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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting too thin?

354 replies

mmner31 · 11/03/2021 10:47

Hello Mumsnetters,

12 months ago I started losing weight through IF (16:8) and reducing portion sizes of meals. I also started walking more, which in turn lead me into starting jogging. I'm 5ft7 and I started at 13st9 and I'm now 10st 2. DP has expressed his concern that I am starting to look too thin.

I have explained that I still fast (for the health benefits) but do eat considerably more than I did when trying to lose weight. To be honest I do not wish to lose anymore weight as I am a healthy weight for my height.

Has anyone actually got too thin and then had a comment made by a DP/DH or even a close friend/family member/?

OP posts:
Blimeyoreilly2020 · 11/03/2021 11:54

Yes, I purposely lost weight between August and December ....since Xmas the weight has continued to fall - dh told me I looked anorexic☹️.... I’m trying to put it back on but am struggling, may have to get gp involved. Though thanks to your thread I’ve just checked bmi and I’m still in healthy range (just!)

PurpleDaisies · 11/03/2021 11:54

I think people just aren’t used to seeing you thinner. If you met somebody new, I doubt they’d be thinking you looked underweight-they’d most likely think you just looked healthy (which you are).

jamthencreamyoufool · 11/03/2021 11:55

But I think that came from jealousy or insecurity. . (Maybe your DP thinks you're going to run off with someone else now you're thin?)

I actually feel sorry for these types of posters. What a horrible place your minds must be, so paranoid and negative.

Skyliner001 · 11/03/2021 11:57

You sound perfectly healthy, personally I would say anything less than nine stone at 5 foot seven would be on the slim side

Loopyloututu2 · 11/03/2021 11:59

The icing on the cake though was MIL saying I looked gaunt and dreadful on my wedding day!!

You are joking? What an absolute bitch!

Pumpkinpied · 11/03/2021 12:00

I hate that people think it’s fine to comment how thin I am but would never dream of doing it if I was overweight. I can’t help being tiny (7 stone 5’4”) due to a medical condition. DH would absolutely like me to be bigger but will only comment as a point of genuine concern. I have an NHS dietician.
Your weight is fine and healthy, with no cause for concern. Do you think there’s another reason for your partner’s comments?

Goostacean · 11/03/2021 12:01

Yes, I’m a healthy weight now after resembling a small whale through two pregnancies (I really like eating when I’m pregnant...) and my mum tells me I’m too thin. I’ve checked my BMI and I am fine, people just don’t like change.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/03/2021 12:02

You have a BMI of 22. That's right in the middle of the range, not even at the bottom of it.
Is your DP afraid you'll run away with someone else or something? Or does he just prefer larger women in general?

Viviennemary · 11/03/2021 12:03

I wouldn't comment but yes I have seen people dieting too much and got too thin. It is makes people look older.

Original poster
mmner31 · 11/03/2021 12:04

@CityCommuter When losing I just cut out sweet stuff. I still ate carbs as I was walking/jogging a lot and needed the energy. Now I've lost weight I do have the odd sweet treat here and there, but usually on the days where I've been really busy, again for energy.

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 11/03/2021 12:05

He'll get use to seeing you differently, when my Dsis got to 10 stone from 14st we were concerned for her it was such a difference once 9 stone she stopped dieting and stuck with a healthy meal it's hard to remember her larger until you see a photo from the past.

Original poster
mmner31 · 11/03/2021 12:06

@Gwenhwyfar I think he likes me larger. He hasn't commented that I'm getting boney etc. He just said the other day when getting ready to go food shopping, that I'm looking too thin.

OP posts:
MoreMorelos · 11/03/2021 12:06

My DH has recently said similar to me, I'm not even middle of healthy weight but I think it's just because they're used to seeing us bigger and it takes time for them to adjust to it too

littlepattilou · 11/03/2021 12:06

@mmner31

10 st 2 and 5 ft 7 sounds like a good decent weight. You will be slim but not 'too thin..'

Sorry if someone has already said this, but it sounds like he is jealous/bitter that you are looking great... and rather threatened too. Probably can't bear the idea of other men looking at you, and may be worried about losing you.

When one partner has a big weight loss, it's not uncommon for the relationship to break up. Quite often because the partner (who has not lost the weight,) can't handle their partner losing weight and looking great. They get jealous and threatened.

Well done on your weight loss by the way! Grin

saturning · 11/03/2021 12:06

you dont sound too thin. my best weight is at 5ft 9 is 9 stone 7 pounds. they are just getting used to the new you.

alittleprivacy · 11/03/2021 12:07

@Gin4thewin4

Don't they say scales do not matter anyway though?

