AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

@Haspotential

It's also discriminatory to put an entire class on a vegan diet and no milk.

Which protected characteristic does it discriminate against?

We do have a child in school who is so allergic to peanuts he gets anaphylaxis if he can even smell it on someone's breath so the teachers and children in his year have been told not to eat peanut butter for breakfast. Which I can understand but is also a bit of a cheek as it is affecting you at home as well.

That’s extreme. I wouldn’t mind no nuts at school, and that seems to be common in schools, but I wouldn’t accept being told what my kids can eat at home. That’s going too far and shouldn’t be expected.

Which protected characteristic does it discriminate against?

Children getting adequate nutrition?

@Racoonworld the problem won't be breathing on face but contact on fingers if they're not properly washed before school.

I know you say it's going to far, and I do sympathise, but also every contact with another child puts that little one at risk of sudden death. It's hard to live with. But that child still has a right to an education and to socialise with peers at a point where he's too young to keep himself by distance/personal caution

Having allergy as a child is very hard. You can imagine how they feel if you have a bit of imagination. Always watching others enjoy the food, but they can't have it. It still smells good to them. Life time of restriction, yearly test(prick, sometimes blood), participating in challenge, learning how to stab yourself with epipen in case of emergency(from 8 at my dc's hospital), life of children with allergies are very hard.

I think this one is very difficult one because it's airborne allergy. But I do wonder why they can just use dairy alternative to cook normal food, since it doesn't need to be vegan, and it's not that difficult.

Luckily my dc doesn't have airborne allergy, so he only needed to avoid what he is allergic to. In reception and ks1, he had to sit with midday supervisor on different table at lunch time. Ks2 upwards, he was old enough to know and manage the risk, so he was allowed to sit with his friends.

Most children will have dairy for breakfast. Milk on their cereal etc. I find it somewhat unbelievable that this child has an allergy so severe that children's dinners are altered, but the parents are not concerned about him being in the lunch room full stop!

I understand the sentiment @bemusedmoose but actually kids with allergies need to learn to live with the risk, not become hermits. The risk will always be there and they need to find ways to mitigate it. Adults panicking and sealing them off rather than finding the best, lowest risk solution doesn't teach them anything positive at all.

Yes it's terrifying for the parents. It's not the whole school life: at secondary children are responsible for what they eat and touch themselves. And they'd bring packed lunch. It's only primary where they can't manage alone and others have to be involved.

@Haspotential

Most children will have dairy for breakfast. Milk on their cereal etc. I find it somewhat unbelievable that this child has an allergy so severe that children's dinners are altered, but the parents are not concerned about him being in the lunch room full stop!

I do find it somewhat unusual too. My dc isn't allergic to anything airborne, but definitely had contact reaction like getting rash after touching something that other child who had his allergen for breakfast touched. Luckily again, it's not life and death matter for him, but it must be scary for the child and their parents with allergy that is life threatening just to be in the same room.

@YukoandHiro yes they do have w right to education, but the risk needs to be managed at school and not put the responsibility onto parents and children in their own homes. What happens if another member of my household eats peanut butter for breakfast then my dc touches it without me knowing and goes to school? If a child’s allergy is so severe that it starts to impact on others home life then I’m afraid school isn’t the place for them.

@Haspotential

Which protected characteristic does it discriminate against?

Children getting adequate nutrition?

1. That isn’t a protected characteristic
2. In what way are they not being given adequate nutrition?

1. That isn’t a protected characteristic
2. In what way are they not being given adequate nutrition?

Discrimination is not just what is that in law.

They're not able to eat their lunch.

By the way, I think the problem lies at school for taking such an extreme measure, not on the child with an allergy or their parent.
Contact reactions aside, they can do so much without serving vegan meals to all the children. My dc is allergic to milk, egg as well as many others, we don't have vegan meals at home, though we adopt some vegan recipes like replacing milk and eggs with alternatives.

@Haspotential

1. That isn’t a protected characteristic

1. In what way are they not being given adequate nutrition?

Discrimination is not just what is that in law.

They're not able to eat their lunch.

They are able to eat their lunch.

Protected characteristics are limited to those that are protected in law.

My son was dairy free for a year and our diet wasn't vegan. We didn't have very creamy or cheesy dishes because I don't like the taste of the dairy free alternatives but pretty much everything else was easy to adapt. If this is long term the school is just taking a lazy option.

@EmotionallyEncumbered

I had a little girl with a severe dairy allergy, amongst many other allergies, in my class a couple of years ago.

The rest of the class still had their milk and normal school meals. We were VERY vigilant at all times.

Milk had to be drunk in one area which was thoroughly wiped down after, children that drank milk had to wash hands after. The child with the allergies was sat at the end of the dinner table with her packed lunch, the table was wiped before she sat down and a bit of space was left to ensure she wasn't in contact with other meals. All children then washed hands after eating (to be fair, with covid we're doing most of this now anyway).

