AIBU for being unhappy about this change in school dinners

[wingingitk15]

So a new child started my sons school on Monday and he has a severe dairy allergy. It is so severe that he cannot be in the same room as a dairy product.

They've stopped giving the children in his classroom the usual school milk and for dinner time, since they're in the bubbles anyway, they've made it that when their year enter the dinner hall they take away all other options and his year are only offered the vegan option.

I'm a bit confused by this because surely if it's an airborne allergy, the previous years eating different foods would still be in the air? But my son has came home absolutely starving everyday because he says "the vegan option is horrible" and he won't eat them. He loves his fruit and veg, he's not a picky eater so I can't understand him not wanting to eat them.

I'm a bit unsure on what to do because I feel so sorry for this new pupil who has to be very careful about what he eats but also I pay for these dinners and my son isn't being given a choice it's just the one vegan option that he's given.

Packed lunches aren't an option because of covid they are only allowing packed lunches if the child has previously been packed lunch.

Should I enquire to the school about this? Or should I just tell them my son is going packed lunch? Is this just something I've got to accept that he's going to be given whatever is vegan that day and he'll come home starving or is there a way the school could overcome this?

None of my family suffer from allergies so I'm not really clued up on how they can be. If anyone has any children with allergies and tips on how the school/children manage with it I'd really appreciate it!

Everyone followed the rules because who wants to traumatise a child with near death reaction or wants to traumatise their own child witnessing one of their school friends having one?

Surely the logical solution is that the child with the allergy brings his own lunch and eats in his classroom. Other students could make sure to wash their hands after eating

@amispeakingenglish

another case of the minority ruling, its ridiculous, maybe allergy child should have his food in a separate room if he is so allergic, not fair on all other children or yours. Crazy to put one child over all the others. Very sad for allergy child but common sense should prevail. We had something about nuts at ours, again, allergy children need to learn that the world is not going to always accommodate them and to manage their medications and allergies from an early age if so dangerous. Safer for them. I still would put nuts in my childs lunch if I wanted, and tell them to stay away from a child with allergies.

Allergy children know that the world is not going to accommodate them. They really do. They realise this VERY EARLY ON YOU MORON.,

As for the the suggestion from @WombOfOnesOwn - that the "allergy moms" are exaggerating, drwaing attention to themselves. Fuck off. I am sure you think your username gives you an air of intellectualism. Your comments are absolutely offensive.

I am not saying that the situation at this school is right. However, as others have pointed out, the ignorance, lack of empathy is astonishing.

Oh - and to the patronising poster who suggested that managing a child's allergy is simply about "being organised". It is not.

@amispeakingenglish

another case of the minority ruling, its ridiculous, maybe allergy child should have his food in a separate room if he is so allergic, not fair on all other children or yours. Crazy to put one child over all the others. Very sad for allergy child but common sense should prevail. We had something about nuts at ours, again, allergy children need to learn that the world is not going to always accommodate them and to manage their medications and allergies from an early age if so dangerous. Safer for them. I still would put nuts in my childs lunch if I wanted, and tell them to stay away from a child with allergies.

You would risk the life of another child just because you felt like giving your child nuts in their lunchbox? That’s truly horrendous.

We all know when we give our kids instructions (such as keep your lunch away from x), the high likelihood is that you’ll get the response ‘I forgot’.

Meanwhile you could well be responsible for the death or serious illness of a child.

In response to the OP- I don’t think it’s reasonable that all of the children should have to eat vegan food. Usually there’s a solution when parents of allergy children, the child and the school talk and come up with options.

We’re parents of a child allergic to loads of things including wheat, nuts and eggs. We’ve just had lots of open communication with care givers to come to an arrangement that’s fair to everyone.

Allergic kids are well aware that the world doesn’t revolve around them. They know this every single day- when they can’t have the option they fancy when eating out, or they can’t have what their sibling can have, or the cake at a birthday party, or 80% of the party tea, or the ‘normal’ version of anything.

The shittiness on this thread towards medically complicated kids is shocking. Thankfully I’ve not come across it in real life (to date)- eye opening though.

Is there a parent who is a stay at home parent? If so, could that parent come in with him to sit with him when he eats? Alternatively, could he go home for his lunch? When I went to school, children who lived close to the school went home for lunch! Maybe that's not a thing anymore.
I also had a best friend in primary school whose Mum came into school to ensure that she ate her lunch - invariably spring onion sandwiches, a penguin bar and orange juice. I think she was underweight or something.
Again, at school in the dark ages, I was in my last year of primary school when my younger sister started. I had to go and feed her her yoghurt at lunch time and make sure she ate.

