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AIBU?

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Original poster

**Trigger Warning** Talk me down... 2yo saying he was touched at nursery

354 replies

Zara0123 · 10/03/2021 18:42

Name changed.
Potentially I'm being unreasonable because there is a history of sexual abuse within my family (not involving me or dc directly) but it's made me very anxious.
Ds is almost 3. He goes to a private nursery 3 days a week. A man started working there as a nursery nurse a few months back.
DS really likes him, talks about him fondly etc. We obviously don't really know him due to Covid we haven't had the opportunity, plus ds has a different keyworker who comes outside at handover.

Today ds came out and didn't look himself. He immediately started asking for daddy which is out of character. He was tearful. I bathed him when we got home and as soon as his bum hit the water he started screaming, saying " hurt my bum today after I did a poo. Dont touch me mummy. hurt me bad. He not my friend now. He hurt my bumhole when he touched it".
He wouldn't sit down or anything I ended up getting him out and just cuddling him till he calmed down. He let me put cream on him.
We have had dinner and his dad has tried to talk to him. He just keeps repeating that he hurt his bumhole and he isnt his friend. He is saying he was using tissue so I just don't know whats happened. He is not a kid who ever complains about anything! And he doesnt suffer with sore bum.

I feel sick, but I know I'm potentially being o.t.t. Would i feel this way if he said it about one of the females? Probably not.

What would you do?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 10/03/2021 20:29

Rooty Are you for real? The child said x hurt him and that he's not his friend any more. He was emotionally disturbed and unlike himself.

You're frankly odd if you don;t see the red flags.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 20:29

This reply has been deleted

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Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 10/03/2021 20:29

First port of call should be a medical examination. They will then be able to tell you if things need to be escalated based on that.

Record what you DS has told you. Such an awful situation for you Flowers

FortunesFave · 10/03/2021 20:30

[quote RootyT00t]@FortunesFave what a load of absolute bollocks.

I am certainly not scared of authority (not that a random nursery manager is my authority). I just don't believe in trial by Mumsnet![/quote]
So if your child came home after saying these things and acting like this, you'd ignore it and send them back there?

Good luck with the rest of your life! You sound nuts.

Whippyflipp · 10/03/2021 20:30

Agree with @OverTheRainbow88 good advice. Sorry you're having to deal with this OP, hope it all turns out to be harmless, it does sound like toilet paper means it was a bum whipe. Saying bum hole sounds strange too unless it's a word you use at home. Although that could have come from nursery staff too. Best to get him checked over. Poor little one.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 20:30

@FortunesFave

Rooty Are you for real? The child said x hurt him and that he's not his friend any more. He was emotionally disturbed and unlike himself.

You're frankly odd if you don;t see the red flags.

I am not the odd one here.

Emotionally disturbed?? Crying and wanting daddy? What world do you live in?

As for not his friend anymore, he is upset because it hurts.

I'm not saying it didn't happen , or it did, because we don't know. But you are way ott.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 20:31

@FortunesFave did I say I'd send them back or ignore it? I know it might be hard for you, but if you try a bit of reading, youl see I said my first port of call would be the nursery not the police.

JustDavesWife · 10/03/2021 20:31

@RootyT00t If this was my child the man at nursery wouldn't be my concern right now it would be my child who has explicitly said " hurt my bum hole". He would be my priority. I wouldn't be fact finding or treading carefully, I would be taking him to A&E and taking the advice of a professional.

Jamboree01 · 10/03/2021 20:32

See my later post.

I also said that CS would be able to confirm any requirements/ policies. If nothing else, maybe it might put OPs mind at rest a little.

I said I just presumed that it was requirement because it was done so well. The staff were thorough and I said I was grateful for that. I’m not here to deflect from what’s important here. Just trying to support the OP.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 20:32

[quote JustDavesWife]**@RootyT00t* If this was my child the man at nursery wouldn't be my concern right now it would be my child who has explicitly said "* hurt my bum hole". He would be my priority. I wouldn't be fact finding or treading carefully, I would be taking him to A&E and taking the advice of a professional.[/quote]
I don't have a problem with a and e. I have a problem with the frantic calls to the police and not letting the nursery have a chance to respond in case they are all in it together.

The man could well have hurt him without meaning to. We don't need to jump straight to the worst case.

Jamboree01 · 10/03/2021 20:33

You are 100% right

Marypoppinsbrolly · 10/03/2021 20:33

Please listen to your little boy - he trusted you enough to tell you this, be glad he did even if it turns out to be nothing.

You must get him examined OP, and do it soon. And take the advice of the safeguarding experts here - it's sound. Yes it's a worry that this man could lose his career but surely it's more worrying that he could be abusing children? There are procedures in place for this kind of thing for a reason. Worry more about your son not this man.

EvilOnion · 10/03/2021 20:34

@RootyT00t you said it yourself YOU LOGGED IT and presumably this was passed on. In this instance nothing was said to OP!

Red flags:-
The child was acting out of character.
The child is using over familiar language referring to a teacher as his friend.
The child is hurt in an area that should not have been touched without record.