Thankfully although only four years old at the time the girl was amazing at knowing what to do and why and although a little stressful having to be constantly watchful all was fine.

An eminently sensible solution, right here.

My son has an egg allergy. He sits on the 'allergy' table with other kids who need to be careful. Sometimes his best friend changes his choice (to pizza so not that hard done by) so he can sit on the allergy table with my son (lovely friend!).

There is no way I would want my son's allergy to impact the other children, especially those on FSM.

Really surprising to see a school deal with an allergy in such a strict way, to remove school dinner options for an entire class on behalf of one child. With it being so rare for a milk allergy to be so severe, and rarer still for the allergy to be airborne, it seems incredible the school would act in such an extreme way to protect a single child, but only for school dinners. There are much simpler solutions, which better protect the child more and don’t have such an impact on the rest of the class. I’d be concerned if I was the mum of the child with the allergy.

@winniestone37 I’m the child of someone with a very severe allergy. I feel for you. I really do. But please also understand that for several multiple times more kids than those with a very severe allergy, it’s their only decent meal of the day. I’ve worked on numerous estates where this is the case. And the school can and should do better for those kids. Child malnutrition is a very serious and real problem too although it’s less immediately obvious.

@MintyMabel

Really surprising to see a school deal with an allergy in such a strict way, to remove school dinner options for an entire class on behalf of one child. With it being so rare for a milk allergy to be so severe, and rarer still for the allergy to be airborne, it seems incredible the school would act in such an extreme way to protect a single child, but only for school dinners. There are much simpler solutions, which better protect the child more and don’t have such an impact on the rest of the class. I’d be concerned if I was the mum of the child with the allergy.

Yes. It is almost as if this is not what actually happened. The OP overreacted to something her child told her and to whatsapp messages from other parents. I don't believe for a moment that his happened. I do believe the ignorance and lack of empathy though.

Great post from stuckinashed as someone who works in school catering.

Their first point is key. Has the school got medical confirmation of the allergy being airborne and so severe the whole class has to not drink milk and be put on a vegan diet at lunch?

If not then it's either speculation from parents due to poor catering planning, or it could be a parent talking up the allergy as the PP in catering mentioned. It does seem unusual that the allergy is so severe that a whole class has lost their milk and had their meals restricted, but the child is perfectly fine in the classroom all day after their peers have eaten dairy at breakfast, and they're fine in the lunch hall after other sittings serving dairy, and they're fine in the playground with peers who aren't in their class (who will have been eating dairy).

just seen this article, so, the milk can be airborne. But still, it can be dealt with less extreme measures, like using milk alternatives? And it clearly says that the glass of milk do not aerosolize, so the problem lies more with cooking milk in the kitchen.

airborne food allergy reaction

Please talk to the Head about the decision but don't put in a complaint. I not saying that the decision is the right one or the long term solution but my guess is that the child has suddenly arrived at the school and they have had to quickly to put a plan in place. This will have been at exactly the same time as getting everyone back into school. Are the children eating in their classrooms as part of the school's COVID risk assessment? I don't know how large the school is but they may not have another space to move the child to at lunchtime in the current circumstances. Talk to the Head, express your concerns. The key thing is whether this is a short term or long term decision.

@Racoonworld

We do have a child in school who is so allergic to peanuts he gets anaphylaxis if he can even smell it on someone's breath so the teachers and children in his year have been told not to eat peanut butter for breakfast. Which I can understand but is also a bit of a cheek as it is affecting you at home as well.

That’s extreme. I wouldn’t mind no nuts at school, and that seems to be common in schools, but I wouldn’t accept being told what my kids can eat at home. That’s going too far and shouldn’t be expected.

Really? You wouldn't make a very simple and easy change in diet to protect a child's life?

I agree with Singsomethingsimple. I think it could be a short time measures to accommodate the child with allergy while finding out long term solution.
FYI, when my dc started nursery, the start was delayed for 2 weeks for him to get everything ready, getting people trained, etc. It was ok since nursery was not mandatory. But with school, I don't think they can say don't come to school until we are ready.

@WombOfOnesOwn

This supposed level of severity in allergies is absolutely ridiculous and bonkers. Find me one case study of a child who died or had to be intubated because they were in a room with dairy products -- without touching or eating them. Really, now. I mean it. If it's a thing that happens, you'll be able to find the case studies on Google Scholar.

Many "allergy moms" either have anxiety that is leading them to exaggerate severity, or have received bad information. A few may even be attention-seeking. The number of children I have heard moms say cannot be in a room with x allergen is staggering, and yet the medical literature is simply lacking examples and case studies of this being a serious threat.

It would be outing for me to share, and not fair on my friend, but I know of a little girl that died at 11 because there dairy allergens in the air near a cafe at a local amusement. They were careful and vigilant with everything she came into contact with, endless hospitalisations, appointments, tests and procedures, and they still lost her at 11. Some people on here are unwilling to make even the easiest concessions that could prevent the horror of a parent having to bury their little girl. Have a little compassion.