AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

My 4 year old knew what she shouldn’t have for breakfast on preschool mornings and wanted to keep her friend safe.
A few restrictions on her diet was worth it.

@Mypathtriedtokillme

My 4 year old knew what she shouldn’t have for breakfast on preschool mornings and wanted to keep her friend safe. A few restrictions on her diet was worth it.

Thank you to people like you and your daughter. 💕😊

A few restrictions on her diet was worth it.

I presume your daughter eats a wide range of foods. What if she didn’t and nut butters were an important source of nutrients for her? Food issues are widespread and encompass far more than the most severe.

Thank you @Mypathtriedtokillme - if only everyone was so understanding.

I often think of the boy who threw that cheese at the lad with severe cmpa who died. He's got to live with that for his whole life, and he was only a boy.

The problem is dismissive attitudes come from home, as we've seen in this thread.

I don't see why they they have it after school and on weekends @TheKeatingFive ?

I don't see why they they have it after school and on weekends @TheKeatingFive ?

Perhaps weekday breakfast is a battle ground and removing an easy, acceptable, nutritious option would cause a lot of stress. Nut butters are primarily eaten in the morning after all.

I just don’t think it’s appropriate to dictate what others eat in their own homes. It’s not necessarily helpful for the child in question either as it’s impossible to police and won’t be replicated by any other element of society they have contact with.

If it’s imperative that nuts are eaten for breakfast I’d wash and brush teeth afterwards and then get in to school clothes. There’s usually a compromise to be had

If it’s imperative that nuts are eaten for breakfast I’d wash and brush teeth afterwards and then get in to school clothes. There’s usually a compromise to be had

Sure, in theory, but not something that can be relied upon.

[quote Petlover9]@IncludesFreeOnlineEdition. So glad you agree with me! As someone else said, parents will lie about what children eat at home if they are dictated to. People should be able to choose what they and their children eat in their home.[/quote]
Just for absolute clarity - I don't agree with you. I was being sarcastic.

@TheKeatingFive - again - if a child will only eat nut butter but this COULD kill a member of their class (remember, teachers have allergies too) - then that child can eat nut butter for breakfast - then sit on their own. Then, they can eat their nutty lunch on their own. Their parents can bring them a nutty snack after school.

If you think it is fair for a child with allergies to be treated like this, then so can a child who can't not eat allergens.

You can rely on it as much as kids not eating it for breakfast at all

Are some schools dictating what kids can eat at home?

I’ve got a bit lost in this thread now!

If a child could die because of nut butter on someone’s breath, where are they actually safe in society? Because it’s not possible to eliminate all contact with people who may have eaten nuts.

You can police what is eaten in a classroom. Not what’s eaten at home/how it’s eaten. That’s just a pragmatic point.

I don’t see what comfort the parents of a child with allergies that severe, could be taking from school issuing a ban on nuts at home. It just can’t be relied upon.

Are some schools dictating what kids can eat at home?

Apparently so

@TheKeatingFive

Are some schools dictating what kids can eat at home?

Apparently so

My child has allergies - I described them earlier in the thread.

I never asked and do not ask for anyone to restrict their diets at home. This was never suggested by paediatricians or by organisations like the Anaphylaxis Campaign.

If schools are really doing this - as opposed to thinking they might do this or gossiping and morons whipping themselves up into a frenzy, then there must be a reason.

Then she could if had it after preschool or on the weekends.

Plus she wouldn’t of at 4 (and still wouldn’t at 7) eaten something knowingly that could hurt her classmates when they have been advised not too.

I have failed at parenting if my kids don’t have any social responsibility, empathy and kindness for their class mates.

As a parent of a child with allergies- I would hate this- it is totally unworkable. Children come into school having eaten whatever- that poses just as much risk- peanut butter smears, in cleaned teeth and milk moustaches, etc
Vegan diets often contain subs eg soya for meat/ that’s the same challenge for soya allergy kids
And so it goes on
If the risk is truly airborne (and I say this wondering if it’s a severe allergy rather than air- I’ve never heard of air dairy allergy and I’m in ALOT of forums) as a parent of that child I’d never ever feel comfortable with them being in such a busy and uncontrollable environment...

2 things I learned in recent allergy safeguarding training:

1. schools are v unwise if they commit publicly to being ‘dairy free’, ‘nut free’ etc because it’s impossible to enforce. Try as you might you can’t stop other kids turning up with this morning’s milk all over their jumper, or check every sandwich for traces of butter. If you promise a certain environment and then don’t provide it you’re leaving yourself open to being sued.
2. parents sometimes exaggerate the severity of their children’s allergies to make sure school takes them more seriously. This is the only possible explanation for this airborne dairy allergy business.

eeek88

That training sounds utterly shit if your takeaway messages were about avoiding being sued and parents making up the severity of a child’s medical condition.

Plus you don’t believe in airborne allergies. So hay fever is a myth too, is it?

Your uninformed nonsense could be very dangerous if people ignore instructions intended to safeguard others.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2651849/

Reputable source

Airborne is a real thing although it rarely leads to anaphalaxis. I'm airborne to legumes ana it leads to really bad wheezing and chest tightness - it feels to me like inhaling air full of smoke - and I have to take my inhaler

I experienced this exact scenario. I wrote to the headteacher and sympathised with her dilemma but that providing safety for one child can’t mean significantly depriving others. I don’t know what arrangement they came too but they reinstated dairy for other children. I think banning everything sometimes seems the easiest option and when parents complain they can find better solutions.

I’m sure most allergy parents don’t want to disadvantage other children/families.

Our nursery offered to make the nursery menu wheat free at one stage but I said that was unnecessary and just avoiding the allergen for my child would be enough.

So what did the school say, OP?

@wingingitk15 any update?

We are saying the same thing/ making the same point