There are loads of exceptions made. It shouldn't be a solution that negatively affects an entire class of young children going hungry.

IncludesFreeOnlineEdition Your aggression isn't doing you any favours. While I sympathise that your child has allergies, you have to realise that exceptions can't be made which disadvantage an entire class of children.

@Haspotential

IncludesFreeOnlineEdition Your aggression isn't doing you any favours. While I sympathise that your child has allergies, you have to realise that exceptions can't be made which disadvantage an entire class of children.

I KNOW. I NEVER SAID THAT. I AM NOT THE OP OR THE PARENT OF THE CHILD THE OP IS COMPLAINING ABOUT.

NO CHILD HAS EVER BEEN DISADVANTAGED BECAUSE OF MY CHILD'S ALLERGIES.

I fully support includesfreeonlineeditions “fuck off” to the ridiculous poster who said allergy parents are attention seeking.
Maybe look up photos of children suffering anaphylaxis and decide if parents wanting to avoid that for their children are just showing off.

Would you not feel a bit aggressive if someone was so appallingly rude about a potentially life threatening condition your child had?

Patents of allergic children aren’t making it up for fun- we don’t enjoy seeing our kids need countless skin prick tests, cardiac monitoring after anaphylaxis. We don’t like seeing them blow up like a balloon, wondering when/if their airway will become too constricted to breathe, having to blue light a scared child to hospital etc.

We don’t like that as previously easy going parents and people we have to helicopter our kids to make sure they’re safe.

To say it’s about attention is incredibly offensive. And deserves the biggest of fuck the fuck offs.
Would you say that about another childhood illness requiring constant vigilance? Are parents of diabetic kids in it for the attention? Or those with epilepsy? Have a big fucking word with yourself and grow the fuck up.

NO CHILD HAS EVER BEEN DISADVANTAGED BECAUSE OF MY CHILD'S ALLERGIES.

We're not talking about your child here. We're talking about the OP's child and his classmates, all being disadvantaged. No milk and vegan dinners they won't eat.

@Haspotential

NO CHILD HAS EVER BEEN DISADVANTAGED BECAUSE OF MY CHILD'S ALLERGIES.

We're not talking about your child here. We're talking about the OP's child and his classmates, all being disadvantaged. No milk and vegan dinners they won't eat.

Yes - because I am sure that's what is happening.

What if they all had vegan 2-3 days a week and other times had omnivore food while the allergic child are separately, maybe with other kids who don't have dairy (vegan or non dairy for medical reasons like eczema).

Am I the only one who thinks the allergic child eating separately isn't necessarily a terrible ordeal? Handled the right way, it could look like a privilege eg allowed to listen to music or go in areas that are usually out of bounds.

For the record, I know it must be absolutely horrible to have a child with allergies and to have constant fear around it. I'm asthmatic, and allergic to cats (not life threateningly so, but enough that my eyes swell up and I need to take my inhaler, get a rash). I've had to alter my life somewhat because of it for e.g. not visiting a house with cats, not dating a man with cats.

My cousin has type 1 diabetes since a baby. Though his Mum was a nurse, it was very challenging for him and his Mum.

It's not really about the allergic child though, it's about the rest of the class.

I'm sure the little boy with the allergy, has a Mum and/or Dad who are in constant fear daily. I totally understand that. Does little boy have epipen? All staff trained on using it? Including lunch staff?

I think it's actually a danger to him to be in the lunch room at all.

Am I the only one who thinks the allergic child eating separately isn't necessarily a terrible ordeal?

From my experience, those with exceptions made for them were always revered and popular.

If so, could that parent come in with him to sit with him when he eats? Alternatively, could he go home for his lunch?

The school can't require that, it would be discriminatory.

It's also discriminatory to put an entire class on a vegan diet and no milk.

My child is allergic to dairy but not so badly that other people having it are affected - i would be mortified if a whole year group were given only vegan food because of it (and im veggie!) I'm surprised you even have a vegan option as our school only goes as far as veggie and that is always dairy based. Vegan really isn't good for growing kids - ive studied nutrition and its simply too limited so I would not be happy. You really have to weigh and measure everything to make sure it is enough. Protein wise it is hard to get enough if you know what you are doing let alone a school meal as for the veg - school veg are usually over cooked and have little nutrition left in them after being boiled out. If you are getting a cooked breaky and tea it might balance but for some kids - school dinner is the best meal they get so it's vital its more than vegan. It's just not ok.

