Page 13 | Getting too thin?

mmner31 · 2021-03-11T10:47:07+00:00

Hello Mumsnetters, 12 months ago I started losing weight through IF (16:8) and reducing portion sizes of meals. I also started walking more, which in turn lead me into starting jogging. I'm 5ft7 and I started at 13st9 and I'm now 10st 2. DP has expressed his concern that I am starting to look too thin. I have explained that I still fast (for the health benefits) but do eat considerably more than I did when trying to lose weight. To be honest I do not wish to lose anymore weight as I am a healthy weight for my height. Has anyone actually got too thin and then had a comment made by a DP/DH or even a close friend/family member/?

TheGoodEnoughWife · 12/03/2021 11:23

I get that there was a conversation about your weight but it seems he feels he has say so about how much you weight. He doesn't. Or shouldn't in my opinion.

It can take a while for those around you to get used to your new weight. Maybe just give it a little while?

FirewomanSam · 12/03/2021 13:55

I get that there was a conversation about your weight but it seems he feels he has say so about how much you weight. He doesn't. Or shouldn't in my opinion.

This. I’ve never asked my husband what weight he would prefer me to be and would never presume to tell him I’d like him to be bigger/smaller than he is. My weight is my business and his weight is his.

My ex used to fat shame me and then when I told weight he told me he preferred me bigger, that my boobs were too small now and my slimmer figure ‘did nothing for him’.

There’s a reason I married my husband and it my ex!

ChickenSoupForTheHmm · 12/03/2021 13:59

I think it’s when people are used to seeing you bigger.
I’m 5ft 10 and went from 16 stone to 10 stone 10 and my mum was ridiculously concerned genuinely on edge that I was starving myself which was not the case at all. I don’t think she was used to seeing me at a normal size.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2021 14:08

"It doesn't really matter what method you use to lose weight, the ultimate key is calories in have to be less than calories out. "

That's not really the principle of IF. You are supposed to lose weight just by eating within a certain timeframe and without necessarily reducing your calorie intake. I do IF, but I don't eat any less. I just eat at different times. I lost weight at the beginning and now maintain.

changi · 12/03/2021 14:16

That's not really the principle of IF. You are supposed to lose weight just by eating within a certain timeframe and without necessarily reducing your calorie intake. I do IF, but I don't eat any less. I just eat at different times. I lost weight at the beginning and now maintain.

I'm not convinced that there is any magic to IF. It is still calories in, calories out.

My husband has lost weight through IF alternate day fasting and he definitely ate far fewer calories measured over a week. For years, he only ate in the evenings, equivalent to 16:8, but still managed to get quite fat.

Chailatteplease · 12/03/2021 14:20

I find it hilarious that so many posters assume the OP’s partner must be jealous about other men or just not used to seeing her at a healthy weight.

It is actually possible he finds OP more attractive at a bigger weight. I know I find my DP far more attractive now he’s gained some size, mainly muscle but slim men are not attractive to me in the slightest.

We’re not all obsessed with skinny 😉

KarensChoppyBob · 12/03/2021 14:44

I don't think it's anything to do with "skinny" whatever that means these days. It's a combination of someone losing weight and the confidence gained in taking control and getting healthier, exercising for maybe the first time in a long time, feeling good about themselves etc that can make some partners insecure.

Tbf I've never been obese but judging by my DM's Take a Break pile ,It's a very common reaction for people to break up, which to me is madness; wouldn't you be happy for them if you loved them?

Some men do prefer women feeling shit about themselves. Fact.

Dentistlakes · 12/03/2021 16:15

@KarensChoppyBob

I don't think it's anything to do with "skinny" whatever that means these days. It's a combination of someone losing weight and the confidence gained in taking control and getting healthier, exercising for maybe the first time in a long time, feeling good about themselves etc that can make some partners insecure.

Tbf I've never been obese but judging by my DM's Take a Break pile ,It's a very common reaction for people to break up, which to me is madness; wouldn't you be happy for them if you loved them?

Some men do prefer women feeling shit about themselves. Fact.

I think it’s common for people to become more confident and outgoing when they lose weight. Some men are drawn to women who have low self confidence and rely on them. If that suddenly changes when they lose weight and they are going out to socialise more, it can lead to relationship breakdown. It may also be that the partner is overweight too and the change of lifestyle their partner has undergone is forcing them to face their own weight issues and they simply aren’t ready to do that or don’t want to.

AlwaysLatte · 12/03/2021 16:20

Well done on your wait loss journey! I think it's in the middle of healthy BMI, so spot on. I wouldn't be putting any more on again though.

Original poster

mmner31 · 12/03/2021 18:14

@AlwaysLatte

Well done on your wait loss journey! I think it's in the middle of healthy BMI, so spot on. I wouldn't be putting any more on again though.

Thank you. I'm certainly going to start maintaining. I don't want it drop any lower or go back up (never want to end up over 13st again!).

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2021 18:36

"I find it hilarious that so many posters assume the OP’s partner must be jealous about other men or just not used to seeing her at a healthy weight."

Well, yes, this seems to be the case from OP's subsequent posts.
I do think it's a bit risky to go out with a man who likes larger women because what happens when you get slimmer?

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2021 18:38

"it's in the middle of healthy BMI, so spot on."

There's nothing to say that the middle of the healthy range is 'spot on'.
Personally, I look much better towards the bottom of it, from a vanity perspective rather than a health one of course. From a health perspective, better not to be at either extreme of course. If OP is a size 10 now, sounds like she's at her ideal size, but if she wanted to lose more within the healthy range, that would be her decision and nobody else's.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2021 18:40

"My weight is my business and his weight is his."

