Too Many Men

[JackieBeaver]

I'm feeling very sad about the Sarah Everard case. Poor poor woman. There's a lot of stories coming out now from women who have experienced feeling unsafe due to the behaviour of men with the hashtag toomanymen trending on Twitter and Green Party peer baroness Jones calling for a 6pm curfew of all men.

We need a change! This can't go on, I'm so tired of feeling unsafe and unable to go about my business without fearing for my safety. I'm worried for my dd also

Enough is enough

Anyway, as enlightening as this has been I'm going to call it a night now. Whether I've disagreed with you or not tonight, all I can say is please be safe. Not for one second do I think that this issue is not a massive one and I fucking hate that we even have to have this conversation. Take care of yourselves.

*You don't watch porn. Great. Do you pull up other men in your circle that to watch it? Do you make your disapproval and reasons why known?

Do you refuse to engage in any kind of sharing of derogatory/sexist memes/images/jokes and make your disapproval known?

Do you refuse to engage in "banter", sexist or rape /sexist/DV jokes, rating of women etc and make your disapproval known?

Do you refuse to excuse and minimise men's bad behaviour? From boys will be boys to it was just a joke?

Do you actively avoid name calling women, perpetuating rape myths etc?

Do you promote a healthy view of relationships and sex?

These are just a few simple things that you can do in day to day life,without much effort. Things that actually can actively cause change . Even if it starts with a small group of men. Even if it's slow going*

and I can;t believe any of this needs explaining - you know it's just basically be a decent person and expect those around you to do the same - if they are twats - call them out

ah so I dislike male violence - that must make me a man hater - got ya :)

thank you

all I can say is please be safe.

I would be if it was just up to me.

AccidentallyOnPurpose want to form a commune?

"I also know many males who are not abusers,"
How do you know?
Considering 99% of rapists are walking around.
The man who threatened to rape me and scares me is a teacher.
Im sure his mother and sisters think he's lovely.
Many men are not abusers.
The point is we never really know which ones are and which ones are not.

Yes - I think men have a lot to fear from other men too. I once saw a statistic - don't know if it's still relevant - that the people most likely to be attacked on the street are 17 - 24-year-old men.

There is a lot of discussion about the causes of death in young men (suicide, IIRC, followed by murder) and when it hits the news because it's happened again we even talk about it here. And do you know what? People don't come onto discussions about that and say "well, men kill women, too you know, what about the WIMMIN?". No they offer sympathy, express anger and shock and discuss how we can address the issues that cause it.

So for once, i would like a conversation about harm happening to women, not to have dozens of men and men-apologists* come along and NAMLT and WhatAboutDaMenz and instead offer up ideas about how we can tackle it.

*yes, i see the handmaids are out in force here too

What a ridiculous suggestion. These kinds of assaults are thankfully very rare. Crime rates are lower than they have been for decades. Women are far more at risk in their homes from domestic violence!

Disgusting for someone to pounce on such a terrible event for their own agenda.

I was the only female grandchild out of 10 for quite a few years (ended up being 3 granddaughters out of 16). Grandfather would kiss us girls on the lips for an uncomfortably long time, forcibly holding us so we couldn’t move. This was between the ages of 6-11.

My 2 older male cousins made me touch their private parts when I was 10. They were 16 and 19.

In primary school a boy and I kissed (willingly) and we were caught. I was humiliated and punished in assembly. Nothing happened to him.

In secondary school I was sexually assaulted 3 times by boys. Sexually harassed by a male teacher and bullied by another male teacher. I was siting on a bench in the street one summer day, wearing shorts. A man driving past leered at me out of his window and crashed into the car in front. He then called me a fucking little whore. I was 14. From the age of 12 was when I started experiencing cat calls and lewd comments from men.

At university...well, I had some bad experiences.

After university I ended up in an abusive relationship but managed to extract myself fairly quickly, thankfully.

My working life has been filled with men trying to intimidate, belittle, bully and minimise me. All the usual....period jokes for standing up for myself etc etc. Talking over me, mansplaining, circumnavigating me to speak to other men instead of coming to me, sexual jokes etc etc.

This is just a snapshot of my stand out experiences. There are many more low level incidents. Many women have experienced significantly worse than I have. I would actually be considered quite a strong woman by many that know me too.....so looking back it is actually shocking that I have experienced this much abuse.

My experiences are NOT out of the norm. This is what happens. This is what has happened to your wives, friends, colleagues. This is what will happen to your daughters & granddaughters.

Oh and the first time I was flashed at...age 13 by a boy at school...in the fucking classroom. He told me to look under the table and there it was.

@Naunet

Very offensive to suggest all men need to be on a curfew to keep women safe

I’m FAR more offended by the rate at which men murder, rape and sexually assault women, rather than some suggestion made on Twitter (which by the way, is pretty much the same suggestion that has been thrown around about women for many, many years).

Agree

@JosieJarker

"I also know many males who are not abusers," How do you know? Considering 99% of rapists are walking around. The man who threatened to rape me and scares me is a teacher. Im sure his mother and sisters think he's lovely. Many men are not abusers. The point is we never really know which ones are and which ones are not.

Exactly.

