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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

451 replies

wingingitk15 · 11/03/2021 16:52

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

OP posts:
ClarkeGriffin · 13/03/2021 10:25

Surely the obvious answer here is tell the school that they are running out of the first option too quickly and if there is no veggie option, they need to provide more of that first one so that they cover all children. They can't starve your child just because they can't count.

skeggycaggy · 13/03/2021 10:25

babbaloushka it’s only a simple & easy change if you have a child who eats lots of food. I have a child who eats a restricted diet & nut butters are one of the few foods she eats. It’s hard to cut that out of her diet.

Throwntothewolves · 13/03/2021 10:27

This is hard because if my child was only offered the vegan option he'd be likely not to eat it (in Scotland so free school meals for the first 3 years of primary school).

But I can see the other side as a relative's child has special dietary needs relating to an illness. The school decided the child would have to eat separately from the other children, which effectively singled them out and meant they couldn't interact with the other kids at lunch time. So that was challenged by the parents and now the child eats in the lunch hall with their friends.

I honestly don't know what the answer is, but forcing everyone to go vegan is not it

IncludesFreeOnlineEdition · 13/03/2021 10:32

@skeggycaggy

babbaloushka it’s only a simple & easy change if you have a child who eats lots of food. I have a child who eats a restricted diet & nut butters are one of the few foods she eats. It’s hard to cut that out of her diet.
Perhaps your child could sit on their own then. See how you all like that.
Racoonworld · 13/03/2021 10:34

@babbaloushka at school, yes, though I wouldn’t cut out fairly as it’s a whole food group and important for children (and for vegetarians there isnt a huge sandwich choice if you cut out dairy and wouldn’t want my DC to have dairy alternatives that are worse for you). But at home, no I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to police breakfast on a busy morning whilst getting ready for work and school, I wouldn’t tell my DH what to eat (he eats peanut butter for breakfast every day), and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the health of someone else’s child whilst in my own home. I just wouldn’t do it.

Racoonworld · 13/03/2021 10:34

Wouldn’t cut out dairy*

Stolengoat · 13/03/2021 10:38

I would be worried that the child with the allergy may get bullied if the other kids are so put out by this.

babbaloushka · 13/03/2021 10:40

[quote Racoonworld]@babbaloushka at school, yes, though I wouldn’t cut out fairly as it’s a whole food group and important for children (and for vegetarians there isnt a huge sandwich choice if you cut out dairy and wouldn’t want my DC to have dairy alternatives that are worse for you). But at home, no I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to police breakfast on a busy morning whilst getting ready for work and school, I wouldn’t tell my DH what to eat (he eats peanut butter for breakfast every day), and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the health of someone else’s child whilst in my own home. I just wouldn’t do it.[/quote]
I like PP's suggestion that if your child insists on eating nut butter before contact with a severely allergic child, they can sit alone and away from the other kids. They are putting that child's life at risk for what, a bit of toast in the morning? Teaching your kids to make sacrifices for the benefit of others is very, very important, lest they grow up egocentric and entitled...

babbaloushka · 13/03/2021 10:41

@skeggycaggy

babbaloushka it’s only a simple & easy change if you have a child who eats lots of food. I have a child who eats a restricted diet & nut butters are one of the few foods she eats. It’s hard to cut that out of her diet.
But you wouldn't attempt it, even it could save that child's life?
IncludesFreeOnlineEdition · 13/03/2021 10:43

@Stolengoat

I would be worried that the child with the allergy may get bullied if the other kids are so put out by this.
Children with allergies are at higher risk of being anxious and being bullied. This doesn’t mean it WILL happen but it CAN be more likely. Judging by the response of SOME posters, who will no doubt pass on their attitudes to their own children, this is inevitable.
TheKeatingFive · 13/03/2021 10:43

I don’t think it’s appropriate to tell parents what children can eat at home, no. There are all kinds of needs and complexities around food, beyond the most severe. Nut butters will be an important part of some children’s diets.

sugarrosepetal · 13/03/2021 11:26

If this is going to be an ongoing issue, I would ask that instead of a full class having no choice, this little one is allowed to stay in his classroom with a chosen friend to sit with (needs rota and agreement from other children of course) at lunch. This keeps them in their bubble and safe from any allergen whilst keeping choice for everyone else. I know it's not ideal as it looks like the child with allergens is being singled out but what other options are available to keep everyone safe and give everyone a choice?

ilikethedark · 13/03/2021 11:50

Probably the issue here is that the school catering is a bit crap due to lack of funding. If there were a selection of appetising vegan choices each day all would probably be fine.

