AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

But still, it can be dealt with less extreme measures, like using milk alternatives?

Milk alternatives are also often likely to be things some children are allergic to/can't tolerate - soya, nuts, oats (most oat milks aren't gluten free), pea, etc.

@IncludesFreeOnlineEdition. So glad you agree with me! As someone else said, parents will lie about what children eat at home if they are dictated to. People should be able to choose what they and their children eat in their home.

@darefullyciverse

But still, it can be dealt with less extreme measures, like using milk alternatives?

Milk alternatives are also often likely to be things some children are allergic to/can't tolerate - soya, nuts, oats (most oat milks aren't gluten free), pea, etc.

Good quality rice milk? Allergies to milk substitutes are much less common that they are to cows milk. Recipes can often be made with a totally different product like oil or Apple juice. I’m with the op that the school currently haven’t handled this in the best way, that sometimes there is a knee jerk and there are other ways around it. but some of the replies are so unpleasant. I’d have no problem whatsoever making small adjustments so that a child with allergies could be included. School is not comparable to voluntary social visits like Disneyland, I’ve no doubt that those with serious allergies do have to avoid a lot of enjoyable activities

@amispeakingenglish

another case of the minority ruling, its ridiculous, maybe allergy child should have his food in a separate room if he is so allergic, not fair on all other children or yours. Crazy to put one child over all the others. Very sad for allergy child but common sense should prevail. We had something about nuts at ours, again, allergy children need to learn that the world is not going to always accommodate them and to manage their medications and allergies from an early age if so dangerous. Safer for them. I still would put nuts in my childs lunch if I wanted, and tell them to stay away from a child with allergies.

'I would still put nuts in my child's lunch if I wanted' Aren't you lovely. I'm sure your child will appreciate it when he realises that it was the nuts in his lunchbox that killed his classmate. 'Staying away' doesn't cut it whenever its in the air, unless of course the other child is in a different class at the other end of the school

What about the kids with packed lunches? Are they limited too. I do think it's unfair & it's not really gearing him up for adult life or life outside school where this will never happen.

That's because at secondary and in adult life, children can take responsibility @coffeewithcream - at this age they can't be expected to fully understand how serious it is, either the boy or his classmates, or what they need to do to keep him safe.

I don't think it's a good solution but also you can expect the kids themselves to be part of the solution at this age

I've read a glass of milk does not aersolize but steaming dairy products during cooking is a different matter. It looks as though they are being overly cautious but I think it would actually be safer & better for all if they considered a separate eating area for him. He will likely have the allergy for life potentially so I think he will need to find ways of coping with this.

I'm very lucky that my child has no allergies. Whenever we were in situations like this though, I tried to imagine how I'd feel if it was him with the allergy. The previous post by the parent saying they would still put nuts in if they wanted horrified me. Children have to learn to consider other people's needs sometimes have to come before their wants.

We've not clarified the age of the child. We must not underestimate a child's ability to understand.

@coffeewithcream

We've not clarified the age of the child. We must not underestimate a child's ability to understand.

Of course the child should not be excluded. But what's wrong with suggesting that, with such a serious allergy, you have to eat separately?

All children with allergies or special lunch requirements can take their packed lunches into the dining room 15 minutes early to eat. They're together, not excluded. And since you said the child "understands", this shouldn't be an issue

I would say the exact same if it were my own child. I'd rather he eats a bit earlier with different children, than has a fatal reaction.

Yes, tell them you are sending in packed lunches.

I didn't say that. The poster was looking for options. If this has been explored and it can't be done then fine. Where you have other children having a compromised diet as was explained that simply isn't right.

@amispeakingenglish
"another case of the minority ruling, its ridiculous, maybe allergy child should have his food in a separate room if he is so allergic, not fair on all other children or yours. Crazy to put one child over all the others. Very sad for allergy child but common sense should prevail. We had something about nuts at ours, again, allergy children need to learn that the world is not going to always accommodate them and to manage their medications and allergies from an early age if so dangerous. Safer for them. I still would put nuts in my childs lunch if I wanted, and tell them to stay away from a child with allergies."

Are you crazy?! Serious question. I am very lucky that my child has no allergies, but her school is a "nut free" school because some of the kids have nut allergies and I don't actually know who/how many kids they are, but I of course don't put nuts in my daughter's lunchbox because I'm not some selfish arsehole who doesn't care if a child gets a severe allergic reaction to my daughter's lunch.

I'd definitely send in a packed lunch. The school can't argue with you as they have changed the menu. It's very tricky for the FSM children though.
If the school enforce all children to eat a vegan meal they hate and feel hungry and miserable then they may ostracise the child.