Hopefully this is all just an innocent incident but i'd rather check it out than leave my child thinking they weren't being listened to.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 20:34

@Marypoppinsbrolly

Please listen to your little boy - he trusted you enough to tell you this, be glad he did even if it turns out to be nothing.

You must get him examined OP, and do it soon. And take the advice of the safeguarding experts here - it's sound. Yes it's a worry that this man could lose his career but surely it's more worrying that he could be abusing children? There are procedures in place for this kind of thing for a reason. Worry more about your son not this man.

Procedures for this sort of thing are not instantly ring the police.

Yes a and e, absolutely.

ItsMarch · 10/03/2021 20:35

Our nursery don’t have a 2 person policy but the changing area is in open view and that is where potty trained children are wiped after they have used the loo alone.
I would be seeking medical advice without delay.

My DC has suffered with awful fissures in the past and he would be very uncomfortable when wiped. He’s been examined internally by medical practitioners as part of his treatment. He’s never used words like you describe. Trust your gut.

JosieJarker · 10/03/2021 20:35

Dont listen to the people minimising this op.
Maybe its nothing, an accident, a fissure.
Maybe its not.
Its not your job to worry about the 'poor mans' job.
Its your job to protect your child.
A and E tonight.
Follow the advice from the safeguarding person there.
Do not talk to the nursery.
Do not ask your son any more questions.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 20:35

[quote EvilOnion]@RootyT00t you said it yourself YOU LOGGED IT and presumably this was passed on. In this instance nothing was said to OP!

Red flags:-
The child was acting out of character.
The child is using over familiar language referring to a teacher as his friend.
The child is hurt in an area that should not have been touched without record.

Hopefully this is all just an innocent incident but i'd rather check it out than leave my child thinking they weren't being listened to.[/quote]
Yes it was.

I don't disagree, I'm just pointing out how easily these things can escalate!

Sweak · 10/03/2021 20:36

The fact that he was upset and not himself the biggest red flag for me. These ideas on constipation etc are just guess work. As is potential abuse. You just don't know either way. If this was me I would call the police. They will know exactly what to do re examination etc. You have to forget the potential impact on the man as you cannot be sure either way what's happened. Don't leave it to the nursery to sort. Im a trained teacher, (so had safeguarding training) I want to echo previous comments on writing down what he said in his own words. Do not ask any questions on poo as it's potentially leading. In fact I would leave it to the trained professionals to ask questions now. It could well be nothing, I don't want to scare you, but if anything you need the reassurance. There's no way you will feel comfortable him going to any childcare setting until you know.

TubbyUnicorn · 10/03/2021 20:36

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Message deleted by MNHQ.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 20:36

@JosieJarker

Dont listen to the people minimising this op. Maybe its nothing, an accident, a fissure. Maybe its not. Its not your job to worry about the 'poor mans' job. Its your job to protect your child. A and E tonight. Follow the advice from the safeguarding person there. Do not talk to the nursery. Do not ask your son any more questions.
It was me who said that, so you could at least aim it at me.

I don't have an issue with her going to a and e.

I had an issue with the posts deciding that the nursery were all in on it together and not to say a word.

Once he has been examined at a and e, there is no reason not to talk to the nursery. This is not a crime programme on TV.

Do you not think the polices first question would be what have the nursery said?!

IdblowJonSnow · 10/03/2021 20:36

You need to take this seriously OP in case your son has been abused. None of us can know but this doesn't sound right to me at all.
I'd contact the nursery first thing but I'd also get medical attention and consider contacting the police.
Please do not send your son back in until this has been investigated.

Whippyflipp · 10/03/2021 20:37

@Goldylion the nursery will have safeguarding procedures in place and a safeguarding lead and policies and procedures. Agree child should be seen at a and e and that it would be useful to get professional advice this evening. I would certainly speak to the nursery manger as she is obliged to follow their safeguarding policies. I also work in this field.

MindfullWWer · 10/03/2021 20:37

I am so sorry you are going through this, and please God there is an innocent explanation and your little one is ok, however DO NOT TRUST NURSERY to be transparent with anything.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/03/2021 20:37

@RootyT00t

Has anyone thought about the poor man you have already sent to the gallows?
Oh give over.

No one is sending anyone to the gallows. A small child has flagged a potential issue. So the issue needs looking into.

If the man is innocent (every possibility), fine. Nothing wrong. If he isn't....well, good on the OP for doing something about it.

My husband works in a similar field. He and I would want and welcome thorough investigation if any child made any comment that could be taken this way. It's only by investigating that any potential risk can be identified.

RootyT00t · 10/03/2021 20:37

[quote TubbyUnicorn]@RootyT00t No one is being sent to the gallows, there will be a proper investigation, led my professionals, if it is deemed necessary.

The child said the man hurt his bum, and there was tissue. That to me could mean something completely different.

I mean don't you ever wipe with tissue after sex?[/quote]
Oh behave yourself.

Implying this man has had sex with the child is out of order. OP does not need this.

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