Stolengoat · 13/03/2021 11:56

10:43IncludesFreeOnlineEdition
I think the school are also assisting this point of view by treating one class differently. If they made the whole school vegan, the catering would be easier too.

YukoandHiro · 13/03/2021 12:10

Clearly the issue is that the contractors are being cheapskates refusing to cook with dairy alternatives and doing full vegan instead. Ask the head to think again and demand better from their school meals service

Wunderhorse · 13/03/2021 12:20

If the child's allergy is that severe that it could seriously harm or even kill him he should have home dinners. It really is that simple. I've known people to go home for lunchtime before, very easy solution.

SimonJT · 13/03/2021 12:21

@Wunderhorse

If the child's allergy is that severe that it could seriously harm or even kill him he should have home dinners. It really is that simple. I've known people to go home for lunchtime before, very easy solution.
So parents with a child with an allergy aren’t allowed to work, how do they then pay the rent/mortage or bills?
Racoonworld · 13/03/2021 12:27

@babbaloushka that’s fine, everyone who chooses for their kids to eat at home nuts or dairy or whatever the allergen is can eat in one room, and everyone who doesn’t want their kids to eat those at home can eat in another. I’m fine with that. I’m also fine with being told no nuts brought into school. What I’m not fine with us banning certain foods from being eaten in own homes, that shouldn’t be allowed. It’s also dangerous for the kid in question as many parents just wouldn’t say what they’ve eaten at home, how would the school even know?

IncludesFreeOnlineEdition · 13/03/2021 12:31

[quote Racoonworld]@babbaloushka that’s fine, everyone who chooses for their kids to eat at home nuts or dairy or whatever the allergen is can eat in one room, and everyone who doesn’t want their kids to eat those at home can eat in another. I’m fine with that. I’m also fine with being told no nuts brought into school. What I’m not fine with us banning certain foods from being eaten in own homes, that shouldn’t be allowed. It’s also dangerous for the kid in question as many parents just wouldn’t say what they’ve eaten at home, how would the school even know?[/quote]
No one is ever going to ask you to do this. Honestly.

ClarkeGriffin · 13/03/2021 12:37

No one is ever going to ask you to do this. Honestly.

They are though according to another poster. They said their school asked the parents to not let their children eat peanut butter before coming to school as otherwise a kid with a nut allergy could die.

I get the parents of that child being cautious, but what do they expect to happen in other places? Can't go to Disney land unless they force all people going that day to not eat peanuts? What about when the child grows up and works? They can't tell their colleagues what to eat. It's setting a standard they cannot stick to.

Racoonworld · 13/03/2021 12:42

@IncludesFreeOnlineEdition another poster said that is happening at their school.

NailsNeedDoing · 13/03/2021 12:59

Agree that schools have no right to tell parents what to feed their children for breakfast at home. There is a diabetic child in my family, she is advised to eat nuts as a healthy snack or part of a meal. It’s unfair on those children, and vegetarian children to ban things like nuts and dairy. In my own school there is a no nuts policy which I personally disagree with, but it works most of the time, until the mum who follows the rules goes away for a couple of days and packed lunches are made by the other parent who forgets and includes nutty cereal bars or makes a peanut butter sandwich. No nuts policies don’t protect children with allergies.

Petlover9 · 13/03/2021 14:11

The child should go home for lunch or be home schooled. Sad as it is, the other children need their food and the school has absolutely no right to tell parents what to give their child for breakfast, that is against the human rights of the children. I would write to my MP about it because one child cannot effectively dictate what other children eat and drink.

IncludesFreeOnlineEdition · 13/03/2021 14:17

@Petlover9

The child should go home for lunch or be home schooled. Sad as it is, the other children need their food and the school has absolutely no right to tell parents what to give their child for breakfast, that is against the human rights of the children. I would write to my MP about it because one child cannot effectively dictate what other children eat and drink.
Yes. Because obviously that has happened. The school actually said what pupils can’t eat out of schools. Which then means that children are starving. Yes of course that happened.
IncludesFreeOnlineEdition · 13/03/2021 14:20

@Petlover9

The child should go home for lunch or be home schooled. Sad as it is, the other children need their food and the school has absolutely no right to tell parents what to give their child for breakfast, that is against the human rights of the children. I would write to my MP about it because one child cannot effectively dictate what other children eat and drink.
Absolutely. I would write to the Prime Minister and the Queen. I would also talk to God about it.