Damage to car - worried about husbands reaction

[DameEdnasNeighbourhoodWatch]

This morning on school run, a car coming the opposite direction from me was over on my side of the road coming towards me, as there was a parked car on their side. I had right of way. On reflection, I should have/ could have stopped. There is room to pass but it's very tight - I misjudged it and scraped the passenger side alloys on the kerb.

The car is my car, and I have arranged to get the alloys refurbished next week, paid for by myself. However I am worried about my husbands reaction. He has form for being very critical about my driving. To put it into perspective, I have ten years no
claims discount, but I have had the odd alloy scuff when parallel parking. Our previous car had diamond cut alloys which my husband told me could not be repaired due to the nature of the diamond cutting - at the alloy repair shop they had signs and prices for diamond cut alloys to be refurbished so I now know this isn't true!!

So mumsnet - not sure what to do. Should I - just tell him, apologise, accept my telling off?

Or should I not tell him and hope he doesn't notice ? (Not sure I can get away with that one as the car will be away for 48 hours getting the wheels fixed next week).

Or should I tell him, and give him my opinion that alloys are a serviceable item and that scuffs over the years are part and parcel of car ownership?

Am I a terrible driver or do you agree that these things are annoying but not the end of the world?

This is semi light hearted. I work full time, and have had one accident that was my fault in my driving life (nearly 20 years) nobody was hurt, basically I damaged the bumper in a car park as there was low concrete dividers in between the lanes of car parking spaces that I misjudged as the bumper was a lot lower than I thought and the concrete was the same colour as the car park ground!

Would love to hear your opinions !

He sounds awful. I scuffed my alloys the other day - it's not too bad so I'm going to have a go at fixing them myself. A bit of sandpapering, primer and paint and it's worth a go. But stuff happens 🤷‍♀️

Tesla Model S with 21" turbines. Why they make such low profile tires without a decent buffer between the sidewall and the alloy infuriates me.

Nothing lighthearted about being scared to tell your husband about a minor scratch.

These things happen.

I think you should give some thought to why you are married to a super critical man whom you are scared to tell things to.

Sounds deeply unhealthy.

Women's Aid is for women who need advice on their situations.

I hope you have support IRL.
If not reach our for it.

It's not normal to be this scared of his reaction, no.

I scuff my car wheels all the time, I am shite at parking. I'm generally a good driver though, and it's my car, so why would my husband have any input (other than gentle, deserved, mockery haha)?

I think a more important conversation you need to have with him is the one where you tell him that it's entirely wrong that you need to be worried about telling him about the alloys incident and that he shouldn't put you in the position where you need to turn to Mumsnet for help about something so trivial.

Why would you "accept a telling off" from your husband about a minor ding to the car? Hope you're ok - that doesn't sound like a normal, happy relationship. My poor car gets that sort of damage once a week or so. I'd fall around laughing if I got told off about it.

You have to apologise to him for scraping YOUR car? Throw the whole relationship in the scrapyard.

Your marriage sounds awful, I’d be more worried about the issues between you and your husband rather than the car.

You're an adult - why are you apologising you your husband for accidental damage to your own property that you're repairing?

Why do you need to apologise to him? What for?

He sounds like a controlling dickhead and you sound afraid of him

This was the last straw for my lovely friend. She had a minor car accident and the serious boyfriend she lived with and had just bought a house with ranted at her. With no concern for how she was just the sodding car! She binned him that evening and good riddance.

It's not normal to be scared to tell your husband anything like this.

My husband has crashed MY car twice. Once was a write off and the other was just a bump but we were nearly taken to court because the other person claimed serious injury which turned out to be untrue and they got done for fraud. Both accidents and we dealt with both together.

We now share a car but both have either scraped an alloy or hit the car door off a wall, these things happen.

My DH dented and scratched the back of my car on the garage door handle. The only reason I was annoyed at him was because he didn’t tell me and immediately apologise for damaging MY car. I had to ask what the loud noise was and after explaining, he still didn’t apologise.

Your DH sounds like an arse

He's your partner not your owner why are you scared of him?

Tell him. I’ve done this, and I was very upset and annoyed at myself at what I had done. Ultimately it’s not the end of the world! After any (slight) initial disappointment at the damage subsided, he really has no right to comment further!

These things happen , I agree you feel really annoyed with yourself but it was a accident and nobody got hurt just your alloys. I’d be the same not want to tell my dh but it’s a accident so just tell him it’s scraped and you’ve sorted it .

If you have had ten years with only one scrape in all that time, then you are probably a better driver than about 90% of those on the road. And probably better than more than 90% of men who regard any criticism of their driving as if you had slagged off the size of their manhood and how they use it in the bedroom.

Should I - just tell him, apologise, accept my telling off?

It's your car and you're paying for the repair. I wouldn't mention it and if he notices and wants to make something of it I'd tell him where to go. It's not OK to be worried about telling your husband about this or to anticipate being "told off", you're not a child.

You've said this is a semi-lighthearted post so I'm hoping the way you've characterised your husband's possible reaction is an exaggeration to cast him as the pantomime villain. If it's not then I think you need to tell him how worried you feel about sharing this kind of information with him.

I wrote DH car off, he just wanted to know I was ok.
I regularly scrape mine and he doesn’t care

Mine is the same. Came home ranting and raging over a 1/2 inch scratch on my car. I feel your pain!

This is so sad you are worried about his reaction.

If his was my DP and I this is how i would imagine he conversation going.

ME - well i was a tit today and scratched the alloys.
HIM - you wally, are you and the kids okay?
ME - We are fine
HIM - Thats all that matters, ill take he car in this weekend to get fixed.

Your DH sounds like an arsewipe.

I know you said semi lighthearted OP but this is terrible.
It is your car, you are paying for it, it was a one off accident, and you have arranged the repairs. It doesnt affect him at all, unless he needs the car desperately within those days it's in the garage, or money is very tight and it means you wont be able to pay your share of the bills this month.

So I think it's awful that you feel scared to tell him, that he will 'tell you off' for a one off accident (what exactly does he think that will achieve!?) and that you feel you've got to apologise considering it affects you and not him.

I'd tell him but preface it by saying it's for information only, you've sorted it so it diesnt affect him and you dont want to hear any criticism.

Depends if you have joint finances I suppose. I would be worried about telling my husband because I'd be ashamed. And I'd be mad if he did something so stupid too. For us it would be money out of the family pot for someone's recklessness.

Yeah your driving was poor. Seems like it's not a one off either. I would be annoyed if DH kept costing us money by damaging his car.

A thread like this seems to pop up every few months.

Why does your husband get to "tell you off" for anything? And more importantly, why are you scared of him?

That's not what a marriage should be like.

Your car, that you are fixing so really non of his concern to be arsey about.

Just tell him, if he moans just tell him his attitude stinks and he should not be overly concerned with a scratched bloody alloy wheel.

Ive done a few silly things with my car, it's 1, non of his business and 2 he is not an arse and would just get it fixed if needed.

DH used to use my car occasionally for work.
He lost so many wing mirrors (including the casing once) that it became a running theme with our friendly local mechanic the car was a shed and spent more time with the mechanic than me

Don't apologise - why should you? It's your car and you've arranged a repair. It's not your fault some dick was driving on the wrong side of the road and pushed you into the kerb.

2021 and you're afraid of your husband's reaction and expect a telling off? Please don't tell me you're also raising a daughter?