@mummywantstobeslim

Yes that would piss me off. I understand the new child has an allergy but I don't see why every other child has to be inconvenienced because of it.

Absolutely this. I also don't understand the rule about children not allowed to bring packed lunches now if they haven't before. That seems like pandering to the catering company whom are probably losing money hand over fist during the pandemic. This shouldn't be the childrens' fault. I think the school needs to step up and sort these issues promptly.

@amispeakingenglish we’re talking of risk to a child’s life here, have you understood that concept? How incredibly selfish to put your child’s ‘want’ for nuts or any other allergen over the life of another child. Why are allergies seen as a ‘lesser’ illness to some? It’s truly baffling. Their bodies literally think that the food is the enemy and starts attacking, with fatal results sometimes. Nobody wants that for thyme or their child, it’s a hideous inconvenience at best. A little compassion wouldn’t go amiss.

Seems like a knee jerk reaction from the school, won’t be permanent. No child will die or become malnourished for having a week or twos meals switched to vegan.

I work in a school & we have several children with severe allergies to a variety of things, many dairy.
The local authority identifies allergens in each meal & a warning can be put against each menu option as its chosen so that the child cannot choose something that is harmful to them. I have never heard of ‘airborne dairy allergies ‘. That’s a new one on me.
I can understand the school being cautious but why make it vegan? It can be dairy free but with other animal products.
I would definitely ask the school for proper clarification. It’s possible they’ve gone vegan temporarily to put dairy free options in place. It would have been nice to warn parents in advance though.

Mummyyyyyyyyyy airborne and allergens is a thing, that is why sometimes on flights no one can have nuts (and there was the case of the selfish passenger that insisted on eating nuts, causing an emergency landing and hospital admission for another passenger that was allergic to nuts).

It also is a concern that say lunch halls are not cleaned, so I have a friend whose child has to eat separately, as her child has had to go to hospital because some contaminants/allergens were left over from the previous class lunch setting.

I work in a school and you can request an adapted menu for children with allergies. Please ask the school who will advise you on how to apply to your local council for this (I would be very surprised if they don't do this!)

My own son was lactose intolerant and he had an adapted menu for years while at Primary School

I had to supply a letter from the dietician / consultant to confirm his food intolerance.

It did take a few weeks for a menu to be prepared.

Hope this helps

A vegan diet has to be very carefully balanced, especially for children whose bodies are still growing and changing. For at least some children the lunch may be the main meal of the day and if it does not provide enough nutritional value, and that lack is not made up at home, then it may affect a child's physical and cognitive development.

Surely something like that should be discussed with parents and some sensitive arrangement sorted out?

XelaM You talk as if the child with the allergy is somehow to blame for the situation. I do think that it is unreasonable to change all the children's diet without consultation but there should still be compassion and concern for the little boy who is at risk. To put nuts in a child's meal when you are aware that another child may have a severe allergic reaction (which can kill) seems to me to be the height of irresponsibility.

To put nuts in a child's meal when you are aware that another child may have a severe allergic reaction (which can kill) seems to me to be the height of irresponsibility. Anyone who does this is disgusting, not irresponsible. It is a genuinely bad act.

@ellyeth You quoted the wrong poster. I was quoting a poster who made that unbelievable suggestion

@Oldbird69

I'm very lucky that my child has no allergies. Whenever we were in situations like this though, I tried to imagine how I'd feel if it was him with the allergy. The previous post by the parent saying they would still put nuts in if they wanted horrified me. Children have to learn to consider other people's needs sometimes have to come before their wants.

This. Why teach your child that their want to have some peanut butter is more important than another child's right to be safe and healthy at school. I hate to imagine how entitled these kids will grow up to be.

@amispeakingenglish
"another case of the minority ruling, its ridiculous, maybe allergy child should have his food in a separate room if he is so allergic, not fair on all other children or yours. Crazy to put one child over all the others. Very sad for allergy child but common sense should prevail. We had something about nuts at ours, again, allergy children need to learn that the world is not going to always accommodate them and to manage their medications and allergies from an early age if so dangerous. Safer for them. I still would put nuts in my childs lunch if I wanted, and tell them to stay away from a child with allergies."

I did it for a year of packed lunches and no allergens breakfasts.
It wasn’t hard but I guess I’m not a gigantic arsehole.

I’m horrified that you’d put your child and your own wants ahead of child’s actual life. You know that kid who would potentially have a life threatening reaction that would not only traumatised it but traumatise your own child.’
What the hell is wrong with you?