Muscle weighs more than fat etc etc.
So without seeing what you actually look like there's no way of knowing if you look too skinny.
All the previous comments stating that weight and height is a healthy combo because of bmi are wrong.
There are women, really lean, muscly, with hardly any fat, size 8, but there bmi will be higher - muscle weighs more than fat. Thats does not mean they are obese or overweight.... even though a bmi reading would tell you so.

Scales are stupid. Don't use them. If you think you look too slim, fine, if you don't, fine.

It's essentially impossible for a woman to be obese due to having a low body fat percentage and lots of muscle. An obese woman may also have strong muscles but the reason she has an obese BMI is because she is carrying excessive body fat.

Any woman with an overweight BMI due to low body fat and high muscularity is an extreme outlier and someone who works out and controls their diet like it's a fulltime job. Check out Iris Kyle. Her BMI in the bikini photo photo is her in leaned out competition state, where her usual BMI will be around 23-24. This is honestly dangerously low levels of body fat and only maintained for competition. Off season when she is bulking her BMI goes to 27-28. She is clearly not remotely overweight due to fat in either picture. If a woman is overweight due to muscle, there is absolutely no need to wonder if that's the case. It will be 'hit you in the face' obvious. Whether or not she is healthy is open to debate as bodybuilders have a low life expectancy on average.

But it's far too easy to fool ourselves by claiming that BMI is limited. I did through my mid-20s. I had a BMI of 26-27 and I reasoned it was because I had big boobs and hips and lots of muscle. I did have those things, I also had about 2 stone in excess fat. The limitation of BMI for the main part is that it is far, far to wide a scale because it's trying to account for all body types. If my BMI is 24, I will almost certainly be carrying too much fat. If my BMI was 19 I would absolutely be underweight. Some women would be ideal at 24, others at 19 due to their frame. I am currently very muscular for a woman with muscle definition that can be seen through a lot of my clothes, far more than I had in my 20s. I still have big boobs and hips. My BMI is 21-22 (period fluctuations). This is probably pretty much right for me. If I lost the muscle and gained some fat but stayed at a BMI of 21-22, I wouldn't be as healthy, Id probably be fine but there would be a chance I'd be skinny-fat (low weight due to poor muscle tone with too much visceral fat around the organs). But the BMI is a decent starting point for the majority. Discrediting it because some extreme outlier, elite body builders don't fit within it's parameters is just fooling ourselves.

Getting too thin?
Getting too thin?
ItsMarch · 11/03/2021 12:08

Sounds fine to me.
I’m regularly told I look too thin but my BMI is within normal and I eat sensibly. I did lose all the baby weight I gained over the course of 3 years so I guess people were used to seeing me bigger, especially those who didn’t know me before children.

Original poster
mmner31 · 11/03/2021 12:08

@MoreMorelos what did he say? I agree it takes time to adjust to the "new" you.

OP posts:
MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 11/03/2021 12:09

Congrats on getting a healthier lifestyle!

BMI of 22 is healthy so I suspect it's more a case of your partner having a warped view on what is healthy than anything else.

Tbh whether it's fast shaming or skinny shaming, he should be supporting you, not making you feel bad. Especially as you're not in the extremes of obese or underweight.

Original poster
mmner31 · 11/03/2021 12:10

@MessagesKeepGettingClearer thank you so much :)

I think now I wear more fitted clothes, it shows off my figure. This is why he noticed I think.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 11/03/2021 12:10

"I also think that when someone is slim/fit etc it highlights that others are fatter and they don't like it."

Yes, sometimes it's just jealousy.

SandrasAnnoyingFriend · 11/03/2021 12:11

I'm 5'9 and also lost weight through IF (5:2) and got to just over 10st which I was happy with. I then went through a very stressful year and lost my appetite, once I got under 9st7 I had lots of people telling me I'd gone too far. I was skinny rather than slim and it was definitely noticeable, I quite liked it myself.

MoreMorelos · 11/03/2021 12:11

@mmner31 said he was proud of me for achieving the goal I'd set myself but to be careful as I didn't want to go too far. He's used to seeing me a size 14, have been around that since we met 20 years ago and I'm now a size 10 (lost about 3 stone)

Gwenhwyfar · 11/03/2021 12:14

@jamthencreamyoufool

But I think that came from jealousy or insecurity. . (Maybe your DP thinks you're going to run off with someone else now you're thin?)

I actually feel sorry for these types of posters. What a horrible place your minds must be, so paranoid and negative.

It's a well-known thing that happens sometimes.
Positivevibesonlyplease · 11/03/2021 12:14

Isn’t is strange how people feel able to comment on slimness, but not fatness? Mainly down to jealousy or feeling threatened IMO.