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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting too thin?

354 replies

mmner31 · 11/03/2021 10:47

Hello Mumsnetters,

12 months ago I started losing weight through IF (16:8) and reducing portion sizes of meals. I also started walking more, which in turn lead me into starting jogging. I'm 5ft7 and I started at 13st9 and I'm now 10st 2. DP has expressed his concern that I am starting to look too thin.

I have explained that I still fast (for the health benefits) but do eat considerably more than I did when trying to lose weight. To be honest I do not wish to lose anymore weight as I am a healthy weight for my height.

Has anyone actually got too thin and then had a comment made by a DP/DH or even a close friend/family member/?

OP posts:
Timeflyin · 11/03/2021 14:19

@MyDcAreMarvel

10.2 is not thin even at 5.7 what an odd thing to say.
I am 5 foot 7 and would look too thin in the face at 10 stone 2. I'm 11 stone 5 and trying to get to 11 which is a good trade off for me with keeping some flesh on the face and not looking older.
Timeflyin · 11/03/2021 14:21

And I am a size 12 at present weight

Positivevibesonlyplease · 11/03/2021 14:22

@PurpleDaisies

Isn’t is strange how people feel able to comment on slimness, but not fatness?

People do comment on fat. All the time. Confused

Not to people’s faces. They do on forums like these, but would never dream of saying, ‘Gosh, aren’t you getting fat?’ whereas they are likely - and rudely IMO - to say, ‘Aren’t you getting thin/skinny?’
JeanClaudeVanDammit · 11/03/2021 14:23

A lot depends on your frame - BMI is a range for a reason. One person might look too thin at a BMI of 22 but many others might not. If you feel healthy and strong and happy with your own weight then I’m sure your DH will get used to it.

butterpuffed · 11/03/2021 14:29

I think sometimes we're not aware of what we're doing...years and years ago I went up from 8 and a half stone to 13 stone while pregnant with my daughter, second child. They didn't monitor weight so much then.

After her birth I decided to diet, hardly ate a thing and was very pleased each time I lost half a stone. I went down to six and a half stone [5ft 3in] and thought it was brilliant until I told my best friend and she said I looked awful and haggard ~ I was 25.

It gave me the jolt I needed ~ I started eating more sensibly until I went back to my pre pregnancy weight give or take and have stayed virtually the same ever since.

I was very lucky ~ I don't think I was anorexic or I'd have ignored my friend . I guess it depends on our mindset , really not sure.

Hoolihan · 11/03/2021 14:37

I'm 5'8" and at 10st I look very thin ie protruding hip bones, face a bit gaunt. But I was still a size 12 even at my lowest disordered eating stage, I've just got a large frame. People carry weight differently. Well done on the loss and if you're happy that's all that counts.

daisyjgrey · 11/03/2021 14:39

BMI is utter nonsense anyway so disregard that immediately.

People carry weight differently and can look totally different to someone else a similar height and weight. Some people definitely look too thin at a weight that is supposed to be "right" and some don't. My sister for example is a size 8 so not big but not very tiny but if she loses even a tiny amount of weight it goes from her face and around her collar bones and she looks very thin very quickly.

shinynewapple21 · 11/03/2021 14:46

I imagine your DP is just thinking you don't look like 'you' any more. He is used to you looking a certain way and is not used to seeing you at your new healthy weight .

Perhaps he's genuinely worried that you won't know when to stop dieting , and he sees the your earring time frame as being a bit obsessive . I would agree I have heard health benefits of IF , but check what your maintenance calories are and how you will be able to increase your food to eat that much within your limited time frame .

I have also heard of cases where partners and friends of people who have lost a lot of weight worry that the person will change as a result of their WeightLoss , or sometimes the dynamics of their relationship . Only you will know if this is likely in your case .

But well done. Congratulations. It sounds that you are now at a good weight for your height .

Theredone5 · 11/03/2021 14:46

Yes.
I did intermittent fasting for 3 months before a big family holiday (wanted to get slim, even though in hindsight I already was 🙄).
Anyway I lost just under 2 stone and I looked so unwell to others, I had everyone telling me to gain some weight/eat more etc but I couldn't see it.
Wasn't due to lockdown that I was on furlough and not exercising/walking due to being at home, that I put on a stone in weight. Now I look and feel more healthier. I'm 30 and my skin the best it's been.
I wish I had listened to my family but when you're determined to be a certain size or weight, it's hard to let them in.
Good luck op. I'm sure you look great now and even before the diet x

Jemenfouscompletement · 11/03/2021 14:58

I'm 5'8" and at 10st I look very thin ie protruding hip bones, face a bit gaunt

I'm 5'8, 9 stone 4 and look normal, anything over and I look chunky. We are all different builds and carry weight differently.

soughsigh · 11/03/2021 15:07

Sorry, I've not rtft but scanned through most of the op's comments.

I haven't been in the position but have been on the other side. My sister lost a lot of weight a few years ago and we all told her she was looking gaunt in the face. She said she wanted to lose more! She has since had a baby and put on weight again, she looks back at the pics and now admits she was too skinny.

Sometimes it's difficult to see when you are on a high of losing weight, you want to lose more!

Labobo · 11/03/2021 15:09

I've twice in the past lost too much weight. First time I got to my ideal weight and then had a crisis which made me unable to eat and dropped me down to the lower end of BMI - not technically unhealthy but I have big bones and am muscly so looked skeletal.