Im not sure how the school stand really - the have a legal duty to protect the allergy sufferer but im not sure how they can eliminate dairy from a whole year group for the rest of their school lives! (because this will have to be in place the entire time the child is in school.) it's just not viable and the kids are really going to resent the poor kid for making them all eat food they hate so including them could be more harmful socially that excluding them (ie having their own place to eat lunch.)

We do have a child in school who is so allergic to peanuts he gets anaphylaxis if he can even smell it on someone's breath so the teachers and children in his year have been told not to eat peanut butter for breakfast. Which I can understand but is also a bit of a cheek as it is affecting you at home as well.

I don't know how you feel comfortable with a kid that bad out if your sight. I would have changed my own life and home schooled if my child was that severe, not just for them but the other kids too. I just couldn't get on with my day worried school hadnt got it right or the food got mixed up, a contaminated snack... For my own sanity I would have to take full responsibility for my kids safety. At the very lest I would ask if they could eat in the classroom with a homemade lunch.

@Haspotential

For the record, I know it must be absolutely horrible to have a child with allergies and to have constant fear around it. I'm asthmatic, and allergic to cats (not life threateningly so, but enough that my eyes swell up and I need to take my inhaler, get a rash). I've had to alter my life somewhat because of it for e.g. not visiting a house with cats, not dating a man with cats. My cousin has type 1 diabetes since a baby. Though his Mum was a nurse, it was very challenging for him and his Mum. It's not really about the allergic child though, it's about the rest of the class.

How can it not be about the allergic child?! It’s about ALL of the children and keeping them all safe, well nourished and not socially ostracised.

I don’t think that only serving vegan food is fair- or the answer here. But there will be a compromise that’s suitable for everyone. Lots of options have been suggested on this thread already.

Totally agree with your post bemusedmoose.

@bemusedmoose

My child is allergic to dairy but not so badly that other people having it are affected - i would be mortified if a whole year group were given only vegan food because of it (and im veggie!) I'm surprised you even have a vegan option as our school only goes as far as veggie and that is always dairy based. Vegan really isn't good for growing kids - ive studied nutrition and its simply too limited so I would not be happy. You really have to weigh and measure everything to make sure it is enough. Protein wise it is hard to get enough if you know what you are doing let alone a school meal as for the veg - school veg are usually over cooked and have little nutrition left in them after being boiled out. If you are getting a cooked breaky and tea it might balance but for some kids - school dinner is the best meal they get so it's vital its more than vegan. It's just not ok.

Im not sure how the school stand really - the have a legal duty to protect the allergy sufferer but im not sure how they can eliminate dairy from a whole year group for the rest of their school lives! (because this will have to be in place the entire time the child is in school.) it's just not viable and the kids are really going to resent the poor kid for making them all eat food they hate so including them could be more harmful socially that excluding them (ie having their own place to eat lunch.)

We do have a child in school who is so allergic to peanuts he gets anaphylaxis if he can even smell it on someone's breath so the teachers and children in his year have been told not to eat peanut butter for breakfast. Which I can understand but is also a bit of a cheek as it is affecting you at home as well.

I don't know how you feel comfortable with a kid that bad out if your sight. I would have changed my own life and home schooled if my child was that severe, not just for them but the other kids too. I just couldn't get on with my day worried school hadnt got it right or the food got mixed up, a contaminated snack... For my own sanity I would have to take full responsibility for my kids safety. At the very lest I would ask if they could eat in the classroom with a homemade lunch.

But by saying you’d home school for your own peace of mind you’re taking away that huge and important school experience from the child. It’s not necessarily in their best interests. Managing allergy risk is complex and not about an entirely sterile environment devoid of human contact.

I honestly don’t think it’s that much of a cheek to ask classmates and teachers not to eat nuts for breakfast 5 days a week to keep a child alive. It’s not something I’d begrudge doing as part of a school community.

I really wouldn't be happy with him being in the kitchen/food area at all, if his allergy is that severe. I would request special measures for him, so he eats in an office, or he eats in his classroom. Somewhere where he can't come in contact accidentally with dairy. At some point, someone will accidentally fuck up and he will come in contact with dairy. It's too dangerous for him to be in the canteen.

Well, that would be what I would request personally. A special place for him to eat, with a member of staff to accompany him. Then he can run out and play with the others, who should be instructed to wash their hands etc. It must be awful to have such a severe allergy.

I don't agree with home-schooling personally, as I believe all children like the social interaction of school (well most). He absolutely should be allowed to go to school, but the school should come up with a safer solution for him, and a better solution for the other children. That has to be him eating somewhere separately.

I mean, a piece of the cheese on the lasagne accidentally falls into the vegan serving dish? Would you take that risk?