My cousin has a wife and a child and a sister and parents. They love him and think he's wonderful. No idea if i was the only one. Possibly. He's still an abuser.

My classmates (all 6 of them) are grownup ,respectable men now. With families and good jobs and children. I'm sure they think they're wonderful. No idea if i was the only one. Possibly. They are still abusers.

My grandfather is dead. But my parents still had contact with him after. No idea if I was the only one. Possibly. He is still an abuser.

My maths tutor was a uni lecturer. Great reputation,highly sought after. Has a family ,coworkers and friends that I'm sure think he's wonderful . I know I wasn't the only one.Other adults knew. It didn't matter, because he got results and it would harm the girl's reputation and whatever other bullshit.He got paid to abuse teenagers in his own home. He is an abuser.

That's just the "big" ones.

Maybe you know them,maybe you don't. But even if you did know them you'd have no idea they were abusers.

Ffs, gonna have to name change again.

@toolatetofixate

What a ridiculous suggestion. These kinds of assaults are thankfully very rare. Crime rates are lower than they have been for decades. Women are far more at risk in their homes from domestic violence!

Disgusting for someone to pounce on such a terrible event for their own agenda.

At risk from whom? The tooth fairy?

At risk from men. The thread is about male violence.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

My point is what is locking them up from x o'clock going to do? The rates of domestic violence and women being killed at home are far higher. So- lock women up with their abusers. Great. I think post lockdown we'll be seeing statistics of more women suffering at home with furloughed partners who are lashing out more often.

It is a useless suggestion.

The same kind of hysteria leads people to think that their children are at risk playing outside or walking to school alone. Statistically it is incredibly rare for a child to be picked up while walking streets that are safer than they have ever been. Children are so much more at risk from close family members.

Advic3Pl3as3
AccidentallyOnPurpose and all the other women brave enough to share your stories.

We shouldn't have to live like this.
The namalters, minimisers and victim blamers just add insult to injury.
Some people on this thread should be ashamed.

[quote toolatetofixate]@AccidentallyOnPurpose

My point is what is locking them up from x o'clock going to do? The rates of domestic violence and women being killed at home are far higher. So- lock women up with their abusers. Great. I think post lockdown we'll be seeing statistics of more women suffering at home with furloughed partners who are lashing out more often.

It is a useless suggestion.

The same kind of hysteria leads people to think that their children are at risk playing outside or walking to school alone. Statistically it is incredibly rare for a child to be picked up while walking streets that are safer than they have ever been. Children are so much more at risk from close family members. [/quote]
Maybe read the many many comments explaining why the curfew comment was made and that it is not a genuine,serious proposal.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

There are comments on this very thread from people that think it's a great idea.

You're not going to get me to agree that it was in any way a sensible thing to say. It's crass.

There's always someone waiting to pounce on a tragedy for their own agenda. Already some imbecile is on twitter complaining that Jess Phillips is a bigot because she didn't include murdered transwomen in her list of women murdered Already there are conversations online about why a pretty white girl being murdered is getting all the attention compared to any black women who've been murdered.

And so it goes on...

Random suggestions of men being given a curfew whether genuine or "to make a point" are asinine in the extreme.

Over 30 years ago I was sexually abused by a stranger.. I was ten years old. The police questions seemed to be blaming my clothing, my parents ... the school response was to organise self defence classes for all female pupils whilst all the boys got to play outside all day.. I thought then this was back to front! Nothing has changed and I am furious and frustrated that the message to girls and women is still to be safe, be aware, don’t walk alone after dark etc etc... this bullshit needs to stop

@Waxonwaxoff0

I agree something needs to be done but you cannot impose a curfew on men. That's just ridiculous.

A curfew on anyone is unworkable. We know that, but we're talking about it right? We're talking about women having to have different behaviours to men because of their sex, and because of men's behaviour and introducing an idea about men having to have different behaviours imposed on them because of other men's behaviours.

If that makes even one man think about how a curfew on them would be unfair because they're being expected to change their behaviour over something beyond their own immediate control, and how that translates to women, and that man starts to notice and challenge other men who display poor attitudes to women because of this suggestion, then it was worth talking about imo. And if we keep talking about it and more men challenge, then gradually things might change.

Everyone is going on about men changing their ways, it's not.
It's the women who need to change theirs.
I'll let you work that one out.

@AccidentallyOnPurpose

Porn is an incredibly lucrative industry, it’s never going to be banned.

So was slavery.

Slavery still goes on. It's been banned but still happens. Right under our noses.

There are some things that governments and ISPs can do to make it more difficult to access extreme material (the Internet Watch Foundation does a lot of work to remove images of CSA from the open web, for example) but it's damned near impossible to stop the dark web.

@OhYesChurchill

Everyone is going on about men changing their ways, it's not. It's the women who need to change theirs. I'll let you work that one out.

Can you give us a clue. Some of us only have small brains.

So sorry.. I have to draw attention to this
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9352913/JANET-STREET-PORTER-murder-Sarah-Everard-no-reason-demonise-half-population.html
Comments disabled.. I wonder why
I’m so disappointed

For a man to attack anyone they have to be mentally unwell.
The mental health system in our country needs a review

The most dangerous place for a woman is her own home.
U