Damage to car - worried about husbands reaction

[DameEdnasNeighbourhoodWatch]

This morning on school run, a car coming the opposite direction from me was over on my side of the road coming towards me, as there was a parked car on their side. I had right of way. On reflection, I should have/ could have stopped. There is room to pass but it's very tight - I misjudged it and scraped the passenger side alloys on the kerb.

The car is my car, and I have arranged to get the alloys refurbished next week, paid for by myself. However I am worried about my husbands reaction. He has form for being very critical about my driving. To put it into perspective, I have ten years no
claims discount, but I have had the odd alloy scuff when parallel parking. Our previous car had diamond cut alloys which my husband told me could not be repaired due to the nature of the diamond cutting - at the alloy repair shop they had signs and prices for diamond cut alloys to be refurbished so I now know this isn't true!!

So mumsnet - not sure what to do. Should I - just tell him, apologise, accept my telling off?

Or should I not tell him and hope he doesn't notice ? (Not sure I can get away with that one as the car will be away for 48 hours getting the wheels fixed next week).

Or should I tell him, and give him my opinion that alloys are a serviceable item and that scuffs over the years are part and parcel of car ownership?

Am I a terrible driver or do you agree that these things are annoying but not the end of the world?

This is semi light hearted. I work full time, and have had one accident that was my fault in my driving life (nearly 20 years) nobody was hurt, basically I damaged the bumper in a car park as there was low concrete dividers in between the lanes of car parking spaces that I misjudged as the bumper was a lot lower than I thought and the concrete was the same colour as the car park ground!

Would love to hear your opinions !

Should I - just tell him, apologise, accept my telling off?

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

Are you afraid of this man? Why would you apologise to him? Why would you allow anyone to tell you off? You’re an adult. With your own car.

This is no way to live. Seriously.

I believe you’ve got much bigger problems than the tyre rims to be frank.

It sounds as though you were projecting because you felt it was foolish mistake to make. I sympathise. I remember scuffing the alloys on DH's new car. It was a road I drove every week. It was entirely my fault and I almost cried because I felt such an idiot. DH just shrugged when I told him.

I often prang cars. Or rather a couple of times. I also have very bad spacial awareness. Dh is never impressed, plus he's an advanced driver, driven cars all over Monaco Grande prix etc, highly irritating.

Bloody hell this is weird to me. It's a minor annoyance to you, that's caused inconsequential damage to your car, and that you are sorting. I don't understand why your DH would have an opinion other than "that's a bit annoying for you, oh well never mind". It's got no impact on him at all.

He's got no right to "tell you off" (that's really not ok), and you have nothing to apologise for. Worrying that you think this will happen.

I am not the faintest bit interested in the state of DP's bike, and he gives no shits about the state of my car (as long as he can occasionally fit into it for a lift without being smothered by dogs and accumulated rubbish).

Like others, I would tell him, but the telling off shouldn't be part of the exchange. DS scrapes his alloys regularly when he goes to visit his great gran, as the kerb outside her house is ridiculously high and often there's no room to bump up onto the pavement because it's a main road with no parking spaces. It's his car - not mine - so it's his choice if he repairs them or not.

Similar happened to me last week, only as I moved into the side of the road to avoid scraping the other car I cracked my wheel smack on the corner of the kerb. Result was a an instant flat tire because it had ripped it from the tire wall. AA came out and put the spare on for me and we thought that was it. Turned out the steering wheel arms had bent out of place so I was unable to drive my car. Cost me £150 plus I still need to put 2 new tires on the front. I wasn't going fast probably around 10-15 mph but I skidded off the road when we had all the snow and hit some railings. No visible damage to the car when I looked but the AA guy thinks that probably weakened the steering arm and the slight impact from the kerb finished it off. As for my alloy wheels well they're scratched to shit but I blame one of the roads I park on at work for that!!

Cosmetic repairs are such a waste of money. And what's the point of having "premium" vehicles if it causes this stress and expensive every time you have a minor scrape or bump?

I'd leave it and get a normal car when you need a new one.

Third option!

You shouldn't be told off by your husband, however badly you drive, except seriously injuring someone, but even then, not "told off". You are no longer a child. You also shouldn't be frightened of your husband. I'm very sorry that you are. Perhaps reassert your adult authority. Take care x

Just saw your update. Glad all is well.

