Getting too thin?

[mmner31]

Hello Mumsnetters,

12 months ago I started losing weight through IF (16:8) and reducing portion sizes of meals. I also started walking more, which in turn lead me into starting jogging. I'm 5ft7 and I started at 13st9 and I'm now 10st 2. DP has expressed his concern that I am starting to look too thin.

I have explained that I still fast (for the health benefits) but do eat considerably more than I did when trying to lose weight. To be honest I do not wish to lose anymore weight as I am a healthy weight for my height.

Has anyone actually got too thin and then had a comment made by a DP/DH or even a close friend/family member/?

Isn’t is strange how people feel able to comment on slimness, but not fatness?

People do comment on fat. All the time.

Dh lost weight, gradually and sensibly and brought himself down to a healthy weight in the upper end of his bmi band. He has annual health checks and his gp has no concerns. And he looks great.

Various family, friends and colleagues have expressed concern about his weight loss, questioned whether he has cancer, or is very stressed. It’s well meant, but they’re just not very good judges. In most cases the comments have been from people who are quite heavy themselves so I wonder if that clouds their perception a bit. I think that quite a lot of people don’t recognise what a healthy weight actually looks like.

Tbf I didn’t register it when he was medically obese; I would have just called him “a bit on the plump side”. It was eye opening for me that he dropped two medical conditions when he dropped the extra weight.

I think he likes me larger. He hasn't commented that I'm getting boney etc. He just said the other day when getting ready to go food shopping, that I'm looking too thin.
Be prepared for a battle so, hopefully not, as mentioned above my forever obese Dsis who lost 5 stone 5 years ago has had 5 years of hell, jealousy, paranoia, we're hopeful this is the year she'll leave, he hates she is attractive.

She is a lovely person too, the reason he gets away with it.

I've noticed that the only people that said that to me when I was slim were people who were overweight.
I think people don't like others improving themselves too much because they feel like you're better than them and it makes them self conscious.

You're a healthy weight, do you like the way you look? Tell him you're happy with your body

@jamthencreamyoufool

But I think that came from jealousy or insecurity. . (Maybe your DP thinks you're going to run off with someone else now you're thin?)

I actually feel sorry for these types of posters. What a horrible place your minds must be, so paranoid and negative.

Do you think it never happens though?

Weight loss often provokes jealousy and insecurity in some people. You only have to read a few MN threads to see that. Lots people have been dropped by friends, put up with PA comments and they've had their partners start acting possessive/jealous.

I don't think anyone's mind has to be in a horrible place, it's just what a lot of MNetters have experienced.

@MoreMorelos yes probably because he is used to the old you. I'm sure he means well. If you've been together that long he must care about you.

Do you think it never happens though?

I think it probably happens FROM the people complaining about it in others. Not from OP's husband, who she gives no indication is jealous of her in anyway and is presumably someone who cares about her.

Well done on your weight loss! That sounds like a lovely, healthy weight to me. I'm the same height as you so know roughly where that puts you on the BMI scale. No way too thin. A good healthy weight.

Honestly, I'd take ANY comments on weight - whatever the issue - with a pinch of salt. People have so many issues going on around it. If you get a mean comment, always think about what might motivate the person to have said it. It's almost always their own issues. Perhaps your DH is feeling insecure. Or he could genuinely be concerned as clueless about what what a healthy weight for your height might be.

It's how you carry it. I'm 5ft 6 and 10stone 7. At this weight I'm a size 10 on the bottom and an 8 on top and feel like I look healthy and normal. I once dropped a stone under this when i had really bad ibs and couldnt keep anything in. I looked too thin. I my clothes hung off me and my hip bones jutted out, I remember I couldnt lie down at the beach because my bikini bottoms would stretch across my hip bones and you could see down my pants! You could see all my chest bones as well. People were worried. However 9stone 7 on other 5ft 6 people would look completely normal. It's all relative. Perhaps you are looking a little slimmer than is healthy

My DH really wouldn't bother if I was a size 10 or a size 20 (aesthetically), though he does miss my boobs since loosing weight 😂. I think it's fine for him to raise a concern if he thinks I'm loosing too much, a conversation is all it takes. I know it doesn't come from insecurity etc though, every relationship is different

10.2 is not thin even at 5.7 what an odd thing to say

I was a size 8 at that weight. It's likely not too thin but it's nice and slim and at the lower end of BMI. I think it takes time for people to get used to you looking different.

@MyDcAreMarvel

10.2 is not thin even at 5.7 what an odd thing to say.

