Stepmum and mothers day

[Thattimeoftheyearagain]

Stepmum here! A nice one I like to think. I am not mum but I do a lot of mum duties for them Aibu to be recognised on Sunday? Not as mum but just a thank you for everything I do? I know its mothers day but its not like there's a step mothers day?

@Thattimeoftheyearagain I have two step mums. One I send a Mother’s Day card to every year - but this only started when I turned 20. I think it’ll mean more to her as it’s completely and utterly my choice. Both step mums have been in my life 18/20years but only one is like a mum!

I was an adult when my DF remarried, but I used to buy my step-mother a card for Mother's Day. Some people here are so precious about being mothers, and not wanting step-mothers acknowledged at all - it's pathetic.

@AliceMadHatter

Probably not, no. And nor would he be involved in daughter's day with my DD. It certainly wouldn't hold the same importance to either of us, anyway.

@AliceMadHatter the only analogy I can think of (since daughter's day doesn't exist) would be parents evening. I'm not one of her parents, therefore I wouldn't go. Similarly, my own DD's parents evening is attended by myself and her dad, not my partner.

My stepdaughters always send/give me something for mother's day. Why would they not. They obviously do the same for their mother (although her mother's day is on a different day).

I am assuming you will get nothing if they havent bothered for ten years.
Sounds like you have been a positive influence in there life however if there parents had a difficult divorce they may find it difficult to do anything for you on mothers day without fear of upsetting there mum.

As for me i never got my step mother anything, however my relationship was very different and she didnt do anything positive for me. However my step dad was an amazing man and I always made an effort for him. He did live with us from when I was ten and was such a lovely lovely gentleman.

I’d say it depends on the age of the kids and their relationship with you. My kids send a card to my husband’s dad’s wife as she is their grandma and she isn’t a mother herself so I thought it would be nice for her. Also as she lost her own mother quite young it is probably a hard day for her, she’s a thoughtful person and I know she really appreciates it as my father in law has told me. There was never a stepmother relationship with my DH though as he was an adult when they met so it does not affect his relationship with his mother and he definitely wouldn’t send her a Mother’s Day card.
It would be lovely if you were acknowledged but I wouldn’t be upset if you weren’t, it could be difficult for the kids to do anything for you for many reasons, both emotional and practical.

@LucieStar I understand everyone is different.

I'm their siblings Mum and I've been in their lives since they were very young. Also, they are very close to their other step parent. So we are all very involved in their lives.

I never expected anything on Mothers Day. They just do and their other step parent is treated the same.

Obviously their Mum and Dad are the most important.

I was an adult when my DF remarried

Therefore your experiences of having a SM differ to those who had SM at a younger age. Can you really not understand that people's have different experiences? Or do you choose not to?

I have a mum and a step-mum, I by them both a card and a gift on Mothering Sunday. Same with birthdays, Christmas etc. They both helped bring me up and are both loved by me.
Not unreasonable to expect a card at the least.

My daughter gets a card from her step kids. Their mum buys it and a present. Yes there are step families that get on.

@EnoughnowIthink

Some very insecure mothers on here I think

Not at all. However, I will be spending Mother's Day alone whilst my children are with their father for the weekend and they will do lovely things for their 'step mum' of 4 months (because their father buys cards and presents for step mum and refuses to spend any money for them to buy me even a card). So yeah, it would be nice if Mother's Day meant Mother's Day, not 'enforced jovality with Step Mother Day'.

To be fair, you’ve every right to feel insecure/pissed off in this case. They’re not being fair at all. My husband’s ex wife once insisted that her 10 year old son came home early on Father’s Day (that he was due to spend with his dad) to have a special meal out with his step dad (the man she’d had an affair with and left my husband for). My husband was quite upset, but never said anything. That’s one of the reasons that I told my stepson he mustn’t feel like he needed to get me a card. Plus when I was younger I hated Mother’s Day because it just underlined the fact that I couldn’t have children myself. But when he got old enough to shop himself he started getting me cards. We have a mostly good relationship. I call myself his wicked stepmother and he puts that in my card

When he was young I always used to remind him to get his mum something (that shopping was down to her mum/sister)

If my step mother helped raise me, respected I had a mother, wasn't the OW, or stepped in if my mother passed away and I got on with her, I would absolutely buy her a card or present on mother's day. I respect any step mother who takes on any children in those circumstances.

It really depends on the dynamic and how long you've been on the scene, how often you see each other, and whether you have that parental role.

If you do have a 'parental' type relationship then it might be nice. Not sure really now I think about it.

But she's not my mum!!
She didn't raise me or parent me !
She is the woman my father married!
A lovely friendly woman but still just some random woman who came into my life as a teenager.
She is not my mother!

Why did you ask if you’re convinced that you’re entitled to have something for Mother’s Day? Disagreeing with you doesn’t show ‘hatred’ for step mums. It’s perfectly possible to give gifts and be grateful on other days of the year. Your husband didn’t even bother to sort the children out gifts for their mum, he hasn’t modelled that behaviour to them so it’s not too surprising if they don’t participate. I love and am grateful to many people in my life, it’s not an indicator of your worth or importance

My step-daughters usually send me a lovely text to let me know they are thinking of me on Mother's Day too. I'm sure they are doing the full card and flowers for their Mum. And my daughter does that for me.

However it's those texts which always bring a little tear to my eye because I never expect it and it feels so lovely.

@BungleandGeorge can you quote where OP says she feels entitled to a card? No, because she didn’t. Plenty of people have said they give their SMS a MD card, there’s no right or wrong answer.

Yes, I'm splitting the day with DDs stepmom. Shes fucking fabulous to my daughter. I'd be lost without her. I'll be livid with my if he ever cheats on her lol xx

I never recognised step mums (yes I've had more than one) but they did both have their own children for that.

My dad never helped us celebrate my mum, in fact I can't actually remember celebrating mother's day as a child or even teenager.

It is mother's day I'm afraid and unless they don't have a mum and you are the only mother figure I wouldn't expect the children to note it. Your husband could maybe make a fuss as a thank you for helping him take care if his children.

My dad and step-mum got together when I was 21 so I didn't grow up knowing her. My sisters and I get her a card and gift for Mother's day. She's a very lovely woman and I'm pleased to call her my step-mum. I agree with you op.

My husband didn’t bother to buy his ex wife gifts for Mother’s Day because she cheated on him with his brother! So to those throwing insults about him being a bad husband and father, please don’t assume.

But that doesn't explain why he didn't make cards with the kids for you when they were younger and encourage them to buy you one now?

I don't think so tbh. But it's a tricky one. Noone wants to offend the real mum