You sound exactly like I would have done if I had done the same when I was with my ex. One of the many reasons he is an ex.

One of the nastiest arguments I had with my ex was over his hysterical reaction to scratching my car (I drove too close to a bushy hedge to avoid a head-on collision) & the fact that he didn't think I was taking it seriously enough

My comment of "It's just a car" had him apoplectic with rage.

Current DP would commiserate then take the piss a bit

Just saw your update. Great that you have been able to now minimise the extend to which he is unreasonable.

I hope your OK, OP, always a bit of a shock when something like this happens

If I was in your shoes today and told DH he would ask if I was ok, he wouldn’t care less about any damage, it’s easily fixed, it’s just a car at the end of the day.

It’s more concerning that you are worried about his reaction, not sure if I could live like that to be honest.

Ah well - I guess that there might have been a time when I would have been concerned to report a scrape to my OH, because he was totally obsessional and would have had a fit. But then he reversed the car into the garage one day with the passenger door open - since then he did not have a leg to stand on!

Glad your update shows he’s behaving more human! Btw- what are these fancy Diamond wheels?

it is one of those things, and not really worth worrying about. On balance it sounds like your record is better than average. Disappointing if your husband is critical. I am perhaps reading too much into your post, but if you feel you have to hide a small accident and a bit of alloy wheel damage, is this more about him tearing you down and undermining you? In which case it is worth thinking about how you address this. Over time lots of small bits of undermining and belittling do add up and can really impact the quality of your life. On a practical note I have scuffed a few alloys in my time, and found some marvelous specialist providers who just do alloy refurbishment. I completely buggered one of mine and the alloy wheel specialist did a great job for £75. I would google this rather than just take it to your normal garage.

Brumboo There is a pillar in our local downstairs supermarket car park .with every colour of the rainbow on it in multicoloured stripes! Never go down there as amazingly managed to just avoid i (barely) so dont want to push my luck!

@whiteshark

This is so sad you are worried about his reaction.

If his was my DP and I this is how i would imagine he conversation going.

ME - well i was a tit today and scratched the alloys.
HIM - you wally, are you and the kids okay?
ME - We are fine
HIM - Thats all that matters, ill take he car in this weekend to get fixed.

Your DH sounds like an arsewipe.

In pour house it would be:

ME - bloody hell, someone came straight for me overtaking a parked car. Luckily I avoided them and only the wheels got scuffed
HIM: there are some right idiots in the road.
ME: I know. Such a pain, might take the car in to get the wheels refurbed, what do you think?
HIM: Nah, they're only wheels.

You really shouldn't be concerned about what anyone, let alone your DH, thinks about what you do with YOUR car and YOUR money.

@WhenLifeReturns

Are you scared of your husband? Because no woman or man should be scared of their husband/wife.

This, this, this. My DM was always terrified of my DF’s reactions to things. He was constantly angry, never violent, but verbally abusive and ranted frequently. Horrible, horrible atmosphere to grow up in.

I damaged my car at work. It was an unlit carpark (not even a carpark just an overspill field to park in with no lights, it is a rural location so was pitch black in the field), i was trying to get out of the very tight entrance/exit and didnt see some rubbish piled up and drove too close and a plank of wood scratched my wheel arch and my alloy.

DP was not happy, and gave me a lecture, he then got told to fuck off as it was my car, that i paid for and drove (and was already over 10 years old when i bought it) and it was a total accident that happened in the dark. He soon shut up but still likes to mention it now and again. He gets told to shut up.

why appologise, its not his car

Is this something that will happen or are you feeling it's worse than it is and it might not actually happen?
I've damaged 2 of DHs cars and one of them was rather expensive to pay for.
Yes, I was dreading telling him because I was rather pissed off with myself, embarrassed that I'd done it and use a bit of savings to pay for my stupidity but there was nothing said apart from some piss-taking occasionally when the car came back.

just so you are clear even if the car is parked on the other side of the road of the two cars approaching the first car is the one with the right of way not the one with the clear road. If in doubt give way WHICHEVER side you are on - that would be safe driving, especially if there are kids in the car

Where did I get this from - speed awareness course - so not perfect myself but this was a takeaway for me as I always assumed the clear path was the right of way