Damage to car - worried about husbands reaction

[DameEdnasNeighbourhoodWatch]

This morning on school run, a car coming the opposite direction from me was over on my side of the road coming towards me, as there was a parked car on their side. I had right of way. On reflection, I should have/ could have stopped. There is room to pass but it's very tight - I misjudged it and scraped the passenger side alloys on the kerb.

The car is my car, and I have arranged to get the alloys refurbished next week, paid for by myself. However I am worried about my husbands reaction. He has form for being very critical about my driving. To put it into perspective, I have ten years no
claims discount, but I have had the odd alloy scuff when parallel parking. Our previous car had diamond cut alloys which my husband told me could not be repaired due to the nature of the diamond cutting - at the alloy repair shop they had signs and prices for diamond cut alloys to be refurbished so I now know this isn't true!!

So mumsnet - not sure what to do. Should I - just tell him, apologise, accept my telling off?

Or should I not tell him and hope he doesn't notice ? (Not sure I can get away with that one as the car will be away for 48 hours getting the wheels fixed next week).

Or should I tell him, and give him my opinion that alloys are a serviceable item and that scuffs over the years are part and parcel of car ownership?

Am I a terrible driver or do you agree that these things are annoying but not the end of the world?

This is semi light hearted. I work full time, and have had one accident that was my fault in my driving life (nearly 20 years) nobody was hurt, basically I damaged the bumper in a car park as there was low concrete dividers in between the lanes of car parking spaces that I misjudged as the bumper was a lot lower than I thought and the concrete was the same colour as the car park ground!

Would love to hear your opinions !

And if it's your car, then you can do what you like!!

Every single dent of scratch on our “premium” car is down to DH. We live rurally and curbs and tree branches are constantly jumping out in front of him. He is a good driver but until his retirement always drove company cars. I, however, have always been an owner driver so tend to take more care.
If I had a bump or scrape his first reaction would be to tell me not to stress and that it’s only a heap of metal that can be fixed. Although when I took the car out this morning he warned me about getting it dirty.
Cars are for driving not posing, their main function is to get you from A to B safely. Better that your wheels get scuffed than you get scuffed.

Adults in a partnership don't 'tell each other off'. Yuck.

Oh ffs sake, it's a car wheel and accidents happen. I have a 10 month old vw Tiguan Rline with ask the bells and whistles... £40k worth of car and I kerbed it in the snow and the front wheel is very badly scraped on the entire alloy. My husband didn't want me to get the car as I'm known for it, leaving maccies packets around etc and it's a lot of money. He couldn't care less that I kerbed my car as I was ok and it's replaceable. No lecture. No shouting. No dread telling him.

The problem isn't your driving or your car, it's your husband

OP it is seriously worrying that you were afraid of your husbands reaction to you accidentally damaging a car. Even if you were a shit driver and had blindly driven 30mph towards a brick building, your first thought shouldn't be "My husband is going to go mad at me". I drove my husbands brand new car into a very obvious bollard and all he did was ask if I was okay and get it booked in to be fixed.

Don't brush off his normal reaction this time as him being ok, he's clearly not nice all the time.

It's just alloys. I wouldn't even get them refurbished. They aren't broken presumably so they are fine.

Please dont apologise to your husband for damaging your own car

So mumsnet - not sure what to do. Should I - just tell him, apologise, accept my telling off?

Or should I not tell him and hope he doesn't notice ? (Not sure I can get away with that one as the car will be away for 48 hours getting the wheels fixed next week).

Or should I tell him, and give him my opinion that alloys are a serviceable item and that scuffs over the years are part and parcel of car ownership?

Am I a terrible driver or do you agree that these things are annoying but not the end of the world?

I would tell him and not accept a telling off - it’s not his place to admonish you about your driving.

