Damage to car - worried about husbands reaction

[DameEdnasNeighbourhoodWatch]

This morning on school run, a car coming the opposite direction from me was over on my side of the road coming towards me, as there was a parked car on their side. I had right of way. On reflection, I should have/ could have stopped. There is room to pass but it's very tight - I misjudged it and scraped the passenger side alloys on the kerb.

The car is my car, and I have arranged to get the alloys refurbished next week, paid for by myself. However I am worried about my husbands reaction. He has form for being very critical about my driving. To put it into perspective, I have ten years no
claims discount, but I have had the odd alloy scuff when parallel parking. Our previous car had diamond cut alloys which my husband told me could not be repaired due to the nature of the diamond cutting - at the alloy repair shop they had signs and prices for diamond cut alloys to be refurbished so I now know this isn't true!!

So mumsnet - not sure what to do. Should I - just tell him, apologise, accept my telling off?

Or should I not tell him and hope he doesn't notice ? (Not sure I can get away with that one as the car will be away for 48 hours getting the wheels fixed next week).

Or should I tell him, and give him my opinion that alloys are a serviceable item and that scuffs over the years are part and parcel of car ownership?

Am I a terrible driver or do you agree that these things are annoying but not the end of the world?

This is semi light hearted. I work full time, and have had one accident that was my fault in my driving life (nearly 20 years) nobody was hurt, basically I damaged the bumper in a car park as there was low concrete dividers in between the lanes of car parking spaces that I misjudged as the bumper was a lot lower than I thought and the concrete was the same colour as the car park ground!

Would love to hear your opinions !

Why would you apologise , it was an accident and it’s your car and if my husband ever tried ‘telling me off’ he wouldn’t be my husband for much longer .

Shit happens. Better to clip a kerb than the other car. Just tell him. If he's a dick about it then it's cos he's a dick

Alloys are not something I've ever allowed myself to have. I'm a touch parker

It's a shame you're so worried about telling your Husband.

If I damaged MY car, I'd probably tell my Husband ASAP, but more a case of 'I was a muppet and damaged my car - what do you think in regards to cost to getting it fixed? Can you suggest somewhere to go to get it done?' (He knows far more about cars than me)

Reaction I'd expect:

1. "Are you OK? are you hurt?"
2. "Don't worry, it's just a car, we can get it sorted"

I'd be far, far harder on myself than he would be.

Your husband doesn't sound like a very pleasant person and no, you don't sound like a terrible driver AT ALL. These things happen, I've had scrapes and they're annoying, but they're not the end of the world.

Why would you 'get a telling off'? it's YOUR car... tell him to take a running jump. Perhaps tell him nonchalantly and if he starts getting pissy tell him to fuck off as it's your car and you'll sort it, but I certainly can see why you wouldn't want to if you think his reaction is totally out of proportion.

It's your car and he's not your boss. I wouldn't even mention it if it was my car.

Are you scared of your husband? Because no woman or man should be scared of their husband/wife.

I’d reconsider being married to someone who made a big deal about something so utterly trivial and unimportant as a scratch on a metal wheel. I wouldn’t accept being “told off” by my DH. I drove our brand new car into the corner of a wall when parking a few years ago as I misjudged the length of it. Dented and scratched the door panel fairly comprehensively. DH expressed relief our baby was unhurt in the back, offered to take it to the garage for me and said no more about it. He knows he isn’t perfect either and that it’s just a car.

Alloys are for scuffing in my opinion, so mine are not £££££ (if they were, I'd actually swap them out) but if it was my car it would be no one else's business!

With husband being critical, I've dealt with it by killing with kindness when dh does something foolish - so when the new car inevitably was pranged, I focused on whether he was OK rather than the repair job and DH has now amended his judgy ways which I think was worry dressed as anger, as he is not generally a giant penis.

Why are you scared of your husband? Is he an arse or would it be gentle teasing which you don’t like?

If you are scared of him then you need to take action.

You did your best to be careful and made a human error, no injury or damage elsewhere. Alloys are a bit shit anyway and do get damaged easily. Unless there is a sharp edge why waste money and resources fixing?