Of course, but if I married a medium sized man and he then became obese or very underweight, would I still be attracted to him?

Original poster

mmner31 · 12/03/2021 18:42

@Gwenhwyfar

"it's in the middle of healthy BMI, so spot on."

There's nothing to say that the middle of the healthy range is 'spot on'.
Personally, I look much better towards the bottom of it, from a vanity perspective rather than a health one of course. From a health perspective, better not to be at either extreme of course. If OP is a size 10 now, sounds like she's at her ideal size, but if she wanted to lose more within the healthy range, that would be her decision and nobody else's.

Personally, I did toy with the idea of losing more to fit into a size 8, but I thought at my height, I would be too thin. Plus I've never been a size 8 in my life.

OP posts:

Original poster

mmner31 · 12/03/2021 18:44

@Chailatteplease

I find it hilarious that so many posters assume the OP’s partner must be jealous about other men or just not used to seeing her at a healthy weight.

It is actually possible he finds OP more attractive at a bigger weight. I know I find my DP far more attractive now he’s gained some size, mainly muscle but slim men are not attractive to me in the slightest.

We’re not all obsessed with skinny 😉

Its all down to preference. If we were all the same size/weight and all of our partners/husbands were the same size, it would be pretty boring. I personally like a tall man, toned (not too muscly) but I much prefer to go for personality over looks...

OP posts:

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2021 18:54

"Its all down to preference. If we were all the same size/weight and all of our partners/husbands were the same size, it would be pretty boring. I personally like a tall man"

Well, tall is not going to change (much), but I do wonder sometimes when women on MN go 'my man like real women' or 'men want something to hold on to' what happens when they decide they want to lose weight for health reasons and they're married to a chubby chaser.

JaceLancs · 12/03/2021 19:16

Ex DP always said he preferred bigger women and wasn’t happy when I lost weight but I always felt it was a bit of a control thing and that he was just happier that I had less confidence, was potentially less attractive to other men and was therefore less likely to leave the relationship
I’m watching a similar scenario now with my DD sadly

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2021 19:18

@JaceLancs

Ex DP always said he preferred bigger women and wasn’t happy when I lost weight but I always felt it was a bit of a control thing and that he was just happier that I had less confidence, was potentially less attractive to other men and was therefore less likely to leave the relationship I’m watching a similar scenario now with my DD sadly

Very sad. I hope you encourage her not to listen to him.

Original poster

mmner31 · 12/03/2021 19:22

Well I have no intentions of going back to being overweight/obese.

OP posts:

SchrodingersImmigrant · 12/03/2021 19:26

Who prefers bigger people is not only the controlling Biggus Dickus above, but also Diabetus Typusoneandtwo, Hurtus Jointus, Cancerus Bastardus and last but not least, Coronarus Heartus Stopus.

Yes, we all have our physical preferences for a partner, we are absolutely entitled to, but when health comes into it, we, he, she, they, must deal with the change.

Kudos to everyone losing and who lost! It's hard af!

Minikievs · 12/03/2021 19:34

I am 5 8 and a couple of years ago I got to 9 stone 3.
I look back now and my face in photos looked like a skull. One of the mums from school (who I considered a friend) told me I looked like a stick insect. It really upset me-she'd never have turned round and told me I looked like a barrel if I was overweight, so why is it ok to comment on being too thin?
In fairness I was. And I'm dangerously close to dropping to that weight again. I want the gym to open so I can tone up a bit, which I think helps me look better rather than being stick thin

Mum497 · 12/03/2021 19:37

When I was 21 I went down to 8 stone 8lb I am 5.8ft and I was told by my GP that I was boarding on too thin for my BMI. I also received a comment from my Dad which is what shocked me most because he's the type of person who wouldn't notice if you dyed your hair bright pink (I know this because I did once and he didn't bat an eyelid). I was very anxious at the time and I think that's what caused me to lose so much weight and then my food intake just became habit and I wasn't that hungry anymore.

I am pregnant atm so way over my usual weight but before I was pregnant my weight was 10 stone 2lb and I definitely don't think that's too skinny. It's a healthy BMI.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 12/03/2021 19:43

I got a little too thin dieting for my wedding. I am the same height as you and dropped to 9st 4. For me at that weight my boobs go completely flat, its not a great look on me. It got commented on because my wedding dress fitter (a family friend) made some careful reference to the weight loss and not to lose more because she couldn't take the dress in any further, and my mum suddenly looked relieved that someone else had noticed and blurted out that she thought I was looking very thin and she hoped everything was ok

I put on 4lb then by the wedding!

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2021 19:52

@Mum497

When I was 21 I went down to 8 stone 8lb I am 5.8ft and I was told by my GP that I was boarding on too thin for my BMI. I also received a comment from my Dad which is what shocked me most because he's the type of person who wouldn't notice if you dyed your hair bright pink (I know this because I did once and he didn't bat an eyelid). I was very anxious at the time and I think that's what caused me to lose so much weight and then my food intake just became habit and I wasn't that hungry anymore.

I am pregnant atm so way over my usual weight but before I was pregnant my weight was 10 stone 2lb and I definitely don't think that's too skinny. It's a healthy BMI.

Yes, but this has nothing to do with OP's situation.

Gwenhwyfar · 12/03/2021 19:55

"It got commented on because my wedding dress fitter (a family friend) made some careful reference to the weight loss and not to lose more because she couldn't take the dress in any further"

As long as you were a healthy weight, I'm not sure you should be blamed for her failings as a dressmaker.