I can't requote TheGoodEnoughWife but yes, what a snidey, pointless dig. Sorry for you that you felt the need to say it.

You don't sound "too" thin based on the numbers. I say this as a woman of the same height as you... I look good at 10 stone (currently a good bit heavier than that and doing IF myself) and definitely not too thin at that weight. I start to look a bit gaunt at closer to 9st...

But the important thing is how you feel? Are you happy? If so then that is all that really matters.

Has anyone actually got too thin and then had a comment made by a DP/DH or even a close friend/family member/?
Yes, I have. Weight loss triggered an anorexia relapse after being recovered for years. I got down to a bmi of 16, so much too thin.

MyDcAreMarvel

10.2 is not thin even at 5.7 what an odd thing to say.

"I can't requote TheGoodEnoughWife but yes, what a snidey, pointless dig. Sorry for you that you felt the need to say it."

Sounded factual to me. It shows how off the OP's DH is.

That does sound normal slim but depends on your build and can definitely be too slim on some people. People forget that thr Instagram tiny bodies that are popular at the moment aren't actually the healthiest or most attractive.

As others have suggested, you probably do look strikingly thin compared to how you were before. It's not a bad thing but it might later someone's perception. You get used to people looking a certain way.

Mumsnet always seems to have weird opinions on weight.

I am exactly 5'5 and 3/4 like another poster - and I look best around 11 - 12 stone (I am not that weight right now sadly but working toward it. I have an hourglass figure. Any less than 11 - 12 and as my face doesn't carry much weight it looks pinched and I start to lose the different proportions between my hips and waist.

Why do I care if people think that's too heavy? I have a low waist to hip ratio which is in indicator I don't carry much visceral fat, bloods are good, I like my body, DP likes my body.

OP if you are happy and keeping yourself healthy too, that's all that matters. I agree that people who are bigger can look disproportionately smaller to people who knew them. Also bigger people who have lost weight tend to have more muscle than people who are that weight without diet and exercise, so your 10 stone 2 may look a lot better than a person who weighs 10 stone 2 without doing any exercise etc.

What I hate is men who eat like pigs and have skinny little wives and act like size 6 is normal and expected. As a general rule, healthy looks best.

My OH prefers a slightly more curvy figure with boobs etc. I’m 5-10 and need to lose some baby weight I’m aiming for about 11-11.5 stone. Your weight doesn’t sound too low but maybe ask him if it’s more round your figure / boobs / bum etc

You sound as if you’re bang on a healthy BMI. I think when people make a change in their behaviour that’s quite a big shift and they change physically in such a definite way others find it a bit disconcerting. Do you think your DH is worried that you’re taking it too far or that the fasting is indicative (to him) that you’ve developed a problem with food and this is his roundabout way of voicing his concerns? I think it’s unfair to assume that his comment is malevolent, it might just be misguided concern.

That said, making a positive change like you’ve done to your weight and fitness does seem to flush out some interesting responses from people, those that don’t like change to those who are competitive and/or envious. Often it’s envy of the ability to focus and change than of the weight loss as such and it’s often indicative of their own relationship with food/eating and their own bodies - when I’ve had comments along the lines of “don’t get too thin” etc (I am exactly the same height and weight as you @mmner31 having lost 2 stone a year ago), those comments have been from people who I know have their own struggles with food and weight. Those comments despite me never talking about food/eating/dieting and never commenting on other people’s bodies. It’s really not great that people free to comment on other people’s bodies whatever their size.

Well I always wanted to slim to a size 10. So last year I bought size 10 jeans as a motivator. They now fit but I think DH is happy I reached my goal, but isn't used to seeing me slim and trim

I have gone from obese to a healthy weight but still at the top end of BMI. I have been doing 16:8 for years and will continue to do so forever as it suits me. I have no desire to be thin but I do currently want more muscle and less fat so I am adjusting calories and exercise accordingly.

Ever since I lost a noticeable amount of weight my husband has made noises about being worried that I might lose too much. Only the other day he lamented about how I no longer have the enormous backside I used to have. I just ignored it. It's not as if he married me when I was obese so he can't claim that was the attraction. He is morbidly obese, however, and people have started to comment about my weight loss to him, suggesting he might find it an inspiration. Which must be dead annoying.

@Graciebobcat

10.2 is not thin even at 5.7 what an odd thing to say

I was a size 8 at that weight. It's likely not too thin but it's nice and slim and at the lower end of BMI. I think it takes time for people to get used to you looking different.

Really? At 170 and 65 kg I was 12-14😱