You sound like a not great but not terrible driver. I don’t think the two choices here are “terrible driver” and “whatever” If you’re scuffing alloys semi regularly, you could probably do with working on your driving a bit. What you describe in your OP is a near miss that really shouldn’t have happened - miscalculating the space you have with other moving cars is significantly more dangerous than knocking the kurb while parking.

@Vursayles

If it’s your car you have no obligation to tell him so long as you’re paying for the repairs! You are an adult, not a child - surely he lets you own your mistakes?

I’m similar in that I’ve had a couple of low impact parking scrapes, but I’m a very safe driver with over ten years NC. I just have little spatial awareness! If my partner gave me grief for this I’d quickly bring up the time he shot backwards into a pole at speed wrecking the back of his car. These things happen.

Is that really what happened or are you too embarrassed to tell us how he reacted? Hope it's the former but if it's the latter, then do think carefully about the dynamic between you and whether it's healthy. If it's the former, then glad he's learned something from last time.

you both sound way too precious over cars its an appliance forget it , would you be fretting so much if your washing machine got scratched??

Why would you apologise to your husband for damaging your own car?

Why would you be scared to mention it? That's worrying. If it was me, I'd tell DP, he'd probably call me a knobhead (in a bantery way) and offer to take it to get fixed at the garage next to where he works.

Don't tell him because its none of his business! Its your car....if you dragged it along a brick wall it would still only be your business.

I wouldn’t bother saying if he’s going to be an arse about it.

Your car. You’re paying to get it fixed. You’re taking it to get fixed. None of his business, really.

We all make mistakes and an alloy scuff is probably something we’ve all done at some point in our lives. I had bronze alloys on my old car and I scuffed it once so the bronze had came off in one section. It wasn’t huge so I couldn’t be arsed getting it fixed but shit happens to all of us. He shouldn’t be such an asshole because he could very easily do it himself.

I clattered my front alloy in a similar situation, DH took the piss out of me, as we are in the motor trade, mechanics, valeter's finding it highly amusing (1st time in 20 years its happened) asking if I wanted a smaller car, only meant in humorous way, but my god karma is a ace after having it repaired, he drove the same car hit a traffic island in the middle of the road, no mitigating circumstances, had it repaired, he then curbed it again on the way into our lane, again no other car involved.
Don't think he will ever mention my driving again, but on the plus side my alloy wheel man was happy for the business and suggested I let him drive more cars cos he had never done the same alloy wheel 3 times in a 3 week period.

Ummm if it makes you feel any better I once scoured pigeon shit off my husband's car because hot water just wasn't cutting it. Obvs took some of the paint off. He came home to me hysterically crying and mumbling something about scratching his car. His reaction? It's fine, it was an accident just don't do it again (to my face). He then proceeded to inspect the car thinking I wasn't watchin and it looked like he sent a silent prayer skywards and then put his head in his hands and laughed 🤣

I'm sure it'll be fine, especially as its your car and your money is rectifying the problem

I would not be apologising to your Husband, it's your car. There are always going to be little driving errors now and again, and then you can have things fixed. If you think that your Husband will be annoyed about this incident, then he is obviously one, of many men, who will always moan about women and their driving skills., as they never make any mistakes themselves !!

You want to see my alloys, they are so bad you could grate cheese on them!

Ive seen your update. Glad it went better than you thought but still don’t like his controlling attitude. He should ask you if you wanted him to try and find a new quote. Otherwise it’s undermining.

It’s more worrying how scared of your husband you are!!

This wouldn't even register with my DH. My car, my alloys, my mistake, my money, my fixing. At the very most he might tease me but it just wouldn't really be part of any conversation beyond the basic facts. TBH the conversation would probably go like this: Me: I pranged my alloys the other day, I've booked them for repair next week." DH: Ok.

It's worrying that you seem so nervous of your DH's reaction. It doesn't have to be like that.

If I would be feeling like you do to tell my husband anything he definitely wouldn't be my husband, but answering your question - yes tell him what happened...

Sorry just saw your update! Glad everything went well