You shouldn't ever have to worry about your DHs reaction to something like this. Are you aware that it's not right?

He'd flip his lid if he saw my alloys. But, its my car, paid for myself and kerbs are easy to scuff alloys on, mistakes happen.

It's your car, you're paying for the repair. It's fuck all to do with your DH and if a friend told me what you're telling us about your worries, I'd be concerned for you.

As a fairly new driver, if my husband had a go at me every time I've rubbed a curb or scraped my car, we'd be separated by now (I've got a lot better in the past year I may add!). Worst one was catching the side of a concrete pillar, leaving my poor car looking like a small tiger had been at the paintwork . Lesson learned and luckily no harm done, husband very much in the 'shit happens' camp.

It’s your car! There’s nothing to apologise for! These things happen.

I got a quote to sell my car and accidentally reversed into a wall the same day... the damage was a little scrape on the side of the car and I knew it would reduce the quote I’d just got. I also knew my DH was going to be a bit annoyed given the timing and reduction in value. However I wasn’t afraid to tell him.

In your shoes I’d not mention it at all. Only if or when he noticed and then massively play it down.

You have a DH problem, not a car or driving problem.
You had said this is light hearted, but honestly it isn't. You are a competent adult woman who had a prang and you certainly shouldn't expect a telling off. Honestly the amount of times my car has hit the kerb, my tyres always have side scuff marks from the school run car scrum.
Its your property, don't tell him if you don't want to. Pop down to the garage and order a new replacement part and he will never need to know. Once you have done this take some serious stock of your relationship and the type of man you are married to.

No fucker has the right to tell me off as I'm a grown assed woman, not a child. Your car, your money, fuck all to do with him.

Why are you scared of your husband?

@Alexandernevermind

You have a DH problem, not a car or driving problem. You had said this is light hearted, but honestly it isn't. You are a competent adult woman who had a prang and you certainly shouldn't expect a telling off. Honestly the amount of times my car has hit the kerb, my tyres always have side scuff marks from the school run car scrum. Its your property, don't tell him if you don't want to. Pop down to the garage and order a new replacement part and he will never need to know. Once you have done this take some serious stock of your relationship and the type of man you are married to.

This. He is not your father or your boss. Tell him to keep his opinions to himself. You are fixing the damage. He shouldn't be saying anything other than 'are you ok??'.

The fact that you've posted this tells us this is not light hearted at all. Its a non-issue in a healthy relationship surely?

My husband burst a tyre clipping the kerb!

I ribbed him a bit for being a shit driver. Got a new tyre. We spoke no more about it.

Your car, you're fixing it....Why on earth would you need to apologise? You should not be worried about telling your husband about this. Is he generally a bit of an arse and do you have to do a lot of apologising?

I kerbed DHs diamonds cut alloy on his brand new car. He was a bit miffed but I wasn't worried about telling him. I did apologise because it wasn't my car and it was entirely my fault. I paid for the repair and it's now mostly forgotten about unless his colleague reminds him about to wind him up

I wouldn't even mention it. Annoying as it is when you scuff an alloy (I had exactly the same situation as you described the other week and scuffed mine) it's not major damage and not costly to repair.

Don't be married to someone who you are scared to tell something to. If I did that my DH would only care that I was OK.

I reversed my husbands car into a wall. Smashed a light & scuffed the bumper.

(Swore a lot)

I called him to tell him & apologised. (It's his car- didn't apologise when I bumped my car)
He said 'oh how annoying. Can you get it fixed?'

That was it.

I tell my husband everything. Things that go well and things that don't. I couldn't live with someone I was frightened to tell things to. He sounds horrible.

I think that 'these things happen'

My DH was reversing off his mother's drive and our son was parked at the top of it. He was tired and misjudged the angle and scraped our brand new Merc and our son's car. We obviously had to pay for both repairs. I just laughed and shook my head.

It is a car, your car, just tell him, and if he is rude, judgmental or annoying about it, stand your ground. He really does not have the right to make you feel scared of telling him.