The other time was due to work stress and on hours - lost about 5kg in two weeks by accident and DH was not pleased.

mulberry69 · 11/03/2021 15:14

No that's not too thin it's just probably a shock to him he will get used to it
It's 5'7 and always around the 10 stone mark

tootiredtospeak · 11/03/2021 15:18

I am struggling with this 44 and gone from 11st 8 to 10st 5. Keep trying to work out if I look better for it or not am 5 3 but feel like its made me look older. I needed to lose it though for high blood pressure. Health is more importantly that's what I keep telling myself.

alittleprivacy · 11/03/2021 16:05

@tootiredtospeak

I am struggling with this 44 and gone from 11st 8 to 10st 5. Keep trying to work out if I look better for it or not am 5 3 but feel like its made me look older. I needed to lose it though for high blood pressure. Health is more importantly that's what I keep telling myself.
Your face is full of muscles. It takes very little effort to build up and raise your cheeks. It’s not magic but definitely helps with any gaunt look that can happen when you have lowish body fat in middle age.
ShopTattsyrup · 11/03/2021 16:08

I'm 5'2 and lost 2 stone deliberately and was given compliments, my BMI was then a healthy 22.

I went through a shitty break up shortly after and lost about 6lbs (still well within healthy BMI of 21) and was told I looked "skinny" and "ill" etc. Looking back at pictures now ... they were right! You can see my ribs and my face is gaunt.

My point being that maybe your husband is jealous, or maybe he just isn't used to it yet ... or maybe you looked "healthier" to him a few pounds previously.

Youcunnyfunt · 11/03/2021 16:10

No real advice I just wanted to say congrats on the weight loss Smile

It doesn't sound like you're unhealthy. Tbh, I think, would you mind so much if he said he didn't really like a lipstick you wore, or an outfit? It's your body so ultimately you choose how you look. If you feel healthy and confident then that's what matters (as it doesn't sound like you have an eating disorder or there are actual health concerns).
He might just not be used to it, or maybe he really loved the way you look at a particular weight, but realistically, it's not possible to maintain the same looks forever so as long as you're happy and healthy then it's fine! Could he be a bit concerned about the fasting element?

cliftonbear · 11/03/2021 16:45

yes but tbf i have a history of disordered eating so I kind of need someone to tell me not to lose more weight

Thecaravan · 11/03/2021 16:55

I've lost about 8kg in the last year and am now down to 59kg by following a mostly keto/low carbon way of eating. This puts my BMI below 20 I think. I'm 174cm and my DH says I look too thin. I'm absolutely not though and still have a waist hip ratio that is borderline as am a classic apple and carry weight around my middle. Still a size 12 if not 14 and just look a healthy weight. I think people's perception can be off nowadays but also everyone carries weight differently. Although my arms and legs are thin, my middle is just about okay. So much happier and healthier in myself at this weight and thats what matters imo.

Thecaravan · 11/03/2021 16:57

So yes OP you've done a great job and it's about how you feel. Your DH will get used to it Smile

Original poster
mmner31 · 11/03/2021 17:01

Thank you for all the replies. I will catch up and respond to you all individually. I am hoping to have a chat with DP tonight. I'm not sure how to bring it up but I suppose I shouldn't be nervous as its my body.

I know he was happy for me when I managed to fit into my size 10 jeans. Also I did have a dress planned for a meal at christmas, but that never happened. So maybe when lockdown is over I can wear that too.

OP posts:
LucieStar · 11/03/2021 17:04

I'm 5'9" and my pre-pregnancy weight (currently 35 weeks pregnant), was and always has been around 9 stone 7 ish (BMI of around 20).

So no I don't think your stats are "too thin".

But all that matters is if you're happy with how you look, no one else.

Curlygirl06 · 11/03/2021 18:01

@Positivevibesonlyplease

Isn’t is strange how people feel able to comment on slimness, but not fatness? Mainly down to jealousy or feeling threatened IMO.
Yes this! I've always been on the thin size but menopause had my weight creeping up so slowly I didn't notice. Never weighed myself. However, one day I couldn't put my jeans on comfortably and realised I'd put on weight. I had to buy the next size up in jeans and decided to do something about it, as otherwise I'd be buying the next size up, then the next size etc if I didn't do something now. I lost about a stone slowly over time and the only person who said anything about me looking too thin was overweight herself and was always on some diet or other. (And never kept any weight loss off) I'm about 5 ft. 6/7 ish and weigh 9 stone 4 ish, making my bmi about 19/20, so the low end of normal. Generally speaking I'm usually at about just under 9 stone but like many others I've put on weight over lockdown. I'd actually gained more but I've lost about 1/2 stone. All my children have got the same build as me, tall, skinny but they've got big boobs (somewhat lacking in me my whole life!) We are a thin family, but it's very true that people will comment on it whereas we'd never dream of saying directly to someone "you're fat". Op you're fine, well done on losing weight to suit YOU.
Original poster
mmner31 · 11/03/2021 18:31

@Thecaravan

So yes OP you've done a great job and it's about how you feel. Your DH will get used to it Smile
You have done a great job too. :)
OP posts:
Original poster
mmner31 · 11/03/2021 18:32

@mulberry69

No that's not too thin it's just probably a shock to him he will get used to it It's 5'7 and always around the 10 stone mark
Yes I think he hadn't really noticed, even though we live together and see each other every day Grin.... But I think he will in time get used to the "new" me.
OP posts: