things on this list (whilst also avoiding walking behind lone women etc) and has had more negative personal experiences than I have. So can people please stop sharing memes that demonise men? It is 'misandry' ... the antonym to mysogyny ... and the movement against violence will not win widespread support unless it is more appropriately framed.

“I’m proud that my local area rallied together. We were all bloody horrified. Word spread on social media. People warned other people that a rapist was in our area. Men tagged women to warn them.“

All those lost minutes on social media. Oh the humanity.

[quote TitchGreen]**@WizardOfAus* @LexMitior*
All I'm trying to point out is that women have different standards as do men.
By standards, I mean how they want to be approached.
Some women don't want the attention, so will feel attacked. They don't want men to chase after them.
Whereas another woman would enjoy the attention, she will want to be woo'd, for example the flowers, or messages, maybe she wants drinks bought for her on a night out.
So how is a man going to know the difference if he says the same things. Wires can get crossed on both sides, it's not black and white.
I clearly don't mean some of the physical contact, because physical contact requires a lot more explicit consent.[/quote]
Jesus @TitchGreen.

As you’re still confused, go read this article in the Guardian. Laura Bates has a handy checklist for you and the men in your life.

Flirtation or sexual harassment? Here’s how to tell the difference
Not sure if you are complimenting a woman, starting a flirty conversation – or harassing them? Consult our handy checklist:

• Is the way in which I'm making this advance likely to scare or alarm the person?
• Has the person already made it clear to me that they are uninterested in my advances?
• Does the speed at which my vehicle is moving rule out any likelihood of a response to this advance?
• Is this "advance" actually just a shouted and uninvited assessment on my part of this person's attractiveness/body/genitals?
• Does the context of this situation (a job interview, for example) make a direct sexual advance offensive or inappropriate?
• Am I actually, all things considered, just being a bit of a dick?

If the answer to any of the above is "yes", then perhaps what's happened here is that a man has accidentally confused sexual harassment with a respectful sexual advance.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/apr/10/sexual-harassment-flirting-six-differences

@2021ismyyear

I’m proud that my local area rallied together. We were all bloody horrified. Word spread on social media. People warned other people that a rapist was in our area. Men tagged women to warn them.

I can’t believe that someone made it up! She should be punished.

Hmmm I do realise that there are many more that are NOT made up. Just like most men are not violent and evil.

I can’t believe that someone made it up! She should be punished.

///
With respect and as has been pointed out, this is a thread where we are discussing the danger men pose to all but especially women.

I think if you don't intend posting in good faith and only want to point out the small by comparison number of ways women do harm, and only post that, you should leave and start that discussion.

@LucieStar
Yes, thank you, my wording there was not great.
But isn't that a point in itself as well?
What people say and what people mean don't always line up.

and @PeterPanNeverLands, yes it's not hard to not assault someone. I am fully aware of that, but what one person calls assault can be very different to how another person would consider assault. I know a man who was forced to stay with and sleep with his ex-girlfriend because she threatened to kill herself if he left. That is rape. He finds it hard to call it that because he still said yes. If the roles were reversed, He would be told he was a predator, and rightfully so.

I'm was just trying to to show that it's not so easy to judge a situation, though admittedly, I could have been clearer.

Remember the lady that was filmed saying to a young black man “I’ll call the police, tell them you are going to hurt me...”

She was fired and there was quite rightly so absolute outrage. He was completely innocent

It’s hardly helping the cause is it. Talk about self sabotage

Remember the lady that was filmed saying to a young black man “I’ll call the police, tell them you are going to hurt me...”

She was fired and there was quite rightly so absolute outrage. He was completely innocent

It’s hardly helping the cause is it. Talk about self sabotage

Shush

Can we see these social outrages a d community response then? You know, the special witch stool you want for this liar?

Yup. Time to ignore.

But it’s a small number of men that do harm. Most are lovely. All the men I know now are lovely.

You cannot say “only a small number of people make up rapes” without saying “only a small number of men are arseholes, most are ok”

Remember the lady that was filmed saying to a young black man “I’ll call the police, tell them you are going to hurt me...”

She was fired and there was quite rightly so absolute outrage. He was completely innocent

It’s hardly helping the cause is it. Talk about self sabotage

Remember that man who was recorded talking about sexually assaulting women? He got elected to be president of the USA.

Does that help the cause?

When a claim is being made (that men walk the streets without fear), people are going engage with that claim, just like the OP has.

A murder is bad enough, it's the desire to put some seasoning on it with spurious claims that lead to pointless arguments like the one that's taken place for 24 pages on this thread.

You can want to address the experiences of women without minimising the experiences of another group to make women's problems seem even bigger. I get the idea of doing it, but the actual result is the opposite. A lot of women in this thread were unaware than men were more likely to be victims of violent crime, I'd hazard a guess that far fewer men would be surprised because I know plenty who have. The ones who died got a corner in the local paper and bundled into statistics about deaths in London in the nationals.

Burn the witch!

Can someone explain to me who is supposed to be teaching boys the rules of dating/courting?
Because usually it's on the young lads to ask out the lasses. It's not needed or wanted all the time, but you don't find many lasses walking up to a lad at the bar asking them if they want a drink, or saying they like the way they look, wanna come for a dance?

JFC. How difficult is it?
"Would you like to dance?"
"No thanks"
"oh, ok then. Shame, I'm a good dance. Enjoy the rest of your evening"

how about that?

"would you like to go for a drink with me?"
"No thanks"
"fuck off you fat lezzer slag, nobody would want to fuck you anyway"
Have had that one thrown at me from a guy who spent about an hour trying to get into my pants telling me how sexy i was.

Now, which one of those do you think women prefer?

The very rare instances of false allegations of rape are not in any way a riposte in any discussion about sexual assault/rape/domestic violence etc.

I’m interested though in what sort of people are more concerned about these rare instances than the horrendous rape conviction rates

Yes. And boy it likes to hang around for a loong time. When I was assaulted as a kid by a friend of my parents there was a music video playing on the tv in the background. I still feel sick and ashamed when I hear it now.

tellme, solidarity hugs, fist-bump, tears... the works. Oh my god, how much I feel this.
I am knocking on 50 here. 41 years later, I still clench my vagina, cross my legs, seize-up whenever I hear the songs or see the video to my songs of shame. I know a part of me died when I was 9. The flush of shame that still greets me when that music plays is an awful reminder of what was taken away from me all those years ago and in the years since.

@Pagwatch - yes they are interesting people. The Witchfinder General of MN!

The very rare instances of false allegations of rape are not in any way a riposte in any discussion about sexual assault/rape/domestic violence etc

And to add, not all of those false allegations are actually false. There’s a good Netflix documentary about such a case, I think it was called Unbelievable.

You cannot say “

You can

When a claim is being made (that men walk the streets without fear), people are going engage with that claim, just like the OP has.

Man maybe you feel really misunderstood but I don't think in the light of someone's death is the time to clarify your position on it

Although maybe you do feel super threatened by this discussion I don't know

@Pagwatch

“I’m proud that my local area rallied together. We were all bloody horrified. Word spread on social media. People warned other people that a rapist was in our area. Men tagged women to warn them.“

All those lost minutes on social media. Oh the humanity.

This is how discussions about violence against women always end up:

"Women are afraid of men for these reasons backed up by statistics"
"My hairdresser's cousin's neighbour knew someone who lied about getting raped. Poor men."

Yeah you are all right. Most men are evil. You’ve convinced me. In fact I think I might divorce my husband. And I’m going to sell my son on eBay.

The problem of male violence is a complex problem that is deeply rooted in society. Men are, on average, inherently more prone to and suited to violence than women. When societies fail - in terms of rampant inequality, overcrowded and underfunded schools, undereducated parents, poor housing and crime, lack of strong community, etc etc then this problem (among many others) worsens. The US has a homicide rate of 25 times higher than Japan. But of course Japan has other symptoms of other social problems.

Posting memes to tell deeply violent and disturbed men to “be nice” won’t work. Telling normal men to tell those violent and disturbed and antisocial men to “be nice” won’t work. You need to start at the roots of the problem not try to rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Remember the lady that was filmed saying to a young black man “I’ll call the police, tell them you are going to hurt me...” She was fired and there was quite rightly so absolute outrage. He was completely innocent. It’s hardly helping the cause is it. Talk about self sabotage

If only WC was fired on the spot after flashing a woman three days before SE went missing from Clapham, eh?
Should women just STFU because the occasional liar cries 'Wolf!'?

@Brefugee

Can someone explain to me who is supposed to be teaching boys the rules of dating/courting? Because usually it's on the young lads to ask out the lasses. It's not needed or wanted all the time, but you don't find many lasses walking up to a lad at the bar asking them if they want a drink, or saying they like the way they look, wanna come for a dance?

JFC. How difficult is it?
"Would you like to dance?"
"No thanks"
"oh, ok then. Shame, I'm a good dance. Enjoy the rest of your evening"

how about that?

"would you like to go for a drink with me?"
"No thanks"
"fuck off you fat lezzer slag, nobody would want to fuck you anyway"
Have had that one thrown at me from a guy who spent about an hour trying to get into my pants telling me how sexy i was.

Now, which one of those do you think women prefer?

the problem is, according to another thread, the first version also constitutes harassment. The reasoning being that any unwanted attention is a form of harassment, and having to decline means you are fighting harassment. A woman is in a weaker position so any unwanted attention of any kind constitutes a potential threat.

I am not mocking, I am quoting. We don't all agree about things like that I am afraid.

Really depressed by women coming on here to tell other women that they are exaggerating their fears and experiences.

I love the sisterhood.

So how is a man going to know the difference

I call bullshit. You really don't understand if someone likes something and if someone doesn't? www.thestar.com/opinion/star-columnists/2021/03/02/cuomo-photo-the-metoo-that-i-and-millions-of-other-women-have-put-up-with-forever.html